Abuelita

I am fresh out of a Rehab... a little over one week. I've made many attempts at starting my Step 4 and I just can't seem to get it going. I have a sponsor, however she hasen't helped me very much. But then again I haven't really told her that I'm having such a hard time either! I guess my question is that I don't know where to begin? It says that I should write down those people that I have resentments with? Do I start with since I was a kid, now? When? It feels so awkward!

Dee74

Hi Abuelita
Welcome to SR!

As your question relates specifically to the 12 steps, I've moved your thread here.

I know you'll find a lot of experience and help in this forum

D

Zube

I was in a similar boat as you Abuelita. After rehab I found a different sponsor in AA and went back to step 1, at his insistence. I didn't want to at the time, but I learned a lot more in doing so.

Zube

sugarbear1

Communicate and work with your sponsor. I meet with my sponsor once a week.

I was working on step 3 as soon as I committed to a date and time for step 5. Then after we discussed step 3, I was given specific directions for step 4 and was able to call my sponsor as I wrote the 4th step.

It's not difficult, it's just that we have to work on us, and that is not what we want to do, at least I don't.

paul99

It's so important to keep in communication with your sponsor, especially when you're unsure of something. The 4th is something that your sponsor should be sitting you down and going over with you to ensure you understand the process. Being honest and upfront with your sponsor is also vital - if we can't be honest with them, who can we be honest with? The sponsor is not there to judge you or to berate you, but to work with you to get you through the steps, to hook you up to your Higher Power.

Speak to her right away, and let her know how you're faring.

Good luck on your 4th!

tomsteve

i am very glad to read someone fresh out of rehab who isnt scared off by the 4th step. that is pretty darn awesome!

i think you answered yer question here:
" have a sponsor, however she hasen't helped me very much. But then again I haven't really told her that I'm having such a hard time either."

it would be wise to start communicating.
talk to yer sponsor and make her earn combat pay.

paul99

Hilarious!

fraankie

i had a sponsor, a step sponsor and a spiritual sponsor
and
"just out of rehab?"
thoroughness is the watchword
did you thoroughly do steps 1, 2, 3?
i wrote a little bit obout all the steps
you can try writing about the first step
and
then it will come to you

another suggestion:
go to step meetings
it all helps

and
take your time
make meetings
enjoy your recovery

frankie

muvinon

To answer your question, I really did it just as laid out...in columns, with one sentence to explain the "story." That was really important to me, since I can spin my "story" to match any reality I happen to be trying to manipulate at the moment. lol One sentence as it's done in the Big Book sort of cramped my BS style, so to speak.

I just started with column 1 and listed people, institutions, things, and even principles that I had negative feelings about; i.e., resentments.

I agree with what's already been posted. I let my sponsor tell me precisely what to do, back at step 1. We did move through the first 3 quickly, but it was still valuable in building OUR relationship to go through those steps together.

BTW, welcome! So lovely to meet someone willing to do Step 4, anyway.

muvinon

Oh, and if you have stuff from childhood that you think about like that? Sure!

Start where it begins.

BadCompany

Yes, beyond looking for things that are harming you now, you are looking for patterns that re-emerge throughout your life.

sugarbear1

For my first 4th step, I was told to write about "what is bothering you today?"

If it includes the past and it's still bothering me today, write it down.

Please work with a sponsor!

Zube

Abuelita-

Pages 50 to 52 in the 12 and 12 have a series of about 25 questions (written into the paragraphs) that if you follow, and answer, will guide you through your 4th step pretty firmly.

Zube

hamabi

One way to open this topic with your sponsor is to ask her to describe to you how she did her 4th step.

If she didn't or tells you she simply ran it all through in her mind, then you'll know why you are not yet getting the help you do need, and can act to improve your chances of staying sober.