justme1976

First of all this is lengthy - but I wanted to let you know that my last drink was last night. I am not writing this drunk.

I am going to quit drinking, but I keep putting it off. Like I was supposed to quit on Saturday, but went grocery shopping and settled for just a six pack of beer rather than my usual 12 pack. I just wanted one!!!! Sounds stupid, I know. I can't believe I let myself fall for that compromise. I ended up with just a "small" bottle of Scotch last night too even though I woke up yesterday totally sure that "This will be my first day sober." Hell, I just don't know.

I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on alcoholism and read almost all of the first one. All I can say is that it made me depressed because I realized how hard this is going to be for me and that I really cannot do this alone. I also realized that my family is not immune to me and if I come right out and say "I'm an alcoholic" will it turn us upside down? My kids are so little. How do I recover without dragging them into it? I'm so confused.

So I made an appointment with my psychotherapist who told me months ago to quit drinking. I told her I had quit - she was easy to fool. Anyhow, I go to see her on on Monday and I will tell her the truth and tell her I'm really sick right now. I drink way too much and it's been beyond "occasional drinking" for years now. I'm tired and I'm sick. I wake up every morning and my first thought is "Am I hungover?" Usually the answer is yes.

As far as AA goes, I've been there before and I know it works. I went back when I was 19 and recovering from a Meth addiction.

I haven't attempted a meeting recently because my husband has been out of town and I don't know if I should bring my kids or not. Probably wouldn't get anything out of the meeting and either would anyone sitting around us. I don't have anyone to babysit.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I just don't know where to start - so therefore, I haven't. HELP!!!!

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum!

I think you have started... Congratulations!

I see you have cut back...are getting information..
joined us..are seeing your doctor. Wow!!

In some areas. the AA meetings have facilities
for children during the meeting. I suggest you
call your local number and ask.

And here is a good link for you..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html

Blessings to you and your family..

barb dwyer

hi justme -
and welcome!

man, I think I just wrote the best post in my own personal history, and this thing times out ... geyah!

congratulations on the decision to quit. and it's good to read that you're educating yourself. this is how it starts.

many people are afraid when they first start on the path to recovery.
I think it's because we spend so much of our waking attention, sometimes for years, focused on our addiction that we've either forgotten, or maybe never knew any life other than one centered around alcohol, or using.
wow. that was one long sentence.

also, there are many centers that provide childcare, and like Carol says - it's easy enough to ask when you get someone on the phone.
HP finds a way.
All we have to do is suit up and show up.
I was so scared to come back into the rooms of AA, I knew that if I ws left to my own devices, I'd never get in the car and go. So I asked for a ride. I was given a ride for two days. No questions. It was that simple.

nobody 'takes over' anyone's life. Alcohol has already done that. This is about healing. it's way better than destruction. So much better.

Please keep posting so we know how you're doing. The people on this site truly care about each other, and they truly care in AA. We know who we are.
And we're safe in knowing that we're not alone.

Thanks
deb

I'mready99

Rambling is good...

I'm right behind you doing this "sobriety thing"...

Barb and Carol gave much better advice than I can, but...

I'm with you in spirit...

Hang tough...

One day at a time.

Steve

vinnietoo

"I realized how hard this is going to be for me and that I really cannot do this alone."

No you can't....Get to a meeting bring the kids, all as you are going to find
is acceptance, love and a new beginning. I'm sure the meeting has a
phone number call it..yea scarry but call. Someone will be there..as I have
been where you are so have all the people in that meeting. I am not unique
nor are you. You do not need to suffer anymore.

Good thoughts today,
Vinnie

brigid

Welcome to SR and good on you for having a go at this not drinking trip!! I tried many times before I did it. Don't stop trying!! Keep reading and keep posting and don't worry about not getting it right the first time!!!

please just keep trying! You have so much to look forward to in life, the kids are little, imagine what it would be like if they were teenagers and you still hadn't quit. The alcoholism gets worse, not better and they will have had years with an alcoholic who is drinking and I know I was pretty selfish when I was drinking and while I looked after my kids they were not looked after the way I would have if I had of just been me.

I am so glad my kids have known me as a recovering alcoholic for most of their life rather than as a drinking alcoholic. They are at the legal drinking age now and I can actually talk to them about reasonable drinking amounts because they respect me on this issue. I have great memories of them growing up, I have been an active and loving mother and I really am happy that I decided to quit drinking when I did 9 years ago.

I can't imagine missing out on my kids because I was hungover, hanging out for a drink, very drunk, out of my head. Which is what I would have been if I had not prayed for help and finally given into the undeniable conclusion that I was an alcoholic. I had to swallow any last shred of silly pride I had too. It is amazing how much support I received from people.

I recommend giving in or giving up the fight. I did, best dam decision ever. Look for help, it will come.

peace and love

earlybird

First of all,....you need to stop talking yourself right out of going to a meeting with all your excuses. Alot of Moms (even single ones) go to meetings. All I can say is that if you really want sobriety......you find a way. You dont find excuses. Your thinking is turned toward finding reasons how attending meetings wont work instead of working toward finding ways it will. Do you have absolutely NOBODY who can watch your children for ONE hour? Neighbors? Parents? Friends? Are your kids in school during the day? AA has meetings at all hours of the day. Some even have daycare facilities. I get the impression that you just simply think of AA, then immediately think of a reason or reasons why you cant go even though you havent even looked into working it out. Its one thing if you have actually done the legwork and still couldnt find a way, but, really another if you just convince yourself that there IS no way. Let me ask you this. During these times when you have thought of AA and decided that there just isnt a feasible way,....out of those times, would you say that instead of doing a meeting, you find yourself drinking instead? If so,....then that means you are finding reasons to continue to drink. Justifying it. Do yourself a favor. Get to a meeting. FIND A WAY. Try. Just stop not doing anything.

leviathon

My cousin brought his wife to be, his new children to be, and attended regularly ... they all took something away, his wife to be got an understanding of him, his children to be got a lot of people fawning over them... he got sobriety.

Peace, Levi