triegger

Hey all,

It has been a long long time since I posted here although I still would check in from time to time. I have had a terrible weekend and could use some words of encouragement. I am a 42 year old professional. I think I have had always had issues with anxiety. I just learned today there was a name for the porbelms I had in high school, "school refusal". For the most part I have been successful in life, but have had periodic bouts with anxiety and depression.

Not recognizing the pitfalls I tried to self medicate with alcohol. Before this became a contributing problem I became mostly abstinent. The problem is although I realize I could not self-medicate myself any more I never sought treatment for anxiety or depression.

This year has been one of those years. My Mom died in January, negotiating an Estate settlementbetween family, I moved, am planning a wedding, got a prmotion, etc. Enough stressors that lately I have been feeling very anxious. I had an episode in public where I almost fainted. The paramedics were called and they said it was my blood sugar. They tested at 21 although I have been told it is impossible for it to be that low. Long story short, I have been continuing to have issues with my blood sugar which I think now may be anxiety.

By Thursday of last week I had had enough and decided to have a drink. It was a choice I know, but was not very smart. This set off initially what I thought was my blood sugar and and I ended up having to call in to work to take a PTO day. Here is where the real anxiety started. I have a wedding/honeymoon scheduled in Oct and I need all of my PTO. I called my boss and asked to be allowed to make it up. He said he would talk to our Director and call me back, which he never did.

Ever since then I have had what can only be described as frequent panic attacks. Heart pounding, short breath, dizzy, wanting to flee, etc. The continual "what if" thinking is killing me. Our honeymoon has been paid for and invitations sent, rescheduling is not an option. I am afraid of getting fired if I ask for unpaid leave, and I am afraid of disappointing my Fiance if I can take her on a Honeymoon. I am sure you all know how the thinking spirals out of control.

Anyway, thats a bit about me and what brought me here. If any of you could offer some words of encouragement or support it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks much for letting me get all this out,

Triegger

cmc

Hi,
It's good you came back even though it has been awhile you already know that there is help here for you. I am not a regular on this forum so have no words of wisdom for you, but while you wait for others to post their replies you might want to take a look at these other forums, since you are having anxiety and depression.
Welcome back to SR!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/mental-health/ Mental Health

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/anxiety-disorders/ Anxiety Disorders

CarolD

Welcome back!

I suggest you check the links cmc gave you.

All I can think of is for you to seek professional advice.

I have no other ideas Sorry

triegger

Thanks for the replies, I posted this in the anxiety forums as well, I hope that was ok. I guess I should have gone there first but this is where I posted in the past.

Carol, I will be following up with a Doctor about my anxiety, just say a little prayer it goes ok for me at work. I am so afraid if they will not work with me it will set off another attack. The sad part is I have over 6 weeks of EIB but it only kicks in if you are out for 5 days. So I could go to the DR in the morning and start working on my anxiety and end up with a five day vacation or be the good employee who goes into work because he is needed and then gets screwed.

Sorry I am just feeling trapped and need to vent.

Thanks again,

T

CarolD

See if you can find a doctor with evening hours.

I am glad to see you here again...I just don't
know anything about panic attacks to share. I wish I did.

michski

Well yeah.. all that would give me panic attacks too! I used to have constant panic attacks! One would be over and then I'd feel another coming on. The sweating, breathing brain tingling almost passing out and heart thumping. You know drinking is going to make them worse! So, you gotta cut that out.
When I got slammed by life.. death, divorce, IRS audit, Mom's death, new relationship I so wish I would have gone to my doctor and asked for some short term anti anxiety medication instead of self medicating like I did. All this stuff isn't gonna kill you (except maybe if you continue to drink) and NOT everyone ( I find it really difficult) can juggle a full plate so make an appt with doctor asap and talk it out. Emphasize the short term because your anxiety will be short term.

Meanwhile, please don't drink and chase your tail with that stuff. Make sure you've got a paper bag handy because breathing into that for even just a few minutes will help trememdously. There's also an over the counter drug called "Calms" You can find it at health food stores or good drug stores. It's a homeopathic remedy (get the no alcohol!) and it works!!!

Hope you feel better and welcome back!

triegger

Hey Carol,

I can work the Dr. in whenever. The thing is if I go to the Dr. I can ask for some time off due to the anxiety. If I then took the next four days off it is covered under our EIB program. (We do not have sick leave just PTO) If I go back and be dedicated and they dont work with me about Friday then I end up short for the Honeymoon.

I dont know if any of that makes since, I am in a tizzy about what is going to happen. Thanks again for listening,

T

michski

If you don't take the time off will you be able to do the honeymoon OK????

triegger

Hey Mic,

Thanks for the reply. I am not drinking nor do I plan on it. I was feeling this way several weeks before I had a drink, I just think it all caught up with me and that was a contributing factor.

Trying to please everyone and knowing I had to be perfect at work, yada, yada, yada.

Thanks again and I assure you I will be seeing my Dr. next week.

michski

I sent you a pm

Anna

Hi Triegger,

I think you will find help when you talk to your dr. There are medications that can help with anxiety/depression and work very well.

paulmh

In these sorts of periods of my life I find myself saying the serenity prayer often. It helps me sort those things I can fix from those I can't. I think it's liberating to be able to let go of those things I can't change. And it's empowering to focus on those I can.

IMO, you can fix the anxiety over your honeymoon by taking the issue to your boss asap. While it is unresolved it remains a trigger in a trigger-full period. LIke you say, a lot of us DO know how the thinking spirals out of control. And I'm sure you also remember that when we confront those things we can change, it's always a lot less difficult to sort than our fearful minds told us it would be.

triegger

Hey all, I just wanted to give you an update on my day. I went to bed early and although I woke up several times I deep sleep restfully until 6:30 when it was time to get up.

Although I was extremly anxious, I made myself get ready. The 15 minute drive was horrendous full of thoughts of every conceivable what if. I arrived early and went to my office/cubicle to check email and voicemail. I took a few deep breaths and went to talk to my boss.

He asked how I was and I told him that I still was not feeling well but I wanted to come in and try and work. I asked him if he had talked to our Director about allowing me to make up Friday. He said he had and that they were going to let me make it up on a Saturday at quarter end. He said that he would have let me work the prior Saturday but he wanted me to have a chance to feel better. (ACK, if he just called and let me know I might have been wracked but such boughts of anxiety)

Anyway, talk about a weight lifted from my shoulders. It was such an immediate relief of anxiety I was almost shaking from the all the adrenaline that had been running through my body. The rest of the morning was rough as although I aws terribly relieved I was exhausted from the morning panic. A good lunch helped revive me and tonight with good supper behind me I am tired and looking forward to a good night of sleep.

Looking back, I can see how nothing I thought came to pass, nothing! I am so glad I took the choice of going straight in and dealing with the issue rather than going to the Dr. to ask for time off due to my anxiety. Although this would have also solved the problem, the way I chose allowed me to show my committment to work, and made me face the issue head on.

In closing let me say a thank you for all your words, thoughts and prayers!

T

brigid

Wow, what a great step forward. I know it can be sooooo hard to face the dread of what is conjured up in the mind, but you did it and look how it worked out. That is just great!!! Well done.

Deep breaths, life is nothing to be too scared of, it can work out for you.

love and peace,
Brigid