Ceedaily

I’m only going to one meeting a week. Is that bad? Also I plan to spend the weekend finally reading the Big Book and 12 & 12. I have no qualms about Steps 1-3. Step 4 seems to require or is easier to organize if you use a worksheet that is available online. What is the deal with the worksheet?Do you need a sponsor or just another member for Steps 1-3? I didn’t think you needed anyone for them, but at my meeting someone said they did their Step 3 with X . Any particular reason a lot of people at my meeting have done Step 5 outdoors/at a park? Just so you have air or so you don’t associate your big, psychic dump with your house or your sponsor’s place? Can you call an AA office and ask to meet with someone for questions after going to a few meetings already? If I can do that, I will call after I finish reading the books. I realize this stuff is all googleable, but if there’s someone willing to answer them for someone whose reading comprehension is still partially submerged in the brain fog, I would really appreciate it. Sorry if I sound like a dumb jerk or a rube.

AAPJ

Wow that's a lot of questions. Instead of trying to answer them all may I make a suggestion? Slow down a bit. Why not just take a couple of simple short term actions and then move to the next step.

A response to your first question.

"I’m only going to one meeting a week. Is that bad?"

IMO there is no right answer to this question. Some folks can get a lot of benefits from one meeting a week and some need more for the emotional support to stay sober. In general I think folks can benefit most from a lot of meetings early in recovery. I did do the 90 in 90 early in my recovery but I realize that some folks have other responsibilities that would make this difficult for them. You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself this question regarding frequency.

On reading the BB and 12 in 12 this weekend. Good idea. But at least for me one reading through all that material in such a short time period will raise a lot of new questions. That's OK. Understanding this program takes time.

I wish you success in your sobriety program.

August252015

Lots of questions- and good ones!

So here are my thoughts and AAPJ said the first one best - slow down a bit. It is a LOT to take in to "figure out" how AA works. I knew that I had to just go to meetings and take a leap of faith that it would eventually make sense- and that the other people I saw who "had what I wanted" knew enough to help me.

The best way I have found and seen is what you hear- get a sponsor. The first 164p of the BB outline the program. For me, I didn't get into the 12&12 til much later. I needed and need help with understanding the program and the steps are the foundation - I wouldn't do them alone. I did use worksheets for step 4 - but again, while I too "got" 1-3 I had to take people's advice to really, truly go one at a time.

You might have heard people say "90 in 90" - 90 meetings in 90 days. It's a very good approach for a few reasons- we get in the literal habit of meetings, we begin to "get it," we have an amount of time each day that we are around others like us....plus 3 mo is a big statistical mark of sobriety!

The most important part whether just getting sober or being at 3yr+ like me or well beyond is staying sober today.

Glad you are interested and eager to do AA - I'd say "just do it" and listen to what folks who have the kind of spirit about them that you want to have to help you.

tomsteve

What is the deal with the worksheet?
its a way to complicate a simple program. no simpler layout than whats in the BB.

Do you need a sponsor or just another member for Steps 1-3?
the only reason for either is to help understand each step. step 3 prayer is a personal thing. i think best to be done alone

Any particular reason a lot of people at my meeting have done Step 5 outdoors/at a park?
hard sayin. i did mine on a roadtrip in a truck. i know people that did it at their sponsors dining room table.

Can you call an AA office and ask to meet with someone for questions after going to a few meetings already?
yes. better would be to pick one of the many people at the meetings you attend.

ceedaily, i remember that brain fog. there wasnt much of what the BB says that made sense. i kept reading. as the brain fog dissipated and i went to meetings, it all started making sense

awuh1

I suggest you get a sponsor. You don't need to follow all of their suggestions but you'll get a person who can act as a guide. With all due respect to the folks on this site, sometimes going to a new place with multiple guides only gets you lost and/or confused. Someone who knows you better (by working the steps in order with you) might be in a better position to point the way.

Ceedaily

I definitely need a guide and it makes sense that I need someone to get to know me as they show/help me with the steps. To be honest I need step 5 pretty badly and ASAP. Not saying I am going to rush 1-4, but stuff is weighing me down. Overall I have spent most days this year sober though, except for the last 80 straight, I was behaving like a dry drunk. Point being I should stick with the program, get a sponsor, and take it seriously while I’m so tired of my own bull/relapse cycle.

tomsteve

im glad ya WANT to do the 5th!
wanting to do the 5th justmay make doing the 4th easier. its a great step to find causes and conditions- to learn what makes us tick so we know what needs to change.


pray for help in finding a sponsor(then keep your ears open)and remember a few things:
-there aint no drink worthy event.
- theres nothing a drink will make better
- dont drink even if your ass is falling off
- pick up the phone before picking up a bottle. the phone is lighter than a bottle and much better solutions.

heres a good pamphlet to read-questions and answers on sponsorship:
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf


it works if ya work it so work it youre worth it!

sugarbear1

Those 12 steps, as they are written, is a summary of what we've done, not exactly what we do. You can't read a step and believe you have done them without first doing the work. That work can be written or verbal, but it is done with a sponsor. Also, reading the big book needs a sponsor, too, for a discussion, in my opinion.

Glad you are getting to a home group once a week! Get a sponsor and move forward in your sober journey!

sugarbear1

Glad you are getting to a home group once a week! Get a sponsor and move forward in your sober journey!

To answer your questions with my experience:

1. meeting a week is your choice. Make it your home group and commit to that meeting. When you get a sponsor, you can meet with them once a week or so since we will need to maintain our spirituality daily and we need to keep that ahead of our alcoholism.

2. Those 12 steps, as they are written, is a summary of what we've done, not exactly what we do. You can't read a step and believe you have done them without first doing the work. That work can be written or verbal, but it is done with a sponsor. Also, reading the big book needs a sponsor, too, for a discussion, in my opinion. No need for a worksheet, use a piece of paper and pencil and a big book; all the directions are in there.

3. You need a sponsor for All of those steps since you have only read what we did and you don't yet know what to do.

4. Working a 5th step in nature brings me closer to God, I guess. I did mine inside a home. Every time I've worked through the steps, which for me, has been multiple times (not everyone does them periodically, some work them once).

5. You can call the AA desk, but it's like calling another alcoholic since they are volunteering their time to answer said phone. Call a person from the meeting since you are getting phone numbers and getting a network started.

The tools of the program include:

~getting a home group

~getting phone numbers and calling people to get to know them from the home group (in case you get strong feelings one day and want to drink, call someone before this so it is easier to do when you need to). You can ask them these questions.

~finding a sponsor to act as a guide to answer all of those questions we have on how to work this AA thing

~getting a service position at your home group (go early and set up the room, make the coffee, clean up after, chair the meeting, etc)

~work those steps with a sponsor and heal

Simple, not easy.
Peace,
~SB

awuh1

Ceedaily I'm encouraged you want to do a 5th step. It's often quite a powerful, indeed, life changing experience. So powerful in fact that it is often followed by a spiritual experience. The willingness to walk on a principled path can open up insights into the nature of things that you cannot now even imagine. At least that was the case with me.

Get a sponsor, don't hold anything back and do all the prior step work as best you can.

Good things lie ahead

Grungehead

Hope you don't mind if i borrow your template tomsteve, thanks!

What is the deal with the worksheet?

I think for some people a worksheet might help them organize their thoughts better. I just took a blank sheet of paper and made columns as they were explained in the BB. I say whatever helps to get your thoughts flowing from your brain onto paper is a good thing.

Do you need a sponsor or just another member for Steps 1-3?

Technically the only step you need another person for is step 5, but I'd strongly recommend getting a sponsor who has worked the steps (and appears to be living by them) to guide you from the very beginning.

Any particular reason a lot of people at my meeting have done Step 5 outdoors/at a park?

My guess is that maybe it's more relaxing? Don't know as I did mine indoors sitting at the kitchen table.

Can you call an AA office and ask to meet with someone for questions after going to a few meetings already?

Yes, although I'm sure you could find someone at the meetings you attend to meet with you as well. I know that many groups (including my home group) has a list of people who are willing to be temporary sponsors. Our group also finishes up our meetings by asking anyone in the group willing to be a temporary sponsor raise their hands. This is nice because by getting a temporary sponsor there is no sense of commitment yet it could lead to finding a permanent sponsor.

My suggestion is to go to several different meetings if there are plenty to choose from in your area. There's no rule as to how many meetings a week you must attend, but I would attend as many as you can without ignoring other commitments in your life. By attending several different meetings and attending several times a week it will give you more opportunities to meet someone that could turn out to be your sponsor. When I asked questions at the beginning like "how many meetings should I go to" or "when should I start working the steps" I was asked "how soon do you want to find the solution to your problem?", or "how long do you have until the obsession comes back and you drink again?". [/QUOTE]

Finally, kudos to you for bringing up these questions, that already shows a willingness on your part of wanting to get better!

Ceedaily

I slipped this weekend. Anytime I start big talking, I give up and drink. I’m really paying for not sharing that I wanted to drink this weekend at my meeting. I’m really sick of my drinking.

August252015

I'm sorry to hear that. Go to a meeting today and share. People will understand, and probably be way more compassionate than you are afraid to hope for. Hope you stay with us too.

tomsteve

slips happen on ice. it reads a whole lot like a premeditated drunk.
if you have numbers then you dont have to wait, nor should you wait, until a meeting to share.
now stop kickin yerself in the ass, get into action and keep it simple.
p.s.
glad youre able to make it back!

Ceedaily

It was definitely premeditated, but I had hopes of talking myself out of it. I will be getting a sponsor ASAP. Right now I’m feeling too anxious to leave the house. Wish I had some phone numbers, but I don’t right now.

fini

there should be a central office number for AA in your area, and alcoholics to talk with or/and take you to a meeting.
good to hear you will be getting a sponsor...i assume that means you will be doing the stepstuff.

ColoradoRocky

You don't sound like a jerk.

You sound like someone making the mistake of trying to go it alone. One meeting a week, no sponsor, no phone numbers. Reading steps instead of going to a step meeting for example.

You sound like someone trying to get by on half measures. "Do I need it?" "Maybe I should...." "I'll get to it this weekend." Asking questions instead of working at it. Rationalizations like, "I'll do this after I do that." "Can't get out of the house." "I can't do X until I do Y."

Half measures and going it alone against the bottle.

The bottle wins every time.

Maybe I should take questions about parks and worksheets etc more seriously, but I think you're deflecting bigger issues.

Maybe I should be more mealey-mouthed about it, but you're not a rube. Actually, it sounds like you've been around the block a few times and know the score.

You're not a jerk or a rube. You seem like a good person, so............like they say, "Let's get with the program!"

Gottalife

Not dumb questions at all. One of our modern day problems is that folks turn up at meetings not having been 12 stepped, so they are faced with trying to figure out what to do from what they hear at the meetings. Meetings are like a lucky draw, you might find what you need or you might find a room full of nutters.

I had the benefit of being 12 stepped. I spent an afternoon with a recovered AA member who answered all my questions, helped me pin down the exact nature of my problem, explained the AA solution and told me about the part that meetings and sponsorship play, and how the meetings work. He took me to my first meeting and I entered the room with a certain amount of knowledge about what to expect and what the program was about. Essentially AA is a 12 step spiritual program of action with a fellowship that has meetings to provide encouragement, support and experience with the program.

So now when I hear a new comer is in the room who has not been 12 stepped, I suggest they spend an hour or two with an older member to get at least an adequate presentation of what it is all about. Looking back at my experience, I had solidly taken the first two steps that afternoon, and was contemplating the third before I had even seen it.

I learned more in my afternoon session that I could have learned in a hundred meetings.

Gottalife

Mate, what just happened takes you that much closer to recovery. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I am sure you think it was all premeditated, a considered decision to drink.

Well, that's not my experience, nor is it that which is described in the big book. It talks about "the utter inability to leave it alone no matter how great the wish" and points out at "certain times" we have no defense against the fatal first drink. Knowing what we know it also describes the act of taking the first drink, not as premeditated, but as "pure insanity" Insanity and rational choice do not go together.

In a practical sense what the meant to me and many others that I have met over the years is that if the obsession comes back, the last thing I am going to do is call anyone that might want to talk me out of it. In fact most times it never occurred to me that I should call. I often found myself drinking without any conscious memory of taking the first drink.

By observation it seems that those that call usually don't drink, and those that drink almost never call. The reason for this is the first has a working defense at the time where the second fellow does not. "Probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism".

This fact eventually brought about the realisation that self reliance had failed utterly and unless I began taking steps seriously, I was doomed to keep repeating this experience. There was no other way out. That was a powerful experience, and it propelled me into the program with all the desperation of a dying man. I call it a first step experience.

Hopefully your recent experience will prove to be a powerful first step experience.

Ken33xx

Anytime I talked big about doing something about my drinking I believed it. Then a short while later I'd start feeling a bit better and the drink cycle would start over.

When I entered AA I had no idea if I was going to stay sober or not. So, I didn't talk about getting sober to anyone but a few people. Why should I? I had no credibility even with myself.

My first meeting there was a member celebrating ten years. He might have well said he went to the moon. Ten years without a drink was beyond my comprehension.

However, the one day at a time concept I instinctively grasped. I'm not saying what I will do tomorrow but today I'm not drinking.

Another point I should mentioned is when I joined AA I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

There was no way I was going to stop drinking until I slowly began to realize that alcohol wasn't working.

By this I mean I needed a drink or two before I did just about anything.

When I saw the 12 steps for the first time 1st step resonated with me: My life was unmanageable and I was powerless over alcohol.

That was so obvious even I could see it.

But if I thought I could have still gotten away with it.

If my life hadn't begun to completely unravel I would never contemplated stopping.