dsmaxis10

Three weeks sober and this is were I'm at I have lost the obsession to drink. No thought or effort on my part that's the (MIRACLE) of it. The miracle the tenth step promises. See I had a born again exp and lost the obsession to drink my first attempt with my sponsor six months in. Lied on all the steps except three and one,two. Got another 3 and a half years out of that exp. But it wasn't anuff to have a personality change. Tenth step promise isn't recovered 12 is we have recovered and have been given the power to help others. Self examination meditation and prayer without them you can't do twelve. 10,11,12 are interwoven now I can transmit because I have conscious contact with are Creator one God just like the big book says. I had to do step one a life of calamity admission of defeat and a plea to a Power greater then myself. I had to have a new exp with two then three. I left my family's religion in the dust I was reborn next I launched on a vigerous course of action. But were I lost the obsession was three God as I understand Him my conception of our Creator one God. Around the same time of loosing the obsession I lost all my pain with just one week of physical therapy. Now I have peace of mind, joy, and a sense of purpose. Losing the obsession to drink the first time by a gift Spiritual exp this time Spiritual awakening. I read 84~88 every morning because I forget stuff. I have been rocketed into the fourth dimension I have the vital sixth sense now I need to grow in understanding and effectiveness. My surcomstances have't changed I have escaped samsara. I have made it to the highest level of AA humble servant. I'd like to thank Boleo he helped me so much he taught me all he could he is a Spiritual giant. Sorry for all the misspelling . The best years of my life do lye ahead of me.

SoberCAH

Your words speak volumes, amigo.

Glad you are with us here.

LiveInPeace

That's great!!!

So what was it that brought about the personality change? (sorry I'm not sure I completely understand).

dsmaxis10

Struggle with your addiction step 0 surrender one struggle two surrender three struggle four surrender five struggle six surrender seven struggle eight surrender nine 10-11 struggle surrender 12 detachment. All Spiritual growth come from struggle surrender cycles. 12 try to help someone and detach from the outcome. AA sure is at a loss without Boleo this is all his stuff.

LiveInPeace

I love the mention of Step 0. I heard another speaker talk about Step 0 and it rang true.

I'm not sure who Boleo is.

Just thought I'd add that I like to read pages 83-88 because 83 has the promises and I like to remind myself of them.

Designforliving

So I was just reading this on the internet, and I had to register because I was confused exactly what your message is here? It is very confusing for the new comer. I do not want a new comer to have a diluted message.

So it seems like you have come to know God by going to a counselor for 1 week, and now you live in step 10,11, and 12? That is what I understood from this story.
What happened to steps 1-9? In order to live in step 10, you must have completed steps 1-9 already because step 10 alone is a compilation of 4-9. Doing a resentment cause and effect, and turnaround exercise in Step 4 prepares you to live in step 10 . Asking God to remove the anger, discuss it immediately with someone, usually our spiritual advisers, make amends immediately if we have harmed someone, and working with someone to get outside of self.

Please turn to page 72 in big book and read "Into Action" which is step 5.
"In actual practice we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient." 1 week of counseling is a solitary self-appraisal. We must get down to the causes and conditions of the disease!!! The problem is Us.. The bottles were just the symptom. Resentment, Angry, Fear, Worry, Delusion, selfishness. We must overcome these through the Moral Inventory in Step 4 to overcome the Spiritual Malady discussed on page 64 of the Big Book.

Go to page 75 and you can read about what the experience is like after you have given away your 5th step. This is where the relationship with God is developed.
"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look at the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fear fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe."

Please refer to page 64 of the Big Book and read about the 4th step. You must work this vital step to develop a connection with God. Fresh into sobriety, we are carry around a lot of resentment, fear, worry, and anxiety about our lives. We are lost people. We must have God direct our lives, however, we need to develop a relationship with him that will solve all our problems, not just the alcoholic condition. We are blocked from the sunlight of the spirit due to all the resentment we carry around. We must LOSE the resentment in order to find God. Look at the world through clean eyes again. How do we do this?

In order to develop the relationship with God, we must take the lead and do the work. The point of the step work is to enable us to find a power greater than ourselves that will solve all our problems. Find someone in the rooms that has done the steps as directly as outlined in the book of AA. Do not skip the step work, you will not experience the miracle.

Designforliving

I apologize - please replace counselor with Physical Therapist

Designforliving

The personality change comes after the moral inventory is given away in step 5.. A lot of time other people notice the change in you before you notice it yourself. Often times, the growth will come while you are "writing"
However, personality change, vast change in feeling and outlook toward life comes once the spiritual malady is overcome. That is overcome in step 5.

Gottalife

Page 75
"We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience."

Page 76:
"Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine.

Seems we are not out of the woods yet. More work to do.

August252015

I too was confused by your posts- and got the impression that you are both flying through the steps and jumping around/out of order. The progression of each before the next is there for a reason.

Perhaps you said this- I have a hard time concentrating when people post in one huge paragraph- but are you working with a sponsor? It sounds like you need elaboration, study and support of your initial learning and THEN working knowledge.

IME, I needed a very knowledgeable BB person to be my first sponsor and guide me through the foundation I have grown from as I move past 6 months. I read 85-88 (I actually skim 83 and 84 as well) and 417 every morning. I have also worked incredibly hard and more importantly, perhaps, diligently at the steps. I did steps 4 and 5 at about 5, 51/2 months. Everyone works at their own pace, but IMO those who "do" the steps really fast are just getting an initial "glimpse" into what they mean and will mean if you put them into practice.

Good luck.

dsmaxis10

A I'm I have schizophrenia all I can say is like Boleo say's you can recover from a gun shot wound and be shot again. I'm not recovered I'm always going to be recovering regardless if I lose the obsession to drink. I still will have a life long battle with my character defects.

sugarbear1

Just be aware of those defects. Sometimes our higher power needs us to use them to be useful to others, sometimes they just get in the way of ourselves. Notice your patterns of behavior. You CAN do this!! Glad you are sober today!!
Love and Hugs to you~

dsmaxis10

Thanks sugarbear1 see religion the study of it doesn't help with my schizophrenia. Spiritualism won't cure my schizophrenia I've tried and have been well insane. I admit I need to have acceptance that I'm an alcoholic and there's no cure and after dozen's of psychotic breaks only and act of God will cure my schizophrenia. I also have fibromyalgia which really I haven't excepted it. When I wrote this thread it was after an opened eyed hallucination about yup religion. So I'm just gonna keep it simple I threatened a man at a meeting and well relapsed that day and days after there's beer in the fridge but I don't have to drink just you saying glad your sober today makes me feel unity with an alcoholic. I was jumping the gun more like I can't get step one how I got four years before Grace from God. I admit I'm powerless over alcohol and my life's unmanageable but can I do that with out reservation. I admit I had a big justafide resentment it's the fibromyalgia pain some days I just can't deal with the pain I do take medication for it which none are narcotics. Anyways I have showed improvement the last 25% that honestly tried but I'm not gonna give up.

Windancer

Absolutely fantastic post!
It is truly an inspiration to me to keep on keeping on in early Recovery and on my journey and personal & spiritual growth through AA.
The Promises keep me going sometimes too

dox

Thanks for your posts, dsmaxis10.
I can identify with you and you give me hope.
It's great to see you doing better.

At the risk of overgeneralising, I say that we all struggle with a character defect or two.
If we were entirely free of character defects we would be saints or better.

I'm glad that your pain has been reduced by physiotherapy.
I hope you've found something that really works for you.

With regard to alcoholism:
We need to carry on with our AA programme of recovery.
We need to be vigilant, with a cautious eye on our spiritual condition.
I know when I take my eye of the spiritual ball, I miss the peace of mind that is possible.
I haven't had to drink yet, by the grace of God, but the insanity can get worse.

One of my favourite Big Book quotes:
"Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
~ Page 45, Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st Edition

Please note the singular form of the word: "problem".
The Big Book and the steps of AA have solved my problem with alcohol.
That problem has been removed, provided that I maintain my spiritual condition.

Other problems require other remedies.
The steps will not solve my bipolar disorder or my heart condition.
I need to take medication, exercise and watch my diet.

Don't get me wrong.
The steps do help me to deal with all of my problems.
Step Seven, revisited daily, helps reduce those character defects.
And sobriety gives me a clear mind to identify and address any new problems.

At the end of the day, I have recovered from a hopeless problem of mind, body and spirit.

One major problem: solved.

Now, I can be free to work on the others.

dsmaxis10

Thanks dox I'm on day three a weekend alone just going to take it a day at a time. I think about getting threw the hole weekend at once it consumes me and make's me feel hopeless. But just today I can do it.

dox

Sounds like a good plan.
Some of us break it down to an hour at a time when necessary.

One day at a time works for me.
There is no other way.
Whether we accept it or not,
we can't live in the past nor live in the future.
We all live in the present.

Now, you are sober.
Good going.

Are you able to get to a meeting?