brdlvr

Well, back to square one after 11 wonderful days. In spite of my going to meetings, posting here, and taking Campral I ended up going out not only Saturday night and then one hell of a binge Sunday night right up until I passed out late Monday morning. I'm so pissed at myself, I disappointed my parents as they had to bring my car to me Monday afternoon as I was too lit to drive, I look and feel like crap. I made a vow to myself this morning - NO BARS no matter WHAT. I posted over the weekend about my being in denial. I know I'm an alcoholic, but I am resisting the whole change your lifestyle thing. My way is clearly NOT WORKING. When I look back at how great I felt physically over the last 11 days and how bad I feel now. I hate this.

Brdlvr

OnceNice

These three day weekends are kick in the pants aren't they. Well today is a new day.

Today is either my 11th or 12 day. I don't know. I've decided not to count. Makes me nervous. All the times I quit and started again. I'm not gonna count. For me its too much pressure. your day today is just like mine and probably everyone else who hasn't had a drink for years. Its just today. Heck, I could choke and die on all this damn food I'm stuffing in my mouth LOL>

Oh well Brdlvr. Keep posting. Changing a lifestyle is tough. Addiction is tough. Kicks rich peoples' A#sses, Kicks Middle Class A#sses, Kicks poor people's A#sses. In other words its a pain in the A@ss. Guess we need to look at alchohol like anything else that's a pain in the A#s. We divorce it. LOL

Peace Out

Someone at a meeting recently said that for him, AA stands for "Altered Attitude". I liked that.

"Fall down seven times, get up eight." You're still here, so it's not too late!

Peace Out

The_Hammer

I hate to think how many "vows" that I made and broke. I gotta say too, that I am surprised as hell to hear you say how good you felt physically the previous 11 days. I know my body was in major revolt for 30 days and I white knuckled mentally for a year after that.
At any rate, don't sweat it. When you're ready, it will all come to light to you, until then keep comin back, it works...

...if you work it.

Blessings,

Jimmy

Lizrox

I relapsed on pain pills after 31 days.

You are alive and breathing. You will get your 11 days back in no time and you will start feeling better.

It's been a little over a week since my relaspse and I'm finally sleeping and feeling better.

Hang in there..you can do this..

Liz

brdlvr

Jimmy --
I guess I just loved not having the hangovers, not wasting my weekends, remembering the day/night before etc. I really had only one of the 11 that I really white knuckled it and yes, that day did suck. Looking back to the weekend, I woke up Saturday morning and knew I was going to drink sometime over the weekend - I should have called someone, but I didn't and I paid the price

michski

Good for you that you didn't drive!! At least that was a good choice you made for yourself!!
That could've led you to a really bad consequences.

It's a process learning good choices for oneself.. and sometimes we get stung in the process. Chalk this one up for experience and move on?
You can do it..

StrongR2Day

Think of it as a learning experience, not a failure. Now you know what you need to do in the future. What are you going to do now, that you may not have tried before? Try to stay in the solution, not the problem.

Don W

brdlvy, Welcome back. Changing lifestyle and behaviors has to the one biggest tripping points for us all. Not only alcohol but many times the bars and excitement were also the draw. However, today is a new day and you're back. Not at square 1 but, with the experence and lessons learned in those 11 days. For myself, I'm trying to learn how to change a negitive into a positive. I'd suggest that you write down all the good things during those 11 days. All the positive actions that allowed them to take place. Read it every day as a reminder of the small taste of a better life you had. Don W

CarolD

Welcome back to sobriety!

The_Hammer

"...and more will come to you as you trudge the road to happy destiny."

I use that quote, because you said how nice it was to remmber the night before, etc. The rewards of the program are immediate. Sometimes. Some things take a bit longer, and usually those are the things that we think we want most. I want to stress that we think that we want 'em. For me it was sex. I was hornier than a two peckered billy-goat for that first year I was clean and sober and my sponsor told me to keep it zipped for that year. I though he was nuts, but I did what he "suggested". I have a few 24s since then, and I am convinced it is because my HP has grace and love for me and I followed a few simple suggestions from my sponsor, who loves me dearly too.
More will come, follow a few suggestions. Do you have a sponsor? If not, start today in your search for one, make sure they are the same sex as you, and have some quality sobreity under the belt.

God Bless you,

Jimmy

brdlvr

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. The lifestyle change is a big hurdle for me - I keep thinking I can go to bars and not drink - once in a blue moon I can do that - but mostly not. I have been thinking of why is going out so "important" for me. All I can think of is I guess I'm lonely, I do want to find a good man and get married someday and each time I go out - I think maybe tonight will be the night. Of course, me trying to quit drinking, I should not be looking for Mr. Right in a bar of all places. Duh! LOL

Anna

You're right brdlvr about the huge importance of changing attitude and lifestyle. It's hard to accept but it works and it's so much easier than fighting with yourself every weekend about whether to go to a bar or not.

There are so many other things to do and so many places to meet interesting people. Have you ever thought about doing volunteer work in your community? It can give you a chance to give something back and feel good about what you're doing, as well as a chance to meet lots of new people.

I'm glad you're back.

Rusty Zipper

bird lover ... if we didnt tell one lie today, its one truth in a row ... welcome back to recovery...

xxoo, bless, RZ

earlybird

Why bars though??? Why WOULD you want to go to a bar and hang out but not drink? Thats like hitting Six Flags once a week but not riding anything. Why?? That feeling that you need to still hang out in bars will go away as soon as you get to work on the lifestyle change. You will soon begin to think to yourself "God,....I cant BELEIVE I used to hang out in that place". I know it seems like an impossibility now, but, it WILL happen. It just sounds like to me,...that you arent ready to quit yet. When you go to a bar when you are trying to quit, you havent built up ANY sober backbone yet,...so when you see all your drinking buddies still drinking and having what seems like a good time,.....you feel like you're missing out on the fun. Then the devil appears on your shoulder. He starts telling you that "a few isnt going to hurt you...and besides,...your drinking isnt really even that bad"....."Look at all your 'friends' having the time of their lives.....your missing it all" The angel appears too, but the devil kicks its a55 pretty quickly. So by walking into a bar even with the full-on intent to JUST HANG and NOT DRINK,....you are setting yourself up for CERTAIN failure everytime. Think about it rationally. IF you were allergic to bees,....would you hang out by the hive? If you were allergic to chocolate, would you take the Hershey Plant Tour a couple times a week? No. So doesnt it seem pretty absurd to try and quit drinking while hanging out in a bar?


If you hang out in the barber shop long enough,....sooner or later,...you WILL get a haircut.

brdlvr

I agree with all the posts. I think I'm 80 - 90 percent done, but when I really get honest with myself, I still think thoughts of drinking "someday" the sheer fact of me still, even occasionally, going to the bar, tells me that I'm not doing "whatever it takes" to stay sober. I'm still of the mindset that I can use will power - (I know, it doesn't work most of the time)

Thanks for understanding, if not agreeing with where I'm at

FriendofBill

I wish you desperation.

Without it, change cannot occur.

earlybird

Thats where you are wrong. Willpower doesnt ever work with alcoholics who try to 'control' their drinking.


Think about it,.......if willpower worked for you, you would be able to use it to simply not drink. Proof willpower doesnt stand a chance is that you are STILL thinking of that "some day". Oh, and its not that I dont agree with where you are at. I understand completely with where you are coming from. Ive been there. Know the place well. The "whatever it takes" theory is built on the idea that if you dont stop, you are going to go to jail, be institutionalized or, God forbid,....die. Either way, your life IS going to get alot worse. And thats the best case senario. Alcohol is destroying your life. Why do you still view it as a fun time? Thats the question you need to answer for yourself. You cannot quit drinking, but, keep doing the same things you have always done and hanging out in the same places as you always did and hanging out with the same people as you always hung out with. It DOES NOT WORK. Be good to yourself and life will be good to you, too. AA saved my life. My doctor told me that if I continued drinking at ANY amount,....Id be dead within the year. He also told me that if I continued drinking at the level I HAD been,....Id be dead in two weeks. Needless to say, at that time, I was barely living at all. I was unemployed, collecting unemployment checks, and spending it all on booze. I could barely walk. I couldnt pee standing up any longer. I got cold, clammy sensations up and down my spine if I stood for more than 30 seconds. I weighed 114 lbs at 5ft 7 inches tall. I ceased being an adult man, and became a frightened child. Too scared to help myself. And please,...please dont read my misfortunes and think to yourself "Well,....maybe Im not that bad afterall,....Im not at that point yet".


You will be. Dont let it get that bad. Because it will. 90% is good. But you need to be at 100% to be successful at sobriety. Until then,...you are on dangerous ground and territory. Anything can happen to your health waiting for that last 10% to come.

WEE DEE

Day one is definately better than Day None!!!

Wishing you well.

D.xxx

Rusty Zipper

hey brlvr ... if you want to get a dose of drinking reality, go take a gander at this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...jack-ass-turns.

its under family and friends section