HP question
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Weev1l 
Good morning gentlemen, if you'll stop your brawling for a moment, I'm about 9 weeks now and I think my head is beginning to clear enough to take a look around me.
I want to know if any of you had pretty much destroyed your life with alcohol and then put it right sober. I'm overwhelmed by the mess and don't see that a lifetime would be enough time to put this right.
It's so tempting to go **** it this morning. But I'm going to my body attack class and meeting at noon and just keep plodding on.
Love the lot of you
I want to know if any of you had pretty much destroyed your life with alcohol and then put it right sober. I'm overwhelmed by the mess and don't see that a lifetime would be enough time to put this right.
It's so tempting to go **** it this morning. But I'm going to my body attack class and meeting at noon and just keep plodding on.
Love the lot of you
i was 13 ish when i took my 1st drink and 36 when i got sober. destroyed my life?welp, i really didnt have one- i was just exisiting by the end. but there was a lot of wreckage left in my wake. i had no clue how i was going to be able to stragthen out what i could, but had faith in the progam and those that went before me that i could.
i didnt put my life right- i got a new life- one i couldnt have imagined.
and there i was about 3 months sober. i had a 35 mile one way drive to work(it was mainly country driving- pretty much a 25 mile straighshot with 2 stop lights then a little small city driving.) i had a baaaaaaad day of work. got in my car and got the f-its. i was gettin a 6 pack on the way home and even knew the store i was stoppin at on the ride home.
got home,took a shower, got some food, then it hit me:
" i was stoppin to get a 6 pack. wth!?!?!"
pretty wild how the store i picked to stop at? welp, i had to pass about a dozen stores to get to that one.
im very greatful i dont - or didnt- have to get on my knees to pray. if that was the case, there were days early on i would havent gotten off my knees- there would have been days that 35 miles to and from work would have been a long crawl.
weev, youre doin great! youre pretty much experiencing what most of us experienced in early recovery. all them years of numbing feelings and emotions while destroying my life, by a couple months the fog was fully lifted and my brain was functioning much better.
keep on doin the work! ALL of the promises WILL materialize IF you work for them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Weev lives can be rebuilt and are never beyond repair, each of these grumpy gentlemen on this thread will testify to that.
Sometimes the things from the past cannot be recovered. But what I got instead was often much better. ..by cleaning house I make room for better things
Have a beautiful day.
P
Sometimes the things from the past cannot be recovered. But what I got instead was often much better. ..by cleaning house I make room for better things
Have a beautiful day.
P
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by tomsteve
good on ya!!
heck, i avoided "to wives' for a while. i was single,never been married and,welp, a male, so what did i need to read that for??
until one day a man said at a meeting," the 3 most important words in the big book are the first 3 on pg 112."
HUH!!!
heck, i avoided "to wives' for a while. i was single,never been married and,welp, a male, so what did i need to read that for??
until one day a man said at a meeting," the 3 most important words in the big book are the first 3 on pg 112."
HUH!!!
Just kidding.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I was a bit like tomsteve. My life crashed on take off. I wasn't as good a pilot though, I had crashed completely before I was 23. Really it was a story of lost opportunities, failure to live up to potential, that sort of thing. No friends, no money, all my worldly goods in two plastic rubbish bags, and a head full of scrambled eggs. It looks worse as I look back on it. At the time it was normal for me.
The biggest disaster I could see was losing my three weeks sobriety. 21 whole days. I couldn't see how I would ever get that back. Some old geezer said one day at a time, and that has proved to be true to every aspect of sober living.
Life wasn't so much a mess as non existent. I had no idea what I was getting into. I kinda just went with the flow, and I noticed a couple of things. One was that I always sold myself short. The ideas and goals I had in mind were so backward, for want of a better word, compare to what God had in mind for me. My imagination was very stunted, and I felt undeserving. Each day f trying and mostly failing to to Gods will has brought me a life beyond anything I could have imagined.
As you will find in your journey through the steps, even the worst of my experiences can now be turned to good purpose. It is amazing how God can change liabilities into assets.
I have a friend in AA who got sober in his sixties, and if he were on this site, I know he would say the same thing. Clean house, trust God, help others, and great things will come to pass.
The biggest disaster I could see was losing my three weeks sobriety. 21 whole days. I couldn't see how I would ever get that back. Some old geezer said one day at a time, and that has proved to be true to every aspect of sober living.
Life wasn't so much a mess as non existent. I had no idea what I was getting into. I kinda just went with the flow, and I noticed a couple of things. One was that I always sold myself short. The ideas and goals I had in mind were so backward, for want of a better word, compare to what God had in mind for me. My imagination was very stunted, and I felt undeserving. Each day f trying and mostly failing to to Gods will has brought me a life beyond anything I could have imagined.
As you will find in your journey through the steps, even the worst of my experiences can now be turned to good purpose. It is amazing how God can change liabilities into assets.
I have a friend in AA who got sober in his sixties, and if he were on this site, I know he would say the same thing. Clean house, trust God, help others, and great things will come to pass.
Keep Going
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
I hope there's someone there. I feel alone, and I don't much want to be with me. I finished the resentments part of step 4 this afternoon and faced up to hopefully most of the stuff I've been carrying for a lifetime. Finally stopped lying to myself. It's not pretty. More sad than anything. Couldn't have done it without my HP.
I was so angry afterwards. Really full of rage. Trying to go back out into the world was like running into bricks getting thrown at me. Just what I didn't want, to act like a dry drunk when I'm trying to improve my character.
I'm frightened that alcoholism will get me, being as how I am, not very nice to know. I see how so many people don't make it, and I'm worried that I won't get the steps and I will die. I feel as terrified of the drink tonight as I did on day one.
Tired. It's almost bedtime. Gonna do Fear part tomorrow.
I was so angry afterwards. Really full of rage. Trying to go back out into the world was like running into bricks getting thrown at me. Just what I didn't want, to act like a dry drunk when I'm trying to improve my character.
I'm frightened that alcoholism will get me, being as how I am, not very nice to know. I see how so many people don't make it, and I'm worried that I won't get the steps and I will die. I feel as terrified of the drink tonight as I did on day one.
Tired. It's almost bedtime. Gonna do Fear part tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
I fully identify weev. When I first started my 4th step I was so full of rage I paced the floor for hours, welled up cried with rage and punched my sofa till I opened up a knuckle.
Not everyone identifies with this experience but you are not alone. Made me realise this stuff really was going to kill me...one way or another...if I couldn't be rid of it.
8 years later I have just spent the evening face to face showing someone else how to start the 4th step and assuring them it works...and that God did not give me anything that I couldn't handle.
Well done and stick at it...hope you get some peace and rest tonight.
P
Not everyone identifies with this experience but you are not alone. Made me realise this stuff really was going to kill me...one way or another...if I couldn't be rid of it.
8 years later I have just spent the evening face to face showing someone else how to start the 4th step and assuring them it works...and that God did not give me anything that I couldn't handle.
Well done and stick at it...hope you get some peace and rest tonight.
P
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Weev,
Well done with your efforts on step four. You are making great progress, and in my experience, it is the folks like you, who really try, that end up succeeding. Very few people fail,who try to walk the AA path, but many fail to try and you are definitely not one of those.
Pretty soon you will start to feel the change happening, see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember God never sends us more than we can handle in one day.
Well done with your efforts on step four. You are making great progress, and in my experience, it is the folks like you, who really try, that end up succeeding. Very few people fail,who try to walk the AA path, but many fail to try and you are definitely not one of those.
Pretty soon you will start to feel the change happening, see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember God never sends us more than we can handle in one day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Weev1l
I hope there's someone there. I feel alone, and I don't much want to be with me. I finished the resentments part of step 4 this afternoon and faced up to hopefully most of the stuff I've been carrying for a lifetime. Finally stopped lying to myself. It's not pretty. More sad than anything. Couldn't have done it without my HP.
I was so angry afterwards. Really full of rage. Trying to go back out into the world was like running into bricks getting thrown at me. Just what I didn't want, to act like a dry drunk when I'm trying to improve my character.
I'm frightened that alcoholism will get me, being as how I am, not very nice to know. I see how so many people don't make it, and I'm worried that I won't get the steps and I will die. I feel as terrified of the drink tonig ht as I did on day one.
Tired. It's almost bedtime. Gonna do Fear part tomorrow.
I was so angry afterwards. Really full of rage. Trying to go back out into the world was like running into bricks getting thrown at me. Just what I didn't want, to act like a dry drunk when I'm trying to improve my character.
I'm frightened that alcoholism will get me, being as how I am, not very nice to know. I see how so many people don't make it, and I'm worried that I won't get the steps and I will die. I feel as terrified of the drink tonig ht as I did on day one.
Tired. It's almost bedtime. Gonna do Fear part tomorrow.
i see this was yesterday. i hope youre feeling better this morning.
slooooow down and
throw out that dam ass kikin machine!
youre lookin on your 4th step what you USED to be like. in all honesty im dam glad to read ya get angry about it- tells me ya see how jacked up you WERE. if ya didnt get some sort of emotions seeing it on paper, and this is EXACTLY why we put it on paper; to SEE how we USED to be, then id be thinkin theres something a wee bit more wrong.
so, ya say youre not very nice to know- does that assumption come from lookin at your 4th step list? if so, ya gotta get some new glasses:
our stories disclose, in a general way, what we USED to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.
at this time, youre at the "...what happened..." part.
and what i read in your posts is someone with compassion, kindness, and care.
which, it might be wise to make yourself an assets list.
ya know, some fears can be healthy and imo fear of alcohol is a healthy fear. it kept me from drinking quite a few days early on while going through the steps.
that dam trudge the road of happy destiny blahblahblah came in handy at those times.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
That's a great start that you believe in a HP and know it's not you. That's really the mustard seed that you need to go on to Step 3 in my opinion.
Step 2 says "Came to believe". It doesn't say "Believed". You'll come to believe thru the experience of the rest of the steps.
As long as you are completely open to setting aside your ideas and beliefs about God for the time being, and have an open mind for a new experience, you are good to move on to Step 3.
Don't have contempt prior to investigation. ;-)
Your faith in your HP is not being criticized. Do not lie to your sponsor. Can you remain open and willing to having a new experience with your HP? That's all you need. Are you willing to let your HP, whomever he turns out to be, to take the reigns now and stop playing God? If yes, move on to Step 3.
Step 1, 2, and 3 will make much more sense in hindsight.
Just be open and willing and ask your HP to help know Him better. Ask your HP to come into your life and to guide you. That's all that is expected of you. You don't have to have a perfect image in your head yet of who or what God is. You have to first have the experience.
What helped me was to start every morning on my knees saying the 3rd step prayer and asking my HP for help to get to know Him better. I had no idea who or what He was. I also asked him for help to write my Step 4. By bringing my HP into my day, it helped me experience His presence. Through experience I was able to figure out who and what He is.
Does that help?
Step 2 says "Came to believe". It doesn't say "Believed". You'll come to believe thru the experience of the rest of the steps.
As long as you are completely open to setting aside your ideas and beliefs about God for the time being, and have an open mind for a new experience, you are good to move on to Step 3.
Don't have contempt prior to investigation. ;-)
Your faith in your HP is not being criticized. Do not lie to your sponsor. Can you remain open and willing to having a new experience with your HP? That's all you need. Are you willing to let your HP, whomever he turns out to be, to take the reigns now and stop playing God? If yes, move on to Step 3.
Step 1, 2, and 3 will make much more sense in hindsight.
Just be open and willing and ask your HP to help know Him better. Ask your HP to come into your life and to guide you. That's all that is expected of you. You don't have to have a perfect image in your head yet of who or what God is. You have to first have the experience.
What helped me was to start every morning on my knees saying the 3rd step prayer and asking my HP for help to get to know Him better. I had no idea who or what He was. I also asked him for help to write my Step 4. By bringing my HP into my day, it helped me experience His presence. Through experience I was able to figure out who and what He is.
Does that help?
Keep Going
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
I tell you, I wouldn't be able to do this without you guys, I think you're wonderful. You always know what to say, and give me the strength to go a bit further with these Steps.
I keep thinking 'I haven't got the time for this ****' but having no job, etc, means truthfully I have oceans of time. I just don't want to look.
I've got literally 100s of fears. Surprise, surprise.
But I've had an idea - no wonder I'm paralysed into doing nothing because - I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it.
This a major breakthrough for me. Only have to face half the fears now! Labour saving!!!
Gonna do some more before meeting. Day 67 today and about 75 meetings done. I'm glad I stuck with it because I really love some of the people there.
I keep thinking 'I haven't got the time for this ****' but having no job, etc, means truthfully I have oceans of time. I just don't want to look.
I've got literally 100s of fears. Surprise, surprise.
But I've had an idea - no wonder I'm paralysed into doing nothing because - I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it.
This a major breakthrough for me. Only have to face half the fears now! Labour saving!!!
Gonna do some more before meeting. Day 67 today and about 75 meetings done. I'm glad I stuck with it because I really love some of the people there.
Keep Going
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree
That's a great start that you believe in a HP and know it's not you. That's really the mustard seed that you need to go on to Step 3 in my opinion.
Step 2 says "Came to believe". It doesn't say "Believed". You'll come to believe thru the experience of the rest of the steps.
As long as you are completely open to setting aside your ideas and beliefs about God for the time being, and have an open mind for a new experience, you are good to move on to Step 3.
Don't have contempt prior to investigation. ;-)
Your faith in your HP is not being criticized. Do not lie to your sponsor. Can you remain open and willing to having a new experience with your HP? That's all you need. Are you willing to let your HP, whomever he turns out to be, to take the reigns now and stop playing God? If yes, move on to Step 3.
Step 1, 2, and 3 will make much more sense in hindsight.
Just be open and willing and ask your HP to help know Him better. Ask your HP to come into your life and to guide you. That's all that is expected of you. You don't have to have a perfect image in your head yet of who or what God is. You have to first have the experience.
What helped me was to start every morning on my knees saying the 3rd step prayer and asking my HP for help to get to know Him better. I had no idea who or what He was. I also asked him for help to write my Step 4. By bringing my HP into my day, it helped me experience His presence. Through experience I was able to figure out who and what He is.
Does that help?
Step 2 says "Came to believe". It doesn't say "Believed". You'll come to believe thru the experience of the rest of the steps.
As long as you are completely open to setting aside your ideas and beliefs about God for the time being, and have an open mind for a new experience, you are good to move on to Step 3.
Don't have contempt prior to investigation. ;-)
Your faith in your HP is not being criticized. Do not lie to your sponsor. Can you remain open and willing to having a new experience with your HP? That's all you need. Are you willing to let your HP, whomever he turns out to be, to take the reigns now and stop playing God? If yes, move on to Step 3.
Step 1, 2, and 3 will make much more sense in hindsight.
Just be open and willing and ask your HP to help know Him better. Ask your HP to come into your life and to guide you. That's all that is expected of you. You don't have to have a perfect image in your head yet of who or what God is. You have to first have the experience.
What helped me was to start every morning on my knees saying the 3rd step prayer and asking my HP for help to get to know Him better. I had no idea who or what He was. I also asked him for help to write my Step 4. By bringing my HP into my day, it helped me experience His presence. Through experience I was able to figure out who and what He is.
Does that help?
I don't have too many good ideas of my own. My best thinking got me here or whatever they say in the rooms.I do ask for a sober day in the morning but I'll add the step 3 prayer and ask to get to know HP better. Feels a bit funny to do all this praying but it's working and I'm not going to stop. I might even get on my knees yet. I ask Him to direct my thinking a dozen times a day too.
Hope you're having a happy day. Happy, joyous and free! Love Weev
Keep Going
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
I have tried to keep all of my wives from reading To Wives.
Just kidding.
Just kidding.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Originally Posted by Weev1l
I've got literally 100s of fears. Surprise, surprise.
But I've had an idea - no wonder I'm paralysed into doing nothing because - I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it.
This a major breakthrough for me. Only have to face half the fears now! Labour saving!!!
But I've had an idea - no wonder I'm paralysed into doing nothing because - I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it.
This a major breakthrough for me. Only have to face half the fears now! Labour saving!!!
Happy Tuesday
P
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Weev1l
A man in a meeting said he gave it to his wife to read and she came back and threw it at him with deadly accuracy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Weev1l
I tell you, I wouldn't be able to do this without you guys, I think you're wonderful. You always know what to say, and give me the strength to go a bit further with these Steps.
I keep thinking 'I haven't got the time for this ****' but having no job, etc, means truthfully I have oceans of time. I just don't want to look.
I've got literally 100s of fears. Surprise, surprise.
But I've had an idea - no wonder I'm paralysed into doing nothing because - I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it.
This a major breakthrough for me. Only have to face half the fears now! Labour saving!!!
Gonna do some more before meeting. Day 67 today and about 75 meetings done. I'm glad I stuck with it because I really love some of the people there.
I keep thinking 'I haven't got the time for this ****' but having no job, etc, means truthfully I have oceans of time. I just don't want to look.
I've got literally 100s of fears. Surprise, surprise.
But I've had an idea - no wonder I'm paralysed into doing nothing because - I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it.
This a major breakthrough for me. Only have to face half the fears now! Labour saving!!!
Gonna do some more before meeting. Day 67 today and about 75 meetings done. I'm glad I stuck with it because I really love some of the people there.
weev, when i was doing my 4th step, one thing that smacked me right up side the head one day:
i used to have serious anger issues. maybe a little control issues,too.
so, i was doing the resentment list and writing down "fear" besides quite a few of the resentments. i honestly didnt understand how fear was associated with them, but my sponsor( and sometimes others that id talk to about certain resentments- id hear someone talk about something very similar and talk to them after a meeting about a very similar resennment i had) would say,"sound slike some fear in there."
ok, write it down.
then one day, BAM!!!!! it ALL made sense how fear was associated with EVERY resentment i ever had.
the best way i can explain the feeling is.....hmmmmmm...maybe someone else here could have better words to explain it for me but right now the only way right now is the feeling was freedom.
LOTS of thinking to this stuff,eh? man it was so much easier to take everyone elses inventory!!! LOLOLOLOL
yeah, then tip the bottle again and again.
have faith in the program and those that went before you that it WILL get easier. and by "it" im referring to whats goin on in your head.
so, something to think about( hey, youre already thinking a lot- why not more,eh? )
" I'm afraid of doing it and afraid of not doing it."
very simple solution here:
back up a step and turn it back over.
i think its rather typical right around the 4th for us to beat ourselves up as we're lookin at how we USED to be. imo, thats why this little paragraph on pg 68 is extremely important:
Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
spending too much time on how I( and others) viewed me and not enough on how my HP viewed me caused a wee bit of mental mayhem.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hey Weev,
Just been reading your updates and think you're doing great.
Was reminded of something a speaker said about the great ideas and plans in life we have, and we come firing at things like a bullet from a gun, then we hit fear, and it's like firing that bullet into a swimming pool. No matter how hard and fast it's going, it hits the water and that bullet just sinks to the bottom of the pool. That mental imagery stuck with me and how whenever I'm out off doing something I feel is the right thing to do out of fear, I pray for humility, because I know that in me, most of my fears come from a lack of just that thing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Think this is the speaker recording... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/aa-spe...mm-nevada-2006
Humility Prayer.
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
Just been reading your updates and think you're doing great.
Was reminded of something a speaker said about the great ideas and plans in life we have, and we come firing at things like a bullet from a gun, then we hit fear, and it's like firing that bullet into a swimming pool. No matter how hard and fast it's going, it hits the water and that bullet just sinks to the bottom of the pool. That mental imagery stuck with me and how whenever I'm out off doing something I feel is the right thing to do out of fear, I pray for humility, because I know that in me, most of my fears come from a lack of just that thing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Think this is the speaker recording... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/aa-spe...mm-nevada-2006
Humility Prayer.
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Maybe categorize those fears. Then take pencil to paper and write a few paragraphs about each category of fear. Put that paper in a drawer until tomorrow, then read your paragraphs.
Learn anything about you?
Learn anything about you?
Keep Going
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Originally Posted by Berrybean
Hey Weev,
Just been reading your updates and think you're doing great.
Was reminded of something a speaker said about the great ideas and plans in life we have, and we come firing at things like a bullet from a gun, then we hit fear, and it's like firing that bullet into a swimming pool. No matter how hard and fast it's going, it hits the water and that bullet just sinks to the bottom of the pool. That mental imagery stuck with me and how whenever I'm out off doing something I feel is the right thing to do out of fear, I pray for humility, because I know that in me, most of my fears come from a lack of just that thing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Think this is the speaker recording... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/aa-spe...mm-nevada-2006
Humility Prayer.
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
Just been reading your updates and think you're doing great.
Was reminded of something a speaker said about the great ideas and plans in life we have, and we come firing at things like a bullet from a gun, then we hit fear, and it's like firing that bullet into a swimming pool. No matter how hard and fast it's going, it hits the water and that bullet just sinks to the bottom of the pool. That mental imagery stuck with me and how whenever I'm out off doing something I feel is the right thing to do out of fear, I pray for humility, because I know that in me, most of my fears come from a lack of just that thing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Think this is the speaker recording... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/aa-spe...mm-nevada-2006
Humility Prayer.
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
I don't know what I feel now it's done. Relief?
I've been in full flight from reality and repeated the same few things over am done over again for years. Complete demoralisation that I couldn't fix it my self, alone.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Maybe categorize those fears. Then take pencil to paper and write a few paragraphs about each category of fear. Put that paper in a drawer until tomorrow, then read your paragraphs.
Learn anything about you?
Learn anything about you?
Looking at them made it possible to face up to a few responsibilities in the last few days. I'm tired out now and don't really know how to rest or get my head to stop racing.
I'm sure more good things will come out in the morning light.
Thank you for your time and help. I've got to give this new way of life my best shot.
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