big trouble

This is my first time ever posting anything on this site. But in a nutshell here is my problem. I am 25 years old and drink almost a 1.75 gallon of smirnoff a day (for about the last 5 years, gradually increasing my tolerance), always being sure to save a little for the morning to relieve the tremmors. Its almost sad because the only reason that I want to stop the shaking is so when I go to the liquor store to buy more I don't look like a complete alcohaulic and also because I am afraid that I might seizure. The absolute worst part is that I don't even understand why I am trying to quit, knowing that I will most likly relapse anyway. I don't think that I am the type of person who will be able to just say no, I never have been. I've been hooked on a lot of serious drugs and some how managed to tame that urge, although I mess up some times when I am really drunk. My friend Mr. Smirnoff has me in really deep. Sometimes I think that it would be more a lot less stressful just to drink my self to death, which is a really sad thought when you write it down and look at it. When I was in college I had so many dreams but now when I look at the addictions I have, I feel like theres no way to compete with my peers who don't have problems. I look at someone who doesn't drink and realize that if they drank as much as I do in one night they would most likly die from alcohol poisoning. I also wonder how they can even stand living a sober life. Maybe I am hopless.

mtnmagic

I wanted to respond to you right away big trouble. I am only on day 8 myself. I found this board about a week ago. There is so much love and caring on this board. So many people willing to help. Just hang on and I know they will come by and offer some suggestions. I realize that you can't see it right now. You have a life and it is worth saving. I am so glad you are here. Now just wait a wee bit for someone with more than I have to offer to help you in your quest. Your story touched me very much.

hcatt

I just wanted to say hi. I'm 41 and drink each day, save some for the morning, hide an extra bottle under my drawer that my family doesn't know about, can't get it into my head why everyone doesn't like drinking as much as I do, feel that I'll be bored without it.

I feel guilty and selfish every day.

I'm sorry that I have no good advice for you ... but I do wish you great strength in your journey to get sober. You're 25 .. with lots of wonderful years ahead of you. Don't be like this when you're my age. It isn't pretty at all. *hugs* to you.

Tazman53

big trouble you are not hopeless, there is a solution. Read this http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ with an open mind. I drank for 40 years, I considered myself hopeless, now I am happier then I have been in 20 years and have been sober for 87 days without a single relapse and only one really tough time that lasted less then an hour.

I am not a doctor, but from what you have described of your drinking it would probably be a very wise move to talk to a doctor before trying to de-tox your-self.

I was where you are at now 88 days ago, simply posting on this board is a call for help, that is a begiining.

Please keep on letting us know how you are doing and ask questions, there are some great folks on here.

juliee

Hi Big Trouble,
Everyone has problems, everyone. Some more visible than others. I am only on day 8 so I don't feel very qualified to advise you other than that where you are is miserable, first step is the hardest & you just took it!!! You'll get lots of support here. Stay with us!!! Julie

Tazman53

Hi my name is Martin and I am an alcoholic.

How you doing hcatt, my life was full of guilt for years and years along with being the stereotypical alcoholic who was so self centered on myself that I could not give a hoot about anything but my beer or what ever else form of alcohol was available. I assume by your presence here you are seeking a solution?

Thorn

You are certainly not hopeless. I think you have to be willing to change yorself to see any progress without alcohol.
You may wish to see a doctor, and be brutally honest.
There are solutions out there. I wish I had stopped when I was your age.

Keep posting, if need be. You'll find a lot of non-judgemental support here.

Best to you,

T

CarolD

Hi BT...Welcome to SR!

You are in the correct place for information and support.
We do understand because many of us have been just where you are....
scared to quit and yet knowing alcohol is ruining our lives.

Yes...because of the quanity and frequency of your intake..
a medically supervised de tox is the safest way to go.

This is usually a 3/4 day time period.
De toxing alone is risky.

Take care of yourself..we only go round this life one time.

wantittostop

Hey Big Trouble,

I,ve recently (within past 2 months) started to drink about the same volume a night as you.Failures in my personal and professional life were the motivating factors.I feel the same way you do in a lot of ways.I really can't offer any practical advice, but maybe just knowing someone can relate a bit might help.......now if only I could believe it

Sugah

I'm just echoing CarolD -- you need medical intervention. I've had bad withdrawal, and I've seen worse. Regardless of whether you want to stop, at the levels you say you're drinking, that choice could be taken from you before too long. I pray you'll choose living sobriety over the alternative.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

GlassPrisoner

Big Trouble, I was just like you. It cost me my job, my children, my wife, my house and several cars. Don't the shakes suck ?

Towards the end, like you, I had to drink. It's not a good feeling. The withdrawls when I finally quit were really bad. I'm lucky I didn't stroke out.

I found AA helped. Today I have a working car, my kids are back with me, and I'm doing contract work for the company that fired me for drinking !

It gets better, it really does. You only have to be willing and open minded. It sounds like you're ready.

MNGirlyGirl

Welcome Big, you are in the right place. I don't know if you realize it, but you are slowly killing yourself. It may seem like a huge task to conquer your drinking addiction, but you can do it if you want to. First, you need to go get detoxed safely! I hope you will take that first step.

Last year at this time I was in the depths of my drinking and depression. I now have a great new job and new sober life. It isn't always easy, but believe me, drinking that amount and trying to function wasn't easy. One day at a time is do-able.

Please know there is freedom from the bottle. You are not a special case (although we all like to think we are), you can beat it too.

tiburon88

I relate a lot to your message. I am slightly older than you and at one time felt like "what's the point anyway?" My bottom was when I stopped caring about everything. I stopped caring about my family, my job (or lack of one),
my health, my "AA program", and the world. I had the thought of drinking myself to death or intentionally overdosing on heroin but realized maybe I would'nt die and wake up in yet another rehab instead. I can't tell you why but I care about things today and have managed to stay sober for a while now.

gypsytears

Hi BigTrouble,

You haven't posted since last week. How's it going... are you OK?