exploits in sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
exploits in sobriety
I shared in the last AA meeting i went to the following:
In 3 and a bit years sobriety i have moved abroad to the middle east, gotten married and separated, got in debt in the middle east and basically won't be welcome back, been sacked from 2 jobs, met my daughter for the first time at her age 21, got a grandson, live with my daughter and grandson. I then thanked God and AA steps for my sobriety and said that i was only sober through working the steps with a sponsor and that has meant i can "deal" with anything that comes along.
Whilst i was sharing i was looking round the room to people with their mouths open with absolute surprise and a couple shaking their heads.
I appreciate and know that i am far from perfect and seem to have gone out there hell for leather to i suppose catch up on all the things i could have done int the 20 years drinking.
In hindsight I wouldn't have gotten married or moved to middle east the 2nd time or gotten into jobs that i didn't want to be, along with all the various character defects i have been working on, too many to list.
When i sat in that meeting i felt relieved and a sense of freedom, not at my share but because it wasn't me sitting there shaking my head nor looking with aghast at this recovered drunks early exploits in sobriety.
I was a nightmare in first year or so, judging everyone and everything...a few kick in the balls later from life and i find i'm much less so now!
AA steps certainly are an amazing solution to alcoholism! Oh and not one craving, thought etc about drinking in the last few years...mind you that became irrelevant after the step work.
In 3 and a bit years sobriety i have moved abroad to the middle east, gotten married and separated, got in debt in the middle east and basically won't be welcome back, been sacked from 2 jobs, met my daughter for the first time at her age 21, got a grandson, live with my daughter and grandson. I then thanked God and AA steps for my sobriety and said that i was only sober through working the steps with a sponsor and that has meant i can "deal" with anything that comes along.
Whilst i was sharing i was looking round the room to people with their mouths open with absolute surprise and a couple shaking their heads.
I appreciate and know that i am far from perfect and seem to have gone out there hell for leather to i suppose catch up on all the things i could have done int the 20 years drinking.
In hindsight I wouldn't have gotten married or moved to middle east the 2nd time or gotten into jobs that i didn't want to be, along with all the various character defects i have been working on, too many to list.
When i sat in that meeting i felt relieved and a sense of freedom, not at my share but because it wasn't me sitting there shaking my head nor looking with aghast at this recovered drunks early exploits in sobriety.
I was a nightmare in first year or so, judging everyone and everything...a few kick in the balls later from life and i find i'm much less so now!
AA steps certainly are an amazing solution to alcoholism! Oh and not one craving, thought etc about drinking in the last few years...mind you that became irrelevant after the step work.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
nothin unique about all that. i used to put myself on a pedastal and do the same as them people. then i got some humility.
heres one that makes people do it to me:
i gave my drivers license to the state in 03. got sober in 05. started the process to get it back 3 months in. was told i should wait a year. 13 months in was diagnosed with cancer, put on disability and spent the next 3 years fighting for my life. surgeries and chemo keep me on the DL. what do people do when i say i still dont have my license but im sober? some criticism about it happens, but i try to rememebr 2 things:
1)i am wiling to go to any lengths to stay sober and if that mens i have to accept i cant afford the process to get my license back, so be it;
2): there is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
and if they think they can do a better job at running my life, they can have at it. havent had anyone take up that offer,tho.
heres one that makes people do it to me:
i gave my drivers license to the state in 03. got sober in 05. started the process to get it back 3 months in. was told i should wait a year. 13 months in was diagnosed with cancer, put on disability and spent the next 3 years fighting for my life. surgeries and chemo keep me on the DL. what do people do when i say i still dont have my license but im sober? some criticism about it happens, but i try to rememebr 2 things:
1)i am wiling to go to any lengths to stay sober and if that mens i have to accept i cant afford the process to get my license back, so be it;
2): there is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
and if they think they can do a better job at running my life, they can have at it. havent had anyone take up that offer,tho.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
I used to think AA was about being the perfect poster child of the 12 steps and about how perfectly I work them. Truth is, I work them anything but perfectly. Today, right here, right now, I'm okay with that...in fact I'm in love with it. I love that I have a sponsor/grandsponsor who can laugh at all of their follies along the way as well.
My sponsor suggested I take an issue to my grandsponsor a while back. After the explanation of what I was in the middle of he giggled a little bit and said, "yeah, I've done that 3 times in sobriety."
My sponsor suggested I take an issue to my grandsponsor a while back. After the explanation of what I was in the middle of he giggled a little bit and said, "yeah, I've done that 3 times in sobriety."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
I take my own inventory, and I gauge my own program by how much serenity I'm enjoying and how calmly I meet challenges in life.
Judgmentalism is just that......part of the ISM. I used to react a lot, giving people power over me. Getting to know people better, I found that it's the Truth that what people think about me reflects what's going on in their own life, not much about my life, really.
I ask today, "Hmm, wonder what's going on their lives that they are like this today?" Then, I sincerely pray for them. I've learned, that ISM pokes up in others and within myself when life is hard or I'm in fear. I have to assume that they are afraid, too, about something.
Prayer for others is easy today for me. I sincerely have learned that people don't want to be judgmental jerks. They just are afraid. Just like I can be on some days.
Now, it's harder for me to get why some people, even after some time around recovery circles, still choose to act out and express that judgmentalism. But hey, I figure one day, I'll even get the answer to that question. I still just ask, "What's up with that?"
Guess there has to be SOME mysteries, eh?
Judgmentalism is just that......part of the ISM. I used to react a lot, giving people power over me. Getting to know people better, I found that it's the Truth that what people think about me reflects what's going on in their own life, not much about my life, really.
I ask today, "Hmm, wonder what's going on their lives that they are like this today?" Then, I sincerely pray for them. I've learned, that ISM pokes up in others and within myself when life is hard or I'm in fear. I have to assume that they are afraid, too, about something.
Prayer for others is easy today for me. I sincerely have learned that people don't want to be judgmental jerks. They just are afraid. Just like I can be on some days.
Now, it's harder for me to get why some people, even after some time around recovery circles, still choose to act out and express that judgmentalism. But hey, I figure one day, I'll even get the answer to that question. I still just ask, "What's up with that?"
Guess there has to be SOME mysteries, eh?
Recoveringed
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Thump
Posts: 409
Somewhere along the line I've reduced the oscillation between shining up my halo and apologizing for my very existence.
The most amazing thing happened with my life in sobriety. I actually get to go out there and learn to live it.
The most amazing thing happened with my life in sobriety. I actually get to go out there and learn to live it.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
The perfect thing about this program is that I don't have to be perfect.
I too was judgmental and angry early on. I hated the meetings, hated the people in the meetings, especially those who I felt were doing well. And this while I had a sponsor, was working the steps and doing service, etc. But these things still ate my lunch. After a few stern conversations with my sponsor and hearing things from some oldtimers that I didn't appreciate then but certainly do now, I dialed that all down. I just had to learn love and tolerance, demonstrated by many of the AA's.
I still have to watch out for quick-fire judgements and (on the flip side) putting others on pedestals. It's just a matter of realizing that I am just a common drunk, no better or worse than others, and I am going to make mistakes. Like everyone else.
Great post!
I too was judgmental and angry early on. I hated the meetings, hated the people in the meetings, especially those who I felt were doing well. And this while I had a sponsor, was working the steps and doing service, etc. But these things still ate my lunch. After a few stern conversations with my sponsor and hearing things from some oldtimers that I didn't appreciate then but certainly do now, I dialed that all down. I just had to learn love and tolerance, demonstrated by many of the AA's.
I still have to watch out for quick-fire judgements and (on the flip side) putting others on pedestals. It's just a matter of realizing that I am just a common drunk, no better or worse than others, and I am going to make mistakes. Like everyone else.
Great post!
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by paul99 
The perfect thing about this program is that I don't have to be perfect.
I have experienced MORE adversity, poverty and sickness sober than while I was drinking. And in spite of it all, I feel like I am suffering less. The biggest thing I have learned in recovery is that both happiness and misery are an inside job.
"In this life - pain is inevitable - suffering is optional."
(old Chinese proverb)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
That sounds like the key.
Its not want happens, it my perception and out look that's changed.
My mind gets renewed ........and continues to get renewed, its been a drip feed journey for me, after the obsession was removed.
Every year that goes by , my life/thinking gets further from page 52 , Reactions to life and the people in it continue to change,... bit by bit.
I remember being maybe a year dry, under my own steam.
A TV was stolen from me, after putting someone up for a few days.
Shortly after that, i spotted him, and tried to run him over in reverse in my 4x4.....lucky for him and me, he was a fast runner .....shortly after that i drank...
Im not that guy any more, a long way from him, but it gave me a lesson in not drinking isn't enough, my mind was set to nuts as a default .
So a renewing of the mind was the only option...which IS another long convoluted story lol .
..
Its not want happens, it my perception and out look that's changed.
My mind gets renewed ........and continues to get renewed, its been a drip feed journey for me, after the obsession was removed.
Every year that goes by , my life/thinking gets further from page 52 , Reactions to life and the people in it continue to change,... bit by bit.
I remember being maybe a year dry, under my own steam.
A TV was stolen from me, after putting someone up for a few days.
Shortly after that, i spotted him, and tried to run him over in reverse in my 4x4.....lucky for him and me, he was a fast runner .....shortly after that i drank...
Im not that guy any more, a long way from him, but it gave me a lesson in not drinking isn't enough, my mind was set to nuts as a default .
So a renewing of the mind was the only option...which IS another long convoluted story lol .
..
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