Types of People You Meet at 12 Step Meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by Ken33xx 
Ahh yes, the "Angry Man." I've met a number over the years and they are bad news. In the example above the guy in question seems harmless.
The "Angry Man" I refer to is the person who gets upset and a threat of violence is real. Twice I've seen a member assaulted. Once during a meeting and once afterwards.
The "Angry Man" I refer to is the person who gets upset and a threat of violence is real. Twice I've seen a member assaulted. Once during a meeting and once afterwards.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by Ken33xx
They're often the reason a 3-5 minute timer is introduced. Such members either can't see or don't care the room has stopped listening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
This thread has given me a lot to think about!! I've been going to meetings for several years now and always sit in the back for several reasons. First, I can see all the people that are sharing, and second, I have a problem being around large groups of people and sitting in the back is more comfortable for me. I avoid being in the middle of a crowd anywhere. I guess I can see why people would consider that area relapse row, cause those are the people that usually play on their phones and leave early. I never use my phone because I just think that's rude and I rarely leave early.
But now that I know people think that way, it will be a little more difficult to go. But maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it's time for me to move on to a different recovery program like AVERT and get a different perspective on sobriety. John
But now that I know people think that way, it will be a little more difficult to go. But maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it's time for me to move on to a different recovery program like AVERT and get a different perspective on sobriety. John
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Hi John,
I hope this thread doesn't turn you or anyone else off about the program that's far from the intent.
In chapter 2 page 17 it says, "We are people who normally would not mix." when you get a bunch of people together you see some rather odd things, you see the same things in any bar..
I've never personally heard the back row called "relapse row." It's a great program and has saved many lives including mine.. there are so many meeting going on daily around the globe and if you go to a lot of them you see things.. Hope this makes sense.. Have a great day!!
I hope this thread doesn't turn you or anyone else off about the program that's far from the intent.
In chapter 2 page 17 it says, "We are people who normally would not mix." when you get a bunch of people together you see some rather odd things, you see the same things in any bar..
I've never personally heard the back row called "relapse row." It's a great program and has saved many lives including mine.. there are so many meeting going on daily around the globe and if you go to a lot of them you see things.. Hope this makes sense.. Have a great day!!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I don't think it has been mentioned yet.
The fresh out of rehab or two week sober expert. People who have no idea what it takes to remain sober but are absolutely convinced they do. They eagerly impart their wisdom whether you are a willing audience or not
The fresh out of rehab or two week sober expert. People who have no idea what it takes to remain sober but are absolutely convinced they do. They eagerly impart their wisdom whether you are a willing audience or not
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Ken posted " one ups-man-ship" in his post which reminds me of this
did anyone ever wait until last to share and try to "outshare" everyone else?
pure ego because I have done that in the past............but not today
did anyone ever wait until last to share and try to "outshare" everyone else?
pure ego because I have done that in the past............but not today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I don't think it has been mentioned yet.
The fresh out of rehab or two week sober expert. People who have no idea what it takes to remain sober but are absolutely convinced they do. They eagerly impart their wisdom whether you are a willing audience or not
The fresh out of rehab or two week sober expert. People who have no idea what it takes to remain sober but are absolutely convinced they do. They eagerly impart their wisdom whether you are a willing audience or not
They also forgot the active alcoholic/addict. The people who show up drunk or high. I always go out of my way to make them feel welcome and pray that they keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
I live in Boulder and there's a lot of homeless folks on heavy duty drugs and are drunk.. It doesn't bother me.. There's always dogs roaming the halls.. It's a trip!!
It's an old building and there's an electrical socket in the ceiling where a projector must have been and someone put a note next to it that says, "plug in to your higher power."
It's an old building and there's an electrical socket in the ceiling where a projector must have been and someone put a note next to it that says, "plug in to your higher power."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
Reminds me of a joke
After you're done taking my inventory, would you mind making my amends for me ?
After you're done taking my inventory, would you mind making my amends for me ?
i like that!!
but would you want me making amends for ya? ya might end up with more to make!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
imo, what this all boils down to is what aa literature says-
people from all walks of life, some with worse mental and emotional disorders than others, and at different stages/levels/ phases of recovery.
if,which that can be a huge if at times as im not always spiritually fit and emotionally stable, i practice humility and listen i can learn from em all.
reminds me to a story in the 12&12. something about early aa ers arguing who would be allowed at meetings- something about a man who was concerned if he would be allowed in aa as he had an addiction much worse than alcohol. after a buncha bickering(can ya believe that would happen with a group of ex drunks!!! we were supposed to have left that at the bar!!!) then all calmed down. heres the words from the 12&12
At first the elders could look only at the objections. “We
deal,” they said, “with alcoholics only. Shouldn’t we sacri-
fice this one for the sake of the many?” So went the discus-
sion while the newcomer’s fate hung in the balance. Then
one of the three spoke in a very different voice. “What we
are really afraid of,” he said, “is our reputation. We are
much more afraid of what people might say than the trou-
ble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we’ve been talk-
ing, five short words have been running through my mind.
Something keeps repeating to me, ‘What would the Master
do?’” Not another word was said. What more indeed could be said?
how boring it would be if everyone was as humble and perfect as me!
a043:
people from all walks of life, some with worse mental and emotional disorders than others, and at different stages/levels/ phases of recovery.
if,which that can be a huge if at times as im not always spiritually fit and emotionally stable, i practice humility and listen i can learn from em all.
reminds me to a story in the 12&12. something about early aa ers arguing who would be allowed at meetings- something about a man who was concerned if he would be allowed in aa as he had an addiction much worse than alcohol. after a buncha bickering(can ya believe that would happen with a group of ex drunks!!! we were supposed to have left that at the bar!!!) then all calmed down. heres the words from the 12&12
At first the elders could look only at the objections. “We
deal,” they said, “with alcoholics only. Shouldn’t we sacri-
fice this one for the sake of the many?” So went the discus-
sion while the newcomer’s fate hung in the balance. Then
one of the three spoke in a very different voice. “What we
are really afraid of,” he said, “is our reputation. We are
much more afraid of what people might say than the trou-
ble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we’ve been talk-
ing, five short words have been running through my mind.
Something keeps repeating to me, ‘What would the Master
do?’” Not another word was said. What more indeed could be said?
how boring it would be if everyone was as humble and perfect as me!
a043:
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
It's a hilarious list, Bunny. 
I'm going to a women's meeting on Saturday morning. Maybe I'll run into a few of these characters.
If I had to pick, I'd probably be most like The Texter... doing my own thing, quietly, and observing others from afar.
I'm going to a women's meeting on Saturday morning. Maybe I'll run into a few of these characters.
If I had to pick, I'd probably be most like The Texter... doing my own thing, quietly, and observing others from afar.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Tommyh
Ken posted " one ups-man-ship" in his post which reminds me of this
did anyone ever wait until last to share and try to "outshare" everyone else?
pure ego because I have done that in the past............but not today
did anyone ever wait until last to share and try to "outshare" everyone else?
pure ego because I have done that in the past............but not today
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The thing I found interesting is I saw myself in various parts of various posts.
What made me think of the 2 week expert was myself. In IOP I announced that AA really wasn't for me because I needed to get sober on my own.
Oh boy was I wrong
What made me think of the 2 week expert was myself. In IOP I announced that AA really wasn't for me because I needed to get sober on my own.
Oh boy was I wrong
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 115
How about the active alcoholic who pretends to be sober and gives advice to sober people. This one guy in the rooms came up to me and told me my programs seemed "stagnant." I never asked for his advice. Anyway I just found out that he wasn't even sober.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
At times, it's all I can do to be tolerant regarding some of the things mentioned in this thread. The person who needs to share multiple times and the individual who goes on and on ad infinitum (ok I exaggerate... slightly) are my biggest irritations of late. Its taken some creativity to address this, but I have had limited success. The essential thing is to be kind while doing so.
With one multiple sharer, I waited until I had not seen them for awhile. I then joked that we should have a prize at the end of the meeting for the most shares. I set up this comment so as to not make it seem like I was referring to them. This has proved at least partially successful. The person now typically shares 2 times rather than 4 or 5.
With another, a person who goes on and on while saying almost nothing, I commented that they must have thought a great deal about what they were going to say in order that it might be helpful. I got a sort of quizzical look, which is exactly what I was after. (OK perhaps my comment was not rigorously honest). They must have thought about it because their shares are now more focused and slightly shorter.
If I had come off as sarcastic and/or critical my efforts might easily have had the opposite effect. I should also say that I did not believe either of these two individuals would have responded to a straight forward discussion. If so this would have been my first choice.
The thing I think is somewhat missing from this thread is reference to the very positive types. For instance the service junkie. They make coffee and clean up afterward. They volunteer to take a meeting into a jail or a psych ward after doing doing multiple 12 step calls that same week. Then there's the wise sharer. The person who listens very carefully to what has been said and focuses on what the group as a whole (or perhaps just a particularly troubled individual) might benefit from. They do this not in an egocentric way, but with the intention of being truly helpful. Many of the best of these folks use stories.
What seems to be the main difference between the positive and the negative "characters" is often where they fall on the selfish----altruistic spectrum.
It really does pay to examine our true motives.
With one multiple sharer, I waited until I had not seen them for awhile. I then joked that we should have a prize at the end of the meeting for the most shares. I set up this comment so as to not make it seem like I was referring to them. This has proved at least partially successful. The person now typically shares 2 times rather than 4 or 5.
With another, a person who goes on and on while saying almost nothing, I commented that they must have thought a great deal about what they were going to say in order that it might be helpful. I got a sort of quizzical look, which is exactly what I was after. (OK perhaps my comment was not rigorously honest). They must have thought about it because their shares are now more focused and slightly shorter.
If I had come off as sarcastic and/or critical my efforts might easily have had the opposite effect. I should also say that I did not believe either of these two individuals would have responded to a straight forward discussion. If so this would have been my first choice.
The thing I think is somewhat missing from this thread is reference to the very positive types. For instance the service junkie. They make coffee and clean up afterward. They volunteer to take a meeting into a jail or a psych ward after doing doing multiple 12 step calls that same week. Then there's the wise sharer. The person who listens very carefully to what has been said and focuses on what the group as a whole (or perhaps just a particularly troubled individual) might benefit from. They do this not in an egocentric way, but with the intention of being truly helpful. Many of the best of these folks use stories.
What seems to be the main difference between the positive and the negative "characters" is often where they fall on the selfish----altruistic spectrum.
It really does pay to examine our true motives.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
