so moody in sobriety
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 12
so moody in sobriety
Hi Everyone,
This is my first post to this forum although I have been lurking for awhile. I have been sober for 40 days. In my first week I went to an AA meeting every single night. I only related to a few of the speakers and therefore I didn't find it very helpful. Also I never spoke. I was busy with work and didn't have time to go out with people after when they asked me. But I did take all of the literature they gave me, I read it and found it very helpful.
Anyway, one thing that stuck out at the meetings was the idea of being "dry" versus "sober". I suppose people would consider me to be "dry" since I have not gone to 90 mtgs in 90 days nor gotten a sponsor. Anway, the difference was described to me as being "sober" is to do the 12 steps which addresses any stresses/anxieties/problems you had or would have in your life with or without booze (like, if you have a troubled marriage you probably will still have that when you stop drinking, but if you do the steps in a 'sober' recovery then the steps help you address the problem that is your marriage).
In my situation I don't have too many underlying stressors (most of mine in the past few years were a direct result of drinking/drug use). My marriage is great, my finances are fine, my relationship with my family is good, and I love my job but hate my boss. That's about it for problems (the boss). I have a good relationship with a "higher power", etc. So I don't see why I would need to do the steps or why I shouldn't consider myself "sober" versus "dry".
However, since I stopped drinking 40 days ago, I have become a raging bitch. I snap at my husband every chance I get, over stupid things (something I never did before.) I get really depressed about my job and don't want to go to work and so the minute I have a cough I call in a sick day or find some reason to leave early. I have barely gone out in 40 days-- I don't want to see anyone; not my friends nor my family. I just sit at home with my husband and snap at him-- making him feel miserable too. When I was drinking I wasn't even this bad. I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good.
So my question is: is this normal? Do people typically feel like this when they stop drinking?
Lots of people describe a 'pink cloud' after sobriety; which I don't feel at ALL. Not even for a day. I just feel depressed and angry.
So, even though there is no underlying problem that was there before I drank (I feel like the problems came AFTER I quit!) does this mean I need to do the steps? Is this what they say when they mean I am "dry" but not "sober"? Or is all of this par for the course?
Does that make sense? Sorry if I am talking in circles.
Any advice would be very appreciated!
Thank you,
M
This is my first post to this forum although I have been lurking for awhile. I have been sober for 40 days. In my first week I went to an AA meeting every single night. I only related to a few of the speakers and therefore I didn't find it very helpful. Also I never spoke. I was busy with work and didn't have time to go out with people after when they asked me. But I did take all of the literature they gave me, I read it and found it very helpful.
Anyway, one thing that stuck out at the meetings was the idea of being "dry" versus "sober". I suppose people would consider me to be "dry" since I have not gone to 90 mtgs in 90 days nor gotten a sponsor. Anway, the difference was described to me as being "sober" is to do the 12 steps which addresses any stresses/anxieties/problems you had or would have in your life with or without booze (like, if you have a troubled marriage you probably will still have that when you stop drinking, but if you do the steps in a 'sober' recovery then the steps help you address the problem that is your marriage).
In my situation I don't have too many underlying stressors (most of mine in the past few years were a direct result of drinking/drug use). My marriage is great, my finances are fine, my relationship with my family is good, and I love my job but hate my boss. That's about it for problems (the boss). I have a good relationship with a "higher power", etc. So I don't see why I would need to do the steps or why I shouldn't consider myself "sober" versus "dry".
However, since I stopped drinking 40 days ago, I have become a raging bitch. I snap at my husband every chance I get, over stupid things (something I never did before.) I get really depressed about my job and don't want to go to work and so the minute I have a cough I call in a sick day or find some reason to leave early. I have barely gone out in 40 days-- I don't want to see anyone; not my friends nor my family. I just sit at home with my husband and snap at him-- making him feel miserable too. When I was drinking I wasn't even this bad. I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good.
So my question is: is this normal? Do people typically feel like this when they stop drinking?
Lots of people describe a 'pink cloud' after sobriety; which I don't feel at ALL. Not even for a day. I just feel depressed and angry.
So, even though there is no underlying problem that was there before I drank (I feel like the problems came AFTER I quit!) does this mean I need to do the steps? Is this what they say when they mean I am "dry" but not "sober"? Or is all of this par for the course?
Does that make sense? Sorry if I am talking in circles.
Any advice would be very appreciated!
Thank you,
M
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Hi Marcella,
In my opinion, being sober doesn't necessarily have to do with the 12steps and following the AA program. I do understand the difference between being dry and being sober. Being dry is simply stopping drinking. Being sober, to me, is doing the work on the inside, and dealing with the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of my life every day. You can do this following the AA program or in alternative ways.
I think what you're experiencing is dealing with your emotions. I had no pink cloud whatsoever after I stopped drinking either. The thing is, you've been medicating your emotions away with alcohol. Now they are in your life and you have to learn to deal with them. It gets easier with time, but it takes some getting used to. Hang in there.
In my opinion, being sober doesn't necessarily have to do with the 12steps and following the AA program. I do understand the difference between being dry and being sober. Being dry is simply stopping drinking. Being sober, to me, is doing the work on the inside, and dealing with the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of my life every day. You can do this following the AA program or in alternative ways.
I think what you're experiencing is dealing with your emotions. I had no pink cloud whatsoever after I stopped drinking either. The thing is, you've been medicating your emotions away with alcohol. Now they are in your life and you have to learn to deal with them. It gets easier with time, but it takes some getting used to. Hang in there.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Dry drunk syndrome, as I call it, is basically all the symptpms of active drinking just minus the alcohol.
If your life is as happy and stress free as you state, youd make alcoholism history as the first "happy" alcoholic. Sounds like a lot of denial to me.
Is say the rage you are showing has been hiding beneath your disease for a long time and now that you no longer have the alcohol to numb it with, the monstor of pain is erupting.
Work the steps....but only if you want to get happily sober...and I mean really happy...and really sober.
Good luck.
If your life is as happy and stress free as you state, youd make alcoholism history as the first "happy" alcoholic. Sounds like a lot of denial to me.
Is say the rage you are showing has been hiding beneath your disease for a long time and now that you no longer have the alcohol to numb it with, the monstor of pain is erupting.
Work the steps....but only if you want to get happily sober...and I mean really happy...and really sober.
Good luck.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi M...Well done on 40 days!
Have you heard of PAWS?
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
While I did/do use AA amd follow the way of
life from the Steps..
Anna is correct..there are other ways to change.
Divine intervention. ..therapy..SMART recovery..
all can help you find peace.
I think of that 'pink cloud' as serenity.
Blessings to you and your husband
Have you heard of PAWS?
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
While I did/do use AA amd follow the way of
life from the Steps..
Anna is correct..there are other ways to change.
Divine intervention. ..therapy..SMART recovery..
all can help you find peace.
I think of that 'pink cloud' as serenity.
Blessings to you and your husband
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
[QUOTE=marcella98]
However, since I stopped drinking 40 days ago, I have become a raging bitch. I snap at my husband every chance I get, over stupid things (something I never did before.) I get really depressed about my job and don't want to go to work and so the minute I have a cough I call in a sick day or find some reason to leave early. I have barely gone out in 40 days-- I don't want to see anyone; not my friends nor my family. I just sit at home with my husband and snap at him-- making him feel miserable too. When I was drinking I wasn't even this bad. I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good.
So my question is: is this normal? Do people typically feel like this when they stop drinking?
Lots of people describe a 'pink cloud' after sobriety; which I don't feel at ALL. Not even for a day. I just feel depressed and angry.
So, even though there is no underlying problem that was there before I drank (I feel like the problems came AFTER I quit!) does this mean I need to do the steps? Is this what they say when they mean I am "dry" but not "sober"? Or is all of this par for the course?
Hi Marcella,
What you have described is the difference between dry and sober. I had to learn how to be and live sober, this means not biting the head off someone, handling lifes problems, going to work and being present to whatever I am feeling and honoring that.
Sober as opposed to dry is living life on life's terms. I too felt that there were more problems after I quit drinking but really they were always there, I just numbed myself to them with alcohol, I need to deal with these things at some point and that is where the healing started when I put down the drink. At times it felt harder to do anything sober, but it takes time and you need to give yourself some space to heal.
I too went through periods of isolation, this is where meetings are crucial, try to get to some, I promise you will feel better, give it more than a week, it took me a while to be able to really relate to what I was hearing, my head was so full of the bar and I sat cmparing myself to everyone there for a while until I realized that the feelings are the same.
In answer to you question it is normal in some respects, but if you were to go to meetings you would be experiencing this on a much lower level.
I didn't understand how meeting could help, and really didn't get or want to get the whole aa thing, but now at 13months sober I understand the power of being in the program for your sobriety, you don't have to live there but give it some of your time, the rewards are ten fold.
Feel free to pm me if you want to chat, I am in NY too.
Hang in there, love, Rose
However, since I stopped drinking 40 days ago, I have become a raging bitch. I snap at my husband every chance I get, over stupid things (something I never did before.) I get really depressed about my job and don't want to go to work and so the minute I have a cough I call in a sick day or find some reason to leave early. I have barely gone out in 40 days-- I don't want to see anyone; not my friends nor my family. I just sit at home with my husband and snap at him-- making him feel miserable too. When I was drinking I wasn't even this bad. I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good.
So my question is: is this normal? Do people typically feel like this when they stop drinking?
Lots of people describe a 'pink cloud' after sobriety; which I don't feel at ALL. Not even for a day. I just feel depressed and angry.
So, even though there is no underlying problem that was there before I drank (I feel like the problems came AFTER I quit!) does this mean I need to do the steps? Is this what they say when they mean I am "dry" but not "sober"? Or is all of this par for the course?
Hi Marcella,
What you have described is the difference between dry and sober. I had to learn how to be and live sober, this means not biting the head off someone, handling lifes problems, going to work and being present to whatever I am feeling and honoring that.
Sober as opposed to dry is living life on life's terms. I too felt that there were more problems after I quit drinking but really they were always there, I just numbed myself to them with alcohol, I need to deal with these things at some point and that is where the healing started when I put down the drink. At times it felt harder to do anything sober, but it takes time and you need to give yourself some space to heal.
I too went through periods of isolation, this is where meetings are crucial, try to get to some, I promise you will feel better, give it more than a week, it took me a while to be able to really relate to what I was hearing, my head was so full of the bar and I sat cmparing myself to everyone there for a while until I realized that the feelings are the same.
In answer to you question it is normal in some respects, but if you were to go to meetings you would be experiencing this on a much lower level.
I didn't understand how meeting could help, and really didn't get or want to get the whole aa thing, but now at 13months sober I understand the power of being in the program for your sobriety, you don't have to live there but give it some of your time, the rewards are ten fold.
Feel free to pm me if you want to chat, I am in NY too.
Hang in there, love, Rose
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Marcella -
Welcome!
Please read the link carol sent ya for PAWS.
It helped me tremendously.
I'm not in a relationship - so the bitch on wheels aspect of my personality really has no where to vent.
Well, okay - maybe in traffic.
And political commercials.
But that's it.
Since I have no one around the house handy to strike out at, I have to turn all my physical discomfort and guilt into self -abuse, anxiety, and other assorted neuroses.
Stick this time out. It's worth it.
Welcome!
Please read the link carol sent ya for PAWS.
It helped me tremendously.
I'm not in a relationship - so the bitch on wheels aspect of my personality really has no where to vent.
Well, okay - maybe in traffic.
And political commercials.
But that's it.
Since I have no one around the house handy to strike out at, I have to turn all my physical discomfort and guilt into self -abuse, anxiety, and other assorted neuroses.
Stick this time out. It's worth it.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Seemed kind of simple-minded to me in the beginning, but I was told to write a gratitude list when my emotions and state of mind were more negative than positive. The simplest things can go on them. If you see what you have (maybe good traits of those you're bitching at?) instead of what you don't (perhaps their understanding & cooperation?), it makes it easier to shift back into a more positive state of mind.
Just a thought.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Just a thought.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
I know for me at 6 months sober I found out that i needed help for an underlying condition. Talk to your doctor or find a shrink to see if you need extra help in overcoming your mood swings. AA is not a cure all,but a tool for recovering people. I love going to meetings to be around people and sometimes I hear things that make me feel better and other times I don't. I work the steps in a very simple way and try not to get too wraped up in my perception or other's the way how the steps should work. To me AA is all about suggestions. Take what you need and leave the rest. I know for me if I isolate the chances of becomming depressed are more then if I go out and be around people. Also I don't think AA will work if you don't join in and make "friends". Anyway for me going to any lenghths ment that I had to address all of me and my moods, not just go to AA. I sure wish AA could have cured all of me,but it did't and seeking help was the best thing I ever did besides not drinking. Meetings are free,they only cost you your time and you just might feel a bit better in the end and make a friend or two.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Hi and welcome!!!!
Personally im not into the dry,sober,dry drunk thingy.
I know that for me,being newly sober,that it took the 12 steps of AA,and embedding them into my life,that eventually my alcoholic mind,changed,with a new way to think and live.
Look to the root and causes of your issues.And congrats on your sober time!!!
Personally im not into the dry,sober,dry drunk thingy.
I know that for me,being newly sober,that it took the 12 steps of AA,and embedding them into my life,that eventually my alcoholic mind,changed,with a new way to think and live.
Look to the root and causes of your issues.And congrats on your sober time!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 12
Thank you everyone for your advice!
I tried yesterday to find a therapist that specializes in addiction but it has been hard ($$-wise; finding someone on a sliding scale).
In the meantime, I was thinking back to when I quit smoking two years ago and I used Wellbutrin for six months starting with the day I quit, to help me with the withdrawal and depression. It worked really well (I tried to quit 5 other times in my life, using the patch, cold turkey, etc., and nothing else worked.) Now it's two years later and I haven't even thought about smoking.
Anyway I decided to call my GP and see if they would prescribe me Wellbutrin just to get me through a week or two until I can see a therapist. I started taking it yesterday and it helps.
Ugh I know I probably shouldn't have done that, and I know a lot of people probably will criticize me for it, but I just felt really desparate and depressed. I know that this is probably my typical addict mind thinking that I need to grab for something to numb my emotions-- but I felt like I had to do something at least temporary until I can find someone to talk to.
P.S. The other thing I should mention is that I have (self-diagnosed) OCD. I am hoping that a therapist can help me with this as well. My OCD has been raging since I quit drinking because without alcohol as the downer to calm me down I am constantly cleaning, organizing, making lists etc. I also thought the Wellbutrin would help me with that because I have read that sometimes it is prescribed for people disgnosed with OCD.
Is this awful? Did I make a huge mistake?
I tried yesterday to find a therapist that specializes in addiction but it has been hard ($$-wise; finding someone on a sliding scale).
In the meantime, I was thinking back to when I quit smoking two years ago and I used Wellbutrin for six months starting with the day I quit, to help me with the withdrawal and depression. It worked really well (I tried to quit 5 other times in my life, using the patch, cold turkey, etc., and nothing else worked.) Now it's two years later and I haven't even thought about smoking.
Anyway I decided to call my GP and see if they would prescribe me Wellbutrin just to get me through a week or two until I can see a therapist. I started taking it yesterday and it helps.
Ugh I know I probably shouldn't have done that, and I know a lot of people probably will criticize me for it, but I just felt really desparate and depressed. I know that this is probably my typical addict mind thinking that I need to grab for something to numb my emotions-- but I felt like I had to do something at least temporary until I can find someone to talk to.
P.S. The other thing I should mention is that I have (self-diagnosed) OCD. I am hoping that a therapist can help me with this as well. My OCD has been raging since I quit drinking because without alcohol as the downer to calm me down I am constantly cleaning, organizing, making lists etc. I also thought the Wellbutrin would help me with that because I have read that sometimes it is prescribed for people disgnosed with OCD.
Is this awful? Did I make a huge mistake?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
If your dr prescribed the Wellbutrin for you at this time, then he must believe that you need it. Wellbutrin is for depression and I think it's particularly for people who are trying to stop smoking.
I'd say it depends upon whether the depression came first or the drinking. In my case, the depression was there for years and years so I had to get on the right meds before I could manage to stop drinking. But many people find that stopping drinking lifts their depression within a few months.
I'd say it depends upon whether the depression came first or the drinking. In my case, the depression was there for years and years so I had to get on the right meds before I could manage to stop drinking. But many people find that stopping drinking lifts their depression within a few months.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 12
Thanks again for the thoughts.
I guess the problem is that no, I was never depressed before I quit drinking. Sometimes extreme hangovers or after a blackout I would be super depressed for a day or two-- but that's it. In high school and college I had an eating disorder that I was treated for, but never depression.
Also my doctor isn't very good-- she is a new doctor for me since my last one no longer accepts my insurance, and I want to find a new one already. She hurries me out of her office in seconds after a two-hour wait with no apologies. I told her I occassionally get panic attacks and she gave me xanax. I told her I feel depressed and she gave me Wellbutrin. No questions--just rushed me out.
In the back of my mind I feel like I am looking for an easy way out to the depression that came when I quit drinking-- because it truly wasn't there before.
I guess thats why I need to get to an addiction therapist asap and just be completely honest about whats going on in my head and see what they say.
Thanks again for your thoughts zoomer, carol and everyone else. It feels good to have someone to talk to about this even if its on the web. Also I am planning on getting myself to an AA meeting today.
I guess the problem is that no, I was never depressed before I quit drinking. Sometimes extreme hangovers or after a blackout I would be super depressed for a day or two-- but that's it. In high school and college I had an eating disorder that I was treated for, but never depression.
Also my doctor isn't very good-- she is a new doctor for me since my last one no longer accepts my insurance, and I want to find a new one already. She hurries me out of her office in seconds after a two-hour wait with no apologies. I told her I occassionally get panic attacks and she gave me xanax. I told her I feel depressed and she gave me Wellbutrin. No questions--just rushed me out.
In the back of my mind I feel like I am looking for an easy way out to the depression that came when I quit drinking-- because it truly wasn't there before.
I guess thats why I need to get to an addiction therapist asap and just be completely honest about whats going on in my head and see what they say.
Thanks again for your thoughts zoomer, carol and everyone else. It feels good to have someone to talk to about this even if its on the web. Also I am planning on getting myself to an AA meeting today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Belchertown, MA
Posts: 9
Hi M,
Thanks for a great post! Here's my two cents...
You stated: "I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good."
Although I too have never experienced a "pink cloud" in sobriety, I think there is SOMETHING to be said about not fighting, blacking out, etc. I feel free from these behaviors. I enjoy not being hungover, not feeling sick, not feeling anxious, having extra money in my pocket...
When I'm feeling irritable I remind myself that it could be worse...I could be back in the grips of my active alcoholism. The nightmare of such a thought puts everything back in perspective.
Thanks for a great post! Here's my two cents...
You stated: "I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good."
Although I too have never experienced a "pink cloud" in sobriety, I think there is SOMETHING to be said about not fighting, blacking out, etc. I feel free from these behaviors. I enjoy not being hungover, not feeling sick, not feeling anxious, having extra money in my pocket...
When I'm feeling irritable I remind myself that it could be worse...I could be back in the grips of my active alcoholism. The nightmare of such a thought puts everything back in perspective.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 225
If Wellbutrin works for you then good!
Don't be too suspicious if some things do work easily for you.
Regard it as respite.
There will be plenty of medium-hard things in time.
It's not the healing that's hurting us, it's (besides what others did to us) the S*** we did to ourselves including our inaccurate attitudes to the actions of others. Even though the cause is past, we will still feel it - delayed effect, but nothing to fear ANY MORE.
The past is NO LONGER the future.
Will I learn this?
Don't be too suspicious if some things do work easily for you.
Regard it as respite.
There will be plenty of medium-hard things in time.
It's not the healing that's hurting us, it's (besides what others did to us) the S*** we did to ourselves including our inaccurate attitudes to the actions of others. Even though the cause is past, we will still feel it - delayed effect, but nothing to fear ANY MORE.
The past is NO LONGER the future.
Will I learn this?
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