New here,just needed to vent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 6
New here,just needed to vent.
I'm not quite sure why I signed up here. Maybe it's because I see a little bit of me in all you.
I'm not sure how I got to this point. My life has done nothing but spin outta of control for the last year and half. I've lost the one person I care about,I lost my apartment. I lost my job. I've lost my self respect.
I've been drinking a bottle of vodka every night since July of 05. Started with the break up. I started to drink to numb the pain. I loved her so much and yet,she was gone. I didn't know how to deal with it. Sure,at first,it helped. I was able to forget,to have fun,to be me. But now,it's beyond that.
I'm 28 years old. I drank myself stupid,lost everything,as I stated above. So what do I do? I lie to myself and pretend if I moved in with dad,I'd get my life together. Things were good at first,I stopped drinking,got a decent job. It lasted 3 months. I started drinking heavy again and I made the stupid decision to quit my job.I'd convinced myself that I was above working the nightshift in a supermarket. So I quit. And I drank. That was in August. Here I am,it's now December and I'm unemployed and drinking myself stupid again.
I feel lost.Hurt.Angry. My life has been nothing but a big disgrace. But I blame no one but me. I went through a period where I acquired a gun. But I was kidding myself. I'm a coward,I returned the gun because I couldn't do it. I hate this.I hate feeling this way.I hate drinking myself silly everynight. It's not me. I'm disgusted with myself.I've hurt everyone and I only realize that when I'm sober. Even as I type this,I'm drinking. I don't understand what it is I'm feeling. One moment I want to die and the next I don't.
Help
I'm not sure how I got to this point. My life has done nothing but spin outta of control for the last year and half. I've lost the one person I care about,I lost my apartment. I lost my job. I've lost my self respect.
I've been drinking a bottle of vodka every night since July of 05. Started with the break up. I started to drink to numb the pain. I loved her so much and yet,she was gone. I didn't know how to deal with it. Sure,at first,it helped. I was able to forget,to have fun,to be me. But now,it's beyond that.
I'm 28 years old. I drank myself stupid,lost everything,as I stated above. So what do I do? I lie to myself and pretend if I moved in with dad,I'd get my life together. Things were good at first,I stopped drinking,got a decent job. It lasted 3 months. I started drinking heavy again and I made the stupid decision to quit my job.I'd convinced myself that I was above working the nightshift in a supermarket. So I quit. And I drank. That was in August. Here I am,it's now December and I'm unemployed and drinking myself stupid again.
I feel lost.Hurt.Angry. My life has been nothing but a big disgrace. But I blame no one but me. I went through a period where I acquired a gun. But I was kidding myself. I'm a coward,I returned the gun because I couldn't do it. I hate this.I hate feeling this way.I hate drinking myself silly everynight. It's not me. I'm disgusted with myself.I've hurt everyone and I only realize that when I'm sober. Even as I type this,I'm drinking. I don't understand what it is I'm feeling. One moment I want to die and the next I don't.
Help
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I am glad you are here and seeking answers!!
Welcome to SR!
There is hope and healing for you...and we do
understand because we all have been you at some point.
I think it's great that you are young I took longer
to recognize my addiction.
I suggest seeing a doctor before you try to de tox
alone. It's better to stay safe and the ammount
you are drinking is very heavy.
Please read the top 2 sticky post on this forum.
Keep in touch..you are not alone. Mega Hugs
Welcome to SR!
There is hope and healing for you...and we do
understand because we all have been you at some point.
I think it's great that you are young I took longer
to recognize my addiction.
I suggest seeing a doctor before you try to de tox
alone. It's better to stay safe and the ammount
you are drinking is very heavy.
Please read the top 2 sticky post on this forum.
Keep in touch..you are not alone. Mega Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 258
I just wanted to say I have felt much like you many a times, staring at all the empty bottles of vodka. Obviously you have recognized a problem, some people don't even make it that far. If your at the bottom you can only go up from here. I know when I felt much like you described in your post I just checked myself into a detox and it was a very wise decision.
Help is available and there is hope, your life doesn't have to be this way.
Help is available and there is hope, your life doesn't have to be this way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Skokie Illinois
Posts: 3
Hi. My name is scott. I used to drink heavily then somehow switched to coke and other stuff. I can relate to losing it ALL! I personally know people that AA has made a world of difference for them. It did not work so well for me. This site has been a Godsend for me. I have found that reading the posts and responding to the one's that I feel like I have some relative knowledge about and be able to help, actually is keeping me sober as well. try it. I am by no means out of the woods yet with my own addiction. I am only 7 days sober as of today. If you feel like you need some one to talk to or whatever, send a reply. I am not saying Ive been there, I am there! What they say is true misery loves company. Just choose your company wisley.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 257
I'd convinced myself that I was above working the nightshift in a supermarket. So I quit
first off you are above working the nightsift at a supermarket
EVERYBODY IS
so dont feel about about quitting that job I did the same thing FIRST chance I got
now on to the real issue
I am glad you want to stop drinking, and this is a great site to start that journey
DO NOT try to detox yourself go see a doctor first it is better to be safe then to make a mistake that could cost you your life (detox is EXTERMELY risky cause your body is not used to not having alcohol)
I am glad you found this site and remember we are all here for you when/if you need us
good luck on the journey you are about to embark on
it will be long and hard
but in the end it's gonna be worth it.
first off you are above working the nightsift at a supermarket
EVERYBODY IS
so dont feel about about quitting that job I did the same thing FIRST chance I got
now on to the real issue
I am glad you want to stop drinking, and this is a great site to start that journey
DO NOT try to detox yourself go see a doctor first it is better to be safe then to make a mistake that could cost you your life (detox is EXTERMELY risky cause your body is not used to not having alcohol)
I am glad you found this site and remember we are all here for you when/if you need us
good luck on the journey you are about to embark on
it will be long and hard
but in the end it's gonna be worth it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MAINE USA
Posts: 312
Welcome to SR. Carol said it all. You might want to check out AA for extra people to people help. AA in the phone book. Seeing a Doctor is a real good idea after drinking that much. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Brian
Brian
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Walden CO
Posts: 151
I think we've all been where you're at and it's not an easy place to be. Admitting it's a problem and finding this site is a great first step. SR has been more help to me than you can possibly imagine and I hope you use it extensively in your search for sobriety and turning your life around.
I do hope you'll see a doctor and hope even more than you'll admit yourself to a rehab program. You not only need help with detox because of the amount you've been drinking, but you need someone to talk to about your anger, hurt, etc. The fact that you bought a gun scares me and I'm glad you didn't have what it took to use it. My entire family is alcoholic and my dad, unfortunately, did use the gun as his way out. He's the only one it was "easy" for (and I'm sure it wasn't). It devastated my mother, me, my sisters and our children. The experience of dealing with my dad's death even turned one of my daughters to drugs and 14 years later she's still a crack and meth addict. Please don't do that to yourself or your family. Get help and your life will be so much better!
Good luck and do this for yourself. It will also be a wonderful thing to do for the people who love you.
I do hope you'll see a doctor and hope even more than you'll admit yourself to a rehab program. You not only need help with detox because of the amount you've been drinking, but you need someone to talk to about your anger, hurt, etc. The fact that you bought a gun scares me and I'm glad you didn't have what it took to use it. My entire family is alcoholic and my dad, unfortunately, did use the gun as his way out. He's the only one it was "easy" for (and I'm sure it wasn't). It devastated my mother, me, my sisters and our children. The experience of dealing with my dad's death even turned one of my daughters to drugs and 14 years later she's still a crack and meth addict. Please don't do that to yourself or your family. Get help and your life will be so much better!
Good luck and do this for yourself. It will also be a wonderful thing to do for the people who love you.
I'm also glad you returned the gun. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 15
Unnamed feeling,
i suncerely wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. My other half is/can be abig drinker when he can't handle stress. As a result i get the backlash and i have also been at the point of wanting out as you have. i even had the pills in my hand once. Luckily he was sobering and realised what i was about to do and saved me. Which is why as damn hard as it is i won't give up on him.
Don't give up on yourself, as hard as it seems you do have a life and one day you'll have a family kids etc. Set a goal and work towards that i dunno - i'm not a drinker but nearly could have been when my mum died. There is a better way.
Bet of luck and loads of love
x
i suncerely wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. My other half is/can be abig drinker when he can't handle stress. As a result i get the backlash and i have also been at the point of wanting out as you have. i even had the pills in my hand once. Luckily he was sobering and realised what i was about to do and saved me. Which is why as damn hard as it is i won't give up on him.
Don't give up on yourself, as hard as it seems you do have a life and one day you'll have a family kids etc. Set a goal and work towards that i dunno - i'm not a drinker but nearly could have been when my mum died. There is a better way.
Bet of luck and loads of love
x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hinckley, oh
Posts: 19
Unnamed feeling,
I understand how you are feeling. My vice was wine, sometimes vodka. It has been 1 day for me but I feel if you get through that one day, you will feel so much better. Alcohol is a depressent and yes it helps you escape but after so long you end up miserable and hate yourself. Just get throught the first day and you will be amazed how you feel when you wake up. I suggest you get a trusted friend or your dad and tell them not to let you out of your site. Watch movies, order a pizza, whatever you want. Just one day at a time. But you need to take the first step......
Good luck....
I understand how you are feeling. My vice was wine, sometimes vodka. It has been 1 day for me but I feel if you get through that one day, you will feel so much better. Alcohol is a depressent and yes it helps you escape but after so long you end up miserable and hate yourself. Just get throught the first day and you will be amazed how you feel when you wake up. I suggest you get a trusted friend or your dad and tell them not to let you out of your site. Watch movies, order a pizza, whatever you want. Just one day at a time. But you need to take the first step......
Good luck....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 6
thank you all for your replies. It's nice to know that someone is listening/reading.
I'd like to clarify a bit though. When I moved in with Dad,I went through the whole withdrawl thing. I had nightmares..my body did nothing but shake all day. There were times I'd be lying in bed and I'd see things move. I was up till the early morning hours and I kept telling myself it'd be worth it. And it sure as hell was at first. Then I found myself missing it. I suddenly wasn't me without it.
When I first moved in with Dad,I had the chance at a great job working at the same place he did. I'd gone to the interview and it went well. Then I got a call offering me the job(computer related) and all I'd have to do is go pass a drug test. Well,I failed it. The doctor called me two days later and said I'd failed. I'd tested positive for cocaine.
He asked if I was on any medication. I wasn't . I asked him what would cause a false positive.He didn't want to hear it.He assumed I was a coke head.Mind you,I haven't don't cocaine.EVER. This killled me. Is this related to my drinking?
I've done a lot of research on it. I saw many sites that said it's related to kidney failure or some kind diabetes. I don't get this. I don't know what I did to deserve this hell. I'm sorry to put it on you nice folks,but I feel like I'll get respect here. Thanks for reading.
I'd like to clarify a bit though. When I moved in with Dad,I went through the whole withdrawl thing. I had nightmares..my body did nothing but shake all day. There were times I'd be lying in bed and I'd see things move. I was up till the early morning hours and I kept telling myself it'd be worth it. And it sure as hell was at first. Then I found myself missing it. I suddenly wasn't me without it.
When I first moved in with Dad,I had the chance at a great job working at the same place he did. I'd gone to the interview and it went well. Then I got a call offering me the job(computer related) and all I'd have to do is go pass a drug test. Well,I failed it. The doctor called me two days later and said I'd failed. I'd tested positive for cocaine.
He asked if I was on any medication. I wasn't . I asked him what would cause a false positive.He didn't want to hear it.He assumed I was a coke head.Mind you,I haven't don't cocaine.EVER. This killled me. Is this related to my drinking?
I've done a lot of research on it. I saw many sites that said it's related to kidney failure or some kind diabetes. I don't get this. I don't know what I did to deserve this hell. I'm sorry to put it on you nice folks,but I feel like I'll get respect here. Thanks for reading.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by YoungPo 
Unnamed feeling,
i suncerely wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. My other half is/can be abig drinker when he can't handle stress. As a result i get the backlash
i suncerely wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. My other half is/can be abig drinker when he can't handle stress. As a result i get the backlash
This hit home. I hate what I've done to the people I love. I hate the fact that I get drunk and take it out on them. It hurts me,big time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,415
Hi, your posts really resonated. I could have written them.
There's no magic bullet, no fairy dust to our condition. No matter how much we might want to fix all the hurt, lose all the shame, undo all the damage, recover all the ground we've lost - it's actually a lot simpler than that. All we have to do is not pick up that first drink, just for today. If we can do that, we can, first and foremost, stop repeating the actions that got us into this mess. We can stop adding to it. If you find, as I did, that you're unable to stop drinking on your own, please find a group of people who'll support you, be it in AA, or in rehab or in some other programme. Don't make the stupid mistake that I made for many years, of thinking "I can't fix it, therefore it can't be fixed". Look for help. Engage with people who've been where you have. I'm here to tell you that it can be done.
Just for today, don't drink. And give time time.
Best
Paul
There's no magic bullet, no fairy dust to our condition. No matter how much we might want to fix all the hurt, lose all the shame, undo all the damage, recover all the ground we've lost - it's actually a lot simpler than that. All we have to do is not pick up that first drink, just for today. If we can do that, we can, first and foremost, stop repeating the actions that got us into this mess. We can stop adding to it. If you find, as I did, that you're unable to stop drinking on your own, please find a group of people who'll support you, be it in AA, or in rehab or in some other programme. Don't make the stupid mistake that I made for many years, of thinking "I can't fix it, therefore it can't be fixed". Look for help. Engage with people who've been where you have. I'm here to tell you that it can be done.
Just for today, don't drink. And give time time.
Best
Paul
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
unnamed feeling.... you are still young and have so much ahead of you, I drank for over 40 years, I tried stopping in every imaginable way for years on my own. It did not work, I was lucky to get three days under my belt before I would drink again.
I finally reached the point where I knew I was not capable of quitting on my own, I had no idea how to quit, but I knew that I would have to be sober to find a way to stay sober. I finally woke up and realized that I was powerless when it came to alcohol.
I put myself into de-tox and as the fog lifted I was willing to do what ever it took to stay sober and I was teachable. In de-tox I was taught a lot of things about alcohol and addiction, I was also taught that the most effective long term sobriety program going was AA and that my best chance at staying sober was AA.
I am an alcoholic, I knew that before I even put myself into de-tox, I actually reached a point where I simply gave up to the power of alcohol, I figured "What the heck, no need fighting what I can not beat." Thank God my wife told me that I had a choice, her and the kids or drinking, I knew that if I lost them I would drink myself to death and being scared of death I had no where else to turn but de-tox which led to AA which led me to sobriety and salvation from death by alcohol.
I am not saying that AA is the only program going that can lead to long term (life long) sobriety, but I will tell you it has worked for me and for more people then any other program.
There are a few things that I needed to be willing to do in order for AA or any other program to work for me.
1. I had to admit without reservation that I am an alcoholic.
2. I had to be willing to do what ever it took to stop drinking and stay sober.
Sounded simple for it to work doesn't it?
Well to me it was, I was beaten, I know I am an alcoholic! I have seen an awful lot of folks say this program or that program doesn't work for them, I will bet money that they were not willing to do what the program asked them to do is the very reason the program did not work for them.
I did not pick a program that sounded easy or said it will cure alcoholism, there is no cure for alcoholism nor is there a really easy way to quit drinking and stay sober.
Good luck brother in what ever path you choose. For my 2 cents worth I owe my life to AA, I was and remain willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober.
I finally reached the point where I knew I was not capable of quitting on my own, I had no idea how to quit, but I knew that I would have to be sober to find a way to stay sober. I finally woke up and realized that I was powerless when it came to alcohol.
I put myself into de-tox and as the fog lifted I was willing to do what ever it took to stay sober and I was teachable. In de-tox I was taught a lot of things about alcohol and addiction, I was also taught that the most effective long term sobriety program going was AA and that my best chance at staying sober was AA.
I am an alcoholic, I knew that before I even put myself into de-tox, I actually reached a point where I simply gave up to the power of alcohol, I figured "What the heck, no need fighting what I can not beat." Thank God my wife told me that I had a choice, her and the kids or drinking, I knew that if I lost them I would drink myself to death and being scared of death I had no where else to turn but de-tox which led to AA which led me to sobriety and salvation from death by alcohol.
I am not saying that AA is the only program going that can lead to long term (life long) sobriety, but I will tell you it has worked for me and for more people then any other program.
There are a few things that I needed to be willing to do in order for AA or any other program to work for me.
1. I had to admit without reservation that I am an alcoholic.
2. I had to be willing to do what ever it took to stop drinking and stay sober.
Sounded simple for it to work doesn't it?
Well to me it was, I was beaten, I know I am an alcoholic! I have seen an awful lot of folks say this program or that program doesn't work for them, I will bet money that they were not willing to do what the program asked them to do is the very reason the program did not work for them.
I did not pick a program that sounded easy or said it will cure alcoholism, there is no cure for alcoholism nor is there a really easy way to quit drinking and stay sober.
Good luck brother in what ever path you choose. For my 2 cents worth I owe my life to AA, I was and remain willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
BTW very important, if you are experienceing shakes or DTs do not try to de-tox your self, DTs can kill you without medical supervision and medication.
Put yourself into de-tox to where you can make a sober decision as to what you plan on doing to maintain your sobriety.
Put yourself into de-tox to where you can make a sober decision as to what you plan on doing to maintain your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
New here, just needed to vent
In doing Twelfth Step work, never tell someone what they need to do. Tell them what you've done.
Originally Posted by Tazman53
unnamed feeling.... you are still young and have so much ahead of you, I drank for over 40 years, I tried stopping in every imaginable way for years on my own. It did not work, I was lucky to get three days under my belt before I would drink again.
I finally reached the point where I knew I was not capable of quitting on my own, I had no idea how to quit, but I knew that I would have to be sober to find a way to stay sober. I finally woke up and realized that I was powerless when it came to alcohol.
I put myself into de-tox and as the fog lifted I was willing to do what ever it took to stay sober and I was teachable. In de-tox I was taught a lot of things about alcohol and addiction, I was also taught that the most effective long term sobriety program going was AA and that my best chance at staying sober was AA.
I am an alcoholic, I knew that before I even put myself into de-tox, I actually reached a point where I simply gave up to the power of alcohol, I figured "What the heck, no need fighting what I can not beat." Thank God my wife told me that I had a choice, her and the kids or drinking, I knew that if I lost them I would drink myself to death and being scared of death I had no where else to turn but de-tox which led to AA which led me to sobriety and salvation from death by alcohol.
I am not saying that AA is the only program going that can lead to long term (life long) sobriety, but I will tell you it has worked for me and for more people then any other program.
There are a few things that you will need to be willing to do in order for AA or any other program to work for you.
1. You will have to admit without reservation that you are an alcoholic.
2. You will have to be willing to do what ever it takes to stop drinking and stay sober.
Sounds simple for it to work doesn't it?
Well to me it was, I was beaten, I know I am an alcoholic! You will see an awful lot of folks say this program or that program doesn't work for them, I will bet you money that they were not willing to do what the program asked them to do is the very reason the program did not work for them.
Do not pick a program that sounds easy or says it will cure alcoholism, there is no cure for alcoholism nor is there a really easy way to quit drinking and stay sober.
Good luck brother in what ever path you choose. For my 2 cents worth I owe my life to AA, I was and remain willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober.
I finally reached the point where I knew I was not capable of quitting on my own, I had no idea how to quit, but I knew that I would have to be sober to find a way to stay sober. I finally woke up and realized that I was powerless when it came to alcohol.
I put myself into de-tox and as the fog lifted I was willing to do what ever it took to stay sober and I was teachable. In de-tox I was taught a lot of things about alcohol and addiction, I was also taught that the most effective long term sobriety program going was AA and that my best chance at staying sober was AA.
I am an alcoholic, I knew that before I even put myself into de-tox, I actually reached a point where I simply gave up to the power of alcohol, I figured "What the heck, no need fighting what I can not beat." Thank God my wife told me that I had a choice, her and the kids or drinking, I knew that if I lost them I would drink myself to death and being scared of death I had no where else to turn but de-tox which led to AA which led me to sobriety and salvation from death by alcohol.
I am not saying that AA is the only program going that can lead to long term (life long) sobriety, but I will tell you it has worked for me and for more people then any other program.
There are a few things that you will need to be willing to do in order for AA or any other program to work for you.
1. You will have to admit without reservation that you are an alcoholic.
2. You will have to be willing to do what ever it takes to stop drinking and stay sober.
Sounds simple for it to work doesn't it?
Well to me it was, I was beaten, I know I am an alcoholic! You will see an awful lot of folks say this program or that program doesn't work for them, I will bet you money that they were not willing to do what the program asked them to do is the very reason the program did not work for them.
Do not pick a program that sounds easy or says it will cure alcoholism, there is no cure for alcoholism nor is there a really easy way to quit drinking and stay sober.
Good luck brother in what ever path you choose. For my 2 cents worth I owe my life to AA, I was and remain willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober.
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