Nearly a year. Instead about a week.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Australia, Vic, Melbourne
Posts: 20
Nearly a year. Instead about a week.
Got to 11 months.
Great effort there.
Not a drink, not one drop. 11 months. Man was I tempted sometimes. I'd sit there smelling this bottle of scotch one glass at a time and eventually tip it out after hours of deliberation.
People would offer me drinks as much as I'd try to avoid situations like that, sometimes it's unavoidable.
I'd say no thanks, I don't drink.
The other day a bunch of people at work are going out for a Christmas party. Yeah, I'll tag along.
Yeah, I'll have just one drink.
Next round is on me.
Next one too, nah, don't worry, I'll pay for it.
Oh another, thanks!
Idiot.
Christmas is almost over. Nearly 10pm.
Now this is tempting.
I can't figure out a reason to care.
Hell, even when I'm not wanting to drink I can't figure out a reason to care.
I've got a healthy life. I'm in the best shape I've been in physically in my entire life largely thanks to the absence of alcohol.
I've got a job. I can actually wake up before 3pm now, and I don't smell of vomit and booze all day.
People like me. I don't necessarily like them, but they like me when I'm not drinking.
I've got a future. I sure didn't have one a year ago.
I don't need to drink.
But I really do want to drink.
It's amazing. The day I slipped up I didn't go too far, but it's fair to say I had a real buzz going. The next day it became immediately apparent just how much clearer my mind is when it's not drowning in alcohol. Amazing how much more there is to life, you pay attention the subtle things, small things like smells and sights, you hear a lot more too. Occasionally, very rarely people actually say some pretty interesting things that you'd otherwise miss.
You show up at family get togethers like Christmas and you're not the loser anymore. You're sober now. You're bordering on being the success story.
But I'd throw it all away for dirt cheap bottle of the strongest stuff I can get my hands on.
Now tell me, how is it that I'm not the loser on days like this, how am I the success story when this is my life when I'm not putting on an act for all to see?
Great effort there.
Not a drink, not one drop. 11 months. Man was I tempted sometimes. I'd sit there smelling this bottle of scotch one glass at a time and eventually tip it out after hours of deliberation.
People would offer me drinks as much as I'd try to avoid situations like that, sometimes it's unavoidable.
I'd say no thanks, I don't drink.
The other day a bunch of people at work are going out for a Christmas party. Yeah, I'll tag along.
Yeah, I'll have just one drink.
Next round is on me.
Next one too, nah, don't worry, I'll pay for it.
Oh another, thanks!
Idiot.
Christmas is almost over. Nearly 10pm.
Now this is tempting.
I can't figure out a reason to care.
Hell, even when I'm not wanting to drink I can't figure out a reason to care.
I've got a healthy life. I'm in the best shape I've been in physically in my entire life largely thanks to the absence of alcohol.
I've got a job. I can actually wake up before 3pm now, and I don't smell of vomit and booze all day.
People like me. I don't necessarily like them, but they like me when I'm not drinking.
I've got a future. I sure didn't have one a year ago.
I don't need to drink.
But I really do want to drink.
It's amazing. The day I slipped up I didn't go too far, but it's fair to say I had a real buzz going. The next day it became immediately apparent just how much clearer my mind is when it's not drowning in alcohol. Amazing how much more there is to life, you pay attention the subtle things, small things like smells and sights, you hear a lot more too. Occasionally, very rarely people actually say some pretty interesting things that you'd otherwise miss.
You show up at family get togethers like Christmas and you're not the loser anymore. You're sober now. You're bordering on being the success story.
But I'd throw it all away for dirt cheap bottle of the strongest stuff I can get my hands on.
Now tell me, how is it that I'm not the loser on days like this, how am I the success story when this is my life when I'm not putting on an act for all to see?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hey SS,
I know a guy. Out of the last twelve years he's been drunk about eight times. He never piles up long term sobriety, but considering the fact that he used to get drunk all day long every day, his current track record ain't so bad. Unfortunately, he believed it was, he believed he was a failure, and so he went out and did some bank robbing. He's in the clink now.
I'm not a religious fanatic, big book thumper, or anything like that, but your post made me think that alcohol really is the devil. Here you are, living and enjoying life, yet you'd toss it all for some Sneaky Pete or Mad Dog 20/20. That's madness, but all of us can relate.
I've got no words of wisdom, just empathy. The steps help me quite a bit with my insanity, but there are days that I am consumed by my alcoholism. i never really want to drink, but it comes out in other ways. Sharing with others helps too.
You're not a loser, just human. Hang in there and keep living life - sober.
Mike in Boston
I know a guy. Out of the last twelve years he's been drunk about eight times. He never piles up long term sobriety, but considering the fact that he used to get drunk all day long every day, his current track record ain't so bad. Unfortunately, he believed it was, he believed he was a failure, and so he went out and did some bank robbing. He's in the clink now.
I'm not a religious fanatic, big book thumper, or anything like that, but your post made me think that alcohol really is the devil. Here you are, living and enjoying life, yet you'd toss it all for some Sneaky Pete or Mad Dog 20/20. That's madness, but all of us can relate.
I've got no words of wisdom, just empathy. The steps help me quite a bit with my insanity, but there are days that I am consumed by my alcoholism. i never really want to drink, but it comes out in other ways. Sharing with others helps too.
You're not a loser, just human. Hang in there and keep living life - sober.
Mike in Boston
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Hey StayingSober,
It's not like you don't have the eleven months and all you learned in those eleven months any longer. You still do. One night's slip up does not have to turn into a week or a month long relapse.
And it's not like you were on pace to set some kind of world record for sobriety. Can't be done cause there is always some alcoholic somewhere who has managed to string together one more day than how ever many days you have and it's not the point anyways. The point of staying sober is that we actually do notice "how much more there is to life, you pay attention the subtle things, small things like smells and sights".
You're the success story when you learn from your mistakes instead of repeating them.
It's not like you don't have the eleven months and all you learned in those eleven months any longer. You still do. One night's slip up does not have to turn into a week or a month long relapse.
And it's not like you were on pace to set some kind of world record for sobriety. Can't be done cause there is always some alcoholic somewhere who has managed to string together one more day than how ever many days you have and it's not the point anyways. The point of staying sober is that we actually do notice "how much more there is to life, you pay attention the subtle things, small things like smells and sights".
You're the success story when you learn from your mistakes instead of repeating them.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey Staying Sober,
At 2 weeks sober I have no real wisdom or insight of my own addiction..therefore little to offer about your. What I do relate with is your feelings of worthlessness...the negative insanity record playing in your mind. I know that if you can change your thought, you can change your emotion. Heh! Easier said than done. You are definitely not a loser...nor am I...but I sure feel like one sometimes...when I was drinking...and sometimes now when I think about the years wasted and misery I inflicted upon myself and others for 20 years. I can't keep grinding on "who I used to be"...when I genuinely desire a complete renovation of my life. I want to care about living rather than wishing I would die.
I used to have a weight problem and therefore dieteted perpetually....until one day I realized it was a lifestyle and foremost an attitude change...before when I'd blow a diet ...I go into self battery..."I'm a loser, I'll never lose weight"..so hand me that cake...wah wah wah.
That has changed...I have days where I eat horribly..but it don't mean a loser in that respect..just get back to normal the next day.
So I hope that doesn't trivialize your situation...just get back to normal...you are human and your only being is not dictated but one wrong action.
Do you have a support system...or are you going on pure will?
At 2 weeks sober I have no real wisdom or insight of my own addiction..therefore little to offer about your. What I do relate with is your feelings of worthlessness...the negative insanity record playing in your mind. I know that if you can change your thought, you can change your emotion. Heh! Easier said than done. You are definitely not a loser...nor am I...but I sure feel like one sometimes...when I was drinking...and sometimes now when I think about the years wasted and misery I inflicted upon myself and others for 20 years. I can't keep grinding on "who I used to be"...when I genuinely desire a complete renovation of my life. I want to care about living rather than wishing I would die.
I used to have a weight problem and therefore dieteted perpetually....until one day I realized it was a lifestyle and foremost an attitude change...before when I'd blow a diet ...I go into self battery..."I'm a loser, I'll never lose weight"..so hand me that cake...wah wah wah.
That has changed...I have days where I eat horribly..but it don't mean a loser in that respect..just get back to normal the next day.
So I hope that doesn't trivialize your situation...just get back to normal...you are human and your only being is not dictated but one wrong action.
Do you have a support system...or are you going on pure will?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hugs SS..
Have you considered some on line recovery programs?
LifeRing Secular Recovery
http://www.unhooked.com
SMART
http://www.smartrecovery.org/
SOS - Secular Organisations for Sobriety
http://www.secularsobriety.org
As you might know...I do use AA
so I have notpersonally tried these.
Glad to see you here again.
Way to go on your sober time!
Have you considered some on line recovery programs?
LifeRing Secular Recovery
http://www.unhooked.com
SMART
http://www.smartrecovery.org/
SOS - Secular Organisations for Sobriety
http://www.secularsobriety.org
As you might know...I do use AA
so I have notpersonally tried these.
Glad to see you here again.
Way to go on your sober time!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Dear SS,
Welcome back here! I also could really relate to your feelings of negativity and pointlessness after relapse. The only wisdom I can offer you is the knowldege that the darkness and emptyness will pass. Sometimes we need a fellowship of others to lift us up when we feel so inwardly focused, which, for me, is one of the gifts of the AA program.
It is also the guft of SR. We are all supportive of your life turning around towards the brighter future that sobriety holds.
Rely on us today to remind you, to renew in you the knowledge that your life is a precious journey and filled with wonders to be seen. You have a purpose here, and today your purpose may simply be that as you shift out of relapse, you are helping other alcoholics stay sober just by sharing in total honesty, the experience of where you are today.
Thank you for sharing what you are going through SS!
Stay in today only, and for today, lets not drink.
Joy to you!!
Welcome back here! I also could really relate to your feelings of negativity and pointlessness after relapse. The only wisdom I can offer you is the knowldege that the darkness and emptyness will pass. Sometimes we need a fellowship of others to lift us up when we feel so inwardly focused, which, for me, is one of the gifts of the AA program.
It is also the guft of SR. We are all supportive of your life turning around towards the brighter future that sobriety holds.
Rely on us today to remind you, to renew in you the knowledge that your life is a precious journey and filled with wonders to be seen. You have a purpose here, and today your purpose may simply be that as you shift out of relapse, you are helping other alcoholics stay sober just by sharing in total honesty, the experience of where you are today.
Thank you for sharing what you are going through SS!
Stay in today only, and for today, lets not drink.
Joy to you!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by StayingSober 
Got to 11 months.
Great effort there.
Not a drink, not one drop. 11 months. Man was I tempted sometimes. I'd sit there smelling this bottle of scotch one glass at a time and eventually tip it out after hours of deliberation.
People would offer me drinks as much as I'd try to avoid situations like that, sometimes it's unavoidable.
I'd say no thanks, I don't drink.
The other day a bunch of people at work are going out for a Christmas party. Yeah, I'll tag along.
Yeah, I'll have just one drink.
Next round is on me.
Next one too, nah, don't worry, I'll pay for it.
Oh another, thanks!
Idiot.
Christmas is almost over. Nearly 10pm.
Now this is tempting.
I can't figure out a reason to care.
Hell, even when I'm not wanting to drink I can't figure out a reason to care.
I've got a healthy life. I'm in the best shape I've been in physically in my entire life largely thanks to the absence of alcohol.
I've got a job. I can actually wake up before 3pm now, and I don't smell of vomit and booze all day.
People like me. I don't necessarily like them, but they like me when I'm not drinking.
I've got a future. I sure didn't have one a year ago.
I don't need to drink.
But I really do want to drink.
It's amazing. The day I slipped up I didn't go too far, but it's fair to say I had a real buzz going. The next day it became immediately apparent just how much clearer my mind is when it's not drowning in alcohol. Amazing how much more there is to life, you pay attention the subtle things, small things like smells and sights, you hear a lot more too. Occasionally, very rarely people actually say some pretty interesting things that you'd otherwise miss.
You show up at family get togethers like Christmas and you're not the loser anymore. You're sober now. You're bordering on being the success story.
But I'd throw it all away for dirt cheap bottle of the strongest stuff I can get my hands on.
Now tell me, how is it that I'm not the loser on days like this, how am I the success story when this is my life when I'm not putting on an act for all to see?
Great effort there.
Not a drink, not one drop. 11 months. Man was I tempted sometimes. I'd sit there smelling this bottle of scotch one glass at a time and eventually tip it out after hours of deliberation.
People would offer me drinks as much as I'd try to avoid situations like that, sometimes it's unavoidable.
I'd say no thanks, I don't drink.
The other day a bunch of people at work are going out for a Christmas party. Yeah, I'll tag along.
Yeah, I'll have just one drink.
Next round is on me.
Next one too, nah, don't worry, I'll pay for it.
Oh another, thanks!
Idiot.
Christmas is almost over. Nearly 10pm.
Now this is tempting.
I can't figure out a reason to care.
Hell, even when I'm not wanting to drink I can't figure out a reason to care.
I've got a healthy life. I'm in the best shape I've been in physically in my entire life largely thanks to the absence of alcohol.
I've got a job. I can actually wake up before 3pm now, and I don't smell of vomit and booze all day.
People like me. I don't necessarily like them, but they like me when I'm not drinking.
I've got a future. I sure didn't have one a year ago.
I don't need to drink.
But I really do want to drink.
It's amazing. The day I slipped up I didn't go too far, but it's fair to say I had a real buzz going. The next day it became immediately apparent just how much clearer my mind is when it's not drowning in alcohol. Amazing how much more there is to life, you pay attention the subtle things, small things like smells and sights, you hear a lot more too. Occasionally, very rarely people actually say some pretty interesting things that you'd otherwise miss.
You show up at family get togethers like Christmas and you're not the loser anymore. You're sober now. You're bordering on being the success story.
But I'd throw it all away for dirt cheap bottle of the strongest stuff I can get my hands on.
Now tell me, how is it that I'm not the loser on days like this, how am I the success story when this is my life when I'm not putting on an act for all to see?
Going 11 months makes you a success in my eyes. And to go a whole week (no mean feat in itself straight after) shows that you have amazing willpower and the furthest thing from a loser I can think of.
As a man that is either drinking every day (for ages) or white knuckling it for a week or two (then drinking again) you're a fantastic example to me at least.
Please don't get hung up on the number of days 'dry' like I do. You have had one drink in about a year. You ARE doing (not WAS doing) brilliantly.
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
Hey Man.....
You have 11 months to smile about ! You got yourself a jackpot of a gift right there and no one deserves it more than you !
The subtle things do come out more when sober, for me it is that family, the spirit of the season and the dinner is actually the focus point and not a buzz kill.
So people have done for me now I can offer my hand to you - get back on the bus or I will send a virtual dope slap your way. Just kidding, I dont believe in hitting people or animals. Get back on the wagon its actually pretty cool here when I give it a chance !
Have a great day !
You have 11 months to smile about ! You got yourself a jackpot of a gift right there and no one deserves it more than you !
The subtle things do come out more when sober, for me it is that family, the spirit of the season and the dinner is actually the focus point and not a buzz kill.
So people have done for me now I can offer my hand to you - get back on the bus or I will send a virtual dope slap your way. Just kidding, I dont believe in hitting people or animals. Get back on the wagon its actually pretty cool here when I give it a chance !
Have a great day !
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: orlando, florida
Posts: 5
hey ss
im with u, would of had 2 years last month instead have 30 days today. i really beat the hell out of myself for my relapse. it didnt help just felt like s%%t.
im trying to chalk it up to a learning experience....it reminded me how serious my condition is. where given the same thing as everybody else...today. im tryin to start over where im at . stayin away from one drink, for one day, and the rest of it is the rest of it.
peace out
hoppy holidays
im with u, would of had 2 years last month instead have 30 days today. i really beat the hell out of myself for my relapse. it didnt help just felt like s%%t.
im trying to chalk it up to a learning experience....it reminded me how serious my condition is. where given the same thing as everybody else...today. im tryin to start over where im at . stayin away from one drink, for one day, and the rest of it is the rest of it.
peace out
hoppy holidays
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I think that you just need to get back on the horse and continue to ride the saddle of sobriety. There are always the risks of being bucked off by a wild bronco, but at the end of the day, if you keep getting up, dusting off your chaps, fixing your hat and getting back on that darned horse, you will eventually break through the corral of misery to a place of lasting sobriety.
Learn from your mistake and move on. I know that I've had your experience a couple times and I know the most important thing I could ever do was to admit my slip up and to get back on the wagon.
Peace, Levi
PS, you are not a loser, a loser would have hid the fact he had drank and carried on and thus, sowed the seed of future slip ups... you didn't do that, you were honest and forthright and set the record straight so you could continue on.
Levi
Learn from your mistake and move on. I know that I've had your experience a couple times and I know the most important thing I could ever do was to admit my slip up and to get back on the wagon.
Peace, Levi
PS, you are not a loser, a loser would have hid the fact he had drank and carried on and thus, sowed the seed of future slip ups... you didn't do that, you were honest and forthright and set the record straight so you could continue on.
Levi
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
SS no one here views you as a loser, I certainly don't, I have 99 days and they do mean a lot to me after 40 years of drinking, people do relapse, it happens, we have a disease.
Alcoholism is powerful, cunning and baffling. There are an awful lot of folks who after years of sobriety have had thier disease convince them that one drink can not hurt a thing, SS you are not alone!!!
You are here, just jump back on the wagon and ride along.
I will flat out say that I could not do it alone, without AA I would still be out there, after 40 years of drinking I could not string together 3 days with out drinking....... I am an alcoholic, my disease will not allow me to not drink, I could not stop drinking without support, and my disease is powerful enough to where even with my families support I could not stop! What it took for me to stop was a group of people who have the same disease I do who have quit drinking supporting me and sharing with me how they no longer drink. Their encouragement, their love, their sharing of thier knowledge and experience, their smiles and thier hugs!
Please SS do not be down on your self, if you are an alcoholic you have a disease, a disease that with the help of a support group you can control. We are here for you as well.
Alcoholism is powerful, cunning and baffling. There are an awful lot of folks who after years of sobriety have had thier disease convince them that one drink can not hurt a thing, SS you are not alone!!!
You are here, just jump back on the wagon and ride along.
I will flat out say that I could not do it alone, without AA I would still be out there, after 40 years of drinking I could not string together 3 days with out drinking....... I am an alcoholic, my disease will not allow me to not drink, I could not stop drinking without support, and my disease is powerful enough to where even with my families support I could not stop! What it took for me to stop was a group of people who have the same disease I do who have quit drinking supporting me and sharing with me how they no longer drink. Their encouragement, their love, their sharing of thier knowledge and experience, their smiles and thier hugs!
Please SS do not be down on your self, if you are an alcoholic you have a disease, a disease that with the help of a support group you can control. We are here for you as well.
HopeInFaith
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
SS - don't lose hope. What's done is done - it's over now, part of the past. Today is a new day, and every day to come. A choice to drink does not erase the time sober. Keep it in its place and commit to getting back to where you know life is better. You are not a bad person, and you are not a loser. You are trying. That's all we can do.
Big HUG -
hope
Big HUG -
hope
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