HopeInFaith

Hey everyone - trying to prepare myself for a Christmas party I'm attending tonight. i was designated with bringing a bottle of wine. I have the thoughts in my head that tell me i'm fine to drink, and the thoughts that tell me to think it through - to stop romanticizing. Right now I don't have the desire to drink, but the fact that the idea of drinking occupies my mind, and the fact that I'm distressed over what I'm going to do at this Christmas Party is pretty telling huh? It's so funny how it feels like I have no control of what decisions I make. I pray I make the right one.

After I told my recovering husband that I snuck a four pack of wine the other night - he laughed at me and said if I wanted to get loaded go ahead and bring the bottle home - I don't have to hide it from him. Sometimes 'normal' people (he likes to call me normal) like to go get loaded...So of course I start thinking - yea, maybe that's why I snuck the wine! Ha...

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Tazman53

Hope I am solid in my sobriety right now thanks to hy HP whom I chosse to call God, I would not hesitate to bring a bottle of wine if requested to do so to a party, but then again those who know me know I do not drink any more and would never ask me to bring some thing I was not going to partake of.

That being said, if there was even an inkling of weakness in me that I might make the decision (Notice I did not say slip) to drink again, I would call who ever asked me to bring the wine and tell them I am uncomfortable with doing that and ask them what else I could bring.

I make no secret that I am an alcoholic and as a result it cuts way down on the possibility of being in that position.

Hope having to think it through before I even purchased the wine would send up red flags for me.

Have a good time at the party, instead of thinking the drink through in this case, if it was me I would take it one step further and think the purchase through. A man with 33 years told me that he stayed sober that long by putting as many things as possible between himself and a drink, things like going to meetings, working the steps, working, hobbies & commitments.

Anna

Hope,

It sounds like you're in dangerous territory in your thinking. It's hard to stay sober and it takes so much commitment. My feeling is this - if you think that you might drink at the Christmas party tonight, don't go. Stay home. I couldn't be around people who were drinking for a long time when I got sober. It was just too hard and took too much effort, so I stayed away. And, people who are not alcoholics often don't understand alcoholism. You know in your heart, what is the right thing to do.

HopeInFaith

Thanks for the feedback guys. I realize I come to this forum a lot with the problem instead of looking for a solution, and I don't really have much to offer anyone else in terms of support...which I know is one of the steps - service. I guess I don't really feel like I'm in a place to offer feedback to anyone else when I can't seem to get it right myself! So it means a lot that you take the time to provide feedback. I am a person of faith, and it's interesting how disconnected I've been from my spirituality since I've been drinking. I guess I've been trying to find a way to have both...spirituality and the drink...obviously it hasn't worked so far! :-)

GlassPrisoner

Hope, you'll provide service when your HP decides it's time. We're all "takers" at the beginning. That said, we aren't really, because we help those that are in that position to provide service to stay sober.

Anyway, bring the wine, unless it makes you really uncomfortable. As far as drinking any, don't. It's that first drink that gets you.

gr8ful_ed

Yeah, that's exactly how the "obsession" felt for me. There's your Step 1, right? Right there in black and white. If you still have doubts about whether or not you have power over alcohol, you can look at what you wrote there and ask yourself if it's true.

Right at first, what my sponsor had me do was read The Doctor's Opinion three times (you can find it online BTW)-- and, he insisted, nothing else for the time being. He wanted me to absorb the description of the "hopeless" alcoholic and answer one question: Was that me? I thought it was.

For me, the obsession you describe disappeared the moment I did the 3rd Step prayer and hasn't been back since. I'm not joking about that. I'm not a person of faith, and so it was completely amazing to me. If you don't have it handy, the 3rd Step prayer is this:

God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!

I did it word for word, but I think the important thing isn't the words so much as the concept of offering oneself to God and asking Him to remove anything that gets in the way of doing His will.

This worked for me. Maybe it'll work for you.

As for getting wine and taking it to a party, I don't think that I would-- myself, personally, etc. I just don't want to go to a place that sells it, pick it out, buy it, carry it, give it to people to drink. It feels too much like what I did before, and I don't want to do that anymore. Alcohol is not for me to take into my hands or into my heart, if I can help it. It feels like that cliche, if you hang around a barber shop long enough, you're gonna get a haircut. And I don't want a haircut. That's just how it feels to me.

Dang, this post is long.

IMHomerSimpson

Just buy the bottle of wine,pick out something good,something you would have enjoyed if you were the one drinking it.Go to the party KNOWING you are not drinking tonight and have fun,no pity parties cuz you not drinking tonite,plain and simple,YOU ARE NOT DRINKING TONITE,NO MATTER WHAT. tell yourself " imhomersimpson will NOT acknowledge me ever again if I take a sip of alcohol",which is not true but could be???? At 1st you may be uncomfortable but you will loosen up,then start noticing how alcohol changes people,then probably say wow,i cant beleive that WAS fun to me.Just make a mental contract that ya just wont drink any wine or drinks with alcohol tonight,sounds hard but if I can do it so can you and BTW im still having occasional drinking days,so im not a hypocrite,just a fellow alcohol abuser.No drink tonite??????????

HopeInFaith

Gr8ful ed - thank you for that prayer. And for stating something that I wondered about in my head, and kinda knew deep in my heart - that this 'thinking' about alcohol is actually an 'obsession'....It's another one of those items that I am still kind of in denial about. That I obsess. I appreciate it.

IMHomerSimpson...I can do that! :-)...Instead of sitting here wondering what I'm going to decide tonight. I can make the decision now. And I can just think about today, and tonight....and I'm not going to drink today.

Salsa

If you are having struggles with yourself I say don't go to the party!!! I stay away from situations where I feel vulnerable! If you do decide to go stay strong...you can do it! I've found it's more fun anyways watching everyone else drink while sober

Tazman53

Alcoholics are not all alike, what works for me may not work for you and vice versa.

I put my sobriety ahead of everything else in my life and always will if I plan on staying sober.

If I was still obsessing about a drink, I would refuse to put myself in a position where "I might" give into the temptation of having a drink.

It is so easy to say "I will not drink today" and keep the commitment as long as you don't stop in a liquor store, buy some booze, and then drive around with it sitting right next to you.

This is very similar to teasing a pit bull on a chain, you won't get bit as long as the chain (will power) holds, but if that chain breaks all bets are off! (Kind of like an alcholic picking up that first drink!)

HopeInFaith

Hi everyone - I prayed, I didn't allow myself to entertain the thoughts of drinking, I picked up the wine - took it to the party, lingered for a second...and immediately went and poured myself a soda and proceeded to a different room where I engaged myself in conversation. Once I got past that very initial..."what do I do, should I drink?" thought upon getting to the party - I was able to enjoy the rest of the night. It helped that not everyone there was drinking. So, I made it. And it felt so good to wake up this morning and not be hung over, and remember the entire evening! Thanks for everyone's support. Now on to today!!!

Tazman53

Hope that is great, glad to hear things went well, this experience should give you even more strength in the future.

Every one is different I have noticed so far in my exposure to fellow alcoholics, I am (At this time) rock solid in my sobriety, I really have no obsession with drinking, if I do have an obsession at this point in my life it is me maintaining my sobriety by sharing with other alcoholics my ESH. I know a few guys who have been sober for years and yet they still would never go to a party where drinking was going on, or a place that had a bar. I also know folks like me (Right now) that the obsession is gone, some of them for months, others for years, one of them for 31 years.

The differences I see between the 2 groups is (keep in mind I am not judging any of them, this is just my personal observation) the group that seems to still have the obsession are basically the "One day at a time" group, they never speak of doing the steps, they simply fill thier days with stuff to stay busy and go to meetings. The group I am in (Right now) are folks who are actively working the steps, they are happy and are advancing in thier lifes as they advance in their steps.

I have heard folks who relapsed that shared they used to work thier steps and were growing into better people and had no obsession, then they quit working thier steps, started cutting way back on their meetings, eventually quit coming at all, slowly the disease crept back in, the obsession returned and there they were, right back where they had started... drinking again.

As an alcoholic now in recovery I need to keep my sobriety and happiness as my number one priority, and the only way for me to do that is working the steps, living the steps, going to meetings and doing service work.

I know for this alcoholic sobriety and happiness are not a gimmee, they are something I need to work for the rest of my life.............. my disease is just sitting there waiting for me to give it an opening to where it can slowly work its way back into my head and taking over again.

HopeInFaith

I can relate to what you're saying. I feel like, although I may not drink - I'm still not progressing. I know enough about recovery to know that it is a change in 'being'...not just a means for not using. I see it in my husband, and the man that he's become with his recovery. So I'm fighting that a bit. Not sure why. If I see it working so well for someone else, I don't know why that isn't enough for me to say....sign me up! Stubborn I guess. But I do know having to get up and try busy my day will eventually fail - because at some point I won't have anything to busy it...and if I'm not working some kind of program I will drink.

Anna

Hi Hope,

I think I fought the idea of change too. It just scared me. Try to be patient with yourself. You got through the party and you will move forward, but it might be more slowly than you would like. And, your last statement is right. There will be a time when the temptation will be strong and you will need to be prepared. There are things you can do at a time like that - phone a friend, play your favorite music, watch a movie, exercise - whatever will take your mind off drinking, even for a few minutes.

Tazman53

Hope it sure looks to me like you know where you need to be headed.

Recovery I have found is a process of recognition followed by action which leads to continued sobriety and more self respect, resulting in a happier person who is able to deal with what life throws their way with out picking up.

HopeInFaith

I like that...resulting in a happier person. You know, one thing I've noticed since I started drinking again is my short temper...and unwilliness to be accepting of people. So it is very true that recovery results in a happier person, a more accepting person.

I'm an analyzer, and I know that the why's and how's don't really matter, but it's still intriguing to me. It's almost like I watch myself let little things (like misplacing my keys) get me extremely frustrated with everyone...which makes me start to think about all the 'problems' in my life that only a drink will help.

I'm recognizing...I'm recognizing...

CarolD

You too can find sobriety Hope..

HopeInFaith

Thanks Carol, as someone said to me the other day - I don't have to stay I quit drinking....I can just say, I'm not drinking today...:-)...and I if I get a craving...say a prayer...and see if I still feel like drinking afterwards...so far I haven't!

Nuudawn

Hope,
Like you I wanted the spirituality and the drink. For years I have felt some sort of connection with God/Spirit/Universe/HP..whatever and felt I was truly "communicating" with God. What I have realized just very recently in my sobriety (with AA this time) that my communication with God was all about moaning and complaining and begging. There was very little gratitude or true "faith" in my connection. I had actually lost all "faith" in God after spending years wanting something I believed He would provide if I was patient and committed (of course I was drunk all the time). When I realized I wasn't going to get what I wanted...I became hopeless..and very, very depressed and my drinking escalated. I realized, just last night, that I had put "my faith" into something I had no control of...that was the regard or love from another person that would somehow validate my being. Now I realize that my communication with God is about grace and patience and gratitude and releasing my need to control outcomes.. As they say Let Go and Let God. When I'm struggling now...I try to let go and put my faith in the fact that wherever I am, whatever I'm doing or feeling that God's plan is unknown and I can't impose my will. I simply have "faith". I'm rambling..hope it makes sense.
T

dontcareinmi

Being tempted with wine is normal. Acting on that temptation is up to us.