january161992

been trying to be of service and support the newcomers for awhile

time to reveal why i really joined the forum

PhoenixJ

Jan92, thankyou for your post. 'Death of faith and hatred of god?' So many openings there. Is your faith gone due to some traumatic episode in your life or did you ask god to alleviate an addiction to alcohol and your prayers went unheeded? Do you blame god for all the evil and hatred in the world? Death and hatred are powerful words- why those words? Faith implies an emotional/spiritual connection. Perhaps love and hate are truly the opposite side of the same coin. What reason would you have in sharing this at a meeting? Is it to assist your recovery- or to vent your 'hatred' at god? A loss of faith (death) and hatred (a logical conclusion?) suggests there is a lot going on in your mind. Meetings which support those with addiction problems are about that. If your question is relevant to your sobriety or spirituality, then yes, in my opinion it is ok. If you are doing so to provoke a reaction or shout your anger at god only- I suggest you speak to a spiritual advisor- a priest, rabbi. Buddhist monk- those sort of people. Your wording suggests vto you, god exists. The problem is how you feel about your god. God is a personal thing. To me- the way I talk to god often is me talking to me- through god, who filters out all the crap so I can think and feel more realistically. There are very few in life who find miracle cures. Usually it takes a helluva lot of very hard work. Will your questions, if raised make any difference to you or others in the way you approach your sobriety or will others be able to help you? You indicated you were drinking when first you posted. Are you wanting sobriety- or answers that are raised when your emotions are charged up?
These are deep and significant questions. Keep reading, searching and posting. Even though you might not accept them- I will offer a prayer for you. plus support. PJ

PhoenixJ

Apols- assumption about the wording and drinking. Remove that part- but the guts of my stuff is still relevant. PJ

Pipefish

People share about all sorts of things at meetings - to me, some seem pertinent to recovery, and some don't - so you can say whatever you want to say.

How is the death of your faith and hatred of God relevant to your alcoholism and recovery? That question may shape how you articulate this in a meeting in a way that is useful to you, and anyone listening to whom it may be meaningful.

Wish you well

Berrybean

I'd suggest that talking to your sponsor or others in the fellowship one to one would be more useful. At meeting level people aren't supposed to cross share so it could easily just turn into a rant.

I suppose it just depends on what you are hoping to achieve by sharing.

totfit

I think "dearth of faith" and "hatred of God" are opposing feelings. If you have no faith, then really your hatred could be directed elsewhere. It is in my struggles with alcohol that I "came not to believe". I am not anti-religion or God, I just discovered for myself that there is no "loving God" other that the love we found in others. I am still spiritual in that I am in awe of the wonder of the universe. I explore this with science and not an ancient text created by men.

What all this leaves me is a rational responsibility to overcome my own obstacles using what the "Universe" provides. I have no reason to hate anything I can't see. I found after I stopped depending/praying for something to give me strength outside and instead looked deep within myself and rationally approached things I began to get better.

I have not attended AA in many years. I have been to hundreds of meetings. I think that there are some I have been to that my feelings/ideas could be explored or discussed, but they would be the rare exception and not the rule.

If I were going to want to explore this or talk about "hating God" at a meeting, I would have to look at my motives. If it is because I still believe and want not to hate God, then then a meeting might be a place to discuss this. I would have to be careful otherwise as it many if not most meetings it may just make me a pariah.

I really don''t have an answer. I would just look if I were you deep down and see if I thought bringing this up at a meeting would help. I don't think you necessarilly just have to discuss this at a meeting, but a good friend or friends or here is a good place also.

mfanch

I am a non-theist and talked freely about that fact. We all find our own conception of a Higher Power that will solve our problem. I call mine NOT ME. In the meantime, being as honest as I know how seemed to help not only myself but others having the same struggle. The point is to say what you need to say without meanness attached.

january161992

yes

too many

january161992

precisely my problem

Tommyh

thats a good topic to bring to the meeting level after I take it thru steps 4-9,not before

sg1970

I will have deeper conversations with individuals, but in meetings I try only to share in a general way and I try to convey that with hope. It doesn't matter if it's about my higher power, specifics of my past, my marriage, kids, or whatever.

I hear a lot of people get really specific in meetings on the god thing and to be honest it makes me puke in my mouth a bit. To me, AA is a program about each individuals concept of a higher power and I take that seriously.

CAPTAINZING2000

Hopefully this won't be shared at a beginner meeting
Were you raised in church going family?

Been a while now since I last read the book of Job. Why Job was given all the misfortune that was heaped upon him still is baffling. In the end he was richly rewarded for all his sufferings.

I'm grateful that God never gave me what I deserved!!

Just curious, how are you working your 11 step now??

tomsteve

if anything, I think it could be a topic IF you want to stop feeling that way.

but if its to help a newcomer, I have absolutely no idea how this could help a newcomer when we are there to help newcomers gain hope, faith, and find a HP.

Eauchiche

Dear J
My take on your situation, is that it sounds like you don't have faith now, but are not okay about it. There are a lot of Atheist or Agnostic members of all the 12 step programs, who are perfectly happy the way they are.

If your, for lack of a better term, faithlessness is rooted in a hopelessness from trials in life, then I believe that is a different issue.

I was a card-carrying member of the Freedom From Religion Foundation and an agnostic when I still drank. My agnosticism was rooted in my deep bitterness and hatred for Christians.

Today I am a devout Catholic and sober. I would be pleased to serve as a support to you during this time. Please feel free to PM me it would help you to communicate one on one.

Gottalife

Not a bad idea to take those steps first. I imagine God would be at the top of page one, step four, resentments. Working through those steps could be enlightening and may even lead to a way forward.

Not a bad idea to talk to a minister or priest either. Matters of faith extend well beyond the limits of AA.

Sharing in a meeting? Might depend no your spiritual condition. The book talks about meetings as a weekly event to which newcomers may bring their problems, not necessarily solve them.

There is this prevailing belief in meetings that a problem shared is a problem halved. I don't buy that. In my experience a problem shared with the wrong motives is usually a problem doubled.

I can see finding a way through your dilemma may be vital to you finding a quality recovery, and I also know this is unlikely to be achieved at someone else's expense.

An earlier poster made a useful suggestion about checking your motives. Will anyone benefit from hearing this stuff? Another poster shared about a solution to this problem.

january161992

had a very bad experience with that

i will not condemn the church

just like i would not condemn one bad aa meeting

january161992

i wanna say that step is worthless since it has never provided any guidance

but

years ago i did become aware that His will for me is too honor, love and support my wife

january161992

thanks for the kind offer

january161992

borderline sorry i shared

Ken33xx

should i talk about my death of faith and hatred of God at meeting level?


Well, my guess is much would depend on how you shared. Some members might well be upset if you appear to challenge the very thing they believe keeps them sober.

I'd recommend sharing at an agnostic AA meeting.