What to do???????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
What to do???????
For everyone who is not aware, you can look up my previous thread, I think it was entiltiled "a long road to go" ...it was about a month ago...since then I had a month sober after 18 years..and my wife tried to commit suicide, my children have developed a hatred for her, i cant fix it, i cant help them, they seem not to care anymore.
My sponser wont answer his phone, i cant leave the house hardly now, because i have a 3 yr old who is heartbroken, and also sick..my 9 yr old is trying to make up for anything that goes wrong, and my 13 yr old is just mad at is mother, doesnt want to even see her. I spent a month sober after being a ******* idiot for 18 years, and now i am drinking again because i cant cope with this..i love my wife with all my heart, but she is living with somebody else, told me he is her best friend, they are sleeping together, and my kids are developing a hate for her that i cant deal with..i dont want them to hate her, this is all my fault!
My sponser wont answer his phone, i cant leave the house hardly now, because i have a 3 yr old who is heartbroken, and also sick..my 9 yr old is trying to make up for anything that goes wrong, and my 13 yr old is just mad at is mother, doesnt want to even see her. I spent a month sober after being a ******* idiot for 18 years, and now i am drinking again because i cant cope with this..i love my wife with all my heart, but she is living with somebody else, told me he is her best friend, they are sleeping together, and my kids are developing a hate for her that i cant deal with..i dont want them to hate her, this is all my fault!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Shawn,
I am so very sorry you are going through and especially sorry for your children.
Of course, it goes without saying, that your drinking is only to make things worse. You got through a month and you can do it again. This a time when your kids really, really need you there, fully present.
My suggestion is to get counselling as soon as possible for your children to help them to deal with this. They need to understand that they are not responsible for your wife's suicide attempt.
Please keep posting and let us offer you some support to get through this.
I am so very sorry you are going through and especially sorry for your children.
Of course, it goes without saying, that your drinking is only to make things worse. You got through a month and you can do it again. This a time when your kids really, really need you there, fully present.
My suggestion is to get counselling as soon as possible for your children to help them to deal with this. They need to understand that they are not responsible for your wife's suicide attempt.
Please keep posting and let us offer you some support to get through this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: New Orleans, LA/Charlotte, NC
Posts: 78
I'm not sure what advice to give in this situation and this may not be enough, but I'm here to listen to you, if need be.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help than to be an ear. It's a difficult situation you're in and I'm praying for the best for you.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help than to be an ear. It's a difficult situation you're in and I'm praying for the best for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
I know my drinking again wont help, i had a couple of drinks cause i didnt feel like i could cope..and i cant i dont think. My kids are despondant right now, and i cant help them. the story is this:
a couple of days ago, my wife had the kids where she is staying, she sent me a text message, it eneded with "goodbye", and after that the local police spent 5 hours trying to find her, they found her car, without her in it, only her purse. It was 28 degrees that day with freezing rain. and she was walking around a jogging trail. They took her for evaluation and kept her for 2 days then let her out. she promptly had a flat tire and asked me for help cause her "roomate" was gone working in the oilfields..i helped her and spent $80 + to get her car fixed (cusotm wheels and such) and right after i got her tire back on, she got into the car, told me that her roommate (jerry) is her best friend, and said "thanks for fixing my car" and left.
Then she called and asked her children to come over after their xmas program tomorrow, they said no. I told her I didn't think it was very smart right now..she got off the phone, and now i cant get ahold of her anymore, I dont know where whe is living, i am scared she is going to do something to hurt herslef again, and i drank, but right now i dont care about that, i want her to be safe, and i dont know how
a couple of days ago, my wife had the kids where she is staying, she sent me a text message, it eneded with "goodbye", and after that the local police spent 5 hours trying to find her, they found her car, without her in it, only her purse. It was 28 degrees that day with freezing rain. and she was walking around a jogging trail. They took her for evaluation and kept her for 2 days then let her out. she promptly had a flat tire and asked me for help cause her "roomate" was gone working in the oilfields..i helped her and spent $80 + to get her car fixed (cusotm wheels and such) and right after i got her tire back on, she got into the car, told me that her roommate (jerry) is her best friend, and said "thanks for fixing my car" and left.
Then she called and asked her children to come over after their xmas program tomorrow, they said no. I told her I didn't think it was very smart right now..she got off the phone, and now i cant get ahold of her anymore, I dont know where whe is living, i am scared she is going to do something to hurt herslef again, and i drank, but right now i dont care about that, i want her to be safe, and i dont know how
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Is she getting any counselling or is she seeing her family dr? Was she given any medication for depression when she was in the hospital for evaluation? I hope that she takes the steps she needs to get help.
Meanwhile, you have to take care of yourself and your children.
Meanwhile, you have to take care of yourself and your children.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
No she didnt that i know of...but hen again she isnt telling me much right now.
I cant stand this again, not knowing if she is alive or not, or thinking about it...it is destroying her kids, and me. I dont care about me, ill be ok in the long run, but her our kids might not be.. and to deal with it i buy a bottle, and that makes me no worse than her...my kids are laying in their beds, and 2 of them are crying and praying right now, and the other one is palying video games, because he says hejust doesn't cae anymore, what in the hell am i supossed to do about that?? i dont have a clue anymore, and the drinking is not the asnswer i know that, but i failed agaiin for my kids and my wife
I cant stand this again, not knowing if she is alive or not, or thinking about it...it is destroying her kids, and me. I dont care about me, ill be ok in the long run, but her our kids might not be.. and to deal with it i buy a bottle, and that makes me no worse than her...my kids are laying in their beds, and 2 of them are crying and praying right now, and the other one is palying video games, because he says hejust doesn't cae anymore, what in the hell am i supossed to do about that?? i dont have a clue anymore, and the drinking is not the asnswer i know that, but i failed agaiin for my kids and my wife
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Shawn you need to take care of your kids and yourself. That is something you can do. You cannot control what is happening to your wife at the moment. As you said, she is not living with you and not talking to you much. Focus on what you need to do and you'll get through this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
i dumped the rest of the bottle down the drain. the kids have finally fallen asleep, andnow i am alone. i know alcoho is not the answer, and i feel guilty as hell about drinking again, but why cant i stop when its the most important?
My wife is living with somebody else, her kids dont want anything to do with her, she tried suicide 2 days ago, the hospital let her out right after a snow storm, and icant help her at all. I chose to drink, it was my decision, and it was the worst decision of all. cause now i am a failure, i cant tell her she can do it, because i cant. but at the same time, i cant have my kids living in fear that their mother is going to hurt herself either, so what do you do?
I am going to get the 2 oldest f my kids counseling next week, but i am lost as to how to deal with the woman i love more than anything, other than the kids. My wife is on the edge, (living with somebody else, and telling me that he is her best firend) and i am helpless..
My wife is living with somebody else, her kids dont want anything to do with her, she tried suicide 2 days ago, the hospital let her out right after a snow storm, and icant help her at all. I chose to drink, it was my decision, and it was the worst decision of all. cause now i am a failure, i cant tell her she can do it, because i cant. but at the same time, i cant have my kids living in fear that their mother is going to hurt herself either, so what do you do?
I am going to get the 2 oldest f my kids counseling next week, but i am lost as to how to deal with the woman i love more than anything, other than the kids. My wife is on the edge, (living with somebody else, and telling me that he is her best firend) and i am helpless..
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I am soo proud of you for pouring out the booze!
And for planning to get help for your kids.
Failures do not do these things!
You must be exhausted...can you get some rest
while the children sleep?
You know things will look more positive
Blessings
And for planning to get help for your kids.
Failures do not do these things!
You must be exhausted...can you get some rest
while the children sleep?
You know things will look more positive
Blessings
I wish you, your kids and also your wife best of luck, I'll keep you in my thoughts.Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Good Morning Shawn....
How are you feeling today?
Are you working a program of any kind while you work on your soberity?
Today is a new day, lets start with the children. I know that my daughter "picks up" on my internal chaos.... Im pretty sure that we are not much different then most parent/child relationships.... SO that means that the more you go insane inside.... the more they will too.
Start at step one.... Your powerless over not only alcohol but also people, places and things. People being your wife, there is Nothing you can do about that or her situation right now .... so lets focus on what you can do. You can make it a calmer place for your kids..... you can take them to the movies and get there minds off the problem at hand... you can put down the bottle and work on yourself..... you can appreciate that the kids are with you and safe..... and you can pray.
I dont know why these things happen, what I do know is that this is a wonderful opportunity for you to "be there" for the kids and show them by example a different way of life after 18 years of drinking. I do know that in the long run with your help that they will be ok... and maybe stronger people for this situation.... and I know that even though you dont feel like you can do this sober..... you can.
SO...... today is a brand new day.... it is up to you what you will do with it. You can sit and obsess over what she is doing or you can take your kids by the hand and do something wonderful for them. How about going to look at all the Christmas decorations, then a movie and then a wonderful unhealthy dinner with hamburgers, fries and a banna split?????
How are you feeling today?
Are you working a program of any kind while you work on your soberity?
Today is a new day, lets start with the children. I know that my daughter "picks up" on my internal chaos.... Im pretty sure that we are not much different then most parent/child relationships.... SO that means that the more you go insane inside.... the more they will too.
Start at step one.... Your powerless over not only alcohol but also people, places and things. People being your wife, there is Nothing you can do about that or her situation right now .... so lets focus on what you can do. You can make it a calmer place for your kids..... you can take them to the movies and get there minds off the problem at hand... you can put down the bottle and work on yourself..... you can appreciate that the kids are with you and safe..... and you can pray.
I dont know why these things happen, what I do know is that this is a wonderful opportunity for you to "be there" for the kids and show them by example a different way of life after 18 years of drinking. I do know that in the long run with your help that they will be ok... and maybe stronger people for this situation.... and I know that even though you dont feel like you can do this sober..... you can.
SO...... today is a brand new day.... it is up to you what you will do with it. You can sit and obsess over what she is doing or you can take your kids by the hand and do something wonderful for them. How about going to look at all the Christmas decorations, then a movie and then a wonderful unhealthy dinner with hamburgers, fries and a banna split?????
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
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I'm sorry for your situation. It sound so sad for everyone. I guess too if I was in that situation the less my kids knew the better off they will be. The young ones don't need to know mommy tried to kill herself,that far too much for a child to know. I was 4 the first time my mom tried to kill herself and the scars are still there. Looks like you will need to move on and try to make a life for you and your kids. Your smart in not letting the kids spend too much alone time with your wife right now. Who knows what she might do. Today is a new day. What are you going to do to keep yourself from drinking? I know for me I have to have a plan. My plan for over two years now is going to AA, talk to my sponcer and friends in the program. I'm going through a divorce and it's ugly. Needless to say at times I really feel like chugging a few,but I know my kids will not be better off nor will I. There are good suggestions up above like getting you and your kids ready for Christmas. I did't feel like celibrating much this year,but I have to put forth an effort for my children. I first had my kids pick out a tree,then even the kid's father helped in decorating it. I bought tons of presents already because it makes me feel good that my kids will get something this year other than knowing mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. If you can afford it, make sure your 13 year old gets a little extra because I'm sure they are helping you out with the little ones. Bake premade cookies (you don't have the hassle or the mess). Have you kids help with making dinner,they will eat more if they help fix it. Make paper decorations for the tree even if they are ugly hang them up any way. My kid's school also knows that I'm going through a divorce and my older ones are in a program for divorce kids called banana splits and are in a mentor program and they have teachers be their buddies to do activities after school. Divorces and splits are so very hard for us adults,but we can over come our emotions to hep our children. Good luck and keep posing on your progress!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
Well, its the morning..I took all the kids to church this morning, but couldn't walk in the door myself because of what i have become. Which is someone who runs for a bottle after the first sign of trouble.
This afternoon i am going to sit down with them and talk with them. I am going to tell them that i cant justify them going back to their mother right now, because of the situation she is in. I have to make sure that they are safe. I have to look out for their well being. I also have to look out for mine. The alcohol helped to destroy everything i had almost. Although I now know it was not the only issue there was. But I dumped the bottle down the drain and sat their and cried for a couple of hours last night, and then realozed that I cant control everything that goes on in the world.
I am going to tell my wife today that i cannot let our kids stay with her in her current situation (suicide attempt) and also on legal advice that i dont want my kids staying with anyone who is not related to them. It will probably mean the end of my marriage, and a nasty legal fight, but i feel its what ive got to do. And i have got to leave the bottle in the liqour store, and never go back
This afternoon i am going to sit down with them and talk with them. I am going to tell them that i cant justify them going back to their mother right now, because of the situation she is in. I have to make sure that they are safe. I have to look out for their well being. I also have to look out for mine. The alcohol helped to destroy everything i had almost. Although I now know it was not the only issue there was. But I dumped the bottle down the drain and sat their and cried for a couple of hours last night, and then realozed that I cant control everything that goes on in the world.
I am going to tell my wife today that i cannot let our kids stay with her in her current situation (suicide attempt) and also on legal advice that i dont want my kids staying with anyone who is not related to them. It will probably mean the end of my marriage, and a nasty legal fight, but i feel its what ive got to do. And i have got to leave the bottle in the liqour store, and never go back
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
My prayers are with you and all your family.Sence you mentioned church,If or when you take your children to churchnext time,may i suggest,that you,please go in with them,if inclined,for there are no saints in the church.Someone once said to me,when i felt the same as you do,to think of church as a hospital for sinners.I dont know how you feel about that ,but it did make sence to me.And,I started to go to church.,without feeling bad.We are not bad folks.Just folks finding recovery,looking for solutions,and making changes.
keep on keepin on.
keep on keepin on.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by Grasshopper 
My prayers are with you and all your family.Sence you mentioned church,If or when you take your children to churchnext time,may i suggest,that you,please go in with them,if inclined,for there are no saints in the church.Someone once said to me,when i felt the same as you do,to think of church as a hospital for sinners.I dont know how you feel about that ,but it did make sence to me.And,I started to go to church.,without feeling bad.We are not bad folks.Just folks finding recovery,looking for solutions,and making changes.
keep on keepin on.
keep on keepin on.
The crazy thing about the whole thing is, i was raised in a southern baptist family, in church whenever the doors were open. Some of my best memories of childhood are realted to church, the youth group, the trips we took. The friends i made. But know i feel as though God has given up on me, because i have prayed and prayed to end this addiction, to help me fix my problems, and to fix my family. And nothing has worked so far..im afraid i have come to far down the road i chose, and not the one that God had chosen for me, because i loved the alcohol too much. The alcohol destroyed my family, my wife, my kids and everything. The only thing i have left is 3 kids who are emotionaly destroyed.
I talked to my wife earlier, and it went bad. I was onest with her, and she hung up on me. Got hysterical, which i expected. but it was the toughest conversation i ever had...and it is far from over..i have not a clue as to what to do about it..i am lost and am seeking help now
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: The Northland
Posts: 34
Wait a minute, Shawn, I know when you're in the midst of crisis, it's hard to see the big picture, but let's take a step back. You had a month of sobriety. You now had one slip, and you're back on track. If you keep working your program, keep your focus on the NOW instead of what might happen tomorrow or next week or next month, the turn in your road may just bring your family to some peace and serenity you can't even imagine now. All you can do is what you can do today. Be there for your kids. Try to stay calm. Don't talk or think much about what's going to happen, because you don't know what will happen. Take care of today, let go, listen for your HP's guidance. And stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Shawn our love and prayers are with you. The church doors are always open to you. Please let them reach out to you- I liked that.. Think of the church as a hospital for sinners. Do any local churches have a children's Christmas musical this evening? (ours is) That might be a nie outing for you and the kids.
You can't tell me you love alcohol more than your kids, Shawn- Read back at what you wrote. Obviously your children are your life. You can all get through this and be stronger and closer than ever before. Keep faith in yourself- God hasn't given up on you- He brought you to us, didn't He?
Good luck!
You can't tell me you love alcohol more than your kids, Shawn- Read back at what you wrote. Obviously your children are your life. You can all get through this and be stronger and closer than ever before. Keep faith in yourself- God hasn't given up on you- He brought you to us, didn't He?
Good luck!
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