Arpeggioh

Three weeks "sober" tomorrow, after an intensive two-week inpatient treatment. God, everything was so easy in there, looking back from the perspective of two days out...

I told them I'd have someone clean my house of the minuscule amount of weed there, and all of the paraphernalia, before I got home...I lied...

I need to "confess" my first two nights back in the real world, and I need to do it here, because I need to hear from others the words and the advice that I already know in my head and heart. I know I need a meeting of recovering people, and this is the best I can do in my rural location at 10 p.m.

Excuses for not hitting a meeting since release: it's my first night back in the house where I live alone, and I'm simply too busy putting details back in place; all the meetings are too far away (some up to 20 whole miles!) and it snowed, a lot; they start too late, and I'll get home too late for...um...well, not sure what, besides bedtime, but getting home at 9:30 p.m. would surely cause some kind of problem...

I absolutely ATE UP the twelve-step recovery promises this time around, after fighting AA for years (with all the standard relapses), but I know I can't even sit at a table and pretend to be open or honest until I toss what's left of this last joint; I've trashed all the paraphernalia, and some weed, over the past two nights, even while using it...

I'm abstinent from alcohol; that's the extent of my current "recovery," and it makes me sick; substitution and maintaining the same lonely, isolated lifestyle are NOT where I'm meant to go this time.

I guess I just need some encouragement to "do the next, best thing" for myself, the thing that I'm resisting still, even when I crave the emotional growth offered by those 12 Steps.

MAN, I miss my rehab center!!! All recovery, all the time...

Not struggling, but certainly not moving forward,
Arp

miss communicat

Hi Arpeggioh,

Seems to me you are moving forward, at least with one foot. Now lift the other foot out of that familiar weed zone and come all the way.

Your excuses for not hitting a meeting are all in the past. Don't dwell on them, just go to one in the morning.You did the next best thing and came and posted here with us.

Progress, not perfection....

Welcome home!

CarolD

Welcome back to SR!

Many of us had false starts in recovery.
Just begin again...without the drug.

You can find AA meetings on line.
Google has oodles!

Take care

logo

You can do this if you try. Put the bat down and give yourself a break. There is no perfection here just progress one day at a time. You are Ok you just don't know it. There is always tomorrow then you can get to a meeting. At least you are being honest about it. That says a lot. There is a lot of help here at SR.

I'mready99

I have only been on this site slightly over three weeks but in this short time I have made some good friends and learned alot...

I consider this SR site and the people here like a cyber AA meeting. Its just not real time, but you can discuss your situation and get responses...

Stick around, very good info here...

One day at a time.

Steve

parentrecovers

i would guess it's hard to live alone in early recovery, easier to not have that accountability? my recovering daughter is on the phone all the time to her sponsor and rehab friends. she know she needs to avoid isolation. lots of folks here for you, so keep reaching out...blessings - k

brians

Welcome Arpeggioh,
I have three meetings a week in town and other 2 are 20 and 25 miles away.
I do not have to be at work till 10 AM so not so bad. I live alone but the AA meetings help not just for alcohism but meet new friends and found sponsor.
You are doing great. Being honest is fantastic. Try some meetings and hang in there. It does get better and better and keep posting. Not only helps you but helps all who see the post. thanks for posting.