I'm Drinking.
 

Yep. Right now. And I hate rum! My mom left the liquor cabinet unlocked. I am SO untrustworthy sometimes, it's amazing.

I do hope you can find answers to your situation.

Keep as safe as possible..
Stay off the roads and don't take any pills.

You may very well need a treatment center to stop
drinking and drugging.

Please get help..:Val004:

Good advice, stay safe and stay off the roads.

Curious why you came here when you are drinking?

Life is about choices -- you've made yours.

Id assume she came here cus she is in a lot of pain. If she were happy, Joyous and Free, she's have no qualms about drinking nor feel the need to post on such a site.

I, for one, am glad you chose to post, Kitten. Its a start.

You messed up. We all do. I can guarantee if someone left a bottle in front of me right now I wouldn't be able to help myself. Don't punish yourself, stay safe and start a new tomorrow. Right now i'm assuming after a night of drinking you are sober. Hold to that. For an hour, for 5 hours and keep making goals for yourself. If ytou ever need to talk please don't hesitate to contact me. I wont be around for a week but after that I will. You deserve better then to treat yourself this way and I have faith that you can do this. Good luck

Why? What are you getting out of it?

kitten--look deep within yourself. what are you trying to do? are you hoping for rescue? trying to escape from something? you sound really troubled and are turning your emotions against yourself instead of what is really bothering you.

i'm just speculating and am not a doctor. but i was similar to you when i was your age. not a place of happiness. what are you looking for? who or what are you angry at?

don't hurt yourself. take good care. talk to your therapist. get a sponsor. and do some things to make yourself proud of you. you are worth it.

The choice you made today doesn't mean you have to make the same choice tomorrow. Hang in there. We all screw up. That doesn't mean you have to keep on screwing up. Every once in a while I'll be watching tv while holding an unopened bottle of (gasoline) vodka. It's amazing how many hours I can hold it before opening it. Sometimes I don't, sometimes I do. The only difference is my hand twisting the cap. Sometimes I go to bed sober. I wake up feeling great. When I open the bottle, well... same as always. I've heard this attributed to many people in different ways. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You know what will happen if you drink. What if... you didn't drink for a week and decided to learn another language. Spanish, Japenese, Sign language something that made the world a smaller place. What if it sparked your curiosity and you stopped drinking because you knew it stopped your learning. What if every day you picked up a book and learned something challenging instead of devoting hours to listening to the same sad songs. I wish I could be of help. I've wasted years. I really wish I could have learned from the mistakes of others. It would have saved so much time. I hope you get better. The world can be an incredible place but you have to stop poisoning yourself. Alcholol is poison. No matter what flavor. I REALLY hope you get better but you have to know one thing first. YOU CAN STOP. FOREVER. Sometimes you need a purpose. Help others. Keep posting. I hope I read about you resisting temptation. I hope I read about your 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc. You don't have to relapse. You control every moment. Please make the most of them. We don't all have to same amount. DON'T GIVE UP!!!

I'm so sorry that my earlier post sounded uncaring and harsh. I've been told by Mark123 that my post was an "FU" to everyone who picked up a bottle. I'm not sure exactly where my head was at when I posted, I think that you're email sounded a little aloof and I replied in the same manner. I feel horrible that I was so insensitive. Especially since I spent a year "relapsing". Maybe that's why it's hard for me see others struggling -- I see part of me in you. Life is about choices ... even the little, little ones. You can make a choice to start over and begin new and fresh. Please forgive me if I hurt you or anyone else struggling.
Kathy

It's nice to see you ammending your post MNGG. I used to be really sensative when I first came here and used other people's responses as a reason to drink. I wanted to think that everyone out there hated me and that no one cared. I didn't feel like anyone cared in my real life either so I kept drinking to hurt myself trying desperately to get someone to pay attention.

Kitten, it sounds like you're in a similar pattern. You are hurting inside so you hurt yourself even more to get back at others or to draw attention. It makes me sad sometimes to think that this is what I was doing, but for the most part it's true. Sure there were some times when I really thought I was having fun partying, but my secret drunks were no party.

I agree with MNGG that you DID make a choice. You chose to pick up a drink. You can make a different choice next time. You can choose to pick up the phone and call someone (AA should be listed in your phone book or you can call a trusted friend/teacher/minister/councelor...) or you can choose to come here and post. Tell us what's going through your mind BEFORE you drink.

Believe me, there are folks out there who care about your well being.