I need some help about getting started with AA
 

Hi all. I was warmly welcomed to the SoberRecovery Forums in August but have not posted since. To say I have been drinking heavily over the past 4 months would be an understatement. I have come to a time and a place where I realize I will die if I continue. I am alone. I am scared. I have destroyed so many relationships in my life.

I thought I could get sober by myself. I have read countless books on recovery and 12-step programs. I have decided to immerse myself in AA but don't know where to start. I am embarrassed and afraid. Do I start with a beginner's meeting? A step meeting? Any meeting? How can I ask for help when I am at a meeting? I know I can't just walk in and ask for a sponsor, but I want to get a sponser as soon as possible. I need the accountability and support. I want to commit to the 12-step process completely.

I guess I am acknowledging the reality of Step 1 for me and have realized that I need to turn this over and get support.

Any suggestions? Please help me.

I too am new here, but have gone to AA for awhile - look on google and you're sure to find local info - beginners meetings, gender specific meetings and topic meetings. Shortly, you'll be right at home in the fellowship.

Thanks SevenSurge. There are tons of meetings in my metro area and several beginner meetings today and tomorrow. I am just going to show up and will see how it goes.

I'm so glad you're reaching out.. Please check out any meeting, many meetings, you don't have to say a word or you're always welcome to share and get it off your chest.. get a temp sponsor until you meet all of the fellowship.. You will be welcome with open arms and unconditional love! We've all been there and it's a horrible feeling! You really made day and I'm saying a prayer for you.. There are wonderful members in this forum with many many years of soberity.. Reach out to them.. PM me if I can help in any way.. Wishing you the best!!

Thanks Dave. I will be going to a meeting early this evening and commit to one tomorrow. I am so scared and I am so disgusted with myself. I have drank for decades, but the past 2 years have been frightening. I am most heartbroken about damage to my relationships with my 2 daughters. I am broken and hope I can be fixed.

I'll be hanging around online as much as possible and will reach out. Thanks again.

I always found the best way to start is to just make a start.
Best wishes on your journey.

Hang in there, you're doing the right thing.. for me too it was very progressive at the end of my drinking career I was so freaking sick.. We've all been there it might be a bumpy road for a little while but it will get better soon.. It was impossible for me to stay clean with out AA.. You'll feel better after you go to a meeting, the folks in the room will be there for you. They will even come to to pick you if you call prob.. Amazing program!!

Try not to beat yourself up! It doesn't help.. Time to make a change for the better.. Think of those beautiful kids!! :)

If by any chance you are in the Denver Metro area, I would be glad to go with you. I have 11 days sober today & I have decided to go the AA way after trying a few other programs or on my own. I have talked with people over the phone via their phone lists. I am about to ask someone maybe to be a temporary sponsor. I also have family issues. I understand how you feel. I however can't go today or tomorrow, I am at my son's house babysitting while parents are out of town.

I am going to a meeting at 5:30 this eve. I'll check in afterwards. I am encouraged by the support here.

Dave - I love my beautiful daughters (ages 18 and 20), but they pretty much can't stand me right now. All I can do is work on myself and go from there.

Thanks all.

One day at a time.. I had to do it one minute at a time! Take care of number one right now.. Keep your chin up!! Keep reading and dive into recovery 200%... Going to meeting for me is like rebooting my brain.. I don't think like a normal person, I have to be around my fellowship an hour a day minimum.. They will help you if you ask for help!! So glad your going tonight, great job!! Kudos to you!!

Actually, you can ask for a sponsor at the first meeting you go to. There was a guy at a meeting that raised his hand and said he had 20 sober days and needed a sponsor. Never saw the guy before. Pretty cool. You might also want to consider speaker meetings. Some people that have a hard time walking into a meeting with a bunch of strangers finds this a more comfortable way to start. Depending on your age, some places have young people's meetings that can be fun to attend. Their so energetic and positive. I don't go to those anymore, because I am far from being a young person and stuck out like a sore thumb and felt too uncomfortable to keep going. It's a shame, because they are fun meetings.

Thanks 2much. I've been glued to the forums today and it's helped. Today is my day 1, so I feel funny asking for a sponsor, or a temporary sponsor, but what have I got to lose? I feel different this time, perhaps because I am on a seriously dangerous trajectory and know I have reached the end of the line. A speaker's meeting is a great idea. I found a beginner's meeting in a few hours but was concerned that I might be too old? I am in my 50's. I'll look at my list of meetings and find some speaker meetings. That is such a great idea. Thanks again.

Hi VanillaChaiTea, welcome back! Good for you for deciding to ask for help!

My suggestion would be to try a bunch of different meetings, different formats (speaker, book study), one a day for awhile, until you find meetings that feel right to you. For me they all felt a little weird at first, but as I got familiar with the formats and some of the people, I started finding meetings that felt right for me.

When the floor is open for sharing, you can definitely ask for help, and if you hang around after the meeting you can talk with people privately about getting help. One idea is to ask for a "temporary sponsor" to help you just through your first days and weeks. I did this after my second meeting ... I found someone who's sharing sorta made sense to me. She and I both agreed that I would be free to change to someone else if I wanted, but that she would help me get started. That took the pressure off finding the "right" person. (As it turns out, she has remained my sponsor and a good friend, but we started out as "temporary").

Please keep posting and let us know how it goes ... it can take a little while to find your feet in AA, but people are there to help you.

:grouphug:

Hi and welcome. Vanilla chai,
make it known at a meeting that you are new and need a sponsor otherwise people won't know. Newcomers are so welcome, they are vulnerable and raw and need special love and attention. You can do this.

All the very best
Caihong

Hi to all. Well, I am back from my 1st AA meeting. Went to the beginners meeting. It was a fantastic group. There were 3 Newcomers (including me) and lots of people with a little sober time, a lot of sober time, etc. I really liked this group and will be going to the womens' meeting tomorrow. I have a temporary sponsor and she and I are going to meet after tomorrow's meeting. I feel a sense of relief. I am also scared. I also know this won't be easy. But I have reached out and asked for help. Smartest thing I've done in years. I have some reading to do this evening. I am exhausted. Here I go.

Way to go, VCT :)

Willingness is the start - you've aptly demonstrated that quality by today's actions. Good for you! :c011:

Wow!!! That's awesome!! Nice work!!!

Thank you, because you've kept me sober another 24 hours!! That's how this program works!! We're all in this together!! Warms my heart!!

hello Vanilla,
wow, when you get going you really get going!
great to see you jumping right in.

beginning of the year a woman came to my meeting, simply sat down and said "i can't do this anymore. i can't stop and i need your help."
got a temporary sponsor that night.
just celebrated 9 months sober.

keep going, you're headed in a better direction.

great stuff VCT :c014:

D