Crawling through change
 

Recently, I changed sponsors. Of course, I worried and fretted over having the talk with my previous sponsor until I was able to speak to her face to face, and of course it all went well. She was very gracious and kind. I switched sponsors because of personal changes that both of us were going through. It was pretty much time to move on. It was not a rash decision.

So, I have a new sponsor. I'm going to a few new meetings. I'm enjoying the give and take that I have with this woman. That part is good!

The bad part is running into women in my previous line of sponsorship. Apparently, there has been a lot of talk about me moving on to a new sponsor. My old one was/is a hard liner..my new one not so much. I hate that this is a topic of discussion. I feel uncomfortable around women who were in my support network. I don't like feeling like I have to defend my choice. I understand that I'm probably putting a lot of this one on myself.

It's difficult. I'm not sure if I'm asking a question here, as I'm not participating in the gossip nor will I explain to people why I have moved on as that's between my old sponsor and me...I just don't get why folks feel that I'm a good topic of conversation.

Thanks for reading...

Karen

I dunno Karen, I've found that as my recovery progresses, I distance myself further and further from the gossip, and I fall into a state of contentment and serenity that doesn't get shook up easily. It's no longer important to "fit in" or be "part of the crowd", my focus is on my program, my sobriety, and my commitment to helping others and being of service.

One of my favorite readings, although not from AA literature, relates to "moving on"........

Tuesday, December 29, 2009
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Moving On

Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More

Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.

This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.

Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.

Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.

If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.

We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.

Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.

Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.

Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.

We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.

No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

Our needs will get met.

Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

Gee Scott...I think you've written that one out for me before! Thanks..

It seems like all you have to do in AA to get talked about is "something." The people who're talking about you apparently have nothing better to do.

Maybe they have a little more "Recovering" to do.

Follow your heart. Who cares what they think? AA is the biggest gossip factory in the world.

NoMo, it is THEIR PROBLEM not yours.

The longer I am in recovery the more I have taken to heart "what other people think of me is none of my business."

However, for me, what HP thinks of me, what I think of myself (honestly) and what my sponsor thinks of me is.

When I know in my heart (not my head) that I am doing the next right thing, than all is right with my HP.

I stay away from 'gossips'. Both in AA and out. If those I thought was a 'friend' is now talking about me for some reason, then I they were not a friend.

You did what you needed to do for you to continue to grow and change in recovery.

Be proud of you ................................. you are working hard on recovery and you keep moving forward.

:)

Love and hugs,

What they all said.

Apart from the bad stuff, how's the good stuff?

They must be suffering if they need to do that. Would you rather be you or them?

************{Karen}}}}}}}}}

since no one posted on here today -
I'm pasting in something I said a lLONG time ago about gossip.
It's still going on here, too.

so I figure, hon - if they're talking about you - they're not one OF you. You're the other kind of person.

That's all.
And it's a good thing.:ring

I was listening to a "spiritual" speaker the other day.

He said that almost all of the greatest people in history were "free of the good opinion of others." In other words, they did what was right, it just didn't matter what anyone else thought.

And you are doing what is right.

That's about them, not about you.

One of the things that was told to me in early recovery was if I was taking my own inventory I would be too busy to take anyone else's.

So if someone is "working my program" and taking my inventory they aren't working their own.

I find that helpful to remember sometimes. I actually find it helpful to remember when I am taking someone else's inventory as well, so helpful all around.

About a year or so ago I was facing a decision that I feared would get talked about in the AA gossip circles. I had already inventoried it, prayed about it, and waited until some direction was indicated. I felt good in my heart. But, because I believe in taking these decisions through the steps, I sought counsel from other alcoholics. Part of my fear was based on what others would think or say or gossip, and I wanted some outside input.

The feedback I got was, "Let 'em talk. You're on the beam, Keith. If they're talking about you, they're probably leaving someone else alone."

Decisions made this way always turn out OK. Not always what I expect or want, but always OK.

Just an update: I am very very happy with my new sponsor. It's small things really, like her willingness to email me (I often think better in the written word), her availability, (emotionally too), and man, this woman does not judge a single soul. I like that.

And, she has introduced me to a ton of great women in the program, and has involved me in a lot of different AA activities. Something that I had been missing.

So, things are good! I appreciate all the feedback..thanks.

Karen

Sounds really positive Karen...:)