tryingtobesober

I have posted a few threads on here and it helped out alot and I as happy for awhile and then its like I just have had this big wrench thrown into the gears and I had like a few beers and here I found myself realizing what I was doing to myself again. I have been going through counciling and all of that lovely stuff. My psycologist thinks that I have a mild form of depression YIKES !!! That was a big deal when he told me that because it was like a little light went on upstairs and I was like oh wow wait hmm isnt alcohol UUUUU like a downer !!! So I was okay that is why I have been so overly emotional for the past year or more like few months. I cut out all the people in my life that are basically party animals and all of that crap. I felt better my husband and I were getting along better too. Then the wrench comes and I am getting a divorce. Moving home back to mom and dads. I feel like crap but I need help and I usually dont drink or get stressed out until my soon to be ex is around hes always tense and yelling about something or he just sits there and does not want to be bothered at all. We have been in marrage counciling for almost a year and here we are still at square one. I am pissed at myself for not being true to my self and leaving when I knew darn well I should have sucked it up and left. I just cant deal with this anymore.

2dayzmuse

We can't go back and change the past. Move forward and live in today and look towards the future. You can be true to yourself today. Work on what you can. That being yourself and your life ahead. Things may seem dismal now, but in time, you will begin to see the brighter side again. Keep coming back...

Anna

I'm sorry you're going through this and facing these changes in your life. Muse is right, that you can just do what you can do. You don't have to figure it all out right now. Just move ahead slowly.

By the way, are you getting treatment for the depression because if not, that might be something to talk to your dr about.

CarolD

Old dreams die and we find new ones.

Keep in focus. Blessings

michski

Life just happens.. In my opinion there are only two things I REALLY know are gonna happen for absolutely sure, and those are Death and Change. Some people would add taxes..

I'm not sure if you know the writings of Joseph Campbell or not. After completeing a 6 week long lecture series at some college (maybe Sarah Lawrence?) he was asked for one piece of advice on how to help live a happy life. His response was " Go joyfully into the sorrow of your own life" I don't know about you folks, but that sentence has been my credo.

Grasshopper

What i trully believed was the end,for i could only see the clouds,
turned out to be new and super great beginnings for me.
Take time to grieve.Be, with understanding and compasssionate folks.,who allow ,you,to get all my hurt out.
The time will come when you can let go,and start your new journey.And the sunshine ,will,come back into your life.
What helped me,was going to AA meetings.Being in fellowship,with folks ,learning how to stay sober,no matter what happenes in my life.
My prayers are with you,during this trying time.

brigid

There is a lot in my life that I have left behind, sadly at the time ... there is a lot that I have held onto because it is familiar and had a "safe" feeling to it ... it was what I knew. Slowly, slowly, I have been able to change things and move to a life that I like. Not overnight either. And I have had to try to live knowing that the tears will stop, but they are needed for a time. They need to stop eventually. I didn't ever try to change everything at once, that would have been way too much pressure and I would not have known what I wanted all together at once. I just deal with the most important thing at the time, the rest follows.

I do nice things for myself too, try to make myself happy when I feel down. Stopping drinking was the best thing I ever have done for myself!!

love and peace,
Brigid

leviathon

T2BS,

I too have struggled with depression for most of my life. My parents were both alcoholic, as was my step father (but add cocaine addict and pot junky too). There was a lot of violence, abuse and neglect to round things off. As a result I have a minor form of underlying chronic depression... I did not even realize it until about 10 yrs ago (I am now 38) b/c I used to work out like a machine and the endorphins that resulted from that were an effective treatment for the depression, although I still had mood swings.

When I got into law school and was put under a tremendous amount of pressure there, the depression was no longer effectively treated by merely working out (believe me I was training harder in law school than ever b/f b/c I was training for competitions). Despite increasing the working out the depression manifested itself in anxiety and an inability to sleep as well as lowered self esteem. The doc put me on effexor and things levelled out and I was fine after that.

In short, mild depression isn't a huge deal as long as you deal with it. And yes, my research indicates that alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, it also affects the chemical balance in your brain and interferes with dopamine and seratonin production and release. My Doc says, however, that this affect is reversible by simply stopping drinking. He was right! Go figure hey!

Peace, Levi

Erin

I'm sorry all this stuff happened at the same time.

I broke up a three year relationship the day I quit. The following week also through some big curve balls at me.

My therapist told me that maybe God felt that I could handle it.

My theory is that you're going to feel sad whether you drink or not. However it's better to just get it over with without drinking then compounding all the self abuse and not dealing when you're drinking.

Also the alcohol affects your moods - so maybe you'll level out in a while????

Hope you're doing alright!!! It's great it's seeing a psychologist. Just keep posting.

Candy Scratch

(((((((tryingtobesober)))))) I'm sorry you're going through this. As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Try not to be so hard on yourself about what you should and shouldn't have done back when. I was married for 13 years, and six of those were too many. Talk about procrastinating.

I know it's hard but you can get through this. You are doing all of the right things to find help for yourself. You will make it and you will flourish. It can be quite the emotional rollercoaster, no doubt.

As Levi has said, sometimes an anti-depressant may help, if only for a while (although in many cases it takes a few weeks for the pills to actually kick in) My doc put me on Celexa for a while about three years ago. She said some people don't need to be on it forever, just for enough time to be able to raise your head and get your bearings until things even out for you. I think I took them for about nine months or so before I stopped and was past the worst of my depression at that time.

Sending you much strength and much love. You are worth it. Keep us posted on how you do.

Candy Scratch