Cross talk
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Cross talk
Does anyone have a precise definition of cross talk.
It is a term I had not heard until maybe 5 or 10 years ago. It doesnt come up much, but when it does, those that object to perceived cross talk can get quite passionate about it.
It came up at a meeting last week when a member reminded the group that it had a no crosstalk rule. However, I was unaware as I did not attend the group conscience that made the rule, and the format, where they say things to guide the meeting, makes no mention of it.
In the discussion after the meeting it became clear that no one realy knew what was emant by the term cross talk.
Can anyone clarify, preferably with some kind of statement that has been incorporated into formats before.
It is a term I had not heard until maybe 5 or 10 years ago. It doesnt come up much, but when it does, those that object to perceived cross talk can get quite passionate about it.
It came up at a meeting last week when a member reminded the group that it had a no crosstalk rule. However, I was unaware as I did not attend the group conscience that made the rule, and the format, where they say things to guide the meeting, makes no mention of it.
In the discussion after the meeting it became clear that no one realy knew what was emant by the term cross talk.
Can anyone clarify, preferably with some kind of statement that has been incorporated into formats before.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Crosstalk in meetings
http://aaohio-triarea.org/Documents/...tings%2022.pdf
http://aaohio-triarea.org/Documents/...tings%2022.pdf
dee
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Crosstalk definition?
"I am sensitive! Do not say anything that sounds like you are giving me advice, or referring to a problem I have as if you used to have it but got over it"
Genuinely I sometimes hear members interrupting, or referring somewhat inappropriately to something someone else said but it tends to be newcomers. There's an etiquette thing that most of us soon get the hang of.
Crosstalk to me always seems like one of these rules that doesn't exist, that came from somewhere else and that we don't need to have
P
"I am sensitive! Do not say anything that sounds like you are giving me advice, or referring to a problem I have as if you used to have it but got over it"
Genuinely I sometimes hear members interrupting, or referring somewhat inappropriately to something someone else said but it tends to be newcomers. There's an etiquette thing that most of us soon get the hang of.
Crosstalk to me always seems like one of these rules that doesn't exist, that came from somewhere else and that we don't need to have
P
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I try not to tell ppl at meetings what to do - I really hated that when I was new. Listening to some burned out looking fool tell me I should do X or Y used to make my skin crawl.
Now of course, that the guy was sharing his experience went over my head. That what they said was probably way better than what I was doing was lost on me. I was just so self-centered that the idea of someone telling ME something was not something I could handle.
Figuring most new ppl are probably like me, I make it a point not to say "you should...." or anything similar. What I will do is look through my history and share a time or times when I was doing the same thing, feeling the same way, wanting the same things.......share what I learned was really going on with it (usually that I was being selfish, not forgiving, trying to run the show, etc) and then what step(s) and actions helped me get free.
I found it's the more readily accepted way to get the same point across without upsetting the new man or woman.
Now of course, that the guy was sharing his experience went over my head. That what they said was probably way better than what I was doing was lost on me. I was just so self-centered that the idea of someone telling ME something was not something I could handle.
Figuring most new ppl are probably like me, I make it a point not to say "you should...." or anything similar. What I will do is look through my history and share a time or times when I was doing the same thing, feeling the same way, wanting the same things.......share what I learned was really going on with it (usually that I was being selfish, not forgiving, trying to run the show, etc) and then what step(s) and actions helped me get free.
I found it's the more readily accepted way to get the same point across without upsetting the new man or woman.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
As defined in the link above, crosstalk occurs at many of the meetings I attend. Most of it adds to the meeting but some is detrimental. At the meetings I choose to attend, I consider it a positive in most cases. There are small number AA meetings in my area where the opening includes a statement about no crosstalk. I have found them to be run by folks who have control issues. The worst offender has both a no crosstalk statement combined with a two minute limit time limit on each person's share.
The most negative crosstalk I have seen at meetings occurs when certain old timers decide to school some new comer on how to do things. Often this is disguised crosstalk but at least in my mind it is crosstalk. These old timers really don't get the concept of a program of attraction. I figure they really can't help themselves and I accept their behavior as something I cannot change.
The most negative crosstalk I have seen at meetings occurs when certain old timers decide to school some new comer on how to do things. Often this is disguised crosstalk but at least in my mind it is crosstalk. These old timers really don't get the concept of a program of attraction. I figure they really can't help themselves and I accept their behavior as something I cannot change.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by AAPJ 
As defined in the link above, crosstalk occurs at many of the meetings I attend. Most of it adds to the meeting but some is detrimental. At the meetings I choose to attend, I consider it a positive in most cases. There are small number AA meetings in my area where the opening includes a statement about no crosstalk. I have found them to be run by folks who have control issues. The worst offender has both a no crosstalk statement combined with a two minute limit time limit on each person's share.
The most negative crosstalk I have seen at meetings occurs when certain old timers decide to school some new comer on how to do things. Often this is disguised crosstalk but at least in my mind it is crosstalk. These old timers really don't get the concept of a program of attraction. I figure they really can't help themselves and I accept their behavior as something I cannot change.
The most negative crosstalk I have seen at meetings occurs when certain old timers decide to school some new comer on how to do things. Often this is disguised crosstalk but at least in my mind it is crosstalk. These old timers really don't get the concept of a program of attraction. I figure they really can't help themselves and I accept their behavior as something I cannot change.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
" I say that unsolicited advice is for single uncles, barbers and your first roommate. It's not for sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous. I like my gym so stop ******* tell me that yours is better because it's $10 cheaper! I don't give a ****. But what I do give a **** about is the fact that you thought it was your place in history to give me an ear beating about it.
All this being said, a couple of winters ago, I shared that I was afraid of going to see my parents because of how I acted when I was an actively drinking and using alcoholic; after the meeting, a guy who only had about a year sober told me that I should go see them. I bought a plane ticket 45 minutes later, slept on the plane and woke up when the wheels hit the runway. I ended up having the best Christmas ever with my family, and my relationship with my parents, brother and two sisters has been amazing ever since with little-to-no speed bumps. The guy that told me to do this was basically the opposite of me—from a different city, had a different background, was about 30 years older and lived in a different part of LA. Maybe his perfect advice had nothing to do with AA. Maybe we were just two people who knew little about each other and we got it right on accident. And maybe the reason that, if I do crosstalk, I just do the comfortable two-sentence comment and then dive into my own personal share is that I'm afraid I’ll never be able to hit the kind of home run he did with me.
The point is this: people are going to do what they’re going to do and it’s up to each person whether or not they want to take it in, let alone act on it. I say give cross talk a break. If an actor is giving you advice on what to do with your hurt, alcoholic marriage, nod and go see a couple’s therapist. What do you get for nothing? Nothing. See doctors for illness, gay guys for spin class and your sponsor for advice in AA. Cross talk, parking rules and the coffee being five minutes late? I promise you’ll survive it. So just sit back, listen and go live your life. At least that's my unsolicited advice."
Carlos Herrera
All this being said, a couple of winters ago, I shared that I was afraid of going to see my parents because of how I acted when I was an actively drinking and using alcoholic; after the meeting, a guy who only had about a year sober told me that I should go see them. I bought a plane ticket 45 minutes later, slept on the plane and woke up when the wheels hit the runway. I ended up having the best Christmas ever with my family, and my relationship with my parents, brother and two sisters has been amazing ever since with little-to-no speed bumps. The guy that told me to do this was basically the opposite of me—from a different city, had a different background, was about 30 years older and lived in a different part of LA. Maybe his perfect advice had nothing to do with AA. Maybe we were just two people who knew little about each other and we got it right on accident. And maybe the reason that, if I do crosstalk, I just do the comfortable two-sentence comment and then dive into my own personal share is that I'm afraid I’ll never be able to hit the kind of home run he did with me.
The point is this: people are going to do what they’re going to do and it’s up to each person whether or not they want to take it in, let alone act on it. I say give cross talk a break. If an actor is giving you advice on what to do with your hurt, alcoholic marriage, nod and go see a couple’s therapist. What do you get for nothing? Nothing. See doctors for illness, gay guys for spin class and your sponsor for advice in AA. Cross talk, parking rules and the coffee being five minutes late? I promise you’ll survive it. So just sit back, listen and go live your life. At least that's my unsolicited advice."
Carlos Herrera
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