nanita

Levi - is this the beginning of day 7 for you? I bet it is, so congratulations to you! With the help of the Antabuse, this is the beginning of day 14 for me - it's so exciting! You hang in there and keep counting those days. Before you know it, you'll be back where you left off.
Nanita

Tazman53

levi if you don't mind I would like to quote the First step of the AA 12 and then comment.
Take note that the two words I bolded are both past tense, if one has at least progressed to step three God will, if you let him, give you the power over alcohol by not picking it up, once you have drank the alcohol you have lost your power over it.

My sponsor pointed this out to me when we were working on step one, I told him step one is a snap, I know I am powerless over alcohol, he pointed out the past tense used and that God would if I asked give me the power over alcohol, for me it was like a light went on, as long as I kept in touch with my HP I had power given to me by him to have power over alcohol. The only time I have no control over alcohol is when I turn my back on my HP and I choose to pick up.

levi I fight very hard not to relapse, I admire you for coming clean, especially on a board, it shows you have a very important tool in your toolbox..... honesty and if one is as honest with thier selves as they are with others they will led a good life.

Okay here is another old timer saying.

This is not a knock at going to church, but a way I come to understand faith versus religous people.

leviathon

Well what I learned was that my mind is a pretty tricky little varmit at times... I was all very happy and wonderful as a result of my finding "the one" and it was easy to be confident that I had it all under control. Then I figured hey, I am healthy, I must be, look at this wonderful lady I am with. Then at the golf course I watched all others drinking... hey, I can do that too... well maybe not... but well maybe... I.e. the "stinking thinking" began.

I did not put that thought firmly out of my mind. I needed to really just say, NO, I CANNOT HAVE EVEN JUST ONE... MY BODY AND MIND ARE NOT LIKE THEIRS... MY BODY AND MIND CRAVE BOOZE ONCE IT IS IN MY SYSTEM. I AM NOT ABLE TO JUST HAVE ONE... IT STARTS AS JUST ONE AND THEN EVOLVES INTO JUST ONE... BOTTLE, ETC. What I did learn was that I needed to talk the moment this thought hit me... I needed to get out of my head and just deal with it. No rationalizing for me b/c the "stinking thinking" is pretty sneaky and gets set up in my mind set real quick like.

So, what I have really learned is two fold:

(1) I must constantly be vigilant for that "stinking thinking" thinking that I can just have one... NO I CAN'T!

(2) When I am struggling, to talk to my sweetie and to share here. Both of these actions helped me nip this at one day, rather than after a year, etc.

Peace and thank you all for your ongoing support.

Levi

nanita

Levi - I enjoyed reading your answer to historyteach's post. I learned something from reading it and am glad you're doing well. I'm on day 19 with Antabuse now and doing better by the day. The exciting thing is that in the last 3 or 4 days, I haven't even thought about a drink. Up until then, it was on my mind constantly, but I knew I couldn't have one. Now, it doesn't even interest me. But - I know I'm not ready to go it alone yet (maybe after all the company from Xmas is gone!). I might try it then, with an emergency supply of Antabuse in the medicine cabinet! Good luck and have a great weekend.
Nanita

leviathon

Hi Nanita, glad my post could help. And thanks to Historyteach for the question. I'd not thought to think it through that far without that question.

I am glad I did go through it and verbalized what I'd learned. It is important to learn from each mistake. I am learning that in every aspect of my life, not just with drinking.

Remember, despite the benefits of anta-abuse, you still have to learn coping skills to deal with life on its terms, it happens regardless of where we are at.

Peace, Levi

GlassPrisoner

Step 1, Good Deal !!!!!

My sponsor had me write down examples in my life where I was powerless. Just using bullets (not a full blown narritive) it took 3 pages

And Levi, you're right on about life. Just stoppping drinking is only the start of the journey.

nanita

Thanks, Levi. It's easy to get so wrapped up in the excitement of NOT being able to drink because of the Antabuse, to forget that one has to learn how to cope with life without the Antabuse. Working on that one! Am thrilled that I actually haven't craved, or really even thought about, a drink for a few days now. I think that must be one step along the way of coping without alcohol/antabuse. Am currently working on my thinking processes and not letting the negative things in life make me want to drink.

Another big step for me right now is changing my physical habits. I've gone from drinking all day (and gaining weight in the process) to eating healthy meals and excercising. A big goal of mine is to lose the 34 pounds I gained from alcohol, in time for our annual vacation in the spring. Making small strides everyday.

I thank you so much for your continued support and for sharing your experiences on this thread. It's been very helpful. Have a great day!
Nanita

leviathon

Thanks for your input GP, that's a good idea.

Nanita, you are on your way. I know for me being active really helps. Even if it is just taking our dogs for a walk.

Peace, Levi

ascar

BigSis,
WOW! Very good analogy, I too feel that I as an ex "problem drinker" I was dragging along alot of "other" baggage and using "it" as my excuse for the drink. I relized that I had alot of common problems that others had, learning how to live life on lifes terms. It was always so easy for me to say so and so did this to me, or whatever to make the excuse that it was always someone else and not any of my doing, so of course then it was ok to drink because it was "their" fault, and if nothing happens and "they" don't upset me then maybe i'll not drink the next day, but until i became "HONEST" w/myself and realized that I CAN live life on lifes terms, that it is fine that i had a bad day, alot of people have bad days and don't pour a 12 pk of beer down their throats and/or blaming everyone else on their bad day. I have always looked at it like I finally grew up. Everyone can believe whatever makes them want to stay sober, that they have a "problem", a "disease", "powerless", turned their back on their "HP", SMART, AA, AA2, SOS etc., etc. I say whatever works, keep working it.
HAPPY 24,
Neil

leviathon

I totally agree with you Ascar, I was like that too. I found every excuse under the sun to justify drinking at first, after I was immersed in it I had the one perfect excuse... I am sick and hung over a drink will fix it... HOW SICK IS THAT!!! Going back to the same poison for a "cure" to my ailment that caused the problem in the first place.

That's like saying I got the flue and I am ill, I think I will go get the flue again. Wow now I truly understand the "insanity" of it all.

Peace, Levi