Struggling with this "resentment", or maybe just super self-righteous. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 12-03-2019, 05:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Struggling with this "resentment", or maybe just super self-righteous.


A few of my family members whole life and perspective is based on Church/Bible. They persistently try to convert me. I believe it's attraction rather than promotion and that God helps those who can help themselves.

I have continued to ignore them when topic comes up or change topics. But the conversion talk is not is not stopping. When I refuse to allow them to pray for me (with me there), or refuse to say grace, they claim they "love" me and "God bless" me; but they know absolutely nothing about me except the mis-information my parents (on rare occasions by the way, when I was absent during my using day) relayed to them.

When I briefly mentioned to my cousin that I make 12-step meetings he rolled his eyes and gave a demeaning smirk. When I went on Holiday with my Aunt, she did things long-winded prayers before each drive, but continued to drive 85 mph while switching lanes. It's not just he family, I was a practicing Buddhist for a few years and left when I was not encouraged to stop taking meds or leave in therapy; and I had a Muslim NA sponsor who told me it's about change and that I had to get off my meds to be clean. All these beliefs seem very hocus-pocus to me and condescending.


I guess the gift of recovery is that I show up, and have more patience and tolerance. I coming to I guess. I notice the part I played. Yes I wish there was a magical quick way to get off psych meds. Yes i wish I had an easier life, inward and outward; and maybe Jesus could help. Yes I'm sensitive and impressionable without really sticking up for myself because I'm guilty and ashamed of still abusing tobacco. But i'm in a depressed funk and no longer feel good about my own spirituality. I'm starting to isolate and feel hopeless again (I'm eating/smoking like crazy again).


My therapist and sponsor told me not to let people rent space in my head, and the most important thing are my career goals/caretaking for cancer patient (my mom). If they aren't paying rent or providing food, F them. But I do not want that perspective, because that's like rooted in more anger and hatred.

anybody have this experience around year 4/5 or sobriety. I feel like my life speaks for itself where I do not need these types of comments or direction.
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Old 12-03-2019, 05:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Also, I truthfully believe I'm happy that they found a HP that works for them. It's not perfect, but I really appreciate the time we spend with each other and their presence in my life. I think I may still have issues with the God word. I think I want more respect and healthier boundaries.
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Old 12-03-2019, 05:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by One23 View Post
I was a practicing Buddhist for a few years and left when I was encouraged to stop taking meds andleave in therapy
.
typed that part wrong. cooking and posting at the same time.
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Old 12-03-2019, 06:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by One23 View Post
A few of my family members whole life and perspective is based on Church/Bible. They persistently try to convert me. I believe it's attraction rather than promotion and that God helps those who can help themselves.

I have continued to ignore them when topic comes up or change topics. But the conversion talk is not is not stopping. When I refuse to allow them to pray for me (with me there), or refuse to say grace, they claim they "love" me and "God bless" me; but they know absolutely nothing about me except the mis-information my parents (on rare occasions by the way, when I was absent during my using day) relayed to them.

When I briefly mentioned to my cousin that I make 12-step meetings he rolled his eyes and gave a demeaning smirk. When I went on Holiday with my Aunt, she did things long-winded prayers before each drive, but continued to drive 85 mph while switching lanes. It's not just he family, I was a practicing Buddhist for a few years and left when I was not encouraged to stop taking meds or leave in therapy; and I had a Muslim NA sponsor who told me it's about change and that I had to get off my meds to be clean. All these beliefs seem very hocus-pocus to me and condescending.


I guess the gift of recovery is that I show up, and have more patience and tolerance. I coming to I guess. I notice the part I played. Yes I wish there was a magical quick way to get off psych meds. Yes i wish I had an easier life, inward and outward; and maybe Jesus could help. Yes I'm sensitive and impressionable without really sticking up for myself because I'm guilty and ashamed of still abusing tobacco. But i'm in a depressed funk and no longer feel good about my own spirituality. I'm starting to isolate and feel hopeless again (I'm eating/smoking like crazy again).


My therapist and sponsor told me not to let people rent space in my head, and the most important thing are my career goals/caretaking for cancer patient (my mom). If they aren't paying rent or providing food, F them. But I do not want that perspective, because that's like rooted in more anger and hatred.

anybody have this experience around year 4/5 or sobriety. I feel like my life speaks for itself where I do not need these types of comments or direction.
Personally, I think it is is healthy that I stay on civil terms with my siblings and other family members. I'm not going to pretend I can write them off and not be affected. There is just too much history.

But this doesn't mean I can't set up boundaries. I understand when I get together with family members buttons will be pushed. However, because I am sober I can navigate the situation, leave and then complain to my wife on the way home.

Point is I didn't say anything that I regret and I won't see any of them again for another couple of years.

Which is fine by me.
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Old 12-04-2019, 12:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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One23,
I understand your frustration. All I know for sure in my life is that AA got and kept me sober and its the one sure thing in my life. For me its the program and the varying personalities, my personality is something I am dealing with daily and my acceptance and non reaction has made noticeable progress. I listen to my HP, I do trust the program and it is said if you need meds and the doctor prescribes meds then you take them. AA supports this, it is in the Big Book.

It looks like you have a lot to deal with but hang in there you do have the strength, you have stayed clean for a number of years.
All the very best to you
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Old 12-04-2019, 01:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi One23. While I'm not an alcoholic (not sure why I always feel I need to make that disclaimer but I do lol) as I was reading your post I was thinking - boundaries, which you then mentioned.

There is a book that is often recommended in the Friends and Family forum here - Codependent no more - by Melody Beattie. You might find it helpful. To be sure I am not implying you are codependent or not, I don't know you! Just that there is a lot of good information in there about relationship dynamics and boundaries, that you might find useful.
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