Selfish and Self-Seeking
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by bballdad 
selfish = my motives
self seeking = my actions/behaviours based on my motives
self seeking = my actions/behaviours based on my motives
self seeking = when I put lipstick on and act like a pig
LOL!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
BTB....
.
I don't know what expereince you have with AA but please do check us out before decideing if it is or isn't for you....
I know I was very confused in early sobriety ....I would have tried anything to quit and stay stopped.
.I don't know what expereince you have with AA but please do check us out before decideing if it is or isn't for you....
I know I was very confused in early sobriety ....I would have tried anything to quit and stay stopped.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western USA
Posts: 46
Carol,
I'm an ambitious person who has to make up for an entire life being at the bottom. I have hopes, dreams, and aspirations that will not come forth being part of an organization that hinders and denies one's selfworth and encourages groveling.
God is God. And an indifferent one at that. What matters in the everyday world is what one sees in the mirror. Mine is a revolting reflection and i have every intention in the future of gazing onto on that is much better.
AA has the Big Book, i have Nietzsche. Too long have i been a slave, i must struggle against myself to rise above my state and self.
I'm an ambitious person who has to make up for an entire life being at the bottom. I have hopes, dreams, and aspirations that will not come forth being part of an organization that hinders and denies one's selfworth and encourages groveling.
God is God. And an indifferent one at that. What matters in the everyday world is what one sees in the mirror. Mine is a revolting reflection and i have every intention in the future of gazing onto on that is much better.
AA has the Big Book, i have Nietzsche. Too long have i been a slave, i must struggle against myself to rise above my state and self.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Why struggle, BTB?
Rising above self is still self unless we put self aside. Then it's not about rising above anything. Humility. When I feel that I am trying to be something I am not, and believe me I am guilty of that, I am self self seeking.
Rising above self is still self unless we put self aside. Then it's not about rising above anything. Humility. When I feel that I am trying to be something I am not, and believe me I am guilty of that, I am self self seeking.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I do not want being part of an organization that denies one's self worth and encourages groveling either
that`s why I joined AA and try to live the program as best I can today
good luck on your quest!
that`s why I joined AA and try to live the program as best I can today
good luck on your quest!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western USA
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Mark75
Why struggle, BTB?
Rising above self is still self unless we put self aside. Then it's not about rising above anything. Humility. When I feel that I am trying to be something I am not, and believe me I am guilty of that, I am self self seeking.
Rising above self is still self unless we put self aside. Then it's not about rising above anything. Humility. When I feel that I am trying to be something I am not, and believe me I am guilty of that, I am self self seeking.
If you don't like who or what you are, burn yourself down and build up from the ashes into who and what you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Florida, USA
Posts: 4
Interesting thread as I work through my 4th step. I decided to try to back my way into the difference between selfish and self-seeking by trying to determine their opposites. Here's what I came up with.
opposite of selfish: selfLESS, egoless, connected as one, accommodating, flexible
opposite of self-seeking: Service, altruistic, generous, charitable
Perhaps selfish describes an attitude/thought and self-seeking describes the behavior/action that follows.
This being my first post and sooo deeply profound I'm feeling a little more self-seeking than selfish
opposite of selfish: selfLESS, egoless, connected as one, accommodating, flexible
opposite of self-seeking: Service, altruistic, generous, charitable
Perhaps selfish describes an attitude/thought and self-seeking describes the behavior/action that follows.
This being my first post and sooo deeply profound I'm feeling a little more self-seeking than selfish
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
It's just the same thing to me. In composition, it's recommended to vary the words and to use alliteration.
That sentence is an example of such writing techniques.
And....it certainly DID get your attention, which is the point.
That sentence is an example of such writing techniques.
And....it certainly DID get your attention, which is the point.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 1
Page 61
On page 61 of the big book, I find a clarifying sentence for this: "Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?"
So, when working the 4th or 10th step, I think of self-seeking as a higher level of selfishness that is present in those kinds of situations. For example, not sharing my food with my wife is selfish. Giving her some of my food because I think it may get me points with her is self-seeking. I'm step 6, I'm asking God to remove these motivations and help me to want to share without expecting anything in return. That's all.
So, when working the 4th or 10th step, I think of self-seeking as a higher level of selfishness that is present in those kinds of situations. For example, not sharing my food with my wife is selfish. Giving her some of my food because I think it may get me points with her is self-seeking. I'm step 6, I'm asking God to remove these motivations and help me to want to share without expecting anything in return. That's all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I was watching an interview with Jane Goodall, the amazing woman and primatologist, last week. She was answering a question about observations of chimpanzees exhibiting altruistic behaviors. As higher order species we have developed the capacity to foster the well being of others and of the community over purely selfish motivation. In turn we benefit from that connection and overall welfare.
It comes down to what is described here as enlightened or perceived self-interest in the state of others being cared for in our existence. As social creatures our self-interest is increased by selfless acts that serve the larger well-being of our social units. Selfishness is not so purely described in negative terms when we look at groups of individuals working toward the common good by making a choice to be altruistic. The act of giving to others is a healthy self-seeking behavior as opposed to the taking from others' welfare through deception or coercion.
Addicts lose the capacity to act for either their own well-being or for that of those connected to them by association, family or community ties. We become solely self-seeking in pleasure, absence of pain, and evasion. Our instincts toward altruism and ultimately toward preservation are corrupted on all accounts. Given that this is not a natural state of being for humans, we are ill.
It comes down to what is described here as enlightened or perceived self-interest in the state of others being cared for in our existence. As social creatures our self-interest is increased by selfless acts that serve the larger well-being of our social units. Selfishness is not so purely described in negative terms when we look at groups of individuals working toward the common good by making a choice to be altruistic. The act of giving to others is a healthy self-seeking behavior as opposed to the taking from others' welfare through deception or coercion.
Addicts lose the capacity to act for either their own well-being or for that of those connected to them by association, family or community ties. We become solely self-seeking in pleasure, absence of pain, and evasion. Our instincts toward altruism and ultimately toward preservation are corrupted on all accounts. Given that this is not a natural state of being for humans, we are ill.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Nice one Guener,
your post got me thinking, the small acts of kindness that I may perform throughout the day, the more "successful, ones are usually ones where I don"t think about, I just see a need and react positively to that need and it just feels right. When I was drinking what may have been perceived as being generous or kind acts, were not really they were corrupted by self interest, get people to like me and excuse my drinking with the accompanying resentment if they didn't. Now the focus is more on the recipient of goodwill not my goodwill but my HP coming through and my reward is I feel right, comfortable, which has very little to do with the other person.
CaiHong
your post got me thinking, the small acts of kindness that I may perform throughout the day, the more "successful, ones are usually ones where I don"t think about, I just see a need and react positively to that need and it just feels right. When I was drinking what may have been perceived as being generous or kind acts, were not really they were corrupted by self interest, get people to like me and excuse my drinking with the accompanying resentment if they didn't. Now the focus is more on the recipient of goodwill not my goodwill but my HP coming through and my reward is I feel right, comfortable, which has very little to do with the other person.
CaiHong
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
just off the cuff, the self seeking employee works only for his own benefit, just the wage, and has no interest in fellow employees or the welfare of the business. He does what is needed to meet his personal goals, one of which is to keep his job.
The person that loves his job, appreciates his fellow employees, the company and the customers, is interested in their well being and goes "the extra mile" in service, and makes that little extra effort for the good of all, still goes home with the same wage, but gets a bonus in how he feels about a job well done. Personal satisfaction/reward is greater.
The person that loves his job, appreciates his fellow employees, the company and the customers, is interested in their well being and goes "the extra mile" in service, and makes that little extra effort for the good of all, still goes home with the same wage, but gets a bonus in how he feels about a job well done. Personal satisfaction/reward is greater.
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