Relationship question:
 

I have a question for you all.... did any of your experience any relationship changes when you started really working the program? What I have noticed is a few of my relationships have changed since I am now practicing some of the principles. For instance I do not any longer gossip, I also say what I mean, (not beat around the bush and hope people "get it" etc.)

No longer do I allow others to gossip to me and I also no longer allow others to control who I am friends with anymore. (I was such a people pleaser coming into this program and could be swayed so easily...) I could be a little blunt at times though.

Anyway, 3 women have really pulled back from me..... I see it as a healthy thing for me, but at the same time it hurts a little. Any thoughts or experiences of yours?

Having said all of this however, my husband who is not compulsive in any area of his life, alcohol, drugs, food etc... our relationship has increased 10 fold!!!!

I do trust my HP who he wants in my life...just wondering about ya'll.... :)

I have noticed that since getting sober, some of my "friends" have pulled away from me. Maybe they just can't relate to me anymore, now that I live a sober life? Maybe they feel like we have nothing to talk about now that I don't go out to the bars with them at night anymore? Not sure. It does get a bit upsetting.
But in general, I'm much happier being sober which in turn, makes me a more pleasant person to be around. I notice a better relationship with my coworkers and family members.

Wonderful to hear your relationship with your husband has improved tremendously.

I heard a cool concept regarding the inventory process from the Mark H and Dave F FOTS series. Mark said something like this: If you don’t learn to take your inventory, all your information will come from external sources.

The more I practice taking my inventory and then taking it to God the more I know what I believe in. Steps ten and eleven are where I learn to make better decisions. This is where I get an understanding of what God would have me be.

This is the person I want to bring into relationships. I try to be respectful toward others. Probably my current number one reason for having to make amends is because I felt I was disrespectful. If I’ve done nothing that I owe an amends for and a person chooses to pull away from me, there’s no need for me to worry about it.

Knowing who I am and what I believe in are rewards of this program. I am ok with being disagreed with. This, for me, is freedom. Just as important I need to remain open-minded.

I love that. I do believe this is happening to me now. I do see how I am needing less and less external sources to let me know i am okay today, but only my HP.

Great quote and thank you for sharing this with me.

I also see how water seeks it's own level and before when I was very ill I didn't know how to chose friends so I just let everyone into my life. (no boundaries whatsoever and I thought I could "help" everyone.... Today I don't do that.

I think everything is perhaps kind of falling into place, just the way it supposed to.

I still have so much to learn, but I am thankful I have come as far as I have!!

What is the FOTS series?

fots=fruit of the spirit


yes,my relationships have gotten much better.As a matter of fact,none got worst,and all got better
some was quicker than others

It is great to hear yours have gotten better too,keep doing what you are doing!

Friendships are sort of relationships that are often based on needs, so people who "need" to gossip can't really connect well if that's not available.

Takes time to find new ways to communicate rather than focusing on other personalities, I guess, with some people. I found that sharing about myself often bridged that gap.

Thanks for the wonderful thread Lily! I've noticed marked improvement in my relationships with pretty much everyone. With my husband, we communicate so much better now and I feel like our bond is something that's living and growing. Also, just last night my mom called me out of the blue and said she'd been reflecting on the years of my childhood and realizing that the abuse she'd denied for so long was in fact real and she realizes she should've gotten us out of that situation. Now for her to use the word "reflecting" is strangely amazing enough on its own, but this unprovoked phone call, this heartfelt conversation with no hint of judgement, that was truly miraculous. I didn't ask her to change. I changed, the way I talked with her, the way I stopped judging her, the way I genuinely listened to her, and now she's giving that gift back to me.

Even my relationship with acquaintances is better, I feel more genuine when I talk with them now, and more connected. I actually care to hear what they're saying.

This program is beautiful and amazing!!

same thing happened to me. I don't gossip anymore, the people who still do dont even talk to me anymore and I like it that way. My relationship with my boyfriend has improved tremendously.

"When things within me change --things around me change"

Relationships do change as we grow on this journey that has been my expereince and i am ever so grateful!

Completely normal, part of the recovery process. We're very different now, of course our relationships will change.