Open doors
 

One of the great gifts I've received from our program is that of being able to realize the old adage "when one door closes, another one opens". The single greatest sign post for this understanding came from what was the worst day of my life. Turning into the best day of my life. The day I sat in a cheap hotel room, kicked out of the house, run out of options, sensing death around the corner, and having no place left to go. Everything I held dear slipping like sand through my fingers. Through the Universes conspiracy of events, I used those fingers to type a simple text message to my wife: "I am going to go to AA". Once this message was sent, I was locked in. Committed. And that wretched day became the best of my life.

I hold on to this when going through a difficult time. Knowing that it very well could be the catalyst, the turning point, to something profoundly beautiful. It is a change in mindset, a gift, that is priceless.

I understand this. The day I had my moment of clarity I just felt "It is over". Like I had been through the worst hell and it had finally come to an end.

Sometimes it felt like it was really an open window and my HP came down and threw me though that sucka because he had had enough me already!..LOL

Oddly enough, I have had a lot of doors open up for me in my professional life lately. Yet my personal life seems to be getting more mundane at the same time. To an outsider it looks like I am gaining prosperity while on the inside it feels like I am loosing prosperity. My sense of purpose has decreased in ways I can't really put my finger on.

Siddhartha Gautama (also known as the Buddha) was said to have to been able to go back over a thousand lifetimes and examine each one of them. He concluded that each and every one of them was equally as valid as all the others. He believed that suffering was always counterbalanced by prosperity, though it might not always look that way to an outside observer.

That kind of matches my experience. Even when I was broke and homeless, I felt like I was immune to at least most of the adversity. On the other hand, even when fortune is flying my way, I get a feeling like I am missing something in my life. I just don't know what.

"For God will never disappoint those who truly abandon worldly concerns to dedicate themselves to him. You can be certain of this: He will provide one of two things for his friends. Either they will receive an abundance of all they need or he will give them the physical stamina and a patient heart to endure want."
(Cloud of Unknowing)

Know what you mean Boleo. More stuff doesn't typically equal more satisfaction in life. What I treasure most today is the peace within I've found since coming into recovery. And what I've noticed chips away at that peace is the seeking, and once acquired, guarding, of external things.

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone. -Henry David Thoreau

Hi Michael,
Its every true. I often look around me with astonishment when I realize where I've been, what I've done and survived and how it all turned out. I realize that every decision ever made bought me to this very point in time. Accident or chance? Who knows. Would I trade it? No. Would I have done some things differently? Perhaps but then the smallest and most mundane decisions we make can have an impact that lasts a life time and beyond. So accept what is.
I will say that I'm learning that sobriety and living by principle does not remove challenges and disappointment in our life but it does make them easier to deal with. I won't fall into the mistake of believing that because I'm clean and sober the world owes me any favors. The rewards in terms of spiritual gifts and other intangibles makes every moment sober worth it as you realize the 12 step promises.

Thanks Michael, nice post.

I guess I found that when one door closed, many doors opened into all the areas of life I had been missing out on. But, like Boleo, I still get the occasional flat spot and I am not sure if there is an answer to that or its just something that happens once in a while.

I dont know if I'm meant to be seriously disturbed by a flat spot, but I usually have a little reflection on my direction in life and how that might fit with God's will for me, then I apply rule 62. If I really want some action I pray for a baby to work with. That gets me busy and happy in a very short time.