dsmaxis10

Almost four months ago I sat at a table hungover from the night before and something changed I saw everyone and relized I was dying there smiling having a good time happy joyous and free.I realized that until I get my alcohol problem figured out I'd might die if I don't . when we read from the book AA something in it hit but I have read it many times . But when they started sharing a tear came to my eye the seal had been broken. Some how that day I said if I'm gonna die I ain't going out without a fight.It would take an effort a course of action to be taken and I did all of it.

dsmaxis10

Owe I remember the day for it's my sobriety date June 26 th 2018 I felt energy run up my spine and blow out the top of my head it felt like an atomic bomb went off in my head. I have lost the obsession to drink that day I'd day sober through the hardest time off my life. Owe life so good now man I love AA

Dee74

Sounds like you've hit a turning point and doing well DSMaxis

D

dsmaxis10

I'm doing the best I can do that I do know that much. But my break through was when I went to AA to get nothing but over 300 promises that are through out the book AA but to get sober. That book had something I really wanted the day a tear came to my eye when I realized just how powerless I was.When I looked at everybody as they are a priceless children of a Loving God .That day forward I faced every fear I had .The fear of going back to a mental hospital for an med change I faced the fear of being in psychosis or mania and drink again I faced . It would take my all my greatest effort ever in my life just to get the obsession gone again. Yes my pick struck gold only if I'm willing to mine it for life. I'm not recovered how can I only be honest three months of my life and be recovered yes the obsession gone but I'm recovering that I know for sure I'm recovering. I walked AA hall of shame many times the last time being the hardest I'm not afraid to fail yes all my diagnosis I see pieces of me I see many people like myself a damaged child in an adults body .I have been existing not living for so long I have no job I live parents first I was chronically mentally ill now the doctors disabled me I'm physically disabled now long story. The story go's I used AA the first time sober 3.5 years which I surely was recovered. But I drank again I know for sure a selfish program if you are truly alcoholic either you die miserable or die drinking with a selfish program. My social anxiety very bad I mess up when I read yes I have had shingles 5 times nervous system doesn't heal over night. The doctors disabled me for six years on the shot being allergic to the time release deconal in an old antipsychotic forced to take. I will know pain everyday for the rest of my life keeps God near and dear to me. I'd drink to stop the hallucinations for no medication had slowed it down until now. I saw a hallucination today quite a lot of em. The 300 promises boil down to three things this coming from Buddha Bob peace of mind joy and sense of purpose . That is music to my ears I have that when I love my neighbor as myself know I treat myself like crap when I love em how God love's em I have thoughs three promises