Party this weekend ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 118
Party this weekend ...
i have a difficult choice to make .... i need some input!
my husbands cousin (who we are very close with) is turning 40 this weekend, and there is going to be a large family party.... with alcohol! i'm only on day 9 and i don't know if i feel strong enough to go! it does seem to be getting easier to live without alcohol, but i also haven't been around it. plus i know of one person who will be there, my sister in law, who i've drank alot with in the past. she doesn't know i've stopped, and i know she'll be offering me shots, beer, etc.... i don't know what to do!
my husband said i could just tell everyone i'm on a diet, and not drinking... i did go to a christmas party last year for my husbands work, and didn't drink, and it was easy (because i didn't want to embarass him!) - but there weren't people there who were offering me drinks! i'm just worried about my sister in law - who will be offering me liquor as soon as i walk through the door ... should i go and or just skip this one?
FallGirl
my husbands cousin (who we are very close with) is turning 40 this weekend, and there is going to be a large family party.... with alcohol! i'm only on day 9 and i don't know if i feel strong enough to go! it does seem to be getting easier to live without alcohol, but i also haven't been around it. plus i know of one person who will be there, my sister in law, who i've drank alot with in the past. she doesn't know i've stopped, and i know she'll be offering me shots, beer, etc.... i don't know what to do!
my husband said i could just tell everyone i'm on a diet, and not drinking... i did go to a christmas party last year for my husbands work, and didn't drink, and it was easy (because i didn't want to embarass him!) - but there weren't people there who were offering me drinks! i'm just worried about my sister in law - who will be offering me liquor as soon as i walk through the door ... should i go and or just skip this one?
FallGirl
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
If it were me, and I wasn't sure? I would not even think of chancing it.
My doc was meth, but I've missed a TON of parties, nightclubs, etc. etc.
etc. because I didn't feel I was strong enough if I saw it there.
My key to staying off the meth has always been, Whatever it takes.
One day you will be strong enough, but you've got to get to that point first.
Just my .2 cents.
I wish you luck with whatever your decision is.
:-)
DWI
My doc was meth, but I've missed a TON of parties, nightclubs, etc. etc.
etc. because I didn't feel I was strong enough if I saw it there.
My key to staying off the meth has always been, Whatever it takes.
One day you will be strong enough, but you've got to get to that point first.
Just my .2 cents.
I wish you luck with whatever your decision is.
:-)
DWI
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: IL
Posts: 60
If there is any way to get out of going, I would. I have 60 days today, but I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and I was only able to stay for about an hour and a half. I just couldn't take all the alcohol around me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Make sure your husband is on your side with whatever decision you make so he can help at the party. It's so much better to have someone to confide in when things get tough. Have a phone number of someone you can call to talk about your feelings or just to escape for a few minutes and regroup. Most importantly, accept the fact that you can leave at any time. There is nothing that says you have to go or that you have to stay a certain length of time. You'll know better than anyone here whether or not you're comfortable with the situation. Have fun, and stay strong.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
I tried that early on in sobriety and it was awful for me. I was so angry the whole evening, and upset about everything. I didn't drink, BUT, the next day I went out and drank a lot!
I also tried the idea of saying 'Oh, I can't drink tonight, I'm on antibiotics" or something like that. Lying didn't feel good either. Sobriety is all about honesty.
I wouldn't go if it were me, but if you do go, be prepared. As C'est said, have your husband on your side and have someone you can call or somewhere you go to get away.
I also tried the idea of saying 'Oh, I can't drink tonight, I'm on antibiotics" or something like that. Lying didn't feel good either. Sobriety is all about honesty.
I wouldn't go if it were me, but if you do go, be prepared. As C'est said, have your husband on your side and have someone you can call or somewhere you go to get away.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
Fallgirl--you have young kids too, right? Don't know if it would work for you but here's what I did at a recent party--showed up to say hello, said I had babysitter issues so I couldn't stay long. When they asked me what I wanted to drink, I said [my husband] went for it. I had my husband go get me a drink (club soda with lime). Then, I walked around for about an hour. If I would have been asked, I planned to say I was so tired and didn't want to drink especially since I had to leave so early. But no one even noticed. My husband was supportive--but he drank at the party. We made an appearance and simply ducked out early. I was really scared to go and really didn't want to go, but I did and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.
Hope this helps.
Oh yeah, I had some numbers handy in case I needed them.
Good luck in your decision. You will do the right thing for you!
Hope this helps.
Oh yeah, I had some numbers handy in case I needed them.
Good luck in your decision. You will do the right thing for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 118
No, I actually don't have any kids!
I'm leaning toward going ONLY because my husband is going, and I discussed my concerns with him earlier, and I know he'll be supportive of me, whatever I decide.
It's not even that I really have a problem saying no, when I first met his family I didn't drink at the family functions because I was self concious about my drinking, and didn't want to embarass myself or hubby. so i know if i say "no thanks" or sip on a coke, no ones gonna say anything!
Its' just my sister in law - we've drank many a time together (often sneaking off somewhere during the party to do shots) and i know she still drinks heavily. we've always been kind of "partners in crime" at family functions.... so she's the only one I'm really worried about!
thank you all for your advice and support - it means alot to me!
FallGirl
I'm leaning toward going ONLY because my husband is going, and I discussed my concerns with him earlier, and I know he'll be supportive of me, whatever I decide.
It's not even that I really have a problem saying no, when I first met his family I didn't drink at the family functions because I was self concious about my drinking, and didn't want to embarass myself or hubby. so i know if i say "no thanks" or sip on a coke, no ones gonna say anything!
Its' just my sister in law - we've drank many a time together (often sneaking off somewhere during the party to do shots) and i know she still drinks heavily. we've always been kind of "partners in crime" at family functions.... so she's the only one I'm really worried about!
thank you all for your advice and support - it means alot to me!
FallGirl
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Hi FG,
Some great suggestions, but that SIL with the history you 2 share is a tough call. Maybe you could just be honest with her? Would that be possible? Before the day of the party?
If not, then you could deflect tension and attention away from your not drinking by doing some of the things Scootinbabe suggested. Sounds like, after not too long, she (sister-in-law, not Scootinbabe, lol!) will be in her cups and will not be paying any attention to who's drinking what. Then you will blend right in.
I think you will feel better if you go to wish him a happy 40th, but don't feel obliged to stay a second longer than you are comfortable with.
Some great suggestions, but that SIL with the history you 2 share is a tough call. Maybe you could just be honest with her? Would that be possible? Before the day of the party?
If not, then you could deflect tension and attention away from your not drinking by doing some of the things Scootinbabe suggested. Sounds like, after not too long, she (sister-in-law, not Scootinbabe, lol!) will be in her cups and will not be paying any attention to who's drinking what. Then you will blend right in.
I think you will feel better if you go to wish him a happy 40th, but don't feel obliged to stay a second longer than you are comfortable with.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 118
ya know the funny thing is - outside of occasional family parties or bbq's we never see each other, we don't even really talk that much - just drink like fishes when we see each other! she's actually only been in the family for about a year.
my fear is that she'll be drinking (without question) and that when she offers me, i'll say no thanks - and then she'll draw attention to us by stuff like "come on - have a shot!" and keep pestering me - i'm not worried about anyone else there - they won't say anything if i drink or not!
as i write this - i find it actually kind of disgusting that i have a relationship with someone based soley on drinking!
FallGirl
my fear is that she'll be drinking (without question) and that when she offers me, i'll say no thanks - and then she'll draw attention to us by stuff like "come on - have a shot!" and keep pestering me - i'm not worried about anyone else there - they won't say anything if i drink or not!
as i write this - i find it actually kind of disgusting that i have a relationship with someone based soley on drinking!
FallGirl
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
HI FG, my advice is simple, if you doubt your ability to resist your sis in law, don't go. In early sobriety you have to ever vigilant to watch for triggers... she sounds like a real hot trigger to me.
If you do go, have a plan to get out of the difficult situ of her by always having a non alcoholic drink in your hand... i.e. something that looks alcoholic but isn't... coke in a glad with cubes works for me... go to the bathroom suddenly to get away when the offers are hot... seek the company of others that will help you resist her overtures... etc.
Peace, Levi.
If you do go, have a plan to get out of the difficult situ of her by always having a non alcoholic drink in your hand... i.e. something that looks alcoholic but isn't... coke in a glad with cubes works for me... go to the bathroom suddenly to get away when the offers are hot... seek the company of others that will help you resist her overtures... etc.
Peace, Levi.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by LovingMom
well, I say go. But the first time you are offered, tell whomever it is that you aren't drinking tonight...then ask for a coke. Smile big and proud because you are taking your life back.
You say go???? Why?
Why on earth would someone who finally stops drinking after it has destroyed so much of their life,..."play with fire" so early in recovery? Why even go around the stuff? Especially at only nine days sober?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: CA
Posts: 75
I would say not to go......you are too early in your sobriety and it might be too tempting at this time. If you do decide to go, something I said in the very beginning was that I was on some meds and couldn't drink. Antibiotics...whatever....Good Luck!
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
When I quit I was around drinking all the time, but I had it in my head absolutely that drinking was no longer something that I did and that really helped me. I just don't think about me and drinking seriously, even when thoughts come through, I just don't take them seriously at all, I know they are the crap thoughts that made me miserable for so, so long.
I drank lots of water, was prepared for the onslaught of offers (they do leave you alone when you stick to your guns), took a replacement drink, went to the toilet whenever I wanted to, went to the kitchen, did not feel obliged to stay and talk when I felt uncomfortable. I did not give in to other people wanting me to keep them company with drinking. I gave in to me needing to be good to me and making my decisions for me.
Me really does not need alcohol!!!! Me reacts badly to that chemical and cannot get on with my own life properly!!! Lots of people can't drink, I am just one of those people so now I do the right thing by me in that department ... it is good.
Good luck, you can go and not drink, you can also not go and not drink.
You can do whatever you feel comfortable with!!
love and peace,
Brigid
I drank lots of water, was prepared for the onslaught of offers (they do leave you alone when you stick to your guns), took a replacement drink, went to the toilet whenever I wanted to, went to the kitchen, did not feel obliged to stay and talk when I felt uncomfortable. I did not give in to other people wanting me to keep them company with drinking. I gave in to me needing to be good to me and making my decisions for me.
Me really does not need alcohol!!!! Me reacts badly to that chemical and cannot get on with my own life properly!!! Lots of people can't drink, I am just one of those people so now I do the right thing by me in that department ... it is good.
Good luck, you can go and not drink, you can also not go and not drink.
You can do whatever you feel comfortable with!!
love and peace,
Brigid
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by brigid
When I quit I was around drinking all the time, but I had it in my head absolutely that drinking was no longer something that I did and that really helped me. I just don't think about me and drinking seriously, even when thoughts come through, I just don't take them seriously at all, I know they are the crap thoughts that made me miserable for so, so long.
I drank lots of water, was prepared for the onslaught of offers (they do leave you alone when you stick to your guns), took a replacement drink, went to the toilet whenever I wanted to, went to the kitchen, did not feel obliged to stay and talk when I felt uncomfortable. I did not give in to other people wanting me to keep them company with drinking. I gave in to me needing to be good to me and making my decisions for me.
Me really does not need alcohol!!!! Me reacts badly to that chemical and cannot get on with my own life properly!!! Lots of people can't drink, I am just one of those people so now I do the right thing by me in that department ... it is good.
Good luck, you can go and not drink, you can also not go and not drink.
You can do whatever you feel comfortable with!!
love and peace,
Brigid
I drank lots of water, was prepared for the onslaught of offers (they do leave you alone when you stick to your guns), took a replacement drink, went to the toilet whenever I wanted to, went to the kitchen, did not feel obliged to stay and talk when I felt uncomfortable. I did not give in to other people wanting me to keep them company with drinking. I gave in to me needing to be good to me and making my decisions for me.
Me really does not need alcohol!!!! Me reacts badly to that chemical and cannot get on with my own life properly!!! Lots of people can't drink, I am just one of those people so now I do the right thing by me in that department ... it is good.
Good luck, you can go and not drink, you can also not go and not drink.
You can do whatever you feel comfortable with!!
love and peace,
Brigid
Brigid,......you are definitely in the minority here. Its great that you were able to do that so early on. Its great that you were able to muster up that kind of courage and self-confidence. That is, indeed, rare for someone in early recovery. So, I find it very irresponsible of you to recommend that she try this based on the sole fact that you were able to. So what. MOST cannot. Im sure that is something you know, too. How can you tell someone with nine days sober to attend a party where there will be wall to wall booze? Very irresponsible. Im glad you were able to, but, since thats NOT the norm, you should include that in your entire story somewhere on this board, but, not here in "Newcomers". Thats MY opinion, anyway.
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by earlybird
So, I find it very irresponsible of you to recommend that she try this based on the sole fact that you were able to. So what.
Good luck, you can go and not drink, you can also not go and not drink.
You can do whatever you feel comfortable with!!
You can do whatever you feel comfortable with!!
And I have actually read others say the same thing, that they felt comfortable around alcohol because they had decided that it was not right for them.
And others have NOT felt good around alcohol early on. Whichever way it needs to go for someone to stay sober, that is the way the person should choose.
I felt by saying exactly how I felt and thought that this person may be able to guage for themselves if they felt similarly or NOT and that may help make the decision. If the comfort zone with alcohol is NOT there, then the decision should be to NOT go to the party.
peace and love,
Brigid
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Hi Brigid, you shared your ES&H, there is nothing wrong with that regardless of Earlybird's reaction to it.
I did not read what you wrote as encouraging someone to put themselves at risk, you were putting the responsibilty on the person to determine what they could handle. As we all know ... one of the hallmarks of addiction is the inability to take responsibility for one's actions, encouraging someone to take responsibilty and make decisions for themselves is not a bad thing.
Peace, Levi
I did not read what you wrote as encouraging someone to put themselves at risk, you were putting the responsibilty on the person to determine what they could handle. As we all know ... one of the hallmarks of addiction is the inability to take responsibility for one's actions, encouraging someone to take responsibilty and make decisions for themselves is not a bad thing.
Peace, Levi
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