Am I fooling myself ?
not a greeter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Am I fooling myself ?
It's been 3 weeks + a couple of days since my last drink. I can honestly say that I have zero desire for alcohol.
I'm attending IOP 3 times a week, posting here, reading recovery books and AA literature and I've been to quite a few different AA meetings.
While I feel good about going to the AA meetings, I have no intention on doing or completing the steps or getting a sponsor. For now I guess I'm using AA as a supplement to my IOP. A safe place for support and sober interaction.
My question is... am I fooling myself into thinking I'm doing well on my path to sobriety?
I'm attending IOP 3 times a week, posting here, reading recovery books and AA literature and I've been to quite a few different AA meetings.
While I feel good about going to the AA meetings, I have no intention on doing or completing the steps or getting a sponsor. For now I guess I'm using AA as a supplement to my IOP. A safe place for support and sober interaction.
My question is... am I fooling myself into thinking I'm doing well on my path to sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Hi GT,
You're sounding really clear. About whether or not you're fooling yourself: Thats a good question. One which only you will be the judge of.
What works for others may not work for you, and vice versa.
Additionally, what you decide today may be very different in a year.
Example:I never intended to stay in AA nor planned to get a sponsor and work the 12 steps. I was happy with my own plan. And I still am, but I also do attend AA and work the steps to the best of my understanding.
My suggestion: Don't drink. Add Honesty.Openness. Willingness. If you've got that, you're growing in recovery and I support whatever method you choose to adhere to.
You're sounding really clear. About whether or not you're fooling yourself: Thats a good question. One which only you will be the judge of.
What works for others may not work for you, and vice versa.
Additionally, what you decide today may be very different in a year.
Example:I never intended to stay in AA nor planned to get a sponsor and work the 12 steps. I was happy with my own plan. And I still am, but I also do attend AA and work the steps to the best of my understanding.
My suggestion: Don't drink. Add Honesty.Openness. Willingness. If you've got that, you're growing in recovery and I support whatever method you choose to adhere to.
one of many
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ellisville, FL
Posts: 200
Different Strokes for different folks, I take what I need and leave the rest. Don't let anyone ever tell you that they've got the "true religion" because it doesn't exist. Everyone recovers in their own way and at their own pace. It's good to ask questions, but don't ask so many you fool yourself, just stay sober, don't hang out with anyone who uses, and keep your mind focused on your brand new life.
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
There is no right or wrong way to get sober...
The main goal for all of us is to get and stay sober...
Best of luck to you Gypsy, what ever path you take...
One day at a time.
Steve
The main goal for all of us is to get and stay sober...
Best of luck to you Gypsy, what ever path you take...
One day at a time.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 363
You're not fooling yourself, you ARE doing well.
You sound happy and confident. You're aware of what might happen if you don't continue to strive for your goal, which I assume is to abstain. All plusses.
Good luck and keep well.
Ron
You sound happy and confident. You're aware of what might happen if you don't continue to strive for your goal, which I assume is to abstain. All plusses.
Good luck and keep well.
Ron
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
GT it sounds like you are doing well, but with that being said I concur with what others have said what is working for you right now may need to be altered in time.
I am an alcoholic so I make sure that when it comes to what I am thinking. it is not my disease talking to me. One of the most common reasons for relapse for an alcoholic is they allow thier disease to convince them that for what ever reason they can once again drink like normal people.
The reasons could be:
"Well I have had no real desire to drink for 3 months now, if I was an alcoholic I would have had strong urges to drink in that amount of time, so obviously I am not an alcoholic so I will have a couple just to prove it."
"Man I have not had a drink for 9 months, an alcoholic could never go that long with out relapsing, I think I will celebrate."
"I am doing fine, what I am doing right now is all I will ever need to do, why try to change any more then I have, I am doing it on my own"
I am not saying this will happen to you, but in the short 2 1/2 months I have been sober I have already seen folks in meetings who have been sober for varying lengths of time, suddenly dissapear and then reappear later picking up a 24 hour chip.
There are those who have gone to their graves without a relapse without any support network, but they are very few of them.
I am a gambler, but the odds are too stacked against me to be willing to bet my sobriety by going it alone.
Do not get me wrong, I have been on a pink cloud for 78 days, I have been sober for 81, I have been through de-tox and attneding AA meetings, I have a sponsor, and am actively working my program.
I have only had one 15 minute time frame where I wanted a drink in all that time.
I drank for 40+ years, I am happier then I have been in years right now and am willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober. If someone with 18 years of sobriety told me to paint my fence red to stay sober because that is what he did to stay sober I would.
I listen intently to every person who has relapsed and came back in and every one of them had one thing in common, they quit coming to meetings and they quit calling thier sponsor or any one else in AA.
I have not seen a single person who came back in after relapsing say "Yea I called my sponsor in the morning and went to a meeting that night and for some weird reason went out and got drunk after the meeting.
I am an alcoholic so I make sure that when it comes to what I am thinking. it is not my disease talking to me. One of the most common reasons for relapse for an alcoholic is they allow thier disease to convince them that for what ever reason they can once again drink like normal people.
The reasons could be:
"Well I have had no real desire to drink for 3 months now, if I was an alcoholic I would have had strong urges to drink in that amount of time, so obviously I am not an alcoholic so I will have a couple just to prove it."
"Man I have not had a drink for 9 months, an alcoholic could never go that long with out relapsing, I think I will celebrate."
"I am doing fine, what I am doing right now is all I will ever need to do, why try to change any more then I have, I am doing it on my own"
I am not saying this will happen to you, but in the short 2 1/2 months I have been sober I have already seen folks in meetings who have been sober for varying lengths of time, suddenly dissapear and then reappear later picking up a 24 hour chip.
There are those who have gone to their graves without a relapse without any support network, but they are very few of them.
I am a gambler, but the odds are too stacked against me to be willing to bet my sobriety by going it alone.
Do not get me wrong, I have been on a pink cloud for 78 days, I have been sober for 81, I have been through de-tox and attneding AA meetings, I have a sponsor, and am actively working my program.
I have only had one 15 minute time frame where I wanted a drink in all that time.
I drank for 40+ years, I am happier then I have been in years right now and am willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober. If someone with 18 years of sobriety told me to paint my fence red to stay sober because that is what he did to stay sober I would.
I listen intently to every person who has relapsed and came back in and every one of them had one thing in common, they quit coming to meetings and they quit calling thier sponsor or any one else in AA.
I have not seen a single person who came back in after relapsing say "Yea I called my sponsor in the morning and went to a meeting that night and for some weird reason went out and got drunk after the meeting.
not a greeter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Originally Posted by Tazman53 
One of the most common reasons for relapse for an alcoholic is they allow thier disease to convince them that for what ever reason they can once again drink like normal people.
I have zero desire to drink right now. I know that alcohol has caused me a lot of grief. I'm not even contemplating a future where I can just have one, or drink like normal people do. I know that I can't.
The question about fooling myself has to do with my "program" ... not with the "will I ever be able to drink again".
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
[QUOTE=gypsy tears;1128068]While I feel good about going to the AA meetings, I have no intention on doing or completing the steps or getting a sponsor. QUOTE]
I had no intention of doing them either, but 5 months into sobriety I hit an emotional bottom and started heading towards insanity and suicide. But that's just my experience, and I hope that your recovery goes much better than my first months in AA did.
I guess what I'm saying is that working the Steps and having a sponsor is the easier, softer way for me. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.......
Scott
I had no intention of doing them either, but 5 months into sobriety I hit an emotional bottom and started heading towards insanity and suicide. But that's just my experience, and I hope that your recovery goes much better than my first months in AA did.
I guess what I'm saying is that working the Steps and having a sponsor is the easier, softer way for me. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.......
Scott
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
Originally Posted by gypsy tears
Taz, appreciate your post. I cut the above quote out because it does make an important point and I wanted to respond.
I have zero desire to drink right now. I know that alcohol has caused me a lot of grief. I'm not even contemplating a future where I can just have one, or drink like normal people do. I know that I can't.
The question about fooling myself has to do with my "program" ... not with the "will I ever be able to drink again".
I have zero desire to drink right now. I know that alcohol has caused me a lot of grief. I'm not even contemplating a future where I can just have one, or drink like normal people do. I know that I can't.
The question about fooling myself has to do with my "program" ... not with the "will I ever be able to drink again".
I need to cut Taz's quote out and look at it everyday myself...
I quit drinking for 10 years, 1990-2000. I went to AA meetings faithfully, even chaired one for a couple years...
I became complacent, felt great. Started with a glass of wine in 2000 and here I am in 2006...
Never get out of your mind that the poison we call alcohol, is Cunning and Baffleing. It is laying in wait for each one of us. It is very patient...
We can never let our guard down, because if we do for a second, it's got us...
One day at a time.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Congrats! Sounds like you are doing great! One thing about this disease is it can sneak up on you when you least expect it. I'd suggest to get a good support network. We each have to figure out our own recovery program. I've often told people, you can't BS a BS'er -- you'll know deep down when you are fooling yourself. This program is about rigorous honesty -- and that means to ourselves!! Keep up the great work!
not a greeter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
All points taken . This board is much more friendly than my IOP group was last night, that's for sure.
I was berated because I said I don't want any alcohol, while people that relapsed and showed up at group got a pat on the back and a gold star (not literally, but you know what I mean).
. This board is much more friendly than my IOP group was last night, that's for sure. I was berated because I said I don't want any alcohol, while people that relapsed and showed up at group got a pat on the back and a gold star (not literally, but you know what I mean).
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
Originally Posted by gypsy tears
All points taken . This board is much more friendly than my IOP group was last night, that's for sure.
I was berated because I said I don't want any alcohol, while people that relapsed and showed up at group got a pat on the back and a gold star (not literally, but you know what I mean).
. This board is much more friendly than my IOP group was last night, that's for sure. I was berated because I said I don't want any alcohol, while people that relapsed and showed up at group got a pat on the back and a gold star (not literally, but you know what I mean).
I'm not familiar with IOP groups, but if that were the way I was treated, I think I would find a new group of people!!!
One day at a time.
Steve
not a greeter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Thanks Steve. Actually, I like the group of people as a whole. I'm not going to leave because of the people that basically chastised me for feeling what I'm feeling. I'm there for me, so they can say what they want.
I don't think all groups work the way mine is... someone came up to me during break and said he felt bad for me because of the way some people jumped all over me. He said he was in another IOP group where there was no talking amongst the group as ours is. He said it was the counselors up at a board teaching stuff, and the only talk was if you were called on (like school I guess).
I'm looking at it as a learning opportunity. I was a little miffed at the response last night, but not so much that it caused me real anger. I know I'm not going to drink over it. That's something.
I don't think all groups work the way mine is... someone came up to me during break and said he felt bad for me because of the way some people jumped all over me. He said he was in another IOP group where there was no talking amongst the group as ours is. He said it was the counselors up at a board teaching stuff, and the only talk was if you were called on (like school I guess).
I'm looking at it as a learning opportunity. I was a little miffed at the response last night, but not so much that it caused me real anger. I know I'm not going to drink over it. That's something.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
GT all myself and others as you have seen are doing is sharing our personal experiences about recovery, that is one of the things I love about AA, you learn from people who have relapsed at all different points of time in sobriety for so many different reasons besides the primary ones I mentioned. There was also another common denominator they either never worked the steps or had quit working them.
GT I wish you all the best in your recovery, I must say that your IOP experience baffles me also, no one I have ever seen in AA berated anyone if they said they had no craving for alcohol, if it is true then so be it, that is great. We have a lady in one of our groups who has 31 years sober, she still works the steps and attends at least one meeting a day. She has shared on more then one occasion that she has not even thought about taking a drink in years.
I am 53, I was 52 when I sobered up, my sobriety after 40 years of drinking is way to important to me to take a chance on not working the steps or not attending meetings. If I was 10, 20, or 30 years younger I might be willing to gamble on doing it my way and not a proven way.
GT I wish you all the best in your recovery, I must say that your IOP experience baffles me also, no one I have ever seen in AA berated anyone if they said they had no craving for alcohol, if it is true then so be it, that is great. We have a lady in one of our groups who has 31 years sober, she still works the steps and attends at least one meeting a day. She has shared on more then one occasion that she has not even thought about taking a drink in years.
I am 53, I was 52 when I sobered up, my sobriety after 40 years of drinking is way to important to me to take a chance on not working the steps or not attending meetings. If I was 10, 20, or 30 years younger I might be willing to gamble on doing it my way and not a proven way.
not a greeter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hehe... I like your signature Taz : follow directions!
Intensive Out Patient treatment in a group setting is how my IOP is described according to the website. It isn't an AA meeting, nor does it claim to be. What is now baffling me... is that all the people jumping on me last night are AA followers.
I know I have a problem with alcohol. I know that drinking isn't an option.
What I don't know is why I received such negativity for voicing my non-desire for drinking right now ???
Intensive Out Patient treatment in a group setting is how my IOP is described according to the website. It isn't an AA meeting, nor does it claim to be. What is now baffling me... is that all the people jumping on me last night are AA followers.
I know I have a problem with alcohol. I know that drinking isn't an option.
What I don't know is why I received such negativity for voicing my non-desire for drinking right now ???
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
Originally Posted by gypsy tears
Hehe... I like your signature Taz : follow directions!
Intensive Out Patient treatment in a group setting is how my IOP is described according to the website. It isn't an AA meeting, nor does it claim to be. What is now baffling me... is that all the people jumping on me last night are AA followers.
I know I have a problem with alcohol. I know that drinking isn't an option.
What I don't know is why I received such negativity for voicing my non-desire for drinking right now ???
Intensive Out Patient treatment in a group setting is how my IOP is described according to the website. It isn't an AA meeting, nor does it claim to be. What is now baffling me... is that all the people jumping on me last night are AA followers.
I know I have a problem with alcohol. I know that drinking isn't an option.
What I don't know is why I received such negativity for voicing my non-desire for drinking right now ???
Sticks and Stones can break your bones...But words will never hurt you...
If they are people that go to AA, they need to go back and work the program and learn how it works...
The one and most important thing is that your not going to drink over it...
One day at a time.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 53
Gypsy, I'm right in there with you. 3 weeks and a few days for me, too.
I think there's no DOUBT that you are doing very well right now, regardless of what you decide to do in the future where your recovery is concerned.
Like others have said, what works for us today and tomorrow may need some tweaking later on down the road. I've just been going cold turkey and it's worked so far for me. I've had very few temptations but I know that later on I may get complacent and self-congratulatory to the point where I feel like I deserve a drink or two. Obviously that would be the time to change my method of recovery.
Good luck, stay strong, and know that you've chosen a better way of life!!!! **thumbs up!!**
I think there's no DOUBT that you are doing very well right now, regardless of what you decide to do in the future where your recovery is concerned.
Like others have said, what works for us today and tomorrow may need some tweaking later on down the road. I've just been going cold turkey and it's worked so far for me. I've had very few temptations but I know that later on I may get complacent and self-congratulatory to the point where I feel like I deserve a drink or two. Obviously that would be the time to change my method of recovery.
Good luck, stay strong, and know that you've chosen a better way of life!!!! **thumbs up!!**
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