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Old 01-11-2019, 02:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I hate Big Book Know it alls


The meetings I go to are good for the most part except several men on the meeting. They constantly spout passages from the big book and don’t back it up with their experience. For example I was struggling with thoughts of drinking so I shared about it, I shared that I called my sponsor and we discussed it and the though passed. Then the guy shares something like “the big book says the 10th step promises are that we won’t think about drinking.” And he inferred that I was not working the program properly.

This is gernerally how these people share. They cross share and quote the big book but don’t back it up with their experience. And they’re very militant in their approach to recovery. They think they have all the answers. Do you guys come across any of these people? How do you deal with them?

Then there’s people who quote the big book and back it up with their own experience. I like these people a lot better they’re much more genuine and sincerely desire to help others. But the men who just quote pages annoy me so much.
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Old 01-11-2019, 02:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Some of the folks I meet at AA meetings rub me the wrong way. Same is true at my work and my church and any other social group I affiliate with. To me the issue is what is the overall net effect of the group on my serenity. If it's positive I stay and if it's negative I leave. I have never found a group of 100% positive people in any aspect of my life so I don't expect perfection from any group including AA. For me there is more positive energy than negative energy in my local AA meetings so I keep coming back.
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Old 01-11-2019, 02:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Some of the folks I meet at AA meetings rub me the wrong way. Same is true at my work and my church and any other social group I affiliate with. To me the issue is what is the overall net effect of the group on my serenity. If it's positive I stay and if it's negative I leave. I have never found a group of 100% positive people in any aspect of my life so I don't expect perfection from any group including AA. For me there is more positive energy than negative energy in my local AA meetings so I keep coming back.

Yea good point Im gonna keep going to the meetings. But they just bother me especially when I spoke. I’m not gonna let anyone deter me from participating in my recovery. I’m gonna continue to pray while I hear these big book quotes share.
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Old 01-11-2019, 02:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Then the guy shares something like “the big book says the 10th step promises are that we won’t think about drinking.” And he inferred that I was not working the program properly.

.
im a BB thumper but can share how passages have related to me.
now onto this- the 10th step promises dont say that.
heres a bit of the 10th step promises that show how thats misinformation:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
that tells me that yes- i will think about drinking at some point.
give me a warm summer day and a lawn mower and i can think of an ice cold budwieser afterwards. i dont act on the thought,though. i can laugh at it because when i buy AN ice cold budwieser theres at least 11 others that come home with it and 1 will make my past become my future.

how i handled the BB thumpers that just quote passages is take a look at why it bothered me. after i learned what in myself was a little sideways, i learned to tune em out.
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Old 01-11-2019, 03:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The meetings I go to are good for the most part except several men on the meeting. They constantly spout passages from the big book and don’t back it up with their experience. For example I was struggling with thoughts of drinking so I shared about it, I shared that I called my sponsor and we discussed it and the though passed. Then the guy shares something like “the big book says the 10th step promises are that we won’t think about drinking.” And he inferred that I was not working the program properly.

This is gernerally how these people share. They cross share and quote the big book but don’t back it up with their experience. And they’re very militant in their approach to recovery. They think they have all the answers. Do you guys come across any of these people? How do you deal with them?

Then there’s people who quote the big book and back it up with their own experience. I like these people a lot better they’re much more genuine and sincerely desire to help others. But the men who just quote pages annoy me so much.
Just understand they will jump on almost anything you share in which they disagree. Don't take the bait and get upset. It's simply their opinion and they are free to express it

Basically I see them as dry drunks who are often either unhappy and/or angry.
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Old 01-11-2019, 04:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I dislike block quoter's of any kind. I agree when backed with a real time experience, I listen- but there are some who monologue- same routine, down to dot points...however if these people annoy me, I try to work on me- why? Some people just rub me up the wrong way- like fingernails down a blackboard, and having the luxury to choose- I tend not to go to those meetings.
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Old 01-11-2019, 04:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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im a BB thumper but can share how passages have related to me.
now onto this- the 10th step promises dont say that.
heres a bit of the 10th step promises that show how thats misinformation:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
that tells me that yes- i will think about drinking at some point.
give me a warm summer day and a lawn mower and i can think of an ice cold budwieser afterwards. i dont act on the thought,though. i can laugh at it because when i buy AN ice cold budwieser theres at least 11 others that come home with it and 1 will make my past become my future.

how i handled the BB thumpers that just quote passages is take a look at why it bothered me. after i learned what in myself was a little sideways, i learned to tune em out.
Some people will annoy me I am human I can’t suppress my emotions
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Old 01-11-2019, 04:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I dislike block quoter's of any kind. I agree when backed with a real time experience, I listen- but there are some who monologue- same routine, down to dot points...however if these people annoy me, I try to work on me- why? Some people just rub me up the wrong way- like fingernails down a blackboard, and having the luxury to choose- I tend not to go to those meetings.
There seem to be book quotes at most meetings. They introduce themselves as “those who recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.” They seem so fake

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Just understand they will jump on almost anything you share in which they disagree. Don't take the bait and get upset. It's simply their opinion and they are free to express it

Basically I see them as dry drunks who are often either unhappy and/or angry.
I know this lady is a big book quoter and constantly quotes the book, but she never smiles.

And they usually say things like “you can’t dump your problems in a meeting.
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Old 01-11-2019, 08:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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He WAS sharing his experience. We stop thinking about drinking for the most part. We don't get cravings. We get that daily reprieve.

Then we share about working the steps into our lives and how our lives are today. Simple.
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Old 01-12-2019, 03:57 AM   #10 (permalink)
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My sponsor was a big proponent of running anything that was bothering him through the 10th step (he called it a "mini 4-9"). Put what's bothering you down on paper (4th), talk to your sponsor or someone about it (5th), ask HP to remove any defect causing you to be bothered (6th, 7th), make amends if necessary (8th, 9th).

What I need to remember is that I am human, and just because I have formally worked the steps doesn't mean I'm going to go through the rest of my life in a state of bliss. Stuff still happens...I still take my will back...I still take some of those defects my HP removed back and nurture them...and the result is usually a big ole resentment.

I've found that if I go through this process as soon as something "sticks in my craw" and not let it fester, things never have a chance to build into a major resentment. I find it much more palatable than waiting until I'm miserable from accumulated resentments and having to do a long and drawn out 4th-9th again, or worse not doing anything and reverting back to who I was before I worked the steps.

Run these "big book thumpers" through this process and try to discover where the "hate" is coming from. If the problem is not on your end go to page 552 and follow the instructions.
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Old 01-12-2019, 05:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I too can get annoyed at people in the meetings for various reasons. While I know plenty of passages (I read parts of the BB daily and have always been someone I'd describe as one who "sees in words" so I recall words and phrases easily) but I don't usually quote.

I have to remind myself, though - not to take other people's inventory. That includes being annoyed at BB quoters, and taking them as know it alls - maybe they are, and yet....maybe that's just what keeps them sober. I never- NEVER- know exactly what someone else's mind is running on about.

I definitely "feel" things about others - as those above have said, this applies everywhere, not just in AA - and to paraphrase the part in the BB "when I am disturbed"....I'm best off considering if that annoyance is actually something about me (maybe I have come off as a know it all plenty of times, ha ) and then getting back to the plenty I have to tend to about my own kind of alcoholism and recovery.

I can be an eye roller and I have to work on curbing that. Drunkalogues, for example, really grate on me. I try to remember that I heard good advice early on to look for the people who have what I want. So, like you said, the helpful people who, in the scenario of BB quoting and referencing, back it up w their experiences.

Great job on a year- I've had to make sure I keep learning and expecting change and progress in my ability to understand what I need to do, and what I need to do to help others. Keep going!

Glad you are here.
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Old 01-12-2019, 11:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
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My sponsor was a big proponent of running anything that was bothering him through the 10th step (he called it a "mini 4-9"). Put what's bothering you down on paper (4th), talk to your sponsor or someone about it (5th), ask HP to remove any defect causing you to be bothered (6th, 7th), make amends if necessary (8th, 9th).

What I need to remember is that I am human, and just because I have formally worked the steps doesn't mean I'm going to go through the rest of my life in a state of bliss. Stuff still happens...I still take my will back...I still take some of those defects my HP removed back and nurture them...and the result is usually a big ole resentment.

I've found that if I go through this process as soon as something "sticks in my craw" and not let it fester, things never have a chance to build into a major resentment. I find it much more palatable than waiting until I'm miserable from accumulated resentments and having to do a long and drawn out 4th-9th again, or worse not doing anything and reverting back to who I was before I worked the steps.

Run these "big book thumpers" through this process and try to discover where the "hate" is coming from. If the problem is not on your end go to page 552 and follow the instructions.

I did that last week I wrote down a four column inventory called my sponsor and it helped. But sometime I fall victim to childish emotions and can’t control my frustration with this big book thumpers. But I’ll try to take your advice . Thank you,
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Old 01-12-2019, 01:36 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I did that last week I wrote down a four column inventory called my sponsor and it helped. But sometime I fall victim to childish emotions and can’t control my frustration with this big book thumpers. But I’ll try to take your advice . Thank you,
You're welcome! Actually I think some would have labeled my sponsor as a "big book thumper", but I saw him as a mentor with over 20 years of sober wisdom and experience. He knew the Big Book inside and out (he considered it a text book), but he had a knack for being able to take whatever text we were studying and provide real life experiences that helped it make sense to me. Anytime I quote something from the Big Book I try to do the same by following it up with my own experiences. Otherwise, being able to rattle off quotes from the Big Book only proves that I'm good at memorizing things.

BTW the "sick man's prayer" really works! I didn't believe it would until I tried it on a stubborn resentment I had against a former employer for over a decade. This person was on my 4th step and was included in my amends but I still felt a lingering resentment against them. I prayed for them for 2 weeks and sometime during that 2 weeks the resentment finally left me.
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Old 01-12-2019, 04:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
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There seem to be book quotes at most meetings. They introduce themselves as “those who recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.” They seem so fake



I know this lady is a big book quoter and constantly quotes the book, but she never smiles.

And they usually say things like “you can’t dump your problems in a meeting.
In a way I agree and disagree. If someone shares about a problem along with the tools in AA they are using to help solve the issue great.

On the other hand if someone regularly shares for example about trouble at work but offers no solution this can become annoying.

Generally I find most AA meetings fall somewhere in the middle.

A middle ground between those who simply pontificate and a those who use meetings as group therapy.
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Old 01-12-2019, 04:54 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Being honest, the biggest problem I ever had with BB "thumpers" was when I didn't really know the book or the steps all that well. Now that I know it a LOT better, it's probably never that a BB quoter bothers me. Heck, at least they're trying to share THE program, ya know? I'd prefer even a poor attempt to share the program of AA over yet another 15 minute story about how someone's girlfriend or boyfriend or landlord isn't respecting them enough, or loving them enough, or whatever.

That said, one of the purposes of the AA program as a whole is to fit you and I to be of maximum service to those around us. By watching those around me, I can see which techniques work best and maybe incorporate some of each person's style into how I share or help others in general. At a lot of meetings, I learn what NOT to do, how NOT to share.

How someone else shares though, isn't really any of my business. When I allow my happiness and my peacefulness to rest upon the willingness of someone else to act in specific ways that will make me happy..........well........ I'm headed for trouble. Once again, I've become that damn actor on page 61 - demanding those around me behave in ways that will satisfy me.

Most of the time now, about halfway through noticing I'm thinking "oh God, here we go with THIS guy/girl again........" The very next thought is usually one or all of the following:.

is it possible they're doing the best they can?

is it possible if they just lack some understanding what they've read and are trying to share something in the best way they can?

is it possible if they knew better, they'd share differently?

have you Mike (my name), ever shared something as if you KNEW wtf you were talking about?

have you ever discovered down the road that those ^^^^ thoughts were mistaken and you changed your mind and went on to practice under a different set of directions and with a new understanding? (in other words, have I made mistakes, discovered them, and eventually changed?)

since when is it up to me to determine how quickly someone else should learn?

why shouldn't they other person be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them?

is it possible that no matter how this person shares or what they say to me, if I'm grounded spiritually their "negative" words (fancied or real, I might add) won't have any effect upon me?

and then one of the toughest questions of all...............
Is it possible that ALL my troubles of of MY OWN MAKING, that they arise out of ME because I'm, once again, being driven by selfishness?
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Old 01-12-2019, 05:39 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Could we be mixing up principles with personalities, the message with the messenger, or what we like to hear as opposed to the truth we need to hear?

I didn’t used to like the rather serious dude who might quote the book (say) regarding step five “The best reason first. If we skip this vital step we may not overcome drinking.” Being full of fear, this truth was rather unpleasant for me because it suggests I may have to do something I don’t want to do.

On the other hand, the seemingly happy chap who has a slogan for every occasion has a much more palatable message like “ don’t worry about the steps, just don’t drink and go to meetings” I liked that message and the messenger, but when I tried to follow it, I got drunk. That was because that individual was sharing his experience ( what he got away with) as if it was the AA program.

The serious fellow has put aside his ego, his desire to be popular, in favour of simply stating the truth. I try to do the same because I feel it is the AA program that was the path to my sobriety, not my unique experience, ideas, or opinions picked up along the way.
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Old 01-12-2019, 05:53 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Old 01-12-2019, 08:34 PM   #18 (permalink)
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“those who recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.”
interesting that you find those who introduce themselves that way as fake.
i sooo rarely hear anyone proclaim it, or say they can ever recover, and wish i could hear it more often.
i find it the absolute most encouraging, when that is someone’s experience.
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Old 01-12-2019, 08:43 PM   #19 (permalink)
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When I have a problem with someone else...all I need to know is that... I... have a problem.
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Old 01-12-2019, 10:28 PM   #20 (permalink)
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great job a year sober. do you want to stay sober? quit the bs
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