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Filling the Void

Old 04-04-2019, 02:20 PM
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Filling the Void

Hi guys,

I am meeting with my sponsor in the morning and will discuss this with her tomorrow but as I am awake in the UK and it's on my mind and you are a very knowledgable lot, I thought I would see if anyone can identify or has any experience with what I am feeling.

I am 11 and a half months sober so coming up to a whole year since my last drink. Am doing all the right things, I am praying to my HP (although j haven't prayed about this hmmm) I am working my step 4 at the moment, going to meetings, I have service twice a week (when I am not working), read AA literature every day and connect daily with other alcoholics.

i am struggling with other addictions. Spending money and binge eating. It was only today that it occurred to me that although I have put down the drink, I am using other external things to try and "fix" me. I am feeling pretty empty inside to be honest. Life is 100x better now and I do not want to go back to drinking ever again but there is something missing. Today, I really did notice that hole in my soul that I have heard mentioned many times in meetings. I am having a bit of a ugh what's the point of anything moment. I had that constantly when I was drinking, I never expected to have it in sobriety. I was thinking maybe I need to get out of self more. So , perhaps I could do volunteer work of some sort. I was just messaging another alcololic who has 4 months more sobriety than me and she said to be careful not to take too much on. I have a daughter and I do work as well but I just feel, well like I said a bit empty.

Any thoughts appreciated!
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Old 04-04-2019, 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by snitch View Post
Hi guys,

I am meeting with my sponsor in the morning and will discuss this with her tomorrow but as I am awake in the UK and it's on my mind and you are a very knowledgable lot, I thought I would see if anyone can identify or has any experience with what I am feeling.

I am 11 and a half months sober so coming up to a whole year since my last drink. Am doing all the right things, I am praying to my HP (although j haven't prayed about this hmmm) I am working my step 4 at the moment, going to meetings, I have service twice a week (when I am not working), read AA literature every day and connect daily with other alcoholics.

i am struggling with other addictions. Spending money and binge eating. It was only today that it occurred to me that although I have put down the drink, I am using other external things to try and "fix" me. I am feeling pretty empty inside to be honest. Life is 100x better now and I do not want to go back to drinking ever again but there is something missing. Today, I really did notice that hole in my soul that I have heard mentioned many times in meetings. I am having a bit of a ugh what's the point of anything moment. I had that constantly when I was drinking, I never expected to have it in sobriety. I was thinking maybe I need to get out of self more. So , perhaps I could do volunteer work of some sort. I was just messaging another alcololic who has 4 months more sobriety than me and she said to be careful not to take too much on. I have a daughter and I do work as well but I just feel, well like I said a bit empty.

Any thoughts appreciated!
I can only share my experience. During the first year when I put down the drink I started eating a lot. And then I tried a steady diet and failed multiple times. Then I gradually started eating healthy and I lost twenty pounds. It’s a process of finding what works for you a multiplier failures. It takes time an effort and perseverance. Keep on trying. Oh and the way I started eating healthy I just started with eating healthy for breakfast, I started taking baby steps.
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Old 04-04-2019, 03:00 PM
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I think this is common but people don't talk about it much because it's not directly about alcohol. What was suggested to me, was to ask my HP to be there with me as soon as I wake up and to be there with me all throughout the day. It was also suggested that I try to practice pausing and asking my HP to help me not binge eat or spend when the urge hit.
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Old 04-04-2019, 04:55 PM
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I relate to the void. It was like a lack or purpose and direction, no satisfaction in life. It came down to no working relationship with the God of my understanding or not understanding.

The big book states its purpose is to put me in touch with a power greater than myself that will solve my problem. This is done through the 12 steps.

So, my experience was that a no stage, before, or during step four did I have any working relationship with God. How could I? Step four was just the first action in opening the lines of communication which had been blocked. It was an effort to discover the things about myself that had been blocking me. Through step four, taken in about four hours with my sponsor, I came to see I was my own worst enemy. My alcoholic mind was out to trip me up in all sorts of ways, perhaps some of the ones you have listed.

The very next day I took step five and had some experiences as described in the book. That set me up for six and seven, having taken a look at all my liabilities all at once - who wouldn't want to be rid of that lot?

That took me into step nine and into the world of the spirit, where I have been able to stay sober and lead a life of satisfaction ever since.

All that took 90 days. I don't think time is the determining factor. Whether it's a month or a year, the power doesn't seem to flow until we have done our utmost to clean ourselves up and straighten out the past.
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Old 04-04-2019, 07:52 PM
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Here is something about the "void" to which you refer. It's a letter from Carl Jung (mentioned in the big book) to Bill W. Bill was so pleased with this letter he framed it and put it on the wall of his home. Here's wising you well in your journey.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ung-letter.jpg
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:30 AM
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" had that constantly when I was drinking, I never expected to have it in sobriety. I was thinking maybe I need to get out of self more."

ah; you figured you experienced this hole because you were drinking? and that therefore quitting drinking would eliminate the 'void' somehow?
my experience was that quitting and staying that way gave me the opportunity to check the void out, so to speak, to see what it might need to fill it, as drinking sure never did.
and i think you're on the right track with the 'get out of self' direction.
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Old 04-05-2019, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by awuh1 View Post
Here is something about the "void" to which you refer. It's a letter from Carl Jung (mentioned in the big book) to Bill W. Bill was so pleased with this letter he framed it and put it on the wall of his home. Here's wising you well in your journey.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ung-letter.jpg
The link didn’t work. Do you have another link?
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Old 04-05-2019, 11:43 AM
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Thanks for the link awuh1, depending the company I am in a few months ago I found myself using the word evil, which is quite a loaded word, up there with God really. The context was that observing people going through various stages of addiction and healing 24/7 the ones that had any real chance of making it seem to have accepted a higher power in their lives.
I do feel the difference in my life when I don't just pay lip service to God but invite God in and let him take over. I actually feel a physical release of emotion.
I can remember many years ago in another attempt to get sober and 8 months up I felt that emptiness and drank on it, it seem to come out of nowhere, although I was in AA, I wasn't in the program.
its really important that you are talking about it.
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Old 04-05-2019, 01:57 PM
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Yes CaiHong, I have also noticed a correspondence between those who have had an 'awakening' and a better chance of success. I have also noticed that those who have a "personal and honest contact with friends" also seem to do better.

Jung refers to three 'paths' to a higher understanding.
1) an act of grace
or
2)through a personal and honest contact with friends
or
3)through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism.

I differ only with his use of the word "or". I believe an individual may seek to walk all three paths at once even though one of these ways to a higher understanding might prove to be the most useful.

Realest try this link. It also has a picture of the letter.
A.A. History -- Dr. Carl Jung's Letter To Bill Wilson, Jan 30, 1961

May you all find the higher understanding you seek.
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Old 04-06-2019, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by snitch View Post

i am struggling with other addictions. Spending money and binge eating. It was only today that it occurred to me that although I have put down the drink, I am using other external things to try and "fix" me. I am feeling pretty empty inside to be honest. Life is 100x better now and I do not want to go back to drinking ever again but there is something missing. Today, I really did notice that hole in my soul that I have heard mentioned many times in meetings. I am having a bit of a ugh what's the point of anything moment. I had that constantly when I was drinking, I never expected to have it in sobriety. I was thinking maybe I need to get out of self more. So , perhaps I could do volunteer work of some sort. I was just messaging another alcololic who has 4 months more sobriety than me and she said to be careful not to take too much on. I have a daughter and I do work as well but I just feel, well like I said a bit empty.

Any thoughts appreciated!
thoughts- it is AWESOME that you recognize this-

it is wise to be careful about taking on too much. volunteering is a great idea. HOWEVER, would it be something that is just different to fix an internal problem?
theres also balance- we can sometimes go overboard trying to get out of self.

HOWEVER- and this is a BIG HOWEVER
youre on step 4.
get kicking on the steps. there are timelines on the steps:
Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face,and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

you probably dont even know what is blocking you yet.

the 5th tells WHY to get r done:
We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.


some of the 4th step promises:
-we start to straighten out mentally and physically
-does He enable us to match calamity with serenity
-The right answer will come, if we want it
-God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him

some of the 5th step promises:
-We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
-We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator
-we begin to have a spiritual experience



if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it,then you are ready to take certain steps.
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Old 04-06-2019, 07:12 AM
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So I did a step one over ice cream/frozen yogurt...

Hey snitch - Imma just share my experience on the "other addictions" part as far as food, then a couple things: I've said around here a few times that a year ago, I actually did a step one over ice cream/frozen yogurt....after a back injury, at the lowest emotional point and truthfully depression over the complete change it made to my physical life, I started eating COPIOUS amounts of frozen yogurt.....I'm not a big person (5'7 and when at my correct weight a US size 6/8) but do tend to carry weight well, and after years of on and off issues I know where I am most comfortable, look and feel best. I put 20lbs on top of that early last summer.

I finally admitted that I was getting as anxious about having enough frozen yogurt in the freezer as I once did about vodka. BTW, I was a little over 2 years when the back injury and folllowing junk (ha) started.

For me, quitting the comfort eating was crucial - annnnndddd then it became comfort shopping as emotional stress escalated by early fall in the approach to a big event in Dec. Ultimately, I did a dry Jan (ha, again) on that.

All of this, I discussed with my sponsor and of course, (patient) husband. That's how rigorous honesty in my program has to work.

I don't think this stuff is trivial to us alcoholics - it's not literally about drinking, but it is about everything from filling voids to good self-care to responsible (financial, in my case) behavior.....kind of like my anxiety meds that I am acutely aware of how I am/why I am taking right now, and plan to discuss with my psych here soon at our appt.

All this makes it sound to me like it's one problem after another, but really, it's just my journey as an alcoholic, knowing that alcohol is never the answer and that, like you, I have my program to return to for handling these other "answers" that my mind picks up as temporary solutions along the way

Keep going and glad you have that sponsor- you're not alone in any way on this stuff!!
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Old 04-06-2019, 09:02 AM
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snitch, when there is something in my life I realize isn`t good for me and in all probability isn`t God`s will for me, I can always pray and ask God to remove it or help me, anyway, seek His will in this area

we can be sober and sane but still fall short being "financially sober"
I have friends who are sober long term who still have a problem along this line.
I have grown a lot in this area thanks to AA

I realized today that those "impulses" at the spur of the moment can cause me trouble. Most AA`s I know are like that. One thing I know is if I hold off on spending and think it thru and put off spending until later, I usually don`t spend

step 10 in the 12x12 tells me to try to start developing self-restraint. It is a start
but if you are in the mood to buy something,I can always use..........


ty
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Old 04-06-2019, 09:08 AM
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Stop wasting time and finish that 4th step, get through to step 7 (complete this, too) and then see how you feel.

You are in the middle of your 4th, this feeling and new insight is so normal!!
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Old 04-07-2019, 08:36 AM
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I had a discussion with a AA friend about a subject similar to this. Impulsive spending, eating, sex, etc

the general theme we took from our talk was

at this stage, step 4, we fall victim to our own desires to fill the void.
We can use material things, food, sex, etc to try to fill the void. It is a flash of insanity when I spend money on impulse. It shows my disconnect with HP.

After completing the process (steps), it can happen again on occasion. When it does I ought to go back to my HP and check myself, a good question would be (for me to ask myself)
How am I doing on steps 10-12?
My sponsor tells me when I know to do something ( good or right) and I don`t, it shows a lack of power, which is my dilemma.
the solution is what Sugarbear says, finish the steps
it got better slowly in my case, but I am satisfied with progress today
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:37 AM
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Everyone here has really great responses. I thought I'd share my experience in case that adds something. I gained weight while working on my steps. My sponsor explained it to me that I was still in resentment, fear, etc. and blocked from God. Once I had a spiritual awakening and got to the point of living in 10, 11, and 12, that sorta thing would happen less, she said.

I did find that by living in 10, 11, and 12, I was able to pause and ask God to help me do His will. This helped put space between my compulsion to binge eat, with not feeding into that compulsion. It wasn't God's will for me to binge eat. I was taught that God didn't want me to harm myself with alcohol, food, or anything. Hope that helps.
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