initnow

Hey all,

I’m new to the site. Over the last six moths, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic, and an overall addict. (Damn, that was tough to even type)

If you all don’t mind, Id like to tell you a bit about myself. I am 30 years old, married with two kids. Over all I have been pretty successful in my life. I am a motivated self-starter that has owned a few businesses. I’ve always provided well for my family (financially) I have been an addict for 15 years, although I’ve just started to realize that in the last 6 months. As a kid I smoked cigs (which I still do, pot, off and on, and have tried different drugs as well. But, I’ve drank the longest. I started out with beer as a youngster, and occasionally moved up to hard alcohol. Over the years, my drinking progressed to mostly hard alcohol.

I am a vodka man, plain and simple. There hasn’t been a day in the last 6 years, that I haven’t come home from work and poured a martini. ( 5pm is martini time )Well they started out as martinis, but over time they progressed to Vodka and ice. My drinks went from a regular small cocktail glass, one a night, to 2-3 mugs a night. Drinking a few drinks a night became the norm, at times when my wife knew I was coming home, she would stick a glass full of ice in freezer for me. Regardless, the first thing I do every eve. Is pour a drink. I never thought I had a drinking problem. I don’t get hangovers, drinking doesn’t affect my work, and up until the last six months, I was convinced that it didn’t affect my family.

I rarely get drunk, even though on average, I drink a 1/5 of vodka every two evenings. There is just something about that first sip. For years it has told me, hey its ok, your home, time to relax, you don’t have to think about work, payroll etc. About sixteen months ago, I started smoking pot again, my wife included. I would smoke every night. We recently moved to another state, and well, I ran out and I have nowhere to get it. Which is great. It’s been about a month since I’ve smoked…and I feel good. I wish it were the same for booze. I wish I moved somewhere where alcohol didn’t exist.

My marriage is in major jeopardy, my wife is threatening time away from each other. The more I think about it the more I realize I’ve been a real dick to my wife over the years. I can’t blame her for wanting to leave, I’ve done some really dumb things. Somehow I’ve always managed to lock those things away and convince myself that I’m a good husband and father. I’m starting to realize that’s not the case. She has told me that I need to get help, well she really hasn’t given me a choice. But that’s not the only reason I’m here, I think I’ve decided that I need to get help. I just don’t where to start. The thought of going to meetings, and sitting in front of a bunch of people, scares the you know what out of me. She wants me to see a shrink too, which scares me too. I have told her for the better part of a month that I’m trying to work up a game plan…I guess that’s my way of avoiding it. We had a major blow out last night. I have no choice anymore, If I want to keep my family, I have to do something. Just not sure how…I wish I could figure out a way to go without a drink tonight, or maybe, if I could convince myself that I can get away with having just one tonight. Its noon, and 5 pm is approaching, I’m gonna try tonight.

Thanks for hearing me out, I know it was long. I’m not sure if I made any sense, to you or me for that matter. This is the first time I told anybody this. I guess all that’s left... is for me to post.

CarolD

Thanks for sharing part of your life with us...
you did make sense to me!

Welcome to our Alcoholism forum!..

I think most of us needed a jolt to start
recovery.
Your wife and her concerns might be yours.
Mine was losing a job.

I certainly was not thrilled to begin AA!
"Why me?" was my song for awhile.

Then I changed to "Why not me?"

I do suggest you get off the fence
and into action!
Posting here is a good start.

Blessings to you and your family..

Anna

It's very hard to admit to be an addict. Like many people, I never dreamed it would happen to me, but it did. It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before you stop drinking because it can be very dangerous. Where to start - don't drink tonight. Don't let the little voice tell you that one drink is ok. It's not, because it will lead to more drinks. What worked for me was changing my routines. If you normally go home and have a drink at 5 pm, do something else. Take your kids out to play before supper or go jogging or help prepare supper. Do anything that changes the patterns you're used to.

I wish you well!

initnow

Well, I havent had a drink since Saterday. Yesterday was real tough. Being home all day, watching football. I had muscle spasms through most the evening, and sleep, good lord that was tough. I cant remember the last time I went to bed sober. I was up most the night, I figured instead of something on the rocks, I'd make some tea. It was different, but it helped. Woke up feeling pretty good. Today was a bit easier, considering I spent it at work. So, Im on night two. Here we go again. Everything about me is kind of wacked out, but I feel good being able to say its night two and not night one again.

CarolD

Super!!

Carol87

You are on the right track! When I stopped drinking I drank gallons of iced tea ...but to keep my sobriety I need the program of AA. Hope you will give it a try ...

Good luck ...

miss communicat

Dear Initnow,

Your post was really honest and is a good start in the road to recovery. It sounds like you are ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to get relief from the painful patterns of daily drinking. Your health will get stronger in time without drinking every day.

It also sounds like your alcoholism is having an impact on your wife and getting sober is going to be very important to the quality of that aspect of your life.

Its great that you are asking for help, but may I suggest a few things:

1. Get a medical checkup and tell your dr that you drink every day and want to stop. Ask for advice on how to do that safely
2. Visit a few AA meetings. You don't have to speak if you are called. Just say that you want to listen. And then listen. You may hear something important for you. Get a couple of phone numbers from the sober guys in the meeting. You can call them when you feel like a drink. They can help you not pick up that first drink.
3. Consider going to the counselor without reservations. It is not shameful. Its a great learning experience. You may just need to learn how to deal with yourself better. It can't hurt, right?

Good luck and don't quit! You are worth the effort!

nanita

Initnow-I'm also new to recovery and that is my first day on this site. It's motivating the heck out of me to have so many people to talk to! Anyway, I belong to a group called Women For Sobriety (obviously, you're a guy), but it's been very helpful to me. One of the books they recommended is called Under the Influence. You really ought to read it -- it's a little more technical that what I normally like to read, but it gave me so much information that I didn't know about alcoholism (after 15 years of a couple dozen drinks a day, you'd thing I'd have known everything!). Not to mention - the part about DT's darn near scared me sober. Seriously, it's a good read - I'd highly recommend it to anyone who's trying to quit drinking. Hope you made it past your 2nd night into (what would this be now, 4 or 5?). Good luck.

miss communicat

Yes, that book Under The Influence is excellent!!

Thanks and WELCOME Nanita!!!

CarolD

We have excerpts here from "Under The Influence"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

It's the book that convinced me to finally quit
17 1/2 years ago today!!..