SundaesAnyday

Hello I'd love to hear from you here if you've experienced relapse after long-term sobriety. I've listed a smattering of challenges unique to this in hopes others will share theirs as there's no one in AA to seek out as i normally would.

I relapsed after 22 years, went into tx ctr, recommitted to AA, relapsed after 4 years. Besides long-term AA attendance I had done 10+ years of quality therapy, immersed myself in ACA literature and other self help.

1. I had gotten away from the program (the rooms stopped feeling safe due to witnessing unhealthy behaviors, a dilution of old school message maybe due to influx of court ordered.
2. And I had experienced multiple extreme traumatic events (there was no break between
successive events) resulting in excrutiating depression & psychological pain resulting in alcohol or suicide type thinking. I have had a diagnosis n successful treatment of depression for 25 years.

In my 30 years in/around AA, I've yet to witness any other person with 20+ years come back after a relapse and announce themselves as newcomer as I have done, I'm the only one I know of, and indeed it's extremely humbling... but it'd be nice connect with another AA who has experienced a relapse after multiple decades sobriety in the same way we seek out another AA for experience with other problem.

And I feel judged, as you can imagine. And sensation I get from longterm folks in AA who keeep a distance is they might "catch" a relapse from me.

I jumped back in as I did at 22yr relapse meetings, got sponsor jumped into steps, got thru Step 2, henceforth she became ill & passed away last Saturday.

I witness people in rooms who seemed to have changed very little despite their decades in the rooms.

I feel i need to continue to work on myself,I've gained so much changed so much from working and using 12 steps in my life (crazy but even during my relapse). Steps and propram are a "working part of my mind".


(tx ctr was horrid experience-no 12 steps in there & it was run n felt like dysfunctional prison, 90 men, 7+- women)

Ken33xx

I listen closely to such member and their reason for going back out. I view what happened as a warning.

But it doesn't make me feel better about myself or want to avoid the person.

I don't like the emphasis on time in AA but understand the importance behind it.

You didn't drink today? Neither have I. It's all good.

DayTrader

One of my AA heros would say his last drink was (some date) 17 years previous but he's been sober for 3. The difference, he'd explain, was that while he was going to meetings and didn't drink for 17 years he chooses not to call that time in recovery since, as he put it, all he was doing was attending meetings and not drinking. I wasn't practicing the steps on a regular basis and didn't sponsor people through the 12 steps.

I never forget that guy..... he was awesome and his message was fabulous. I'm lucky I got to sit with him once in a while over a couple years before I moved.

As to the OP, I just happend to be at a meeting with a lady on Monday who had "23 years in the program" and had just come off a couple month bender. After listening to her, like my friend that I mentioned at the beginning of my post, she was doing meetings and not drinking but that was about it aside from a lot of self-help work she was engaged in.

-- I see a lot of the same. No surprise though, meetings aren't really all that vital. They have their place but when it comes to acquiring that vital spiritual awakening sufficient to overcome alcoholism where one is "reborn" with a whole new outlook on life..... making it to a lot of meetings isn't even one of the ingredients, although most of the folks in the meetings around me would say "meetings" ARE the AA program. lol.

I do sincerely appreciate your honesty though. So often I hear what seems to be an AA infomercial that's less than sincere. It's refreshing to hear from someone who's open about their issues and willing to discuss what they're doing to overcome them.