HopeInFaith

hi mtnmagic! keep coming back to this board. don't worry about what the next days are going to look like. stay in today. focus on today and tomorrow you can focus on tomorrow. My husband who is active in recovery often says, I might drink tomorrow but today I'm sober. What I take away from that is that you can't plan for what the future holds, all you need to focus on is this moment - and giving this moment up to your HP.

Wine will not solve your problems, and once it enters your system you will not stop. Fake it till you make it - we're here for you!!!

hope

hope3

Dear ntnmagic, I like your thoughts of cookies, thanks I went out and bought 2 boxes of oreos, just like alcohol I can't have just one, however at least with the cookies I'll only gain a little weight, right?

Love, Hope3.

mtnmagic

Thank you to the two Hopes....

I just got off of work. I know that I am in a dangerous place with myself.

I'm gonna just write here and see what happens after I am done.

I'm tired beyond belief. I'm not hungry because my stomach is in knots. I have been so restless and anxious lately, I don't have time to think of food.

For some reason I am really, really angry. I work as a server in a restaurant in a Casino here in Tahoe. The Christmas Holidays are some of our busiest (sp) times. We are scheduled six days a week and on mandatory overtime. Got through Christmas, but it is getting crazier and crazier each day leading up to New Year's Eve. I am not handling this well at all.

...oh on an aside...I'm kinda looking at HALT here....Those in AA will know what I mean. Those that choose not to follow a 12 step program, I feel the need to explain. HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

Lonely...well I have a normal, and I do mean normal bf. He doesn't drink or do drugs. He is completely different then any other man I have been with. I have been very happy in our relationship. The last few days I find myself picking it apart though. No drama, no needing me. No hurt, no pain...so what do I do? Stir the pot and test it. What is wrong with me?

So...I have written..read what I wrote and again wonder why oh why am I having this melt down now, when most everything is going good for me?

If anybody happens to read my post...I would most definitely appreciate any thoughts or advice you might have. Somebody slap me along side the head please..so I can wake up and move in a postive direction.

CarolD

Each time I resumed drinking..and there were many..
at least 2 of the HALT elements were in my life.

And you say this time of year has often been
uncomfortable for you for whatever reason.

Plus you are..newly sober too.

Geez! no wonder you are feeling YUK. Mega Hugs!

Ok..how about finding an early morning meeting>
Do they have one in your area?

Read the last paragraph in the BB on page 43.

Pray for peace.
Use the Serenity Prayer often.

Do not hang out with friends who drink.

As a short term goal..take 10% of your
tips... at 30 days..give yourself a special treat.

This too shall pass and you can survive sober!

Prayers zinging your way!

Tazman53

mtnmagic Carol gave some good suggetions, HALT is something sometimes you have to force upon your self.

You say you are hungry, make yourself eat something, beleive it or not you will feel better even though your stomach is not the best right now.

Are you taking vitamins? If not start to do so, B complexs are crucial.

You mention tired, think of something that every time you do it even when you are not tired makes you sleepy.

For me one of 2 things will put me to sleep when I am tired, reading a book or watching a tv show that has a complex plot, both of those for some reason just knock me out.

Lonely can be a bear, one of the things I love about AA is I have a network of people that I can call in addition to my sponsor, they are all just a phone call away and if they can are more then happy to come over or have me over to see them.

I find anger far less likely to be a factor if I have the HLT part of the HALT equation met. One thing else that helps with me is to do something that will take your mind off of stewing on what you are angry about. The serenity prayer of followed will help a lot in all anger situations.

If what you are angry about is beyond your control, simply accept the fact that you are wasting your time being angry about something you can not change.

If what you are angry about is something you do have control over, then it is time to take action to correct what is angering you. Once it is corrected/addressed the anger is gone.

Sit down and think calmly about what you are angry about and determine if you can change it or not and go from there.

Hang in there hon, the longer you are sober the better things will get, that is not to say you will not have problems, but dealing with problems sober is a lot easier.

HopeInFaith

mtnmagic - you've received some great feedback so far. I've heard of HALT, and I also know that I become extremely critical and nitpicky when I'm looking for an excuse to drink. I thought I had read somewhere that part of the relapse process includes the deception the disease tells us to convince ourselves that the only solution is to drink. So we pick and pick and pick...until we get to the hopeless point where all we can think about is having a drink, and at that point it's just a matter of time.

Don't overanalyze too much. It is what it is. Acknowledge the fact that you are working a lot right now, don't do well over the holidays, and leave it as that. When you start feeling funky, say the serenity prayer and remember that you are NOT going to necessarily be happy during this time...but THAT'S OK. You are not going to be happy all the time, and you're not going to feel good all the time...and you can just tell yourself that this too will pass...tomorrow will come...and at some point you will be OK again..I promise!

and drinking is not going to change either of those ...well, maybe it will - but only for the worse!!

HUGS!!!

mtnmagic

Checking in here. Thanks Taz, HIF and everybody who has encouraged me on this board. I have been working like a fiend. I'm so wound up and so tired all at the same time that I'm sick to my stomach....However, I am sober. This happens to be a miracle. My head keeps telling me that just a couple of glasses of wine would make me relax and be able to sleep. I have made the decision to put off drinking each day, some times each hour. I worked a 14 hour shift yesterday and set to go back today at 2:00. Then finally, I'll have a day off. I know I can do this today. I keep thinking about tomorrow...but I guess I just need to worry about today here right?

mthhilly

hello sweetheart and happy new yr xxx sorry 2 hear u not feelin 2 gd i have had a few dys where i have been down and grumpy ive also had a day or so where food just doesnt interest me but hey i expected that. imon trazodoneand that takes away all the anxiety which helps. there is no side affects wiv them and there no adictive and as my doctortold me its better 1 little pill everyday than 25 pints and a ruined body anyway hope u better soon angel


mick xxxxxxxx

mtnmagic

Dear Mick -

Thank you ever so much for the words of encouragement. I am trying so very hard to be tough and strong. I am tired. I am so tired. I work in a Casino in Lake Tahoe. Yes, the tips, the hoopla, and the bling, bling..could certainly sweep some people away. The reality is much more stark and not glittery at all.

The two week holiday period was just nuts. The grand finale was New Year's Eve. 1,000's of people absolutely dead set on getting drunk, high and as wasted as possible. I had to smile, see to all their needs even if most of them didn't even make sense. I have come through it to the other side.

Here is the deal here all. I made it through sober with the help of AA meetings and this forum. Also, some very near and dear friends that are supportive of me and my efforts.

I made ton's of tip money from very drunk, intoxicated people that just didn't know what they were doing. This forum makes me stop and think. My AA attendence makes me stop and think.

I am an equal opportunity alcoholic, adult child, family member with a substance abusing member. There is just so much that I need to do in Recovery.

What in the world am I doing working in a Casino environment, where the goal is gambling, drinking and living in fantasy land? These last two weeks have been oh so difficult. I made it, but it just is not comfortable at all.

If anybody has thoughts, opinions, advice please let me know, ok?

hope3

Hi mtnmagic, I'm sorry I missed you the last couple of days when you were going through a hard time. I have 34 days sober but also have a long road to travel, and you know what, it's all about me. I mean that I lived a long time, you to probably, not coping with my problems or things that scared me but numbing them. So now I think we have to learn a whole new way of coping with the scary things in life. So I am doing a lot of research to find things that will work in the long haul.

I would like to share a couple of things with you I found at the Matl. Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism web site. P.S there is all kinds of facts and articles and research that might be of interest to you. I’ll let you be the judge. But this interested me right a way.

Treatment: NIAAA-supported researchers have made considerable progress in evaluating commonly used therapies and in developing new types of therapies to treat alcohol-related problems. One large-scale study sponsored by NIAAA found that each of three commonly used behavioral treatments for alcohol abuse and alcoholism—motivation enhancement therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and 12-step facilitation therapy—significantly reduced drinking in the year following treatment. This study also found that approximately one-third of the study participants who were followed up either were still abstinent or were drinking without serious problems 3 years after the study ended. Other therapies that have been evaluated and found effective in reducing alcohol problems include brief intervention for alcohol abusers (individuals who are not dependent on alcohol) and behavioral marital therapy for married alcohol-dependent individuals.

• Medications development: NIAAA has made developing medications to treat alcoholism a high priority. We believe that a range of new medications will be developed based on the results of genetic and neuroscience research. In fact, neuroscience research has already led to studies of one medication—naltrexone (ReVia™)—as an anticraving medication. NIAAA-supported researchers found that this drug, in combination with behavioral therapy, was effective in treating alcoholism. Naltrexone, which targets the brain’s reward circuits, is the first medication approved to help maintain sobriety after detoxification from alcohol since the approval of disulfiram (Antabuse®) in 1949. Acamprosate, an anticraving medication, has been widely used in Europe and just recently was approved for use in the United States. Researchers believe that acamprosate works on different brain circuits to ease the physical discomfort that occurs when an alcoholic stops drinking. All of these new medications have their roots in neuroscience research, as do other drugs that are currently under investigation for the treatment of alcoholism.

• Combined medications/behavioral therapies: NIAAA-supported researchers have found that available medications work best with behavioral therapy. Thus, NIAAA has initiated a large-scale clinical trial to determine which of the currently available medications and which behavioral therapies work best together. Naltrexone and acamprosate will each be tested separately with different behavioral therapies. These medications will also be used together to determine if there is some interaction between the two that makes the combination more effective than the use of either one alone.
So mtnmagic, I am going to look in to this further, and I hope you find information that can help you make your journey a little more , I don’t know, stable maybe. Heres the link.
http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/

Best wishes to ya, and hugs

mtnmagic

Wow! Thanks for all the new information, hope3. I definitely will check it out.
Thanks for the support also. Take care

CarolD

Hmm...I could not stay sober for any long period of time
umtil I left the hotel/bar/restaurant scene.

I was in the Union as a bartender + waitress.

I took an office job..less stress..less hours.

Did I miss the money? Yep!
I think it took a few months for me
to adjust and live with a budget.

You know what??? Later on I did go back
to waitressing but in a place without booze.

Worked out fine!

Take care..you are doing great!

kpnewlife

Hey everyone, I've been a member here for quite a while but have only been reading, never posting. I relate a lot to your story magic. I'm also wondering about my current job. I deal blackjack at a bar (charitable organizations can operate gaming sites in bars in North Dakota). It's not exactly Tahoe, but you get the idea. The money is awesome and I know I won't be able to get as good of a paying job without a degree anywhere else. I justify it to myself because I too was an isolation drinker, drinking in my room until the wee hours of the morning. So I say that it's safe for me because I never drank in bars. Still, I know that it is not a healthy environment for me to be in : smoke, drinks everywhere, active A's, etc. I feel safe for now, but we'll see what happens in the future. I think I'll know if I deifinitely need to leave it all behind me.

That's enough for now, maybe now that I've broken the ice I will be posting more often. I'm painfully shy when I'm not drinking.

Kyle

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Kyle, good group of folks here. There are those who actually work as bar tenders and have no problem staying sober. Every one is different, some folks need to stay away from anyone or anything to do with alcohol, others it does not bother them at all.

others drinking does not bother me which I will admit I am surprised at after 40 years of drinking, but that is what AA and my HP can do for some.

mtnmagic

kpnewlife - Thank you for posting to my thread here. Just got home from work. Well, what do you say that we figure this out together?

Geez Taz - You have been gone too long. Yes, I know that you have a life. Just miss you much when you aren't able to post. You are one of my life lines here.

Like you noted in your post, the same for me, other people who drink does not seem to bother me either. I have always been the lone drinker. The more others are around me, the less likely I will pick up that glass of wine.

CarolD

Hi Kyle...glad you shared with us!

I really find your post interesting
because I was a bar drinker 99% of the time.

Not until the very last of my drinking did
i drink while working.

So for me...drinking equated with friends...
clubs..bars fun!

I now wonder if that is why I needed to
shun my job and friends to stay in sobriety.

Hmmm...???

Anyway..I am much happier now
I have new sober friends and
working is not an option.

Keep in touch...it's great to see you here!

mizeeyore

Sooo... Still with the cookies and tea? The peppermint in the Sleepytime can help settle my stomach sometimes. When that's not enough, I break out the peppermint tea and drink it straight. You got lots of good advice with the HALT stuff. One thing I figured out that was setting off my anger, especially around the holidays, was the fact that I flat resented the fact that other folks "could" drink and I couldn't. Mind you, it took a while, but I did also notice that they didn't drink any better (most of them) than I did. Their behavior was pretty pathetic. Eventually, I got over my resentment and started just feeling sorry for most of 'em, and secretly got a little smug and felt a little superior to them. Took some time, though. That was pretty much my first lesson in acceptance and the stupidity of resentments. Quitting drinking for me was sort of like a death. I had to go through the stages of grief in my wierd little way. Anger's one of 'em. A wierd perspective, but that's usually all I've got... Hang in there!!

Tazman53

A lifeline??? LOL I feel a bit embarassed mtnmagic and at the same time warm inside, going from a drunken embarassement to my family to someones life line in just shy of 4 months makes this old goat feel pretty good.... another reason sobreity is so much better then drinking.

When I was drinking I had lost all my self respect, now thanks to AA and my HP I see a half way decent person looking back at me from the mirror in the morning.