Broken / Fixed
 

In the drug culture, where I have enough experience to easily qualify for the NA program in addition to AA, you hear people talk about getting a "fix". Typically users of needles. Thankfully I have a phobia of needles which kept me from this last frontier. But I understand the notion of a "fix". I've used all manner of destructive activities and chemicals to "fix" what they helped break in the first place. Irony is not without a sense of humor.

I've always been one to look for a "fix" to life's problems outside of myself. Stuffing material things into a spiritual vacuum. The fact that it doesn't work just leads to more frustration and even greater attempts. Until one day I awaken and see the futility. It may not completely go away. But there is awareness to it from that point forward. And with awareness begins recovery from the illusion.

As I drove to pickup my new vehicle yesterday, I contemplated quietly. No car, no house, no thing can bring as much joy, peace and underlying happiness as working with another drunk. As waking up early to pray and meditate. As sitting still at the rivers edge and listening quietly to the symphony of life around. As doing something together with family. And these spiritual experiences of where the "fix" truly lies, made this car purchase different than any other in my life. More balanced and centered. For the first time I didn't drive off with the sense that now "I had arrived". With the illusion that it was going to give me lasting happiness and peace. I realized that it was just another piece of metal driving down the road with thousands of others. That it was finite and could not fill the infinite void.

The car "fixes" some very real material problems. Gas consumption, safety, comfortability, and so on. But it cannot "fix" the God sized hole inside. Only one Thing can.

Yep all material things are essentially transient and illusionary. They provide utilitarian purposes in our lives but I sometimes get surprised about the way people talk about their car, boat or house like it is a part of them or a living entity. I find I'm fond of my work boots because they are comfortable and aesthetically pleasing to the eye but once they run their course I'll toss them out for another pair. Same with my car, my house belongs to the bank and my stake is subject to the whims of a free market so why should I get attached? Yes, its a home, only because my family make it so. Its just bricks and mortar.
My relationship with my Higher Power is really the only constant. Even if I ignore and neglect that relationship for decades it does not change an eternal truth. Friends and family may move on or pass away but that deeper truth remains.