Mtnmagic's Midnight Mutterings....
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Wow sounds like you all are doing pretty good.
Peace................ with yourself and the world around you is really exciting in sobriety, I love it and it sounds like you all are starting to reap the rewards of sobriety.
Serenity aka peace is sweet, it is something that I had not experienced in years while I was drinking. Life still goes on drunk or sober, but it is so much easier and happier for me now. Drinking never help me solve or face a problem in life, sobriety has, as a result problems I can solve sober are solved and are nothing any more, others I can face head on sober and easily deal with them. This gives me the serenity I have sought so long drinking and found it only really existed for me in sobriety.
Peace................ with yourself and the world around you is really exciting in sobriety, I love it and it sounds like you all are starting to reap the rewards of sobriety.
Serenity aka peace is sweet, it is something that I had not experienced in years while I was drinking. Life still goes on drunk or sober, but it is so much easier and happier for me now. Drinking never help me solve or face a problem in life, sobriety has, as a result problems I can solve sober are solved and are nothing any more, others I can face head on sober and easily deal with them. This gives me the serenity I have sought so long drinking and found it only really existed for me in sobriety.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Can't really buy my son's what I would like to, yet know that my continued sobriety is the most valuable gift I could possibly give them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hey Taz!
I just PM'ed you. I've missed seeing you around here the last few days. Thanks for posting. I'm so relieved you are here. I look forward to what you have to say every day. Whew...I was worried about you.
I just PM'ed you. I've missed seeing you around here the last few days. Thanks for posting. I'm so relieved you are here. I look forward to what you have to say every day. Whew...I was worried about you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: derbyshire uk
Posts: 73
heyyyyyyyyyyyyy
hey marie so glad 2 hear ur doing so well sweetheart glad u slept a little my sleep paterns still abit hit and miss but its gettin there slowly but surly. bloody hell its so cold here 2day its horrible lol take care angel hope u have a gd day/nite lol i dont know where i am wiv u guy if ur a day behind or in front lol if memory serves me well (which is not very often lol) ur behind us
take very very very gd care
mick xx
take very very very gd care
mick xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 37
fourteener
wow. At fourteen days, I couldn't have strung together a sentence, let alone have the way with words and been able to combine that with an understanding of what's in my heart the way that you do. That's what I love about this program. One day at a time, we learn from each other. Since you have taught me so much just reading these posts, let me share something little with you. When I couldn't sleep or get a regular sleep pattern established, I started drinking a cup of Sleepytime Tea (Celestial Seasonings makes it) every night at the same time, with two cookies, while reading a little from the Big Book (or some other good reading) just before bed. I don't know if it was the tea, the sugar in the cookies, the reading, or the routine, but five years later, I can't go to sleep without it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Thanks for the tip mizeeyore - I appreciate it. Off to buy some Sleepytime Tea tomorrow. I'm gonna have to make sure that I don't forget the cookies.
Somehow, I don't think I will. LOL!
Somehow, I don't think I will. LOL!
. You're doing awesome! I drink Sleepytime too, but it doesn't do much to help. Maybe I need to add the cookies.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hey gypsy! Thanks for the words of encouragement. You are doing fantastic too! I've been following your posts!
Yep, It's just gotta be those cookies! That is the key, don'tcha think?
Yep, It's just gotta be those cookies! That is the key, don'tcha think?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
gypsy - Four??? Four???? Nope......a box a night each is exactly what is needed here. That will do the trick! I'm getting ready to go off to work. Have a great day. Be thinkin' about you and everybody on the board.
HopeInFaith
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
LOL....ahh the mind of an addict. If 1 is good - 10 has to be better. More is better right? ..Problem is you just can't ever get ENOUGH!!!
Thoroughly enjoyed the honesty in this thread. Thank you.
Thoroughly enjoyed the honesty in this thread. Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
It's Christmas Eve - the sun is out, the snow is sparkling and I have put together 18 days sober. I work tonight and tomorrow night. This is good and not so good. My mind tells me exactly how Christmas should be. Of course I've never, ever celebrated a Christmas the way my mind tells me I should. Christmas was a rotten holiday from the time I was a child. Both parents were alcoholics and by Christmas Eve night all heck had broken out.
The large family that had gathered were not speaking to each other, and more often then not my sister and I were wading through broken plates on the dining room floor and contemplating just how we were gonna clean that flying turkey from the walls. (I kid you not here.) I came to dread Christmas at a very young age.
When my children were little, I was a wreck starting at Thankgiving all the way through New Years. I would try to fake it, and would usually succeed somewhat, but it took a huge toll on me emotionally every single year. I would dream and try and construct the "perfect" Christmas. The perfect Christmas in my sick mind was one that I imagined everybody else celebrated, along with all those Happy ending Christmas movies that I watched, just sure that was the way Christmas really should be.
Over the last few years I have improved a wee bit each year at putting aside my expectations about the way to celebrate Christmas. I have focused on the meaning of Christmas instead, and given myself permission to let however the holidays unfold be ok. Sometimes I'm at peace with this, sometimes it ain't easy.
Money is tight this year and I told myself that staying in my budget and just a few small things as presents for my boys and my bf would be ok. I stuck with it too...well until last night and the night before. Both nights after I got off of work I was compelled to some of those Department stores that are staying open late for the convenience of shopping till you drop 24/7. Thank you so much Corporate Retail America, LOL! And that is exactly what I did. I frantically bought things, because what I had to offer just was not enough you see. (Thankfully, I had left my credit card at home!)
So now I have bags and bags of stuff...all need of wrapping. Do I feel better?
Not really. I understand my insecurity about Christmas has reared it's ugly head one more time. The good news is that like it or not, before I know it the holidays will roll around again and I can try it a different way next year.
So work will be a blessing. I can leave my expectations and stay in the moment.
The large family that had gathered were not speaking to each other, and more often then not my sister and I were wading through broken plates on the dining room floor and contemplating just how we were gonna clean that flying turkey from the walls. (I kid you not here.) I came to dread Christmas at a very young age.
When my children were little, I was a wreck starting at Thankgiving all the way through New Years. I would try to fake it, and would usually succeed somewhat, but it took a huge toll on me emotionally every single year. I would dream and try and construct the "perfect" Christmas. The perfect Christmas in my sick mind was one that I imagined everybody else celebrated, along with all those Happy ending Christmas movies that I watched, just sure that was the way Christmas really should be.
Over the last few years I have improved a wee bit each year at putting aside my expectations about the way to celebrate Christmas. I have focused on the meaning of Christmas instead, and given myself permission to let however the holidays unfold be ok. Sometimes I'm at peace with this, sometimes it ain't easy.
Money is tight this year and I told myself that staying in my budget and just a few small things as presents for my boys and my bf would be ok. I stuck with it too...well until last night and the night before. Both nights after I got off of work I was compelled to some of those Department stores that are staying open late for the convenience of shopping till you drop 24/7. Thank you so much Corporate Retail America, LOL! And that is exactly what I did. I frantically bought things, because what I had to offer just was not enough you see. (Thankfully, I had left my credit card at home!)
So now I have bags and bags of stuff...all need of wrapping. Do I feel better?
Not really. I understand my insecurity about Christmas has reared it's ugly head one more time. The good news is that like it or not, before I know it the holidays will roll around again and I can try it a different way next year.
So work will be a blessing. I can leave my expectations and stay in the moment.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When my kids were young they lived with my parents
900 miles from me.
One year..
After I had mailed some meager Christmas
presents off I felt soo sad and guilty.
I went to the Toy's R Us
filled a cart
and then walked out empty handed.
Sounds silly but it made me feel better!
Forward we go
900 miles from me.
One year..
After I had mailed some meager Christmas
presents off I felt soo sad and guilty.
I went to the Toy's R Us
filled a cart
and then walked out empty handed.
Sounds silly but it made me feel better!
Forward we go
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Thanks gypsy and Hope. Day 20 and I really feel lousy. Started yesterday the day after Christmas. Dull headache, anxious, nauseated....Know some of it is physical, but some seems to be the natural pattern that I have had for years following Christmas. I know I have been working too much, not really a choice there. The holiday season is one of the busiest of the year for me and it gets even busier leading up to New Years.
So I have one day off (yesterday) then go for six more in a row. I feel like I'm in a fog...(due to lack of sleep, rather then drinking.) The temptation to drink has returned, not has strong as it usually is, but the craving is definitely there. I'm so used to numbing my discomfort with alcohol, that when I feel crappy right now it feels magnified one hundred times over.
I am remembering how horrible I felt detoxing only three weeks ago. I never, ever want to feel that way again. I will NOT fool myself thinking that maybe if I have one glass of wine I wil feel better. One glass of wine will most definitely return me to the path of self destruction.
My meeting attendance has suffered because of my work this week. I have made some calls to talk to people and stayed close to this board. I know these feelings will pass, but am need of support. The next week seems stretched out long and scary before me.
So I have one day off (yesterday) then go for six more in a row. I feel like I'm in a fog...(due to lack of sleep, rather then drinking.) The temptation to drink has returned, not has strong as it usually is, but the craving is definitely there. I'm so used to numbing my discomfort with alcohol, that when I feel crappy right now it feels magnified one hundred times over.
I am remembering how horrible I felt detoxing only three weeks ago. I never, ever want to feel that way again. I will NOT fool myself thinking that maybe if I have one glass of wine I wil feel better. One glass of wine will most definitely return me to the path of self destruction.
My meeting attendance has suffered because of my work this week. I have made some calls to talk to people and stayed close to this board. I know these feelings will pass, but am need of support. The next week seems stretched out long and scary before me.
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