Realest

My stepfather didn’t like it when I drink but now that I’m sober he acts like a dry drunk sometimes and doesn’t treat me right sometimes. Money is his higher power. But our relationship has been getting better ever since I got sober. He is good with his grandchildren and he went to my sober anniversary. I know he loves me but we still argue sometimes. He holds resentments because he doesn’t have a program and he’s old. What can I do i improve the relationship. I try to love him but it’s diffuclt soemtimes. I practice the 10th step with him. I was taught to practice tolderance, pity , patience that you would cheerfully grant a sick friend..

He doesn’t have a program. I hear people say everyone needs a program. Then an old timer said everyone needs a program but who would pay the admission price.

Action

All you can do is work on you and be the best you can be. Sometimes just showing people that we are now different because we are clean and sober is the best we can do. At some point it's up to them to except us or continue with old ways, either way it's on them.
Action

Realest

That’s what I’m doing is working on myself. My step dad has changed and our relationship has gotten better but I maybe need to change more and not annoying him so much.

Gottalife

I hate to say it Realest, but I would have quoted the same part of the book that you did. As Action said, you are doing what you can, doing pretty well I would say, and the rest is up to God.

tomsteve

i dont have to tolerate someone using me as a doormat nor do i have do practice patience while they are treating me like a doormat-God wouldnt want that for me.
boundaries are a good thing.

Realest

That’s what I say if someone is talking down to me why is that my fault. I am calm most of the time but sometimes I get angry at my step father

Tommyh

I would like to add-
pray for him and continue to seek God`s will for the situation

Realest

Realest

The acceptance story in he big book helped me too.

tomsteve

one of my favorite parts of that story:
Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember
that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations of Max and other
people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my
serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.
But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can
force my serenity level down. I have to discard my
“rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself,
How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And
when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety
than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher
level—at least for the time being.

CaiHong

Thanks Tomsteve exactly what I needed to hear this morning.
Realest I presume you are living with your stepfather which makes it a bit more difficult. Is it affecting your relationship with your mother?
I am having a difficult time with a family member and I am genuinely in my heart asking my higher power to help them not because it would make my life easier yesterday I had a personal insight that they are really suffering, I knew this intellectually but I actually felt it. Its just a small concession on my part but I know that if I see their suffering and not my own it will increase.

CaiHong