Sitting at home and wondering what to do?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Sitting at home and wondering what to do?
Unfortunately (it's probably actually "fortunately" though it may not feel that way in the moment), many/most of us are home for several weeks......maybe more.
For those of us who are alcoholic - the tendency may be to focus on self-centered desires, wallow in self pity, and convince ourselves that everything would be great if on X, Y, and Z were different. It's also likely many of us will incorrectly presume that our present dissatisfaction with being trapped at home is to blame, that the threat of getting sick is the problem, and that our lack of human contact is the real problem. Having made all these mistakes myself, what I learned exceptionally well from them was that this sort of thinking / behavior is precisely the "spiritual malady" written about in the book. It's the root of my illness - the source - THE things that led to the outward signs (the drinking) of my internal condition.
I think back to lines in the book that reeeeeally gave me difficulties during times of "hardship." Lines like
- If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, ma of of us would have recovered long ago but we found such codes/philosophies did not save us no matter how much we tried.
---- Don't I have a philosophy about how my life "should" be going? Aren't I wishing for it? Is it bringing me comfort.......or isn't it actually causing more pain, depression, self centered thought and so forth?
- Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live.
---- Am I capable of producing my own happiness? Can I simply decide to not worry, to not be bored, to enjoy this alone-time? Can I simply just decide to be content and joyful and make that happen? ......Or is it possible I need some power in addition to what I bring to the table?
I had a hard time with Bills description of what active alcoholism looks like because I mistakenly thought it only meant if I was suffering from the symptom of drinking.
- We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.
---- Ah, the bedevilments. I'm allllllllllllll too familiar with these bringers of havoc! The good 'ol spiritual malady. Where are these present in my life today? Where are this monsters running my life for me? Where are they driving me to do things I later regret? What is the likely hood I'll enjoy my sobriety (or maybe it's just dry-time) and remain sober if these killers are still in effect? And the toughest of all...... what am I doing about them? Wishing them away? Trying to "stay busy" so I don't notice them (aka, the same actions as drinking only without the booze)?
- We agnostics and atheists were sticking to the idea that self-sufficiency would solve our problems.
---- Where am I convinced I can solve my own problems? Do my efforts produce the results I expect? Are my solutions working? Are there some areas where my false pride and false ego won't allow me to admit some "lack of power" in this area or that area?
And this one I've challenged 100s of times...... maybe 1000 (probably thousands...lol).
- "Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems."
---- Wait........solve ALL? What about being lonely? Surely I need contact to solve that one right - lol. What about money problems? Certainly I need money to come to me when, where and in the amounts I believe I need. No way spiritual principles will work in this area - lol. What about those bedevilments above? Spiritual principles can't possibly do anything for those right - lol.
Now I remember back to what Bill wrote about WW2 being a big challenge for early AA members. Here were alkies, some in recovery, that were headed off to Europe or the South Pacific to fight in a real live WAR. No AA meetings there.... oh, and in the meantime, hords of ppl are focused on actually killing you - in addition to alcoholism. Even under the stresses of full-on combat, alkies were able to practice spiritual principles, remains sober and come back to report that it worked even in THAT horrible environment. .....but listen to some of the thoughts in our heads and you'd likely hear such drivel as "this coronavirus stuff is the worrrrrst ever!" lol Yeah, soooo much worse than being an infantry soldier, alkie, at war in a foreign country and knowing that booze and an entire nation are conspiring to kill us.
Personally, I'm looking forward to the "down time." My meditation time and prayer times have needed some "attention" for a while and now it looks like I'll have the time to address these issues and incorporate some changes into my daily practices.
I'm also using this as an opportunity to re-work the steps myself and with my sponsees. What a great time to get some serious step 4 and 5 progress! These typically take some time and now will be easier to focus on.
There's sooooooooo much more in the recovery program that I can be doing. So much more growth that's possible. So much more serenity that I haven't experienced. The questions, the really hard questions, are 1. am I willing to admit I don't have it all yet and 2. am I willing to work for it?
For those of us who are alcoholic - the tendency may be to focus on self-centered desires, wallow in self pity, and convince ourselves that everything would be great if on X, Y, and Z were different. It's also likely many of us will incorrectly presume that our present dissatisfaction with being trapped at home is to blame, that the threat of getting sick is the problem, and that our lack of human contact is the real problem. Having made all these mistakes myself, what I learned exceptionally well from them was that this sort of thinking / behavior is precisely the "spiritual malady" written about in the book. It's the root of my illness - the source - THE things that led to the outward signs (the drinking) of my internal condition.
I think back to lines in the book that reeeeeally gave me difficulties during times of "hardship." Lines like
- If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, ma of of us would have recovered long ago but we found such codes/philosophies did not save us no matter how much we tried.
---- Don't I have a philosophy about how my life "should" be going? Aren't I wishing for it? Is it bringing me comfort.......or isn't it actually causing more pain, depression, self centered thought and so forth?
- Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live.
---- Am I capable of producing my own happiness? Can I simply decide to not worry, to not be bored, to enjoy this alone-time? Can I simply just decide to be content and joyful and make that happen? ......Or is it possible I need some power in addition to what I bring to the table?
I had a hard time with Bills description of what active alcoholism looks like because I mistakenly thought it only meant if I was suffering from the symptom of drinking.
- We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.
---- Ah, the bedevilments. I'm allllllllllllll too familiar with these bringers of havoc! The good 'ol spiritual malady. Where are these present in my life today? Where are this monsters running my life for me? Where are they driving me to do things I later regret? What is the likely hood I'll enjoy my sobriety (or maybe it's just dry-time) and remain sober if these killers are still in effect? And the toughest of all...... what am I doing about them? Wishing them away? Trying to "stay busy" so I don't notice them (aka, the same actions as drinking only without the booze)?
- We agnostics and atheists were sticking to the idea that self-sufficiency would solve our problems.
---- Where am I convinced I can solve my own problems? Do my efforts produce the results I expect? Are my solutions working? Are there some areas where my false pride and false ego won't allow me to admit some "lack of power" in this area or that area?
And this one I've challenged 100s of times...... maybe 1000 (probably thousands...lol).
- "Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems."
---- Wait........solve ALL? What about being lonely? Surely I need contact to solve that one right - lol. What about money problems? Certainly I need money to come to me when, where and in the amounts I believe I need. No way spiritual principles will work in this area - lol. What about those bedevilments above? Spiritual principles can't possibly do anything for those right - lol.
Now I remember back to what Bill wrote about WW2 being a big challenge for early AA members. Here were alkies, some in recovery, that were headed off to Europe or the South Pacific to fight in a real live WAR. No AA meetings there.... oh, and in the meantime, hords of ppl are focused on actually killing you - in addition to alcoholism. Even under the stresses of full-on combat, alkies were able to practice spiritual principles, remains sober and come back to report that it worked even in THAT horrible environment. .....but listen to some of the thoughts in our heads and you'd likely hear such drivel as "this coronavirus stuff is the worrrrrst ever!" lol Yeah, soooo much worse than being an infantry soldier, alkie, at war in a foreign country and knowing that booze and an entire nation are conspiring to kill us.
Personally, I'm looking forward to the "down time." My meditation time and prayer times have needed some "attention" for a while and now it looks like I'll have the time to address these issues and incorporate some changes into my daily practices.
I'm also using this as an opportunity to re-work the steps myself and with my sponsees. What a great time to get some serious step 4 and 5 progress! These typically take some time and now will be easier to focus on.
There's sooooooooo much more in the recovery program that I can be doing. So much more growth that's possible. So much more serenity that I haven't experienced. The questions, the really hard questions, are 1. am I willing to admit I don't have it all yet and 2. am I willing to work for it?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Overall, nearly half of the influenza-related deaths in the 1918 pandemic were young adults 20–40 years of age. Bill was 23 years old in 1918 and started his tour overseas for WW1 that year. If memory serves, more of our troops died from influenza than from combat in WW1. It must have been a truly terrifying experience for Bill.
And we think we got it bad lol.
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
And we think we got it bad lol.
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by awuh1 
Overall, nearly half of the influenza-related deaths in the 1918 pandemic were young adults 20–40 years of age. Bill was 23 years old in 1918 and started his tour overseas for WW1 that year. If memory serves, more of our troops died from influenza than from combat in WW1. It must have been a truly terrifying experience for Bill.
And we think we got it bad lol.
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
And we think we got it bad lol.
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
Thanks for your post.. I knew the numbers were big regarding the 1918 Spanish flu.. I found these statistics off the History channels site.. huge numbers..
“The horrific scale of the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic is hard to fathom. The virus infected 500 million people worldwide and killed an estimated 20 million to 50 million victims— that’s more than all of the soldiers and civilians killed during World War I combined.
While the global pandemic lasted for two years, the vast majority of deaths were packed into three especially cruel months in the fall of 1918. Historians now believe that the fatal severity of the Spanish flu’s “second wave” was caused by a mutated virus spread by wartime troop movements.
When the Spanish flu first appeared in early March 1918, it had all the hallmarks of a seasonal flu, albeit a highly contagious and virulent strain. One of the first registered cases was Albert Gitchell, a U.S. Army cook at Camp Funston in Kansas, who was hospitalized with a 104-degree fever. The virus spread quickly through the Army installation, home to 54,000 troops. By the end of the month, 1,100 troops had been hospitalized and 38 had died after developing pneumonia.”
This will pass. I hope Everyone lays low uses common sense.. be safe.. it’s a very weird/ creepy thing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by awuh1
Overall, nearly half of the influenza-related deaths in the 1918 pandemic were young adults 20–40 years of age. Bill was 23 years old in 1918 and started his tour overseas for WW1 that year. If memory serves, more of our troops died from influenza than from combat in WW1. It must have been a truly terrifying experience for Bill.
And we think we got it bad lol.
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
And we think we got it bad lol.
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
I must get a copy of the actual.
A real life changer was Mariannes book, I couldn't split that and the Big book as to most influential on my life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Love love l❤ve your post DayTrader! It is exactly what I needed to read today as after day 2 of "lockdown" yesterday it was all too clear to me that I do not need to be drinking to be suffering from alcoholism and I had a spiritual awakening in that yes, I suffer from a spiritual malady, and I am unable to will myself happy no more than I could will myself to stop drinking. I jumped onto an evening zoom meeting and WOW , one person's share was just like whoa, it's like my HP is talking to me through her and then I get on line this morning and read your post. God speaks through people, I truly believe that. I believe it because I have experienced it.
Would you mind if I shared your post with some AA girls I have a WhatsApp group with? I know you wouldnt know if I did or not but I would like to ask your permission first and I'll respect your decision whatever it is.
But thank you again. You have just carried AA message to this alcoholic!!! 🙏❤🙏
Would you mind if I shared your post with some AA girls I have a WhatsApp group with? I know you wouldnt know if I did or not but I would like to ask your permission first and I'll respect your decision whatever it is.
But thank you again. You have just carried AA message to this alcoholic!!! 🙏❤🙏
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I attended a zoom meeting from Dennisport last night at 7 pm
it was on fear
great meeting!
I have been making a zoom meeting a day
I am using this down time to make online meetings and am starting to see a few guys over and over,and making new friends
plus catching up on a few chores around the house
it was on fear
great meeting!
I have been making a zoom meeting a day
I am using this down time to make online meetings and am starting to see a few guys over and over,and making new friends
plus catching up on a few chores around the house
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by snitch
Would you mind if I shared your post with some AA girls I have a WhatsApp group with?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi all ok so you are trapped at home.. things to do..
grow some of your own veg herbs or spices.. potting soil seeds at the local hardware or garden shop or your yard.. look up on you tube how to and sit with your kids.. and find out how things grow and get a green thumb
sew stop at Walmart they have towels and cloth and buttons and bows.. look up you tube and say mmm how to make bread how to sew a button.. learn new things.. my
my flowers from fall are coming up have some seeds for tomatoes started crossing my fingers love you all ardy wisconsin
grow some of your own veg herbs or spices.. potting soil seeds at the local hardware or garden shop or your yard.. look up on you tube how to and sit with your kids.. and find out how things grow and get a green thumb
sew stop at Walmart they have towels and cloth and buttons and bows.. look up you tube and say mmm how to make bread how to sew a button.. learn new things.. my
my flowers from fall are coming up have some seeds for tomatoes started crossing my fingers love you all ardy wisconsin
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Historically, I have had a tough time distinguishing the difference between doing things to try and pacify myself, things when I look at them I'm using as tools to try and make myself "feel good" versus when I'm actually doing something that I believe is aligned with God's will and I'm doing it because I believe it's what's "right" (using "right" isn't the best word here but it's the best way I can get my idea across). It gets even more complicated when I notice that a lot of the time, I start out doing something that I really do "know" (aka, strongly believe) is aligned with Gods will for me but then I take it way too far and it becomes another exercise in selfishness.
As a general guide though, I think it's my responsibility to employ a healthy questioning of my motives, the sooner the better, and as the 10th step suggests, to inconstantly be looking for where I'm behaving selfishly, living in self-centeredness, taking actions because I'm being driven by a fear or fears, and relying upon self-sufficiency to try and make things to my liking.
I've found when I'm spiritually balanced, when I'm right with whatever my conception of spiritual thinking and and living is at the moment, my internal world is at peace. And when my internal world is at peace, it truly doesn't matter what's going on in my external world all that much. I'm definitely not saying that everything that goes on in one's external life is enjoyable or even acceptable. Thankfully I've been able to identify a lot of things that are absolutely not acceptable in my life and then I can take actions to alter, rectify, or maybe just stop that thing from continuing to happen. But when it really gets down to the really important stuff, when I'm on that spiritual beam, I don't really need to spend much time trying to arrange my external world in a manner that could make me happy (which usually leads to me stepping on the toes of others, irritating other ppl, or maybe just being a general pain the the butt for many of the folks around me) because I'm already at peace and I can remain in serenity in spite of the things happening that cause so many people so much discomfort.
As a general guide though, I think it's my responsibility to employ a healthy questioning of my motives, the sooner the better, and as the 10th step suggests, to inconstantly be looking for where I'm behaving selfishly, living in self-centeredness, taking actions because I'm being driven by a fear or fears, and relying upon self-sufficiency to try and make things to my liking.
I've found when I'm spiritually balanced, when I'm right with whatever my conception of spiritual thinking and and living is at the moment, my internal world is at peace. And when my internal world is at peace, it truly doesn't matter what's going on in my external world all that much. I'm definitely not saying that everything that goes on in one's external life is enjoyable or even acceptable. Thankfully I've been able to identify a lot of things that are absolutely not acceptable in my life and then I can take actions to alter, rectify, or maybe just stop that thing from continuing to happen. But when it really gets down to the really important stuff, when I'm on that spiritual beam, I don't really need to spend much time trying to arrange my external world in a manner that could make me happy (which usually leads to me stepping on the toes of others, irritating other ppl, or maybe just being a general pain the the butt for many of the folks around me) because I'm already at peace and I can remain in serenity in spite of the things happening that cause so many people so much discomfort.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
ardy,great post!
I like growing plants too.Yesterday I bought 2 flats of German Johnson tomatoes.72 plants for 32 bucks,a good deal around here
I hope to get them in the ground soon.I bought them early because they was selling out early.I have some red and white Texas sweet onions planted in early Feb and some Shallotts.They are doing great.
I pruned my blueberry bushes so far.Planted 6 thornless blackberry bushes too.
I`m ready to go full steam ahead here in NC with my garden!
good luck on yours
I like growing plants too.Yesterday I bought 2 flats of German Johnson tomatoes.72 plants for 32 bucks,a good deal around here
I hope to get them in the ground soon.I bought them early because they was selling out early.I have some red and white Texas sweet onions planted in early Feb and some Shallotts.They are doing great.
I pruned my blueberry bushes so far.Planted 6 thornless blackberry bushes too.
I`m ready to go full steam ahead here in NC with my garden!
good luck on yours
Originally Posted by ardy
Hi all ok so you are trapped at home.. things to do..
grow some of your own veg herbs or spices.. potting soil seeds at the local hardware or garden shop or your yard.. look up on you tube how to and sit with your kids.. and find out how things grow and get a green thumb
sew stop at Walmart they have towels and cloth and buttons and bows.. look up you tube and say mmm how to make bread how to sew a button.. learn new things.. my
my flowers from fall are coming up have some seeds for tomatoes started crossing my fingers love you all ardy wisconsin
grow some of your own veg herbs or spices.. potting soil seeds at the local hardware or garden shop or your yard.. look up on you tube how to and sit with your kids.. and find out how things grow and get a green thumb
sew stop at Walmart they have towels and cloth and buttons and bows.. look up you tube and say mmm how to make bread how to sew a button.. learn new things.. my
my flowers from fall are coming up have some seeds for tomatoes started crossing my fingers love you all ardy wisconsin
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Great idea, DT.
What's an alkie to do?
I'm trying to keep it simple.
Stick to the programme that has kept me sober so far.
Keep busy. All those cleaning jobs that i allegedly didn't have time for have no more excuses between them and me. This house and my work place will be perfect by the time we get the all-clear . . . well, perfect enough. Thanks for the thread.
There are those that say ACIM is anti-Christian. Wikipedia has an interesting article on how it was written.
Stay safe.
~dox
What's an alkie to do?
I'm trying to keep it simple.
Stick to the programme that has kept me sober so far.
Keep busy. All those cleaning jobs that i allegedly didn't have time for have no more excuses between them and me. This house and my work place will be perfect by the time we get the all-clear . . . well, perfect enough. Thanks for the thread.
Originally Posted by awuh1
That said, one of the ways of dealing with increased hours of isolation for me has been to start something my sponsor introduced me to in early sobriety. I rejected it then because of its strong Christian slant. I've been fortunate to loose a great deal of my prejudice in that regard since then, but I will continue to need to keep an open mind. It will be time consuming .... and it's time.
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
It's called "A course in miracles". Here is a link to the free audio book for anyone interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3CLYdtMJs
BTW the work was done by a couple of academics, which has already helped me shed a bit of my prejudice about it..
Stay safe.
~dox
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
For me the Zoom AA meetings have been great. I'm still pretty busy as I worked from home before the COVID19 problem and I am still working. But since I don't have to drive to the meetings I can get to more meetings now than FTF.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
AAPJ,me too
they are easy to make and I make a lot of new AA friends
they are cheaper on gas since I don`t have to start my car
I can`t even complain about the lousy coffee anymore
they are easy to make and I make a lot of new AA friends
they are cheaper on gas since I don`t have to start my car
I can`t even complain about the lousy coffee anymore
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Tommyh
AAPJ,me too
they are easy to make and I make a lot of new AA friends
they are cheaper on gas since I don`t have to start my car
I can`t even complain about the lousy coffee anymore
they are easy to make and I make a lot of new AA friends
they are cheaper on gas since I don`t have to start my car
I can`t even complain about the lousy coffee anymore
I spent a couple of hours after a meeting catching up with an AA guy I hadn't seen in years after he moved. I've met a number of new members as well.
My wife's has been enjoying her yoga lessons which are now online too.
I'm thinking about setting up a Zoom account for "family visits" as I don't want to fly and book a hotel.
However, I enjoy chatting with everyone and a Zoom gathering would make this a lot easier.
I've got a feeling when things get back to normal many people and businesses will have discovered sites like Zoom are quite useful.
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