abgator

I've only been regularly going to AA for 3 weeks now, checking out all the nearby meetings to see which one I would choose for my home location and to get a sponsor. I've narrowed it down to choices, which are drastically different.

One group is mostly older folk and aside from 1 young lady, the sponsors are all in their 60s or older, with at least a few years of sobriety. As one would expect, in the meeting, they are all very measured in their words, making sure not off end, etc.

The other group is the young adults group. While 2 or 3 are in the 50+ range, the other 12-15 are in their early/mid 20s to early 30s. They are blunt. They don't sensor their feelings or attitude at all. If F this, F that is what they feel, that's what they say. I find this meeting to be more relatable and a breath of fresh air in comparison on to most meetings. The sponsors are a couple young ladies in their late 20s I'd guess with a few years of sobriety as well.

FYI I'm 39. Conventional wisdom would say choose the older sponsors, as they should (emphasis on should) have more life experience and more familiar with some of the issues I may face. However, there is something to be said for recognizing your addictions at a young age and staying sober for years, despite being at the age where alcohol very much plays a central role in activities, as well as being much more likely to experience peer pressure by those who don't understand (ie, other young adults with a more care free life in many cases).

I'm ready to make a choice and get started on the steps, but I can't decide which path to take. I'm equally comfortable with younger and older people.

Any thoughts? Thanks

fini

well, you could consider making one group your “home” and ask a more measured older person from the other group to take the sponsor role.
or ask the person who most has a contented sobriety, has “what you want”, if they would sponsor you and then toss the homegroup quandary around with them and they might have a very good suggestion.

Ken33xx

To the OP:

Sounds like you've two good groups to chose from. Take your time. You don't have to decide right now.

Dave42001

Welcome, Abgator..

I think it’s great you’re so engaged and have two groups close to you and are attending both, that’s wonderful.

In my case I started attending a lot of meetings and listened to everyone but I was attracted to the older gentlemen that were always around the club, most were retired and had 20+ years, this was huge to me because I was just trying to get 24 hours.. everyone is different.. it not uncommon in my area to get a temp sponsor and get a lot of phone numbers as mentors. I’m kinda like Ken to give it some time but totally understand if you want to get started. If you ask someone I’m sure they would love to help you.

I’m so glad you found us and wish you the best, please keep us updated, I look forward to reading more!

AAPJ

Is there any reason you can't continue to attend both meetings? They seem to have different strengths for you. Just calling one of them your home group does not mean you need to stop attending the other one.

As an aside I personally think the concept of a home group is a bit overrated. Any of the three meetings I attend regularly could be defined as my home group. Really it's about showing up. YMMV.

abgator

Oh I will definitely still attend both meetings regardless of which one I consider home. The question was geared towards if anyone had experience with the varying types of sponsors. Young vs. older.

abgator

Oh and I did kinda what to get started, but I don't have to be in any big rush.

For now I'm quite happy with my routine of 2 or 3 AA meetings a week, 4 or 5 days in the gym.

aasharon90

I have had one lady I called my sponsor and have
never replaced her and when I met her while I was
in rehab she had already acquired a good amt. of
sobriety behind her.

Thru out my recovery journey there have been many
folks older, younger who have all contributed to guiding
me along the way to helping me learn newer healthier
ways to achieve a healthier, happier, honest way of life.

There is always room for improvement and learning
new exciting techniques to enjoy a sober life each day.

With keeping an open mind, with willingness and
honesty I remain teachable.

August252015

At first I went to the widely considered newcomers clubhouse. Over time I have both added diff meetings and smaller ones. It's been spot on advice that I keep a variety- I have never found a womens group I can stand tho

I've also considered a couple different places my "home" group- one for a long time but I am not really going there these days.

As to sponsor stuff- I've had several in my 3 yr almost 8 mo - one for the bulk of it and steps 4-12 and 2 yrs time. Now that you raise the question, I'm now 43 and my sponsors have all been about 10 yrs older than me with at least 5-8 yrs sober apiece. I never used that as a criteria and haven't heard age based advice- just look for who has what I want, AND which is spiritually best for me as I have progressed. and as for being a sponsor, I've been approached by people my age or younger. Worked with one thru step 3 who is also a friend and 10 yrs younger; note: engagement w her was too personal (ie her relationship muck) and she didn't want to keep working the steps at the time so we broke up. She's doing well w another sponsor now- and we are friends as well as program friends. That part's important too- people we need in addition to sponsors.

Glad you are committed to AA, abgator. Keep going- and I'd say just go ahead and ask someone to sponsor you. You aren't committed to them forever for sure!

abgator

You raised an excellent point that I hadn't thought, which is finding a sponsor who's may be more in line with my spiritual (or lack thereof) beliefs.

Thanks!

August252015

^^I've found that my spiritual life really "emerged" as I got sober and have gone on...the nutshell reason my long time (well, 2 yrs ish) sponsor stopped being good for me was exactly that: spiritual fitness.

tomsteve

remember that a sponsors responsibility is to guide you through the steps so you can have a spititual awakening and help you understand how the steps are applied to life.

abgator

The sponsor will have their work cut out for them lol. I'm definitely in the long process of trying to rediscover any kind of faith that I once held.

tomsteve

make em earn combat pay.

ColoradoRocky

I accidentally walked into one a few years ago. Boy was that a mistake!

ColoradoRocky

Just for me Gator, for what it's worth, and this may not apply to you, but I looked for an atheist, older than I was, with a lot more time away from a drink, and then I wanted someone level-headed. I needed that.

abgator

Yeah, as an agnostic, I think I'd like it if the sponsor leaned towards the agnostic or atheist side. A bible thumper wouldn't work for me at all.

AAPJ

You might be surprised. I am Christian but my sponsor is an atheist. I did not know this when I asked him to be my sponsor but he has been very helpful to me.

The key is tolerance - going in both directions.

Tommyh

I prefer older sponsors who know and live the Big Book plus they have much experience with life issues you will face one day

I got sober at 34 and had a group of sober peers about my age I hung with and I also hung with those oldtimers also.....worked for me
you can always change home groups or sponsors if you feel like you should

Gottalife

Wisdom comes mostly with age, though I guess some younger folk can acquire wisdom beyond their years. The main thing though, is that the person you choose has worked all twelve steps and had a life changing spiritual experience as the result. In that sense, age is not relevant neither is length of sobriety.

AA is a one trick pony and a sponsor's job is to help you, through the program, to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem, and they can only do that if they have had the experience themselves. There are old timers who have never been through the program and have not a clue on how to take someone through. There are relative newcomers who have done the work and are energized to help others.