Realest

So I have a sponsor and I have worked step 1-9, I have competed my amends. And I live diligently in steps 10, 11, and 12. When I asked My sponsor who I trust if I could go through the steps again he said to just live in steps 10,11 and 12 like the big book said. I ask this because I go to meetings, and hear people go through the steps over and over again. And then other people who make amends to people that seem a bit farfetched. Do you guys keep go through the steps the over and over. I think it’s a bit narcisssittic to constantly write forth steps. What’s your experience? I’m always gonig to have resentments I’ll never be clear of them.

Also mysponsor said if you live in steps 10,11, and 12 then you are living all 12 steps on a daily basis.

fini

i agree with your sponsor.
taking daily inventory, promptly admitting when i am wrong, amending when i can, ......takes care of things for me. and yeah, i hear almost everyone doing all the steps over again, and do not really understand that.
how, for example, would i amass “stuff” for another step 4 if i “live in 10, 11, 12”?
and how would my life be unmanageable again after i have painstakingly and thoroughly done what it was suggested i do?
yes, things come up. including old stuff you may have forgotten about when taking the original inventory. when that happens, i know what to do now.
and in my rather strongly opinionated opinion, i think that doing sets of steps over and over and over is like saying they don’t work, the promises don’t come true, i don’t really live differently, i have not developed a relationship with a power greater than myself and....okay. i’m getting carried away.
i don’t know about narcissistic, but i do think too much navel gazing keeps me stuck in my head too much.

Eddiebuckle

It is not uncommon for people to revisit the steps, but I think that immediately going from 12 back to 1 is overkill. In sobriety we begin to expand or reclaim our lives in the relationships we form, our careers, etc. and sometimes that can lead us astray. The flag is when insanity creeps back: when we begin to elevate our wants above our needs with predictable results.

Tommyh

I know quite a few people who go back thru the steps every so often, maybe every 5 years or so with a different sponsor
the best thing I did sober was get another sponsor 10 years ago and hit the book and steps again.
This sponsor went deeper into the steps than all my other 3 sponsors combined had. I did the best I could when I got to AA but years later I could and did do a better job.

if we do them the same way over and over,we usually see the same stuff over and over.I wanted to do better and it paid off for me and showed me so much I had missed.
by all means,it can`t hurt and go for it if you want too

PhoenixJ

I go over the steps, just as a check

I try to do good by others and be a better person than the day before

I see the steps as a guide.... sponsor, not as a perfect source of wisdom- but a stable and supportive guide- again.

Sunflower79

sugarbear1

I worked the steps 3 times by 8 months of sobriety, each one having it's own spiritual experience or awakening. I also take my sponsees through the steps 3 times by the end of the first year of sobriety. It's how I was taught. The third time through I teach the sponsor's role in guiding someone through the steps.

There is no correct or incorrect way to work the steps. Just work them!!

Grungehead

I think if one goes on to become a sponsor and guide others through the steps it becomes somewhat of a regular refresher for the sponsor. I can see certain situations such as switching sponsors, having a lot of changes in one's life occur in a short time span or having a certain issue continue to crop up despite working the maintenance/growth steps regularly might warrant reworking all 12 steps formally. I've only gone through the steps formally with a sponsor once (although since then I've guided several others though them), but I wouldn't hesitate to formally work them again if I felt it would be beneficial.

dsmaxis10

I agree with your sponsor Clarence Snyder sponsored more alcoholics then Dr Bob and said the same

Pathwaytofree

When I did my steps, I was instructed to write down every single resentment from my earliest memory to the present. I was told to write down ones that even sounded silly.

I was then told that because I was writing down every single resentment, big or small, I've ever had that comes to me when I asked God to help me write, that this would be my first and final step work. Once into Step 9, I would live in Steps 10, 11, and 12.

It was explained to me that when I live in Steps 10, 11, and 12, I am working 1-9 every day on a daily basis for the rest of my life.

***
In other groups, people do steps 1-9 every year or every few years. It's my understanding that this way, you're just doing a little at a time as your psyche can handle it. Or it's getting the big resentments out of the way first.

There are pluses and minuses in my opinion to each method.

The way you were taught--to do 1-9 one time--means that if an old resentment pops up into your memory that you didn't write down in Step 4, you handle it now in 10, 11, and 12. You can write it out or eventually do it in your head.

I am not a believer in making amends that are farfetched. However, if it helps the person making them see how their behavior affects other people, then that's good. In my personal experience, I got caught up in every little small amends I thought I should make. Many were just living amends--don't act that way again. But if it would make the person I hurt (or thought I hurt) feel better, then I made a direct amends. Hearing the receiver's tone of voice when I made amends was a gift. I knew it had made them feel good.

It is not narcissistic to constantly write fourth steps. It is a spiritual exercise of self-awareness.

No one says you won't get a new resentment or never get angry when you finish 1-9 the first time, cleaning up the past. But Steps 10, 11, and 12 help you clean up the present. But by now in the present, you will have seen where your thinking and reactions to life harmed yourself and harmed others. You will have a lot less resentments. You will be able to catch yourself in the moment as your practice of steps 10, 11, and 12 continues.

Your sponsor is correct to say if you live in steps 10, 11, and 12 then you are living all 12 steps on a daily basis. If you want, I can write out where steps 4-9 are in 10, 11, and 12, let me know. (Steps 1-3 are lived every day when we wake up. We remind ourselves we are powerless and turn to our conception of God for power.)

DayTrader

1-12 once then live in 10 - 12 or repeat the process? That debate goes alllllll the way back to Dr Bob and Bill. Dr. Bob believed in repeating the process and Bill thought, for a long time, once was enough. Every one of the ppl I respect the most in AA is a step-repeater (several do formal run-though 4x per year which is a habit I'd haven't been able to commit to but that's my goal) and I want the level of spirituality they have so I repeat them as well.

I loved the way the first go-though made me feel so why wouldn't I want to try it again from a new/higher level of understanding? As I practice something i get better at it and am able to dig deeper and uncover tons of new stuff each time through the steps.

In 12 years I've never heard anyone say, "I went through the 12 steps again and I really wish I hadn't. I should have stuck with the experience from that first time 3 yrs ago (or 5 yrs ago, or 10 yrs ago, etc)." I do hear, from time to time, people who haven't had the experience of multiple times through the steps become pretty vocal about how it's not necessary. Funny enough, I was one of them - lol. Contempt prior to investigation....... that has seemed to be at big part of my bio... lol


Ultimately, "To thine own self be true," right? I'd suggest that maybe you're hearing a call to re-experience the work at a deeper level - work (steps) that we do I suppose once I've got it perfected, I won't need the process of the steps anymore. Until then, I love the effect produced by doing the steps so I'll just keep on repeating them.

From another angle, it's helped me in working with new ppl too. When I have new guys, I go through the steps WITH them. We do them together (I typically don't read the entire inventory to them - I've found it can be a little overwhelming to them - but I do read parts of it). They've all expressed that it helped them to see I was not just telling them what to do, or just telling them what I "did" a long time ago but actually leading by example. In my mind, I'd feel like a fraud talking about the steps if I wasn't current in my action of each of them.

DayTrader

somehow I deleted part of my post prior to sending it --

Ultimately, "To thine own self be true," right? I'd suggest that maybe you're hearing a call to re-experience the work at a deeper level - work (steps) that we do to establish, grow and ultimately perfect our relationship with God. I suppose once I've got it perfected, I won't need the process of the steps anymore. Until then, I love the effect produced by doing the steps so I'll just keep on repeating them.

Pathwaytofree

If steps 4-9 are incorporated in the 12 steps, if you do a daily 10, 11, and 12 you aren't supposed to need to do the steps again. But that is dependent on if your first time through cleaning up the past in 4-9 was thorough and honest. That's what I was taught.

I wish I did 4-9 more than once, but that's not how I was taught. Using the steps more than once to clean up the past that way, and using 10, 11, and 12 to keep the present clean, seems like a better way versus cleaning up the past all at once.

Also doing steps 4-9 from the past all at once leads to a very long and very draining 5th step for both the sponsee and sponsor. So there are benefits to doing 4-9 once and then repeating.

nez

To me it is a semantically based scenario, six of one and a half dozen on another. I haven't redone the steps but nothings says I can't use the 10,11, &12 to address things from my past as they pop up in my memory banks...more will be revealed, and it does get revealed. So am I redoing or living the principals. I don't spend much time trying to figure it out. I just do the next right thing.

Gottalife

I don't think alcoholics drink again because they did the steps incorrectly, they relapse because they didn't do one or more of them at all.

In my experience, I agree with your sponsor, do the first nine once, this will teach you the principles in a practical way, then live in ten to twelve as "this way of living" incorporates all the principles you have learned.

As Clarence Snyder said, you only go back to the other steps when you are working with a newcomer. In doing that I find I am retaking the steps again myself. The newcomer adds the deeper dimension.

There is a principle that Bill talks about, stability comes from giving, not receiving, hence the importance of step 12. Also our experience along with modern day research confirms nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as working with another alcoholic. The path your sponsor suggests seems to bring what is talked about in the step ten promises. "Our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any real thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That is the miracle of it". At least that is what happened to me.

The other approach of endlessly being helped through the steps without taking others through, seems to be a path of taking rather than giving, and I have seen nothing to indicate here is any reward in that direction.

Regardless of which approach you use I guess the really important point centers on step twelve. If you are not actively giving it away, you may be unlikely to keep it.

BTW, I did my second forth and fifth last year. There was so little in it due to practicing the last three steps, that it was hardly worth the trouble. It was more like a tenth step discussion on about three issues that were vaguely troubling me. There was no new mess to clean up.

Tommyh

there is another option

From Bill W in step 10 from the 12x12

Many A.A.’s go in for annual or semiannual housecleanings.

my first sponsor did this every year.
why?because we alcoholics seem to have a problem with self discipline-
and over time it shows up in our character defects and shortcomings

Gottalife

Tommy, I know of a few people who do that. I don't really understand how that would work. Step ten suggests we clean up any new mistakes at once. From the perspective of someone who has managed to keep the decks clear in that way, I can't imagine what it would be like to carry an ever growing pile of mistakes all the way to the end of the year before doing anything about them.

I suppose the increase in the load would be subtle and hardly felt at first, but towards the end one would be carrying quite a bit of weight. If that were the case, then dropping the load all at once would give one quite a lift. Have you seen how sheep leap about the paddock once they have been sheared?

We sure are undisciplined and it is suggested that we let God discipline us through these steps in the 24 hour plan. That seems to result in a fairly steady ride. It seems to me that taking back that responsibility and doing it ourselves on an annual basis could result in a slightly more bumpy ride.

DayTrader

Hey Mike..... Unless one is able to 100% rid themselves of all resentments in all areas of their life, there will still be some lingering "issue" in spite of dealing with them as best we can during the year. Additionally, there's no limit to what can go on a 4th step inventory - things way beyond simply ppl we're mad at. Like all things in the steps though, there has to be a willingness to dig deeper - which often means getting quite uncomfortable. For many, it's far more pleasant to say I'm fine where I am, nothing to deal with, no reason to question anything/everything I do. I have to admit, it may be more difficult to get out of a comfort-zone IN sobriety/recovery than it was the first time around.

4th step aside, I've learned more about the first 3 steps on my current run-through in year 11 (probably my 5th or 6th time through the steps) than I ever would have imagined. Those revelations came from being open to the possibility that maybe everything I knew about the steps/program was possibly holding me back from new discoveries - so I ask that all my current (and old) beliefs be set aside for a NEW experience with the work. (I can thank Joe Hawk and Don Pritz for the idea).

All that said, it's been a pretty consistent part of my nature to always want more - closeness to God and recovery in general not excluded. While I used to think that was a curse, now I see it as a blessing because it keeps me constantly on the lookout for ways to improve my spirituality.

sugarbear1

Many of my AA friends and I do work through the 12 steps about once a year. We aren't the same person today that we were a month or a year ago.

tomsteve

comin home from a visit with my oncologist after hearing the cancer had gone stage 4( it was a 150 mile ride and i was flying solo that time) i went through the 12 steps in about 45 minutes on just that.