alaina742

To me it meant "don't marry a guy you've been dating for 3 months." "Don't move across the state because you are having a bad day." All the types of things I thought would "solve" my problems early in recovery.

OTOH I am now sober 9 years and am making some major life changes...but for so long I hesitated because I associate big changes with "running." Sometimes big changes need to be made and for some people this may very well happen in year one. What is the motivation behind the change? Is there a better job in Cleveland or do I just want to escape?

Boleo

Good point. Change just for the sake of change is seldom a good idea. It is really just another form of escape for those still in the experimental phase of addiction.

In my case, I was a low-bottom drunk and standing still would have kept me on the streets with homeless bums and wineo's. I had to change just about everything in my life to convince those who's help I needed that I was on fire to try a whole new way of life.

As Mark75 pointed out, there are high-bottom drunks that just need to be still and put down the shovel that is digging them lower.

omegasupreme

I heart Mythbusters AA style...new sponsee last night...I think his second sentence was, "Aaron, I work fulltime and go to school I am not sure I can do 90 in 90."

pinkdog

The marriage counselor told me the same thing when I decided to get divorced. No major changes for the first 2 years. They were talking about changes I can control. Especially not to get re-married. ha ha I think they were right.

pinkdog

And I need to add the reason: because whatever mistakes you made the first time, you will bring into the next relationship. You need time to work on yourself first.

recycle

At six months sober I was fired after 18 years with the same company. At 9 months sober I was offered an interesting job in Northern Nigeria. You can imagine the advice from the "no major changes" crowd which included my sponsor at the time. Sadly, I hemmed and hawed until the opportunity passed me by.

I have learned not to indulge in regret, so I am ok with my "decision", 'though I kinda wish I had actually made a clear decision. A correlative lesson I have learned is not to give advice except under extraordinary circumstances.

muvinon

Whatever....one for my gratitude list. I was 59 when I got sober. Getting back into life was plenty challenging enough, and that's if absolutely nothing changed.

As it was, there were tons of unplanned changes that dragged me back into functioning.

LOL*...I think it's cute when people have their "mojo" back and race off to do great stuff in the first year. I was not in that good of shape.

Tommyh

I made 2 major changes right away
first,I was trying to stay sober,after 20 years of staying drunk or high
second,I started going to meetings and hanging with sober people,I was used to hanging with the alcoholics and being in bars

quite a change

FlyerFan

I too work full time and go to college, so I did not do 90 in 90, but I made as many meetings as I possibly could without over doing it. I think I made half of that and I turned out alright. lol

augustwest

the spirit of this notion isn't hard to grasp at all but I find the arbitrary "one year" to be, well, arbitrary. I know people with multiple years who haven't done any steps or much of anything to change their perceptions of life beyond quitting drinking. these cats are hardly better equipped to make major life decisions than they were with 30 days. I also know people who have gotten busy on themselves and quickly experienced the profound internal change that equips us with the footing and tools to make any number of major circumstancial changes to their lives.

its about what's going on inside us, and that is not necessarily tied to an arbitrary number of days without a drink.

digderidoo

No major changes in the first year is a good suggestion in my opinion. In early sobriety it took time to learn about myself, who I was, what I wanted, why I drank. Sobriety itself was a big enough major change. My sobriety was fragile in the first year, if I was to add to that another major change it would have had the potential of risking it.

Whilst some changes are not in our control and others, such as removing ourselves out of a dangerous relationship are sensible. When it comes to making important life decision changes in the first 12 months, I prefer to take advice from others who are living examples of what sobriety is about.

Living sober is a marathon, not a sprint.

wow04

Some things are out of your control. At 3 months sober I delivered my 2nd child and at 7 months sober my dad passed away. I couldn't control any of that. One thing I could control was at 8 months sober I moved to a new town. It was the greatest thing I could do. I had to get away from the meetings I was going to so I could get over some things. My sponsor and counselor both agreed on me moving. Other members of AA freaked out on me.

It depends on the person and the reason for the big changes. The first year is a time to work on yourself. Get yourself better.

PaperDolls

It's a great suggestion. But it's just a suggestion .... and the cool thing, it's based on people's experience. That's the type of stuff I want to hear.

Just because it's not in the big book doesn't mean it's not great advice.

KnowHope

"Don't make any major decisions for the first year"

Page 60, paragraph 4: "(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (c) That God could and would if He were sought. Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him."

Page 76, paragraph 2: "When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven."

big book 1st ed

KnowHope

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aablessed29

work the steps, be in the solution