Afraid of AA
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt 
Her hee. I like the "nothing that a 12 year old can't do" part. I appreciate the encouragement. The action part is is step 4-9 right? I've written inventories. I never did any 9th step amends though. I don't even see how apologizing to people helps me stop drinking. I get that helping others keeps one from self pity. But why specifically help alcoholics? I do know I'm living in hell in my own head. I wish I had a "singular purpose" cause at least I could stop feeling helpless and hateful. My job, my kid, my ex, my car, my friends, my house... nothing is good enough. I scrape by and I feel like if I only had this or that...But I am more fortunate than most of the world. I'm not hungry. I have a bed. But still I am morose and dejected. What's the point of being happy if you're just gonna die. Or if the Earth is just gonna perish or...But there's no point in living without happiness. See? It's like a hole. A circulating hole. So, I'll ask, "Dear universe or whatever, please give me willingness." I said it out loud just to be fair. Ok, now what?
So I followed the suggestions even though I didn't like the look of some, and didn't see the point of others. I had nothing to lose. It worked.
You are not the first to object to step nine. It is more than apologies though, it is making restitution, putting things right. Dr Bob didn't see the point either so he tried to skip that part. Three weeks later he got drunk.
The books tell us we are likely to drink again if we don't do our utmost to straighten out the past. That was good enough for me, but of course that was based in my experiences after taking earlier steps, which were somehow described in the big book (promises). For me they were the hard evidence that I was getting good advice, and it paid off every time, just as promised.
I doubt if step nine alone would keep anyone sober, but experience shows that leaving it out is very risky indeed.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
It took me 25 years of relapses (are they really relapses if one hasn't worked the steps yet?) to finally meet someone who knew how to take someone through the steps properly and I did have a spiritual experience that changed my life. Are you desperate enough to change? Do you know deep in your soul you c an't drink safely anymore??? Are you ready to surrender and stop fighting the fact that you can't drink safely? Ask your higher power for the gift of desperation maybe? And then walk back in that meeting with the deepest desire to change your ways.......worked for me and the promises do come true, you can achieve them, too!
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