frstnm

Well as some may have seen I had relapsed the other night and got so anxious and depressed that I did it again yesterday. Had a little $ and went to the store for some vegetables and ended up walking out w beer. ( I guess I should be grateful that it wasnt hard liquor.) I really have to quit drinking for health reasons. Not to mention financial reasons.

Im not trying to make it difficult for a breakup from someone I have lived with for 8 years and took me in when I had no place to go. It turned out to be a great relationship so I thought but my using and lying has put an end to that. I feel terribly sad, lonely, guilty, anxious and depressed. My fault is that I cant drink socially or say no. We both have a history of using together or not but mine is more chronic.

My x is leaving alot of stuff behind and I just want to figure out what to do with all the left over suff. Also, Im just trying to communicate and get everything cleaned up so I can rent out the extra room but it is being taken as an insult that I want to be here when she needs help or is getting things out. I just want my x to have everything she owns and myself as well. She has helped me financially for quite some time now as I am unable to hold a job due to my mental, physical health and my drinking. I cant really figure everything that needs to be done and how things need to be signed into my name and hers is on most of the accounts. I am trying to get my head around and remember what has been said about my financial obligations going forward.

We had to give up our cat (an move her to new owners) which I got the cat for her as a gift (of love and it feels like I have lost a child) and now she is questioning whether or not to take her back. As am I.

Well thats my lame story. Looks like I am starting over again today.

HP Give me strength, courage and serentity.

Im just posting this because I needed to get it off my chest.

Steve58

All I can offer is as bad as it may seem, and what you're going through is never fun, you need a clear head, so you dont look back in a month and do the woulda-coulda-shoulda thing.

Best of luck, and keep posting!
S

gypsytears

Hi frstnm! So you got it off your chest... now dust yourself off and start getting better. And FWIW, your story isn't lame at all. It's what's going on right now is all. It can get better though .

Jhana

Hi frstnm,

Today is a new beginning and it is really all that we have; I feel that a good relationship is coming to an end because of transgressions many months ago. It is so hard for others around us to believe in change-perhaps because it is so hard for us to have faith in ourselves when we are not doing "the next right thing". Focus on that today...

Gianna

BSPGirl

Aw you slipped, now dust yourself off and climb back on the wagon.

Marte

Music

Let's be honest here. Are you sure you didn't go to the store for some beer and just thought about getting some vegetables to make it look good?

frstnm

Its possible I was already planning it in the back of my mind.....
It was just too easy and I let my emotions get the best of me. Should have had something from a can or something...shoulda coulda woulda.....
I think i stired up my pancreatitis. I went to see a friend who was an old supervisor from a job I had and he is a leader/ minister in his church and I went to see him for a few free groceries that he had and had to leave because of the pain in my stomach/chest. I feel lame as he also gave me a couple bucks(more than it cost to get there) so I told him I would have a bunch of furniture andstuff to doneate to his church and the members. The only way I can really pay it back for now.
Guess thats better than nothing AND Im having a nice glass of juice !!!!
Hopefuly I can get over to a meeting tonight !!!
I need it BAD !