Accepted I'm powerless...now for the hard bit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London UK
Posts: 59
Accepted I'm powerless...now for the hard bit
I've been in and out of AA and this board for about 2 yrs now struggling to accept what and who I am. I'm now ready for the first step I think (in fact I guess I've done it already in my own mind although I don't have a sponsor yet) but am currently v. depressed, I think as I'm facing up for the first time to never drinking again - for real. It's easy to get sober when at the back of your mind a future drunk is available (i.e. you haven't really got as far as admitting true powerlessness). Very very hard to really really give up and accept that deep down. I know, one day at a time and all that. Still, before I was unhappy and drinking, now I'm just unhappy - and that is a step forward I guess. And I know happiness will follow in due course.
One specific thing I thought I'd share with fellow people in recovery (as you will all, I hope, really understand how painful these things can be) is a bit of recent prejudice that made me EXTREMELY angry (and yes I know anger is in the big book, live and let live etc. but wait until you hear this...) I admitted my alcoholism to my gf for the first time the other day, this is after going out for approx. 15 months and she didn't have a clue (we only see each other about once a week so it's been easy to hide). This was a VERY big and difficult step for me and she was shocked but took it very well, especially as she's so young and didn't really know about the condition (she's only 19), very mature, said she'd support me etc.
Anyhoo, as I'd asked her not to talk to anyone about it (precisely because predjudices can cause us all so much trouble), off she goes to her University counsellor to get some stuff off her chest. What does this trained mental health professional tell her? That, and I quote, 'All alcoholics are liars' and to get rid of me as soon as possible. This disgusting bit of prehistoric prejudice from someone who is meant to UNDERSTAND mental health problems for what they are. Net result? An appalling phone call from my gf screaming at me that I'm an 'f***ing *******' and a 'liar' and we'd have to split up, etc. I eventually calmed her down and made her see that, yes I had lied (or been in denial, a more subtle concept that presumably escapes this 'counsellor'), but by telling her the truth finally I was in fact being honest, and committing myself to greater honesty in the future. We're now very much together and she's going to help me through everything. Nevertheless, that level of prejudice from someone in the mental health sector truly shocked me and led me to one of the worst, most painful phone calls of my life.
Just thought I'd share that.
One specific thing I thought I'd share with fellow people in recovery (as you will all, I hope, really understand how painful these things can be) is a bit of recent prejudice that made me EXTREMELY angry (and yes I know anger is in the big book, live and let live etc. but wait until you hear this...) I admitted my alcoholism to my gf for the first time the other day, this is after going out for approx. 15 months and she didn't have a clue (we only see each other about once a week so it's been easy to hide). This was a VERY big and difficult step for me and she was shocked but took it very well, especially as she's so young and didn't really know about the condition (she's only 19), very mature, said she'd support me etc.
Anyhoo, as I'd asked her not to talk to anyone about it (precisely because predjudices can cause us all so much trouble), off she goes to her University counsellor to get some stuff off her chest. What does this trained mental health professional tell her? That, and I quote, 'All alcoholics are liars' and to get rid of me as soon as possible. This disgusting bit of prehistoric prejudice from someone who is meant to UNDERSTAND mental health problems for what they are. Net result? An appalling phone call from my gf screaming at me that I'm an 'f***ing *******' and a 'liar' and we'd have to split up, etc. I eventually calmed her down and made her see that, yes I had lied (or been in denial, a more subtle concept that presumably escapes this 'counsellor'), but by telling her the truth finally I was in fact being honest, and committing myself to greater honesty in the future. We're now very much together and she's going to help me through everything. Nevertheless, that level of prejudice from someone in the mental health sector truly shocked me and led me to one of the worst, most painful phone calls of my life.
Just thought I'd share that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Dear Tommy,
Welcome and glad to see you here making choices to improve your life through sobriety.
For today, just don't drink, and trust that by being sober you will change in positive ways. The opinions of others may matter less to you in time, once you are more at peace within.
For me, it helped in early sobriety to get a sponsor and begin step work. I continue to learn and grow in AA and wish the same for you!
Welcome and glad to see you here making choices to improve your life through sobriety.
For today, just don't drink, and trust that by being sober you will change in positive ways. The opinions of others may matter less to you in time, once you are more at peace within.
For me, it helped in early sobriety to get a sponsor and begin step work. I continue to learn and grow in AA and wish the same for you!
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Just goes to show that even counselors can be ignorant to alcoholism.
YOur lucky the devesation of the disease didnt cause more harm to your relationship...veryyyyyyyyyyyy lucky, so many of us lost entire families to this disease. Be grateful...youve got a great gal there it seems...lover her really good, ya hear!
keep coming back!
YOur lucky the devesation of the disease didnt cause more harm to your relationship...veryyyyyyyyyyyy lucky, so many of us lost entire families to this disease. Be grateful...youve got a great gal there it seems...lover her really good, ya hear!
keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Just don't pick up..
One of the first real important lessons I learned in early recovery is that's it's NONE of my business what other people think of me.
Stay sober for yourself and for your future.. there's a lot more to learn about us alkies than what one university counselor's opinion says.
One of the first real important lessons I learned in early recovery is that's it's NONE of my business what other people think of me.
Stay sober for yourself and for your future.. there's a lot more to learn about us alkies than what one university counselor's opinion says.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Lakeside OH.
Posts: 62
You don't have to quit drinking forever.JUST QUIT DRINKING ONE DAY AT A TIME.Live for whats here today.Yesterday is gone,tommorow is not here yet.
Sometimes honesty is really hard.But most is good for your future.
Just remember if you don't lie it's really easy to be honest.
Be carefull about being honest though some things are better off not said.
Sometimes honesty is really hard.But most is good for your future.
Just remember if you don't lie it's really easy to be honest.
Be carefull about being honest though some things are better off not said.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: .
Posts: 299
hi tommy,
what cooky says is good advice. I'm about a month into this. Last night I sat watching a film with some old friends. It was set in a place where I used to do a lot of drinking, and although the characters were drinking themselves into oblivion and an early grave, it (insanely) made me feel nostalgic for all the old days.
Insane. I was thinking "poor me, all these happy times gone... gone... forever..." (er, "drinking=happy times"??!!!?? No, but that's the mood I was in...), and it felt impossible to think of "not drinking ever again", but the "one day at a time" thing worked: I thought "do I want to drink today?" No, definitely not, I was sure of that. That's all. So I didn't.
Good luck and don't drink, one day at a time. You can do it!
best wishes, NL.
what cooky says is good advice. I'm about a month into this. Last night I sat watching a film with some old friends. It was set in a place where I used to do a lot of drinking, and although the characters were drinking themselves into oblivion and an early grave, it (insanely) made me feel nostalgic for all the old days.
Insane. I was thinking "poor me, all these happy times gone... gone... forever..." (er, "drinking=happy times"??!!!?? No, but that's the mood I was in...), and it felt impossible to think of "not drinking ever again", but the "one day at a time" thing worked: I thought "do I want to drink today?" No, definitely not, I was sure of that. That's all. So I didn't.
Good luck and don't drink, one day at a time. You can do it!
best wishes, NL.
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Good on you tommy!!! Sounds like you dealt with that little curve ball brilliantly. Thing is, I was a liar and didn't love properly. Unfortunately that is what alcohol did to me and I know that it the truth. And I did not immediately know the meaning of love or truth or being happy with who I am.
Takes a few experiences in my book ... a few triumphs and a few wins ... things to be proud of ... I really think you handled that situation well, it would have taken a lot of patience, calm and emotional strength, that is great!!!
love and peace,
Brigid
Takes a few experiences in my book ... a few triumphs and a few wins ... things to be proud of ... I really think you handled that situation well, it would have taken a lot of patience, calm and emotional strength, that is great!!!
love and peace,
Brigid
Still Faking It!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 55
Tommy:
A couple of thoughts ...
First -- what people think about me is none of my business. We need to remember this constantly as we get sober.
Second -- Have you ever played the game 'telephone'? Remember that you got your GF's version of what the counsellor said. Things have a funny way of getting turned around the more people's ears they pass through!
Third -- Get a sponsor and work the Steps. It gives you someone to go to when the ****-hits-the-fan like this. He can help you with the Step one stuff too. I put some of my thoughts on Step one in the AA -- 12 Step part of SR. It is called "What Came First" if you're interested.
Finally -- Just remember that you are right where you are supposed to be right now. I know it sounds cliche, but things do get better if you just keep doing the next right thing and you don't drink!
Good luck!
Di
A couple of thoughts ...
First -- what people think about me is none of my business. We need to remember this constantly as we get sober.
Second -- Have you ever played the game 'telephone'? Remember that you got your GF's version of what the counsellor said. Things have a funny way of getting turned around the more people's ears they pass through!
Third -- Get a sponsor and work the Steps. It gives you someone to go to when the ****-hits-the-fan like this. He can help you with the Step one stuff too. I put some of my thoughts on Step one in the AA -- 12 Step part of SR. It is called "What Came First" if you're interested.
Finally -- Just remember that you are right where you are supposed to be right now. I know it sounds cliche, but things do get better if you just keep doing the next right thing and you don't drink!
Good luck!
Di
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Well if your gf believes some counselor at her university over you, her significant other, that surely makes you think...
I think it's really positive you admitted you got a problem and want help with it, good luck with it.
Marte
I think it's really positive you admitted you got a problem and want help with it, good luck with it.
Marte
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I am sorry to hear about the prejudicial thinking, but it is good that you were strong enough to deal with it and calm your girl down.
I am personally coming to terms with the fact that I CAN NEVER drink again. It is hard because I am a self made man. I have over come leaving home at 14 and being on my own and struggling to get through two degrees and being the first in my family to graduate uni, but all in all this is one demon I cannot over come. I just can't drink responsibly. The obsession takes over and I just can't be in control of it.
I hate the fact that there is something out there that I cannot control and be in charge of on my own ... I've managed to do that with everything else in my life, but I just can't do it. I give up, I cannot drink. It is a hard and salient fact.
I hope others out there that struggle with this fact can read your post and mine and realize this without having to go through the struggle on their own. Thank you for sharing. I really needed to get squared off on this reality.
Peace, Levi.
I am personally coming to terms with the fact that I CAN NEVER drink again. It is hard because I am a self made man. I have over come leaving home at 14 and being on my own and struggling to get through two degrees and being the first in my family to graduate uni, but all in all this is one demon I cannot over come. I just can't drink responsibly. The obsession takes over and I just can't be in control of it.
I hate the fact that there is something out there that I cannot control and be in charge of on my own ... I've managed to do that with everything else in my life, but I just can't do it. I give up, I cannot drink. It is a hard and salient fact.
I hope others out there that struggle with this fact can read your post and mine and realize this without having to go through the struggle on their own. Thank you for sharing. I really needed to get squared off on this reality.
Peace, Levi.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Acceptence is the KEY. It can also be an SOB.
But it also means the fight is over.
The sun raises every morning and i absolutely have no power over it.
The rainfall and the spectrum of a rainbow....I absolutely have no power
over it.
The hair on my head grows, I'm not in control of that either.
I am a legend in my own mind though.lol
There's many, many worst dis-ease/conditions/situations than being an alcoholic.
I am also a beautiful child of a loving GOD.
No more nor less than the suns or stars
can I or will I accept this?
Acceptence is the answer
But it also means the fight is over.
The sun raises every morning and i absolutely have no power over it.
The rainfall and the spectrum of a rainbow....I absolutely have no power
over it.
The hair on my head grows, I'm not in control of that either.
I am a legend in my own mind though.lol
There's many, many worst dis-ease/conditions/situations than being an alcoholic.
I am also a beautiful child of a loving GOD.
No more nor less than the suns or stars
can I or will I accept this?
Acceptence is the answer
Last edited by SaTiT; 11-22-2006 at 02:36 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London UK
Posts: 59
Thanks for all the messages people - sorry it's been so long, I'm an erratic visitor to these boards because my internet connection is normally work-based and I don't want my boss seeing I'm visiting the site!
I think in the spirit of honesty I must admit I've been drinking again but am now sober once more; this disease is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful. Struggling now with a sober Xmas altho it hasn't been too bad so far...anyway I'll write more later when I've got more (and better things) to say, for now it's back to one day at a time as many of you have said. Thanks again for all your advice.
I think in the spirit of honesty I must admit I've been drinking again but am now sober once more; this disease is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful. Struggling now with a sober Xmas altho it hasn't been too bad so far...anyway I'll write more later when I've got more (and better things) to say, for now it's back to one day at a time as many of you have said. Thanks again for all your advice.
HopeInFaith
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
Whether it's once a day, once a week, once a month ...whatever. It's that you keep coming back...because it helps. And everyone on this site is so great at being selfless when it comes to being here for others, it's quite inspiring.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tommy hang in there and "Keep coming back, it works if you work it!"
A speaker I heard 2 weeks ago shared that he spent 13-14 years in and out of the rooms the whole time drinking, he never could get past step one but he kept coming back! He said something kept bringing him back.
He finally admitted defeat after all that time and about 3 years ago admitted he was powerless over alcohol and his life had become unmanageable. He has now been sober for almost 3 years, he is living the steps the best he can, he is sponsoring people and very active in AA. He is now sober and happy.
A speaker I heard 2 weeks ago shared that he spent 13-14 years in and out of the rooms the whole time drinking, he never could get past step one but he kept coming back! He said something kept bringing him back.
He finally admitted defeat after all that time and about 3 years ago admitted he was powerless over alcohol and his life had become unmanageable. He has now been sober for almost 3 years, he is living the steps the best he can, he is sponsoring people and very active in AA. He is now sober and happy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
