sortofhomecomin

My personal bete-noire is a person who fails to respect the fundamental anonymity traditions of AA - in other words, she's a toxic gossip. She is clever enough not to engage in gossip during the actual meetings, and not even to cross-talk - in fact during the meetings themselves she is a well-behaved member. If you were a fly on the wall during these meetings, you would probably think "wow, what an asset to AA that lady is, she really gets it". The toxic gossip takes place during chat before and after meetings. If a guy was doing it, he would probably have been taken aside long since and given words of advice, and if he kept doing it perhaps, to be bluntly honest, given a few slaps, quite frankly.

The facts are that she (1) probably not an alcoholic (2) is using AA to treat her personality disorder (BPD) (3) is a toxic gossip.

I understand and accept that AA doesn't and can't decide to ban people if they don't seem to be 'real alcoholics', or ban people from meetings if they are using AA in an attempt to 'cure' their personality disorders, but in point (3) she is just completely bang out of order at a basic level. Do I hold a resentment against this individual? Probably yes, in fact I hold a resentment against the entire group for failing to bring her in line, but as far as I'm concerned it's a very valid one. I mean, every single meeting I've been too at this group or others the phrase "Anonymity is the foundation of our traditions" is read out at some point in the meeting. This is basic stuff.

I will admit it really grinds my gears to see someone taking advantage of the hospitality of the AA fellowship to the extent that it has put me off going to meetings for the time being. My view of AA currently is 'great idea, great fellowship, in principle, in practice on the other hand...'

sortofhomecomin

Unfortunately, similarly, have heard racist and homophobic slurs after/before meetings. Usually not directed at specific individuals but more of the "did you see that the story in the newspaper, the P----s (*) are taking over Europe" type. And now that I think of it, also, and during meetings, the type of thing you refer to in another post, along the lines of: "I love everyone in the world....apart from my ex-wife (and then proceeds to engage in a foul mouthed and misogynistic rant against his ex-wife.)"

There is one meeting I'm aware of in Dublin where members are asked not to swear, it takes place in an adjoining building to where a Catholic mass takes place on Sunday mornings and a lot of older members attend the meeting, which is fair enough I guess.

* racist slur against Asians.

Derringer

If you haven't tried and they are available where you are, the literature based meetings, where the focus is on steps, recovery and changing ourselves .... they tend to not attract the gossip mongers or the otherwise sick.

There is no juicy gossip to spread, unlike war story or open discussion meetings where they revel in the personal disclosures of others.