jdgualazzi

I wasn't drinking at work, but I met an old friend that I used to work with to tell him that I couldn't go to lunch with him during the workweek because they always ended up being drinking lunches. I'm sure you can figure out the story line from here...he was fine with it, but we ended up having some drinks at lunch and of course, when I went back to work, they could tell. During my last review, I agreed to this: if they asked me if I was drinking and I said no and they sent me for testing and it turned out positive, I would be terminated. If I admitted that I had and they sent me for testing and I turned out positive, they would find a way to work with me and help me. So of course I admitted it. And of course I tested positive. I'm supposed to go back to work on Wednesday for a "come to my senses" type of meeting with my boss, the controller, the Vice President, and the Office/Safety Manager. I have no idea what to expect. They told me on Thursday that I would not be let go, so I'm not afraid yet of losing my job, and I already took the steps with my lunchtime friend which was the only person I would ever go drinking with at lunch anyway. Our company is very big, which means, everyone already knows what happened, and I know it's going to be a difficult and embarrassing period for a while to say the least.

Has anyone been in a similar situation with their work where they weren't let go? If so, what happened? What did they expect of you? I'm worried they'll have this police type of breathalizer that I have to blow into 3 times a day or something, which will only make me not want to work there because of all the judgements people are going to make against me. I don't think I would mind proving myself to them by taking classes or something not quite so embarrassing or obvious. My coworkers have been very supportive and said everything positive about my having a job. No on e knows what's in store for me otherwise though.

Anyone have to doing anything to prove their sobriety to their employer?

laurie6781

Many years ago that happened to me and I got fired. Didn't stop my drinking, had to keep going for 3 more years, lost everything and lived the streets before I finally got sober.

I have no idea what your company's plan is for situations like this. Some send you to councilling, some send you to a treatment program.

You might want to look into your drinking on your own. Looks like it has become a problem for you. You might want to consider stopping all together.

All I can suggest is go to the meeting with an OPEN mind and listen to them.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

frstnm

take their help !
may be the only chance you have to get help !
i regret not taing the help that was avaiable to me in the past and I would be alot better off now if I did !
I have pretty much lost everything but things are turning around so I have to believe that sobritey is a GOOD thing and it shouldnt hurt to ask for help
also it will get better.....I know I couldnt see that in the first few days....weeks ?
good luck
It will also take alot of work though !

jdgualazzi

Oh I am going to definitely take their help. I want to earn their trust again. I've been talking with a couple of coworkers and asked for their help (i.e. make sure I go to lunch with them so they know I'm on the right track)

I was just wondering what that "help" might be. Basically if I'm going to be walking a tightrope for the next six months...I thought maybe if someone had gone through something similar they might be able to shed some light on what my bosses will require me to do. I'm scared to death. I thought about quitting because it would be the very easy road out, but I know sooner or later I have to face the music one way or another, so sooner seems to be the smarter idea :-)

frstnm

in Massachusetts we are all employees at will, which means we can be fired or quit at anytime wo notice or reason - it happened to me(several times)
you may feel repercussions of the incedent but if you quit you wont know - and you might lose your health insurance.....a concern for me anyway
if you stay it will most likely take time to regain their trust - for me it will
these are just things I have been told, heard and experienced
only you can tell what the right decision is - i would also go sooner
- best
;-)

nelle4

I have an employee who was given one last chance with many conditions, including no calling in sick without producing a doctor's note, all vacation time had to be pre-approved, had to check in with the boss in the morning and the end of the day, plus following whatever aftercare suggestions his treatment center gave... and he was only allowed to keep his job because he went straight to treatment. He had missed many weeks of work prior to this because of drinking binges, I don't know what your circumstances are. Eight months later, he's following the restrictions to the letter and is thrilled to still have his job.

jdgualazzi

Hmm, that's interesting. I've never called in sick or anything like that. I actually have a lot of time built up. It's mostly because of my lunches with my old coworker, other than that we always go out after work, but that's not an issue, since it's the boss and all of my coworkers, not just me. Last time it was discussed, they said they didn't think I had a problem, they actually thought it was just residuals from the prior evening and such. I also never have anything in the office or bring anything to the office.

When you say he went straight to treatment, what does that mean? Is that an after work thing? A during work thing? I understand the checking in with the boss thing, which is easy since he's always around and sits one office next to the rest of us. I am sure I will be written up and will have to sign something, but I've never been to "treatment" and don't know the first thing about that.

Thanks for your help!!

GlassPrisoner

I told my Boss I had a problem and needed help. It was too late. He fired me the next day.

nelle4

My employee checked himself into a 30-day inpatient treatment program. At my work, drinking during lunch is not allowed. I think I'd go proactive and look into outpatient treatment options.

Wayne C.

I am in the military. The government sent me to the VA for a 30 day program then, upon returning to work, I was advised I could retire and go away quietly or face an administrative discharge board; I will be retiring as of 01 March 2007.

Sugah

I've lived multiple lives in active addiction (taken the geographic cure more than once), and each time, the troubles at work were a little different.

One job, at eighteen, I nearly lost because I went in drunk a lot of mornings. We worked long hours, and there just wasn't enough time to get sufficiently sloshed, sleep it off, and go to work sober the next morning. So a lot of mornings, I still had a buzz on from the night before. I solved that by getting involved with the boss. Sounded like a good idea at the time....

Next, I had your issue. Long three, four, five, ten martini lunches, only mine were vodka tonics. My boss finally had to ask his associates not to ask me out for lunch (they were the big spenders, and I liked good booze).

One of the last jobs I held (I became disabled due to injury, and I'm a 3rd year student now), I did lose because no matter how much soap and perfume I used in the mornings, booze exudes from the pores. They knew that it wasn't just allergies making my eyes look funny, and I had this sour smell that seemed out of place with the rest of me. Oh, well, I figured. I didn't much like my co-workers, anyway. I went to work managing a garage after that where nobody noticed what you smelled like (or so I thought...in recovery, I've run into former customers who tell me how much better I look, and I know it's not just the look).

It catches up. Moderation didn't work for me. White-knuckling it didn't work for me. Life change and finding a power greater than that of my own will did.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

WantsOut

A relative of mine was under suspicion of drinking at lunch and when he was supposedly "on the road". He was called in at midday to take a substance abuse test. He did the typical thing - claimed he'd been in a car accident on the way to the lab. The next day he was fired on the spot. He was heartbroken - it was his dream job. Six figures, office, the whole thing.

He tried to get another job in his small industry. They called his old boss, a buddy from professional school, for a reference. He was so angry that my relative had betrayed him by being irresponsible on a job that he'd recommended him for that he told the potential new employer the truth. My relative was not hired. Only after six months of agony did he find a high travel consulting job that carried him through until he found another desk job a year later.

BTW, after he was settled at his new desk job and in his new house, his wife left him for another man. He had made her out to be the bad one, and she was really awful about it, but we who know him know that the root probably was his drinking.

More recently he lost another girlfriend to his drinking. He had hoped to marry this one and finally have a family but she got a taste of his ways and backed off.

I don't know what will happen to him next. I hope God leads him to recovery.

Greeneyes2008

Oh my gosh! We get drug and alcohol tested here and randomly. You get one chance to get help and clean up your act but you have to use your own money to do so. They will provide help but do not pay for the classes that you have to take in order to keep your job. I have known 2 people who have had to go through this because of drugs. They give you 1 chance and after that you cannot ever work in this type of field that i work in again. I would not even take my chances. Yes, by all means. Take the help that they are offereing and I understand how you feel embarrassed BUT just go with the flow and do good. You know what you did wrong and are correcting the situation now. It does not matter what other people "think". A lot of people love to gossip too without even knowing the entire story. You will just have to ignore that though. You are a bigger person than that and those type of people are everywhere. Let them say what they want to. It will all pass. From what you say though, it really sounds like you work for and with some better people than most. Good luck. It will all work out for you. :-)

Tazman53

I came close one time quite a few years ago, they were doing an update on my clearance and my boss siad he thought I drank to much sometimes. We are not talking at work either!

The only thing that saved my butt was he was a much bigger drunk at the time then I was. Most employers have some sort of re-hab program in place for employees they feel are worth trying to save, some of them are excellent, some of them are a joke.

What ever they offer in the way of help jump on it. This may be your last chance to get sober and have it paid for.

PackerFan

Our company was bought out (I don't work there anymore) and it was becoming more stressful every day. My boss being probably the most stressed.

I'd come home stressed and snort up and/or drink. He called me one time while I was high and I went off on him. Told him to stay out of my face. He told me to immediately come down to work so we could have a little talk.

A screaming match ensued which accomplished nothing. After calming down I told him about my addiction. He was very understanding and compassionate. He told me to get help and to take all the time I needed to recover.

I have since left that job. I left on good terms. My (as well as most of the staff) days were numbered because of downsizing. I left on good terms and my ex boss and I keep in touch quite frequently.

leeside

Yea! You just have to stop drinking altogether!

chip

Hello Jdgualazzi,

I'd take whatever help they offer. I'd take a good look at my drinking, and apraise it's value in my life. If your life was a company and drinking was your employee, would you say it's doing a good job? Would you renew it's contract? It sounds like you might want to put your drinking on probation.

What would it be like to abstain during the work week? Could you abstain for 30 days without any discomfort? Are you addicted? Check out AA's 20 questions. It's a good tool for diagnosing alcoholism. There's lots of tests you can do on yourself to find out if you are an alcoholic.

I have some experience in HR.

The only way to get your bosses off your case is to claim %100 abstainence. They obviously think you have a problem if they've talked to you about this more than once. In your meeting, if you can tell them that you quit drinking, you might be able to regain their trust.

From this point on, they'll be watching you much closer than they'd watch other people.

You'll find a wealth of information and support in this fourm.

Quitting drinking doesn't have to be a bad thing. It is a healthy lifestyle choice. You'll find that you have more money, energy and time. You'll also find you have less problems.

I want to share with you some of my own personal experience. I took a good look at my drinking and decided that it was a problem in my life. Overall, it caused me more pain grief and trouble than "good times". I was in denial about this. Later, I realized that it was my addiction that generated the denial.

Once, I had a problem with an employer who knew I drank too much. I thought it was unfair and he was picking on me. I thought that it was because he didn't like me. This was denial. It was really because it isn't right for me to drink during my lunch.

Once, I had some strange health issues. I always thought up excuses to explain these things to myself. I blamed my poor health on diet and lack of exercise. I was in denial. I was sick because I drank too much.

Alcoholism is the only disease that will make you think you are ok when you are not. If it was cancer, I would have been at the point of being in the hospital...but telling myself I was healthy. It's insanity.

I'm sorry for the long post. I get passionate about these topics. I hope you find answers. I hope you can make things work out with your bosses.
chip

jdgualazzi

I made a vow to myself, and on someone's post, that I would check this every day. I am writing again today.

I have been in limbo this past week, waiting for my employer to call me (as was told to do). I was asked to meet with them this morning. The meeting was a good meeting. I came out of it thinking I could take care of everything and be back to work soon.

I had three conditions

1) Meet with someone under my husband's insurance (see issue below about this)

2) Have evaluator send a letter stating I was actually evaluated and what plan was derived

3) Submit to random testing.

#1 posed an issue because my husband changes jobs last month and won't have health insurance for another sixty days. My employer charges $200 a week whereas his old company charged $36 a month (yes, it's true--he worked for the casinos here in vegas) so we always declined mine and accepted his. now we're without insurance, not thinking it would be an issue.

I told my company that if what they wanted was an evaluation, which would be (to me) like a physical, or an examination, I would pay for that cost up front.

I asked them, though, who they wanted me to see...was it an MD? a psychologist? a general physician? They said they didn't know who it would be, and told the Office Manager to look up in the provider booklet and give me some names.

Instead, this afternoon, I got an email from her (cc'ing them) stating that I needed to fill out a leave of absense form asap and I could mail it in if I wanted!

As you can see, I left our meeting thinking I could beat this and prove to them I would be sprinting in the right direction and instead of getting an idea of who they wanted the evaluation from, I got a leave of absense form. I emailed them all back and asked them if they had not planned on me being back next week and if not, what they had in store for me.

It is much harder because I have a family, and I cannot go without a job and without a job I cannot pay full cost for this evaluation and treatment they're talking about. I cannot even make our family's bills without my income. If I were to take a leave of absense, I would have to get another job.

I asked them to call me tonight, or first thing in the morning. I haven't heard from them yet. When she sent the form, it was 2 minutes before closing time as well, so I didn't have a chance to call her right away.

I have no idea what to do

chip

I'm sorry about the "preachy" tone of my last post.

Here's what I would do if I were you.

I would stop drinking %100. I would start going to AA meetings. Your could get a witness at each AA meeting to sign that you have attended a meeting. You could submit this as proof that you are getting help. With the abstinence thing, you wouldn't have to worry about test results.

AA is very accessible. AA is free. AA is recognized as being the #1 treatment method for alcoholism...by EVERYONE. Any doctor would recommend AA. You could pay for a typical doctor's appointment, get a referal to AA...and go.

So here I am suggesting that you go to AA to get the heat off you at work.

I went to AA because I have a drinking problem, and I can't drink anymore. Do you think you might have a drinking problem? If you are getting in trouble at work because of drinking, you probably have a drinking problem.

I tell you all this, and hope that you will find peace in your life. If you have an open mind, AA might help you with your problems. At the very least, it will satisfy the most hard nosed boss...
good luck,
chip

jdgualazzi

I could get a witness? How could I do that? Is that a sponsor? The meeting director?

I am sure I will get a call tomorrow from someone at my work, if this is true, this would be absolutely wonderful information to be able to give them. There are some AA meetings near me, a couple of times a week, but I would not mind going out of my way.

Of course, if I am willing to foot the bill for a Dr to say I showed up in his office, I would most certainly be willing for someone to say I showed up to a free meeting.

I guess just the "Sign the Leave of Absense Form asap, mailing it in would work also" email I got really really threw me off. After my meeting where they said they wanted me back quickly and then getting that email at 4:58 really made me insecure about whether or not I have a job next week.

Not to mention...(yes another wrench in the mix, Augh!!) my husband doesn't know what's going on--I've been playing sick, and am actually sick since yesterday. But Tuesday and Wednesday I pretended to be sick thinking this was all going to be worked out. So I'm even more stressed now and most especially worried because if I won't be able to come back to work for 14-30-60 days, I'll have no choice but to find another job, which seems to defeat the whole purpose of them trying to help me in the first place.

Sigh, I'm just getting so tired. Thanks for your help, as always.