Not listening
 

I had a real talent for not listening to those concerned about me. Perhaps the most grievous of all was ignoring my own higher nature. Or conscience. You could say I was simply immune to good advice. The expert level of this type of willful ignorance - or denial - was astonishing. A moment of clarity would come and I would quickly dash it away. Coupled with an obsessive focus on getting over the last drink, or looking forward to the next one, there was no room for any other form of thought. It was meditation at its worst.

As with many of my former "defects of character" I can put this once negative skill set to good use in sobriety. Rather than allowing the self-destructive mind to run rough shod over me, I can purposefully supplant the defective thoughts of addiction with a prayer. Or a mantra if you prefer. I have plenty of experience with this kind of practice. Meditation is not a new skill set I have to learn. I merely need to invert the old behavior of covering up the good with the bad.

God, please give me the ability to turn my knack of not-listening to good use. Let me willfully not listen to the calls back from the abyss. Let me instead find and echo Your still small voice over the clamoring static that is the thinking mind.

a Moment of clarity would come and i would Feel pain and shame..
and i would Quickly Drink it away!
it worked for a long time.
too long.

Really Good stuff Mike! :You_Rock_