justme2b

Hi there! I'm 27 years old-last year my father at age 54 died(last aug) of chirrosois of the liver and varices (sp?) He has been an alcoholic all my life-I remember coming home and he'd be lying on the kitchen floor.
He was found by my uncle in his house in Aug-sitting in fornt of the tv. He died peaceally so it seems, the coroner said he went into a coma first-
They found alot of alcohol in his system-said he bleed to death internally from the esophagus and varices and also had chirrosois of the liver.

The medical ppl said he was bleeding internally for a few months(which makes sense now) due to all his symptoms he's had.

I"m trying not to be angry with my dad- onetime I yelled at him alst yr and he told me not to yell at him,,, i'm trying to understand alcoholisism,, i want to forgive him-
What exactly can anyone tell me aboout alcoholisim?

ay100

I am not an expert but all Ican tell you as an alcoholkic is that alcholism is a disease and a very bad one to deal with. You should fortgive your father. When he reached that stage in alcoholism he had no way of controlling his alcoholism. He should have had some help, intervention...etc But It is avery hard road ahead. I anot entirely sober but I am on the road to sobriety with a fer relapses on the way.

Forgive him. Some can win this battle some lose.

Lollipop

Hiyas Justme! Welcome to SR.

I cant tell you to forgive your Dad, I can only ask that you try, obviously, that is exactly what you are doing by seeking understanding. I dont know how your relationship with him was, only that he was sick. Alcoholism, like any disease, is just that, a disease.
This past summer, I lost a very dear friend to cancer, I am still angry, Im still sad, I miss him every day and it seems that as soon as the pain is easier to bare, something reminds me that he is gone and my emotions return full force. I have been really raw in my pain lately, this will be the first holiday season without him. At first I wanted to go to his grave and scream at him for leaving me. But I have been doing a ton of searching and I have come to discover that it isnt him that I am angry with, it is the Disease....he didnt leave me, cancer took him from me. I can now thank the Lord that he is in a better place and no longer suffering.
So why am I telling you all of this? Well, for starters, to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. Also, to let you know that it is ok to be angry, but be angry at the aweful disease, not your father. It isnt fair and it hurts, but try to remember the good things and forgive...for yourself, forgive, you will be thankful that you did. May God Bless you and your family.
Liss

justme2b

I don't drink so it's hard for me to understand,,(i have the occasional drink of course) Thanks for much for responding.

I keep having dreams about my dad-but he doens't talk to me in my dreams-I have read somewhere that when a deceased person avoids you in a dream its beacuse of anger-(i'm not like all spiritual or anything) but it makes sense. I would love to talk to him in my dreams, I've been having ongoing dreams for the past week. which is odd cause he dioed a yr ago from alcohol, i'm just finally able to deal with it now.

Thanks again

FriendofBill

welcome and hugs to you-

To best understand this diease...read a book called:

"Alcoholics Anonymous"

Its the same name as the AA fellowship, its nick name is "The big book of AA". You can get it online from most books retailers, or in any AA meeting. There are ton of other books.... but to really understand it, try going to sme AA and Alanon meetings...hear real life stories of others who are going thu it..the peace and comfort you will find is immeasuable.

Read all you can here and most of all, keep posting, we care and understand.

Doug

I'm sorry what you went through with your father JM. Going by what you said about him, you already know pretty much everything there is to know about alcoholism. You have lived it, just like so many others, and just like them, you've been affected and hurt by it as well.

Explaining it is very difficult, especially to people who aren't alcoholics. There is no real reasoning that can be applied to the situation that makes it any easier for those who have had to live with it.

The best you can do is find ways to deal with, and heal what's inside of you, and you can do that by talking with other folks who have felt the same. While your situation is painful and confusing, it is not unique, it is not uncommon in the lives of those dealing with alcoholism.

Browse around our forums for a bit. You'll likely find plenty of posts that you can identify with, and hopefully that will help you feel some sort of relief.

Again, I'm sorry for what you went through, and welcome to SoberRecovery.

mikel60

Hi Justme2b,
Sorry about your dad. That must be rough. My experience? My alcoholism consumed me. Nothing else mattered - jobs, relationships, food - nothing. it didn't matter how much people loved me or how much they cared. I had to drink. It also didn't matter how much I loved and cared for other people. I had to drink. I'm sober 10 years now and I'd like to tell you that it's because I realized my problem was myself and worked my way through the steps, but to this day I know that at some point God smiled on me and allowed me to stop. Why? I don't know - just like I don't really know why I drank. Your post moved me deeply and I hope you are able to find some answers. Hang in there. Mike in Boston

I'mready99

Welcome justme...

My condolences on the loss of your Dad. My best friend of over 30 years is in the final stages of what your Dad went through. I had to call the ambulance Sunday to take him to the hospital. He's back out but its just a revolving door until the end...

Alcoholism is a fatal disease. Like smoking, it claims its victims in many different ways and times. Some very fast, and some very slow...

There are many smart friendly people here that will chime in on this, I'm going to sit back to learn also...

All the best to you. Time heals all.

One day at a time.

Steve

CarolD

Welcome!

I am so sorry you lost you Dad so tragically.

Have you thought of writing him a letter to
express your feelings?
If possible..take it to his grave and read it aloud.
You could then burn it as a symbol of letting go.

For understand the disease of alcoholism...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Blessings to you..

Carol87

Couple of thoughts in addition to what has already been posted.

The letter idea is a great one ... something else that worked wonders for me was to get a balloon, visually fill it with my thoughts and feelings, talk to both of my parents and God and then release it to my Dad ... I watched until I couldn't see it ...

Forgiving ... I finally learned that when we forgive someone ... that is exactly what we do ... BUT that doesn't mean that we condone what that person did. That was a tremendous relief to me ...

Found

Besides Al Anon I think Friend of Bill meant to recommend Open Meetings of AA (enquire of your local helpline and double check with telephone contacts for meetings, which those are due to be held in your area)
One day a week in my town Al Anon and AA are in the same building the same evening, in adjacent rooms, so spouses will go into one room each. Or an affected relative will see (as we come out to go home) people who are in the process of recovering from what claimed or is still claiming their loved one.
The concept of an Open Meeting (as opposed to Closed) is important because most recovering alcoholics prize the chance to be confidential with people in the same position as them, most times (i.e Closed).
If seeking an Open meeting, explain your reasons, and I hope you will be directed to one where you would be welcomed, if you want. In practice many people will feel confident enough to share much the same things at either an Open or a Closed meeting. But it helps the shyer ones to know which is which (either to keep quiet or not come if they are not comfortable)
Al Anon publish a different set of literature which you might find enlightening
Anniversaries are special and quite difficult times, to get close to what was good in a person, whether we only saw it sometimes or not at all ...
I don't look down on your dad because I have the potential to go that way, in fact nearly five months from my last drink I am shaking no end and also had slight bleeding ...
Those who have "fallen" are the ones that have kept us company in our race (which, is not against each other)

FriendofBill

I did mean open meetings, for sure. Im quite sure you will be welcomed at any open meeting, thats what they are there for, as they say in the opening of open meetings that they are for anyone seeking knowledge of the AA program, whether you are the alcoholic or not.

Irish Virus

I'm sorry for the loss of your father.

There is nothing I can say which isn't already in the Big Book (Alcoholics
Anonymous). It will explain to you just about everything associated with alcohol that you need to know. There is also quite a bit of literature which
will go into the physiological side of the disease.

As it was mentioned, it is not easy explaining alcoholism to someone who
isn't an alcoholic. I grew up in a family with alcoholics, thought I knew
all about it, but had no idea what it was until I became a drunk myself.

The bottle takes over your mind, soul, and body when you are an alcoholic. You are literally possessed and your spirit is consumed by liquor.
Nothing in this world matters unless you have a drink. Family, friends,
money; it all takes second place to having a drink.

Do not be angry with your Dad as he was a sick man in need of help.
Good luck in your quest trying to understand alcoholism. Hope maybe
I helped.

leviathon

No one can tell you about it more than what you have already seen. It is conniving, twisted and powerful. In my experience it over road every rational thought I had and allowed me to continue to poison myself to toxic levels when it wasn't even pleasant any longer.

Peace, Levi