Jimz

I have decided I must go to an AA meeting and have found an open one for tonight at 6:00 so I don't even have to commit to admitting anything.

However, I have promised myself to attend meetings in the past and always think of an excuse not to do so --

Although no one can come by and drag me to the meeting, I'm hoping that posting this will encourage me to go since there will be others who will be looking for a report back as to whether I actually followed through --

I've got a problem, and although my life is still intact: I cut/scraped my leg last evening at home somehow and don't remember anything. I know I fell a couple of nights ago at home because I hit my head. I ended up in the Emergency Department a year ago after falling into the bathtub and cracking a rib.

I have a good job but vomited in my office 2 days ago being so hung over (was able to cover it up completely). Actually have a good social life with people who I know don't mind if I don't drink -- only one of them drinks with any regularity -- sometimes I'm the only one drinking (so I only "really" drink alone). No DWI, yet ---- I am very fortunate but my "luck" won't last forever. I wonder sometimes if I am hoping for some real "disaster" so someone forces me to do something about it. On reflection, that's a rather juvenile attitude and this past week has scared me.

Thanks for "listening."

Jimz

DolphinBlue

Hi Jimz,

I'm so glad you've decided to give it a try. Well, I'd tell you my experience of AA but it's going to be different to yours so the best advice I can give it what was said to me...just go. Try and keep an open mind. You might pick up on the fact that just about everyone there has had a 'juvenile attitude' about asking for help. It seems it's hard for any alcoholic to do and I know for me that it goes completely against my grain but my 'grain' didn't get me too far. It kept me drunk.

I'm sure you'll be able to get something out of it if you listen out for the similarities. Even if you don't like it or absolutely hate it, it won't kill you (but the booze can).

Good luck and let us know how you went.

Amy

Doug

Hi Jim, and welcome to the SR boards. Feel free to look around and post if you'd like. There are a lot of folks who have been where you are, and have a good message to share.

Going to the first meeting is a positive step in the right direction, and you are correct...you don't have to say anything if you choose not to. I don't talk at every meeting I go to and like DB said, just try to take an open mind.

Someone once said to me, "Don't compare, just try to identify"

Good luck at your first meeting, post here any time you like, and if you feel comfortable, drop us a line here after your meeting.

Oh yeah, careful what you wish for- I used to wish for disasters to give me a nudge, and I got them. More than one. And frequently too.

Your not alone, and I hope we hear from you again.

Jimz

Thanks for your support. I went to the meeting, but it wasn't the right one for me -- the place was so horrible and neighborhood so bad, I didn't dare park my car and even walk across the street to the place.

I'm not in Manhattan during the week, and this small Upstate city doesn't have any meetings in my general vicinity -- they all seem to be in the really rough neighborhoods. I will start checking the suburbs and am sure I will be able to figure out something.

Thanks for the boost. It at least got me started. I have realized I cannot take that first drink and will use these forums for my daily reality check for now to remind myself no matter how much better I feel not drinking that I am an alcoholic and cannot drink at all. Period.

See, I said it -- two weeks ago, even after 30 years of repeated failures contolling my drinking, I still felt I really could control it this time and proceded to go on a big binge-- talk about self-deception.

Thanks.

JT

Welcome,

As an anon and someone who loves an alcoholic I wish you well.
You have found a tight family here and there is alot of support.

See you around the boards!
JT

Doug

Hey Jim,

Have a look at this, 53 pages of meetings, treatment, detox, etc in N.Y.

Some of these places may be able to help you find more also.
Don't give up, your recovery is worth it.

DolphinBlue

Hey Jim,

I'm sure you'll find a meeting you feel more comfortable with.

I'd like to second what Doug said: don't give up! In the meantime, there will always be someone around here if you need to get anything off your chest. If you feel like having a drink and can't get to a meeting, keep coming here to post/read instead.

Good luck

Amy

Peter

Hi Jimz,welcome to the family.

I am glad to hear that you realize you have a problem and that AA might be able to help you.

Alcoholism is a progressive illness and it will only get worse unless we find a way to arrest it.

AA helped me to stop after nearly twenty years and I have been sober now for five years.

I wish you the best and hope you will have a good first meeting.In the meantime feel free to hang out here with us and let us know how you are doing.We are very happy to have you.

Peter.

Jimz

Can't claim to have been good over weekend, but at least I made an effort and kept aware of what I was doing -- rather appalling, actually. I don't remember having been that aware before, and I didn't like what I "saw."

However, I did drive 5 1/2 hours in the horrible snow/ ice storm last night and did not give in and have anything to drink as a reward when I got back Upstate. Small consolation after my intake Saturday night -- but at least some progress. It wasn't easy.

Tonight have chosen an AA meeting at 8:00 with the idea I will then stay sober until the meeting and hopefully will be able to last until bedime afterwards. If I go to an earlier meeting, I can imagine "rewarding" myself afterwards.

Thanks for the support.

Cheers -

Jim

Jimz

I'm not a particularly incompetent person except where it comes to alcohol -- and I am never accused of being shy -- quite the contrary.

Tonight I first drove approx 25 minutes to the meeting I chose for tonight -- in a suburb, a church. Parked in the lot, walked in the open door with the light above it. Up some stairs, through the church kitchen and started to walk into a large room with maybe 15 people (it was approx 10 minutes before the AA meeting was supposed to start) and realized I was about to crash the equivalent of what we Episcopalians call a Vestry meeting (they were discussing funding of Easter activities).
Not only did everyone in the room look up and, honestly, scowl at me, but I became quite flustered, turned on my heel and walked back out and to my car without saying a word -- also unusual for me.

I then drove to another meeting I happened to remember noticing on the website timing my arrival approx 15 minutes early. There were a few cars in front of this church when there hadn't been any a few minutes before, which I took for a good sign. I parked, walked in (again door unlocked, a good sign). Lights were on in some rooms (it's a modern building with lots of glass). No sign of a single person. No sound (carpeted halls). I walked down two long corridors and returned -- again rooms, one or two sort of lit, but no sign of a person. I started feeling my face flushing and couldn't bring myself to call, "Hey, is there a meeting for alcoholics here tonight?" I again walked out and returned to my car -- actually quite some distance from the building. As I drove out of the parking lot, two cars arrived, but by that point my heart was beating so fast and I felt so flushed, I felt like an absolute fool.

I really don't feel comfortable at this point running into a non-alcoholic acquaintance, especially a professional colleague or worse a patient (I am not a physician) until I feel somewhat more secure personally.

It's all I can do to keep from going out and buying something (yes, I have rid the house of everything alcoholic, finally). Oh well, it's 9:00 now, writing this has tided me over until the stores close -- I'll be ok the rest of the night.

Wish me luck. I thought that if I were brave enough to find an AA meeting and attend, I would somehow be greeted as I walked in -- or at least be able to figure out where it was. It's probably just me -- obviously a lot of other people have been able to figure out where meetings are held -- I frequently am rather obtuse about things others find simple. I will survive.

Cheers-

Jim

Thanks for being here.

Jimz

Excellent idea, Dave. I never thought of the District Office. I'm sure part of my problem is that I really am embarrassed by the entire scene. I know I shouldn't be, and that's why I have decided the forum, despite all the help it is providing, won't be enough for complete Recovery.

Thanks,

Jim

DolphinBlue

Hi Jim,

the first meeting I went to started out as an absolute disaster for me. I was so nervous and scared and got scowled at as well. I walked away completely shattered but realised that I hadn't even told them I was new. I must've thought they could mind-read or something. Anyway, I kept trying and still hit a few dead-ends at times but it got a lot easier as I got to know the places and what was going on there.

I chose to do this by myself but I can see that it's probably easier to get in touch with your District Office and let them know your situation. Try not to worry about being recognised, just remember that they are there for the same reason.

Good luck.

Amy